Two Broken Roads Ch. 02

I wasn't sure if I'd regret what I said next, but I couldn't help myself.

"I imagine someone as strikingly beautiful as you finds themselves forced to deal with a lot of rude advances."

"Please," she said, a little embarrassed but thankfully still smiling. "I appreciate the compliment, but I don't feel all that beautiful after two kids and a few really stressful years."

A look of shock took over my face as I almost did a spit-take. She giggled a bit seeing I almost sprayed a mouthful of lemonade. I couldn't believe she could feel that way. I quickly scanned the person sitting next to me and I couldn't see a hint of imperfection. I regained a little composure and looked at her with what I hoped was a friendly but serious gaze.

"Please forgive what I'm going to say," I begged. "If someone has made you feel that way when you look in a mirror, then they are the problem! I hope I get to know you well enough that I'm comfortable telling you what I see sitting next to me."

I could feel myself blushing with a bit of embarrassment. Thank God, her smile widened.

"Ben, you're really sweet... and thank you. My ex, and now late husband said a lot of uncomplimentary things and I guess I took them too much to heart."

"Wow, I'm sorry Laura. I know we're just getting acquainted, but I feel like I opened some wounds that haven't completely healed."

She grimaced and bowed her head to stare at the ground in front of her. At first, I was concerned that she regretted telling me that much detail, but I continued.

"If it's too deep to get into right now or if you're not comfortable we can let it drop. But if it helps you at all to talk about it, I'm a really good listener."

Her look changed to a wry smile.

"Well, neighbor, I did jump in the deep end first." She laughed and projected the feeling that she was more comfortable with the subject than I thought she'd be. "Before we know what each other does for a living or normal stuff we're right into the dirty laundry!"

"Do you want to take a step back?" I asked.

She gave a reflective laugh. "I guess I already opened the door to the tough stuff. I don't know why, but for some reason, I think I'm comfortable telling you. I'll forge ahead if you think you can take it!" She wore a smile, but I sensed a little fear too.

"If you're sure, I think I can handle it. Well, I hope I can, at least."

"Be careful what you ask for!" She chuckled looking both relieved and a little timid. "Tell you what... before I launch into my sordid past, how about if I get us refills on the lemonade and add a little Jack Daniels to grease the wheels?"

"I like how you think!"

When she returned with the more adult version of our refreshment, she looked like she was pondering where to start.

I smiled at her. "I have to admit I feel a bit guilty. You said he's both an ex and has passed? That sounds like a pretty intense tale and I can't help being curious. But I'm giving you another chance to chicken out if you want!"

"I thought about chickening out while I was getting our drinks!" She chuckled. "You sure you can handle this?"

"Give me your best shot!"

She laughed, then quieted into a more somber, reflective mood.

"Where to start?" she asked herself while trying to organize her thoughts.

"I'll begin by letting you know a bit about the end so you know my mindset. I don't miss him at all. I'm not glad he's dead! But I'm thankful he can never be around me or the girls. I think you'll understand when you hear the whole story."

"Good to know! I'll fasten my seatbelt!" I think she wanted to smile, but couldn't force it.

Laura launched into details that blew my mind.

Her husband, Kevin, was a sales manager with a large industrial firm headquartered in Charlotte where he was originally from. He spent about half his time at the headquarters and the other half here in the Chicago sales office. She met him at a wedding in town about eleven years ago. They were married about a year later.

She thought it was odd that he had no family at the wedding and only a few friends from the office, but he told her that his parents died and that he had no family remaining. His travel patterns didn't change after they had Hanna and she wondered why he had to be away some major holidays. It wasn't every year, but when he was away over Christmas or another major event he would usually claim to be on an extended business trip in Asia or in Europe.

She was pregnant with Mattie when she really focused on trying to put the pieces together and the puzzle didn't fit. Once she told him she was expecting, he seemed to be in Charlotte for more than half the time, claiming there were office shake-ups and reorganizations requiring his presence.

In my mind, I figured he had been cheating on her or something like that. When she told me the truth, it took the wind out of me.

Laura's face took on a pained look.

