Two By Four Marriage Therapy

The DON went to Ward A-3 and eye-balled Mary Hensley and her identification badge. Darla, the DON, was familiar with all the patients. The Mary Hensley in A-3 was the Mary Hensley known to her. Next, Darla went to the Secure Ward to see the other person staff said was being called Mary Hensley. She saw the woman in bed. She looked nothing like the Mary Hensley in A-3 or any other patient the DON could remember. More importantly, she had no identification badge, the one essential item every patient had to have. At the nurse's station she asked for the chart for the patient in 344. There was none. No paperwork or medications had been received. She reviewed the only paperwork they had on her, the Chemical Restraint forms. She became upset. Next stop was the administrator's office.

"Mr. Carrington, we may have a major problem."

"Now, now, Darla. I'm sure it's not that bad." Darla knew that what he meant was 'I don't want any bad news so make it go away.'

"Mr. Carrington, we have an unknown, undocumented patient in the Secure Ward to whom we've given sedation three times in the last 24 hours."

"What? You mean somebody has walked off the street and asked for free room and board here?" He was trying his best to make light of a potentially serious situation.

"Of course not. I'm not sure what happened but we need to get on top of this as soon as possible." She regretted the phrase she had used as she was sure the creepy administrator was now visualizing her on top of him riding his cock in cowboy fashion. "Mr. Carrington?"

"Oh sorry. I got to thinking about something else." The bulge in his pants vouched for Darla's correct assumption. "What do we suggest we do?"

"As soon as she wakes up, we . . . "

"She's asleep?"

"She's been sedated."

"By whom?"

"By our staff. I told you. She's been sedated three times. Once last night when she was brought on to the Secure Ward and twice this morning."

"Under who's orders?"

"Secure Ward patients all have a PRN order for sedatives automatically upon being admitted to that ward. Not only do we not know who she is, we don't have a record of her ever being admitted under any name. She has given us a name that is not on our patient list. The staff said they were told the name she gives is an imaginary person. I'm afraid that she may be telling the truth and we haven't believed her. Whoever she is, we don't know how she got here or why."

Mr. Carrington was now motivated for action. "Darla, I want everyone who had contact with her since she was brought to the facility in the conference room in one hour. I don't care if that means staff from the night shift or not. Tell them their jobs are on the line if they don't show."

It was one o'clock in the afternoon before all the parties involved were present. Carrington started, "Okay, now that we're all here, it seems that . . . Trevor, this is not school. You don't have to raise your hand to speak. What is it?"

"We're not all here."

"What do you mean? Who's not here?"

"Jeremy, Jeremy Atwell."

"Jeremy Atwell? Isn't that the nurse who resigned about a month ago? He's not an employee here anymore."

"Well, he sure as hell was the one who brought Mary Hensley to the Danger, I mean, Secure Ward last night."

Carrington sighed deeply. "Let me see if I have this straight, an ex-employee brings some unknown person into this facility who is given a bed without any verification or paperwork. We wind up giving her three doses of psychotropic medication because she acts up, maybe because she doesn't believe she belongs here. Do you people realize the liability we might have for this? Can you all say 'unemployment?' Can anyone say 'jailtime?'"

The sequence of events was recorded off the books, and recommendations were made as to how to prevent this from occurring again. The committee in charge of writing policies and procedures was given the task of finding how what caused protocol not to be enforced. The meeting was dismissed with threats of various actions, but the worst would be for anyone who said anything about what happened.

The DON and administrator went back to his office to figure how what the hell to do with the mystery patient without getting sued. Carrington leaned back in his chair with agony on his face, but when he quickly sat back upright, a smirk appeared across his face.

Darla asked, "I give up. What's so damn funny?"

"Why, just think about it, Darla. Some devious woman deliberately trespassed onto our clearly posted private property and broke into our facility. Moreover, she pretended to be mentally ill in order to get free medical services. Why, that's trespassing and fraud. What she's done is not just a shame, it's downright CRIMINAL. I believe she should be prosecuted for this."

The DON quickly figured out what he meant. "You don't think that the Sheriff would actually fall for that, do you?"

"After what I contributed to his last campaign, he better damn well fall for it. Marci! Get me the Sheriff on the phone."

