Two By Four Marriage Therapy

"See you.

"Archer."

She picked up her cell phone. Many of the calls were from Jason. None were from Archer. Jason's latest call contained a series of nasty words relating to her causing him to lose his job and his wife threatening to divorce him. He wanted nothing more to do with her unless it would result in something very painful for her.

Blair lay her head on her hands to cry but was soon disturbed by the sound of police sirens. As usual, she ignored the sirens that before had always been for someone else, but that was not possible as they stopped at her house. Blair went to the door to see three guns pointed at her. "Freeze. Hands up." She obeyed.

"Okay lady, who are you and what are you doing here?"

"I'm Blair McKenzie and this is my house."

"The home security firm told us that the house was unoccupied. The family has gone. Show some ID lady that says this is your house."

"Oh shit. I don't have any. It was all stolen when I was kidnapped and . . . " She realized that telling the police she was put in Farmdale Mental Health Facility might be a costly mistake.

"Kidnapped? We haven't received any report of a kidnapping for months. If you are the lady of the house, then where is your house key?"

"I don't have one on me. That was with my wallet."

"Do you have anything inside like photos that show you in them to prove you live here?"

"Yes, there are lots of pictures."

"Officer Lopez, accompany this woman inside and don't leave her side."

Blair went inside and immediately looked to the mantle that had had her and Archer's wedding picture. It was gone. The photo gallery that was on the wall next to the stairs was missing. There were no pictures of her in the house. No photo albums. No clothing for a woman. It was like she had been erased.

Neither Vicki or any of the other neighbors she knew well enough to identify her were home. Some of the neighbors had lived there for years, but Blair had never bothered to become acquainted.

"We're going to have to take you in until we can get this cleared up. You're under arrest for suspicion of breaking and entering for the time being."

Blair broke down crying and headed for jail. Once there she was allowed to call Vicki. She had been smart enough to memorize her number before she left her house. When Vicki returned home after a couple of hours, she was able to pick up Blair after she was released on her own recognizance. She spent her time standing by herself in the holding cell. The other female prisoners assumed that woman in the flowery mu mu must be crazy. Vicki was finally contacted and came to the police station to verify Blair lived in the house she broke into. Blair went to Vicki's house and went directly to bed and cried herself to sleep.

The next morning, still in the mu mu, she dropped Vicki off at work and drove Vicki's car to the bank. Blair's attire drew the attention of customers and bank staff alike. She went to a teller and said that she wanted to draw some money from her account. Blair was asked for her identification. Blair asked if Wanda Jones was in. She was. Blair went to her desk. Luckily, Wanda recognized her and did not need an ID. Blair said, "I'm so grateful. I've had a horrible time lately." Wanda comforted her then looked up Blair and Archer's accounts on the computer.

"Whoa, there's been a big change recently in your accounts."

"What do you mean?"

"All your joint accounts have been wiped out except for a couple hundred dollars."

"Who did that?"

"Your husband about a week ago. Do you have any other accounts under just your name?"

"No. How could he have removed all the money? It was my money too."

"Joint accounts mean EITHER party can withdraw money. They do not require BOTH signatures. I take it there is a problem between you and your husband."

"Evidently, but I don't understand why he was so vindictive. Isn't there some way I can get some money?"

"You can get the couple of hundred left, but don't you have a job? Maybe they can give you an advance in pay?"

"Good idea. I was going there next."

Blair drove over to the loan company where she worked. She saw Alberta. They gave each other dirty looks. Alberta spoke first, "And just what are you doing here dressed like you are a Hawaiian Queen?"

"Just can it, Alberta. I'm in no mood. I'm here to see Mr. Anderson."

"Going to beg to come back, huh?"

Blair leaned over Alberta's desk. "I'm here to file a complaint about your telephone etiquette."

"I'll see IF he wants to talk to you." "Mr. Anderson, there's a strangely dressed woman here who says she is Blair McKenzie. She asked impolitely that she wants to talk to you. . . No, I don't know what she wants . . . . Okay, I'll ask." "Ms. McKenzie, Mr. Anderson requests to know the nature of your business with him."

"I'm wanting to find out why I don't have a job here anymore. I never quit. If I was fired, I never knew about it." Alberta passed on the response. After a short pause, Alberta said she could go in. She was not offered coffee as usual for visitors.

Mr. Anderson did not ask her to sit. "Blair, you have some nerve coming in here after quitting with no notice. I hope you're not here to ask for your old job back. We've already filled your position." He smiled suddenly, "Nice outfit by the way. Just get back from a vacation in Hawaii?"

"It's a long story and I've not been on vacation unless you think a trip to Hell is a vacation. Never mind. I'm here to find out why you think I resigned. I was abducted and held against my will. Now everything at home has changed. I never considered quitting my job. What made you think I wanted to resign?"

"I have your file right here. Look, this is a copy of an email from your email address about resigning immediately. Pretty nasty language too, I might add."

Blair quickly looked over the document. "Mr. Anderson, I swear I never sent this. My husband must have. I never felt this way towards my job or the people here, especially you. We both have been scammed. I have no idea why. I want my job back. I need my job back."

"Besides your resignation, we have the problem with your affair with Jason. We have already fired him. There was a debate about firing you also, however, since Jason was in a supervisory role with you, we had to assume he might have blackmailed you. You may be able to keep a job here, but you will have to promise not to sue."

"I have to be honest. The relationship between Jason and me was consensual. I wouldn't want to sue just because of our affair unless I no longer have a job. My husband drugged me and got me put into a mental hospital, then left me without any money, so I need the job more than ever."