"I was so wrapped up being pregnant, a mom, and a teacher that time just kept passing. But with less and less help from my mostly absent husband, all sorts of suspicions started to consume me." Her lip started to quiver a little bit.

"One day a friend from church visited and I confided in her that I thought something was going on behind my back. We talked a little when she suddenly suggested I Google him. I hadn't thought of that.

I started an online search and saw bits of info mostly tied to social media. I never liked social media, so I wasn't all that familiar with it. Most of the information seemed to be tied to Facebook, so I created an account so I could read the things coming up in Google."

Laura was starting to shake a little. She was mad and desperately trying to hold it in.

"You okay?" I asked.

She shook her head, "Yes" and took a big breath.

"I found two profiles. They were both him, the pictures couldn't lie. One seemed mostly about his job. The other... the other had family pictures... but not ours!"

I thought she was going to lose control, but she gathered herself quickly.

"I thought of a lot of possibilities, but I wasn't prepared for that! The jerk had another family! They lived in Charlotte. His parents, brothers, and a sister all lived there and were very much alive. He was married two years before we got married. And according to his Facebook profile, he still was!"

She let me put my hand on hers and seemed to welcome it. All I could come up with was, "Holy cow!"

She hired a private investigator who confirmed everything she had learned. She pressed charges and the authorities arrested him. His other wife was a high school sweetheart and she had three children with him. She didn't know anything about Laura.

She continued the bizarre details.

"Kevin's other wife's big brother didn't take the news well. I'm told he's not very bright and has a real mean streak. But he was very protective of his little sister."

She paused and took a very big breath, and looked around I think to be sure the girls were still out of range to hear. She took on a very somber countenance, then continued in a subdued voice.

"The day my... my bigamist husband... was let out on bail pending trial, the brother paid him a visit with a shotgun. His first shot... well... neutered him. I was told he let Kevin writhe in pain for about an hour, the whole time inflicting other forms of pain. I guess he figured he suffered long enough from that, and he shot him twice in the belly hoping death would be slow, then left. They found Kevin two days later."

I couldn't help but wince in sympathetic pain. As grateful as I was that Laura was unattached, I wouldn't wish that fate on anyone.

I watched in awe as she told her story. She still felt the impact, but I believed her when she said she was getting past it. Her eyes welled up as she told the tale, but she never broke. My own eyes let a few drops fall as I felt the immense pain she'd been put through. I think she felt more anger and embarrassment that the jerk fooled her for so long.

As she finished she looked at me with a strange, but comforting look. "So, what do you think of my soap opera life?"

"I'm stunned! I mean... how can you expect that? God bless you! I mean, how did you deal with it all? You had to feel like you were being pulled apart in so many directions!"

She got serious but also seemed to look relieved. "I guess I have to confess that the anger still gets to me. It's funny, though, I was certainly mad at Kevin, but I would never want to have what happened to him. I mean, I felt something for him once. As much as I wanted him out of my life, I didn't want it done that way. It feels strange to say, but the way it went down it ended up working out as well as it could for us." Her face scrunched up with a deeply troubled look. "I feel guilty saying that, but it worked on a lot of levels."

"So why are you still feeling anger?" I thought I knew the answer.

"I'm angry at myself for not seeing Kevin for what he was and then letting him pull the wool over my eyes for so long. I never thought I was an idiot, but he made me feel like one!"

"You asked if I could take it. I wasn't prepared for that, but I'm really glad you felt you could share it with me. Frankly, I'm amazed at your strength!"

She sweetly smiled at me. "Before all that I never thought I was very strong. I never faced a trial like that. I mean, really, who'd expect to face something like that? But my faith, my girls, my family, and my friends were all I needed. They brought the strength I didn't have on my own."

"I can see how Mattie and Hanna would help you face the tough days. I can't help but smile when I'm around them."

"They're my sweeties! They brighten my day no matter how dark it feels." The reflective, loving smile that lit up her face signaled a welcomed change in mood.

"I can see how that would be true. You mentioned your faith played a big part, too?"