In two hours, a woozy Blair McKenzie woke up and was surprised she was now in a room that had bars on one wall. Her fear returned in full force. She now had more questions but no more answers. As soon as she shouted out for help, the Sheriff was alerted, and she was taken into an Interrogation Room where the Sheriff and another officer were waiting. She was first asked identifying information, which she gave. The Sheriff brightened up when the home address she gave was in another county. She tried several times to ask questions back and was told that she was the one being asked the questions. Finally, she was allowed to speak.

Visibly upset, Blair asked, "This is a jail, right? Why am I in jail?"

The Sheriff answered, "You have been charged with trespassing and theft."

"What? I didn't trespass anywhere, and I certainly didn't steal anything. As a matter of fact, I don't have anything of my own or anyone else's. What the hell was I supposed to have stolen?"

"You stole some services of our local mental health facility, Farmdale."

"I did no such thing."

"You were found on duly marked private property without permission. You tricked staff into providing you psychiatric and pharmaceutical services without any proof of having been admitted. Since no one, including you, paid for those services, that constitutes theft by deception. Do you have proof you were supposed to be there? Like a doctor's referral? Approval from your health insurance company?"

"Hell no. Believe me, I didn't want to be there. Someone must have kidnapped me and put me there. Probably my damn husband."

"So, now you're alleging being kidnapped. By your husband. Do you have any proof? In fact, do you have any proof you are who you say you are?"

"No. My driver's license is in my purse. The kidnappers must have taken it or left it at my house."

"Now there is more than one kidnapper. You keep changing the story."

"Look. I don't know what happened for sure. Find my husband and question him. As a matter of fact, throw HIS ass in jail instead of me. I want to hear what excuse he has about why I'm not home."

"You want me to call your kidnapper and ask him about kidnapping you? I'm beginning to believe you were correct in seeking mental illness treatment after all."

"Damn it. You're twisting my words. I'm not saying I'm 100% sure he was the one who kidnapped me. I am saying he's the last person I remember talking to. Just call him at least and see what he says."

"Okay, what's his number?"

"I . . . I don't know."

"You don't know your own husband's telephone number. Your credibility was low before. Now it's scraping bottom."

"We have cell phones, you idiot. Our numbers are programed into it. I don't remember his because it's already on my phone."

"I would advise you to keep a civil tongue in your mouth, lady. I have every right to hold you over 48 hours for arraignment. Do you want that?" She shook her head. "Okay, then. Where's your cell phone?"

"The kidnappers took it or left it."

"Here we go again. Do you know your alleged husband's work number?"

"That wouldn't do any good. They don't work on weekends."

"Weekend? What day do you think this is?"

"Sunday. Isn't it?"

"No. Out of curiosity, what date do you think it is?"

"Why are you asking such stupid questions? It's Sunday, May 20."

"Lady, I think you needed to stay at Fairdale. It's already Tuesday, June 9."

"What? I have . . . I lost two weeks of my life? Where have I been? Oh my, God." She started crying.

"You're trying to tell me that you think you have been missing for two weeks and don't have any recollection of what happened. Well it seems no one in your alleged family has reported you as a Missing Person. I know. I checked the most recent list of names for the whole state. Your story makes less and less sense the more you tell us."

"Even if you are crazy, I know Farmdale doesn't want you back. I just hope you have family that does. Now, how about your husband's work number? Do you know it? Wouldn't he be at work now?"

"His work number is in my cell phone too. Wait, I know a number that can help me. My job. I know that number. 555-298-4415. Push 4 for the Loan Department. Alberta, our secretary should answer. She has all our home phones and contact information for our spouses."

Alberta was called. "Hello, Loan Department."

"Alberta, it's Blair. It's so good to hear your voice."

"Blair, as in Blair McKenzie? I thought you quit before you got fired. At least that's what Mr. Anderson said. What's going on?"

"I don't have time to explain. Look in your records and get the contact phone number for my husband."

"You don't know the . . . "

"Just get the damn number."