"Yeah. I may not know all about the bigger plan, but I trust in my faith in God. Plus, the people at my church have been great."

"I know I always find faith is important, but its importance is really evident when stuff like this hits, isn't it?"

"Oh yeah! Thank God... literally!"

I chuckled. "You bet!"

She sat back and reflectively looked into the distant sky appearing as though she was at peace with her past. "That was three years ago and I'm finally putting it in perspective."

I reflected on all she said, and then contemplated her life now. I had always admired how she carried herself with her girls even before I started to get to know her that day. Understanding her story and how she's survived it... Laura was something special!

"So... with the gory details out in the open, are you ready for a refill of spiked lemonade?"

"Absolutely." I paused a moment. "But I have an overwhelming need to ask...both for you and for me. Can I give you a hug?"

Faster than I thought possible she launched into me and we held each other for a moment. "I needed that too!" she confessed. "Let me refill these and you can tell me of your sordid past."

There was that smile again. Her beautiful blue-gray eyes glowed brightly. It seemed like a weight had been lifted off of her.

After we both took a much-needed break when she fetched our refills, we sat down to continue our rather deep and surprising conversation.

"So, Ben. I remember your wife when you moved in. I haven't seen her, and I noticed evidence of a ring that's no longer there. I've cracked the book open for stories of heartbreaks and I'm guessing you have one to share if you're willing?"

"My soap opera is a little more mundane, but the outcome has some similarities."

I launched into my tale of woe. I wish I was as gathered together as she was during her turn, but my eyes didn't cooperate the way I'd hoped. About halfway through my story, she moved her chair closer next to me and took my hand. Her touch was pure electricity. It made me feel like I could conquer anything and pulled me through with a strength I didn't have on my own.

When I finished she could tell I was on the edge of losing it. I thought I was past the tears stage, but somehow telling her was more intimate and agonizing than I imagined. She quietly got up and moved toward me, turned and sat on my lap with her legs over the arm of the chair, and just embraced me. I didn't sob, but tears flowed onto her shoulder.

Somehow, I wasn't embarrassed at all about my emotions. It felt natural with her. Plus, they weren't tears just for the hurt of the past. Her story had me emotional to start with so our two stories compounded my feelings. But that set of tears had a large element of joy. Her comfort warmed me. Her presence excited me.

As she held me, she talked softly into my ear. "I know you're emotional and you probably want to feel embarrassed. Don't be! The depth of your feelings tells me more about you than words ever could. You're quite a man, Ben."

She paused like she was unsure of what to say next. But when she uttered her thoughts, a bolt of energy surged through me.

"Don't think me too forward. I don't want to scare you away... but you're the kind of man I'd like to get to know much better!"

Her words filled me with joy. I felt like I was suddenly awakened from months of slumber. The hope within me overflowed. I hugged her a little tighter and whispered, "That doesn't scare me at all. It may be the best news I've ever heard!"

We stayed in the embrace for a few very comfortable moments. Then the familiar sound of young energy bounded around the corner of the house. "I'm hungry, mommy!" Mattie shouted, oblivious to the scene in front of her.

Hanna was much more aware and stopped in her tracks at the sight of us hugging on the chair. She didn't say a word, but the most beautiful smile broke out. Laura and I both saw it with great amusement and relief.

I looked at my watch and it was 5:30. We talked for four-and-a-half hours that went by far too quickly. Laura got up and my lap felt the emptiness.

"I guess I'll go put the lasagna in the oven. Ben, you're staying for dinner." It wasn't a question. It was an expectation.

"Absolutely." I smiled. "Let me go home a minute, clean up, and grab some wine that will go great with dinner."

"That sounds like a good plan."

She stood before me just a few feet away. Before she turned to go inside, she smiled and looked warmly into my eyes. In that quick gaze I sensed her understanding and a deep connection. I etched that moment in mind and resolved to cherish it forever.

But even more breathtaking... there was a glow in our shared gaze that confessed the beginning of longing for each other. It wasn't one-sided. It was mutual. There was promise in that look. I wondered if the cloud hanging over me was finally lifting. I didn't know what the days ahead would bring, but I sensed that maybe, just possibly, the answer to my prayers was right next door all along. I wanted to be cautious, but the heart wants what it wants.

'Be still my heart. Don't jump to conclusions too fast!' my mind shouted. A wonderful internal battle had started. My heart and mind needed to meet and agree. I needed to pause, take a deep breath, take stock, and be careful. But I was wide open to the possibilities. And, oh, how marvelous those possibilities seemed.

Laura slowly regained her composure although she was clearly a little flustered. "Just, aaah... walk in the back door when you get back." She hesitantly turned toward her back door while I started to walk toward my house. I was walking on air.

I took a quick shower since the garden work left me feeling a bit grungy. I stood in the warm water just reflecting on the most wonderful afternoon within memory. My body and emotions both felt a cleansing. And my mind wouldn't stray from that most memorable moment. That look!

I thought of all the things I felt when I first saw her, all those trying events we shared, and the raw emotions laid out before each other. In one afternoon, I gained pure admiration and respect for Laura. I dwelled on her strength and character and that one, amazing look!

I offered an immediate prayer of thanks and asked for guidance. I had some immediate desires on my heart too and selfishly asked for them to come true.

I quickly dressed, grabbed two bottles of my favorite wine, and returned with a purpose in my step. In less than a day, my mind and my heart realized that Laura has transformed from a friendly next-door neighbor into the possible answer to prayer. I even felt, with some level of assurance, that she may feel the same. I hoped there would be even more clarity by the end of that evening.

*****

I went in the back door that entered right into the kitchen dining area and noticed a flurry of activity. Laura and Hanna were busy in the kitchen making dinner preparations while Mattie sat at the table playing a game on her tablet.

"Ben, you're just in time. Dinner should be ready in about ten minutes."

"Can I help with something?" I offered.

"I think with the help of my sous chef here, we've got it covered." Sous Chef Hanna beamed with pride as she sliced some carrots for a salad. "Why don't you join Mattie at the table while we finish getting everything ready?"

I sat down next to Mattie who was concentrating on the tablet screen. Without looking up, Mattie got up and slid onto my lap as if it was something she did all the time. My heart melted with joy.

"What are you playing?"

"A spelling game. Watch me," she ordered. So, I did. But at that moment I was much more captivated by the activity in the kitchen.

I watched Laura with awe. Her interaction with Hanna was so positive and encouraging. It seemed to come naturally to her. Hanna struggled a bit with slicing celery and carrots. Laura calmly showed her what to do, then let Hanna do it as Laura praised and encouraged her. They were friends. There was warmth. They talked freely about all sorts of wonderful things while they worked.

I reflected on the scene in front of me and thought of how I noticed them before. Laura always spoke calmly with the girls. I never heard an angry word or raised voice like I heard from the neighbors across the street with the three boys where it seemed they couldn't talk without screaming. Laura wasn't soft on discipline, though. I heard her correct or occasional chastise one or both girls. But you could see them respect her. There was no fear, just loving obedience. Backtalk happened rarely, but when it did it was dealt with swiftly and lovingly. When I occasionally saw tears from the girls, it was because they knew they upset their mother and cherished her approval.

Laura was an excellent mother, and a single mother too. I hadn't put all that together in my mind before. The more I knew about this woman, the more I admired her.

"Misser Ben, what's this letter?"

"Mattie, what do you think it is?"

"It kinda looks like an O," she said in a cute little sing-song voice. "But I think... it's a Q?"

"You're right! How'd you get so smart?"

She giggled. "I dunno. Just am!"

Mattie settled back to intensely working on her game.

I looked back at Laura and realized I never really just looked at all of her. I didn't allow myself that luxury before because I didn't feel right ogling another man's wife. That was no longer an issue. Even when we talked earlier that day, I never just paused to take her in. I was focused on her eyes and her face as we talked before I even thought to gaze at the rest of her. I was already completely convinced of her internal beauty and sparkling countenance. As she floated around the kitchen with Hanna, I noticed a stunning woman who was beautiful in every way imaginable. She was most definitely out of my league.