"Look missy, you have no reason to be rude or yell at me. Besides, since you are no longer employed here, I cannot legally give you information about any current or former employee including yourself. In addition to that, how do I even know if you are the real Blair McKenzie or not. Frankly, if you are Blair, I'm glad you're gone. All you ever did was bitch, bitch, bitch all day long. 'Poor little Blair.' We all got sick of it. You know, we actually celebrated with a pizza party when we heard you had quit. Sorry Blair, or whoever you are, that I couldn't have been more help. Good-bye. Have a nice day." CLICK

Blair was crying. "Call my parents. They can look on their phone. His number is programmed in their cell phones." She gave her mother's number.

The Sheriff hesitated, "You know, legally, I only have to give you one phone call."

"Please, I'll behave. I promise." He called the number for her.

"Hello, Mom. I need your help. Have you heard from Archer?"

"Indeed, I have, and I must say how disappointed I am in you. He and the kids came by and told me what you had done. I was so ashamed. Blair, you had a devoted husband and two children, for gosh sake. Archer gave me strict instructions not to help you in any way or I would never see my grandchildren again. I never believed I would say this to a daughter of mine but, you made your bed, slut, now lie in it." CLICK

Again, Blair was crying. The answer to "What the hell is going on and why is it happening to me?" was getting clearer and darker at the same time. It sounds like Archer did know about her and Jason. She cried for a while.

The Sheriff asked, "Does any of your neighbors have a landline?"

Blair thought for a few minutes. "Vicky. Vicky Harned and her husband have a landline. She's old fashioned and won't give up her landline. But I don't remember her number either."

The Sheriff interjected, "But if it's a landline, a phone directory would have it. Let me look it up on my phone. What's her name and address." When he heard the address, the Sheriff was again relieved to know Blair lived in another county. He may be able to get rid of this nightmare after all.

"Vicky. This is Blair."

"Blair? Gracious me, I have been wondering about you and your family. I called your cell phone several times and only got voice mail. You know, I think you could have at least told me about you all moving. Leaving in the dead of night like that like you were criminals. Did your husband get caught selling controlled substance drugs? That's the most frequent rumor we hear."

"What are you talking about? Who moved? You mean Archer and the kids are gone? What about the pharmacy?"

"I assumed you all moved. The house is all dark and there's a For Sale sign out front. The pharmacy is closed with the number of another pharmacist who is taking Archer's former customers is posted on the door. What in the world is going on with your family?"

"I have no idea for sure. I'm pretty sure this is punishment from Archer who is mad about me for something he thinks I did. You wouldn't believe what I have been through. Vicki, I have no one else to turn to. My mom was told something bad about me by Archer and she won't speak to me. Can I come to your house until I can get in my home? Please. I would really appreciate it."

"Frankly, I don't blame him. At every neighborhood cookout, you spent most of your time badmouthing your husband. After a few drinks, we all got to hear about his small penis and how he doesn't know what to do with it. We've all been surprised he hasn't divorced you before now.

"As far as helping you, are you sure you want someone like me who has no ambition in life other than to be a homemaker to help you? I don't think there is any way I can get my house spotless enough to entertain someone as important as your Majesty."

Blair couldn't believe she had been rebuffed again. "Vicki, I am sorry if I have offended you. You've always been a great neighbor. Look, I really need help. Please forgive me and help me get home."

"I'll have to check with my husband. He's not very happy with you either. He will want to know when you are wanting to come and how long do you plan on staying."

"I'm not sure. I'm in jail in Caldwell County."

"In jail? Oh, my goodness. What did you do?"

"Nothing. I swear. Look, it's a long story. I really need help. Can you possibly come get me?"

"Coming to get you is a whole different ball game. Where's your car?"

"It's in our garage at the house as far as I know. If it's not there, I have no clue where it is."

The Sheriff interrupted. "If you want, I can take you to the county line and let the Sheriff of Madison County pick you up to take you home."

"Would you?"

"Our job is to protect and serve."

Blair felt better until she thought and asked out loud, "What about the charges here?"

"Mrs. McKenzie, I've been authorized to tell you that if you agree not to take legal action against Farmdale, they will drop the trespassing and theft by deception charges against you. Just sign this form releasing them from any legal liability, you'll be free, and I'll be taking you to Madison County as soon as possible."

"But, I think I might have legal charges I can file against Farmdale. I was not supposed to be . . . "

"Harvey, you might as well take this lady back to her cell. She's decided to stay with us for the time being."

"All right. Damn it. I'll sign it." One of the staff who was also a notary was brought in. "Here, I signed it. Please, just get me out of here."

"Yes ma'am. Protect and serve."

The Sheriff made the exchange with the Madison County Sheriff who immediately balked. "You didn't tell me she was a looney-toon. Is she dangerous?" He recognized the Farmdale jumpsuit.

"That's just all she has to wear. She may not be all there, but she's no danger except her foul mouth. Look, put her in the back seat in handcuffs if you want. Just deliver her to this address and forget about it. I will greatly appreciate it."

"You owe me Lloyd. You owe me a big one."

*****

BLAIR RETURNS HOME

"Vicki, you don't know how glad I am to see you."

"Blair, what's up with the prison garb?"

"It's not prison garb. It's asylum garb."

"That's not much better."

"Do you have any clothes that would fit me?"

"You mean you might actually wear the Goodwill fashions I have. Sorry, none of those would fit you. I might still have that mu-mu that Daryl brought back from Hawaii. It makes me look like I'm hiding a lot of weight, so I never wore it."

"Anything for right now. I hate to ask, but Vick, can I borrow your phone a second?" Luckily, Vicki had Archer's cell phone number on her contact list. Blair called Archer's cell phone. When she did, she got a 'No longer in service' message. Next, she tried the pharmacy, just in case. The message said that all of Archer McKenzie's patients were to get their medications from CVS.

"Vicki, I am going over to the house and see if they left any of my stuff. Surely they did."

Blair was so hungry she got a bite to eat before she walked down to her house. It never looked so good to her. She wondered why she had disparaged it before. It had served her and her family well. It was certainly better than the room at the sanitorium and the jail. Her good spirits were lowered quickly as she saw the For Sale sign. Blair didn't recognize the name of the realty firm. Their phone number was not a local number. Without a key, she knew she might have to break in. The front door was locked as well as the back door. Taking an edging stone, she broke the windowpane nearest the doorknob on the back door. Then she reached in carefully so that she didn't cut herself. She got in. She punched what she thought was still the security code to the alarm.

Blair turned on the kitchen light and took a look in the fridge. There were condiments but no liquids, meat, produce or eggs. The Keurig was still there as well as the pods she used. She went into the living room and saw that all the furniture was still there. "How come the house is for sale but all the furniture is here? Does it mean that Archer and the kids are coming back, or did they just leave too fast to take the furniture? Maybe they left it because a house supposedly sells faster if furnished."

She went upstairs. Some of Archer's and the kids' clothes were missing. All of her clothes were gone. "They've gotten rid of me!" Blair went back downstairs. "Where the hell are they? My head hurts just thinking about it. I've got to find out where my family is and if they plan to come back."

Then she saw them. On the kitchen table were her cell phone, Archer's wedding ring, and a letter. She grabbed the letter and read it:

"Blair: If you think what happened to you was because of you and Jason, you're only partially correct. Finding out about your tryst with him only supported the action I had already decided to take. My main complaint and reason for leaving is the fact that you hate us and your life with us. I dare you to find one time in the last three years where you have said a positive thing about me, our kids, our house, your job, or our life in general. The only thing you seem to enjoy has been shopping for clothes too small for your fat ass. Well, that and Jason's dick. By the way, I told his wife so he might not be too happy with you right now. She was very angry over the phone.

"The kids and I are gone. I don't know how long. I know that we will be traveling extensively. You won't know where we are because I changed my phone number and took out most of our cash from our joint accounts so I can pay for everything in cash. When we return, I will give you a chance to explain why I should consider staying married to you if you even want to. If you are not interested in staying married, I assume you will have started divorce papers. I also assume I will be arrested for illegal use of medications, unlawful detention and probably several other charges. I don't really care which way you decide. The worst thing for me would be to keep going as we were.

"My advice is for you to look at what you have lost and can still lose by continuing to behave like the world should entertain you and cater to your every need without you having to do your part. For quite a while, my advice has meant absolutely nothing to you, so I don't have high expectations.