"As far as you liking your job, I was told by lots of people that you have said on numerous occasions that you hated your job and you didn't care much for anyone you worked with or worked for. Evidently, the staff here were not happy with your constant bickering. I think they even had a party to celebrate you leaving. If you can back up your story about being kidnapped, I guess I can justify you keeping a job here. We would owe you that if someone pranked us about quitting. No matter what, however, I have filled your old job and there is no way I can take that away from her."

"Why not? She couldn't have been here that long."

"But she's related to people at headquarters. If I can her, I get canned."

"Do you know anything about my final paycheck?"

"I'll call Human Resources and see." After a quick call, he told Blair to go to Payroll.

"Hi, Blair. What can I do for you? You just get back from a vacation from Hawaii?"

"I don't have time to explain. Do I have any money due me that hasn't been sent to the bank yet?"

"I'll check but don't you want the check to go to the bank? It's safer you know."

"No, I need the money now."

"Well, Mr. Anderson said to help you even though it's extra work on my part."

"I'm sorry to bother you, Brenda, but I really, really need the money. I swear it's an emergency."

"Okay. Yes, you do have some money due you. Come back in about an hour and I'll have it for you. Now you realize since you did not work the last full pay period the amount will be less than normal."

"Fine. I understand. Thank you."

Blair waited in Vicki's car for the hour. Her mind was in a blender. "What the hell was going on? How did I become my husband's worst enemy? He didn't act like there was anything wrong before that night or did I just not notice? Why wouldn't he have mentioned my relationship with Jason sooner if he had known of it. There we were that Friday night. We were just talking about my job and he gets all huffy about me shutting up so he could say something. He gave me shit for not being a perfect wife and mother. He was accusing me of complaining all the time. I don't do that. Now, I remember. He started saying something about Jason. Then before I know it, I pass out. I guess Archer did something with me for the two weeks. Two weeks of my life just vanished. Where had I beenI? What was happening to me? Why was it happening? What does Archer want? A divorce? Why go to all this trouble if he wants a divorce? Do I want a divorce now if he doesn't because of what he did to me? My head hurts. Why is this happening to me?"

Then it hit her. The sight of her house and the furnishings when she first returned. How happy she was to see some of the things she did remember complaining about. Things she really loved, including her husband and children who were often targets of her complaints. "I guess they may have been a little tired of my complaining. But kidnapping me? Putting me in a mental hospital? That's overkill even if my messing with Jason was a factor."

When the hour had expired, she had the check and headed back to the bank. Blair opened an account in just her name and kept some of the cash for her pocket. She was given a debit card that could be used at an ATM. "Walmart, here I come." Normally, Blair would not consider buying clothes at Wally World, but she was getting tired with the comments on her mu mu and she wasn't sure where her old clothes were. In addition, the new Blair had become aware of spending within her limits. Even then, she spent most of her cash to get some basic clothes and food. She didn't buy that many clothes because she thought her old clothes might still be somewhere at her home.

Blair went back to her house. She put a new outfit on and then put her other new clothes away and started searching the house. When she finally got to the garage, she was pleasantly surprised. There were a dozen or so large boxes and her car. Blair expected to find her stuff in them. She ran to the car and looked for a key. She could not find one. Next, she searched every drawer in the house. In one of the kitchen cabinet drawers, there were over a dozen keys including the ones for the new locks. Her purse with her driver's license and car key was found in one of the other kitchen drawers. At least that kept her from having to have newer locks installed and she wouldn't have to borrow Vicki's car again. With that minor victory, she made a sandwich and went to bed, her own bed. She reached out during the night in hopes of finding Archer there. No Archer. Another round of tears.

The next day was a Saturday. She took the time to go through some of boxes. There was time to check them all out, but when she got to the box with the photos and photo albums, she stopped. Blair took the box into the living room. She spent hours looking at the pictures. The photos alternately produced laughter and tears. She got down on her knees and prayed to the heavens for her family to return. Once the boxes with her clothes were found, she packed them back upstairs.

Over the next two weeks, Blair was pulled back emotionally every time she seemed to gain ground. She got some respite by watching old movies on TV until the cable went out. The service had been discontinued. She couldn't afford the hookup fee. Then the lights went out. An electrician charged $100 to tell her that her service had been turned off. Nothing was wrong with her electricity except she didn't have any. It took half of her remaining money to get it turned back on again. The other half was spent on the cheapest cell phone service she could get to replace her regular cell phone whose service had expired for non-payment.

Her old boss told her what her new job was until something more suitable came along: night maintenance. It didn't pay quite what she used to making, but it brought in money she desperately needed. Blair supplemented that with work as a breakfast and lunch waitress. She had little time to spare, but it helped her not feel sorry for herself and sleep well at night. Blair, however, kept re-evaluating what she may have done to provoke Archer to such extreme action.

Slowly, she was making progress in paying off her debt to Vicki. Blair told Vicki that she now knew that Vicki was a better friend to her than she had ever been to Vicki and she planned to make it up to her.

Blair made it a point to become nicer to others at work. She now knew from Vicki what good friends could do for you. The concept of being grateful for what you have became a guiding principle to the new Blair. Every night she would review the interactions she had with people all day. She read Norman Vincent Peale's book several times. Whenever she remembered a time where she had not been polite, she promised to apologize to the person the next day and to not repeat. She now knew from what Archer had done what enemies could do, and she didn't want to be that person anymore. Blair's efforts greatly reduced her complaining. Instead of feeling sorry for herself, she prayed to get back just half of what she once had disparaged. She still wept for her husband and children every night.

*****

THE RETURN

Blair was awoken one night with noises coming from downstairs. She put on her robe and picked up her daughter's softball bat. Slowly and silently, she went downstairs. All the lights were on. Not usual for burglars. Then she recognized the voices. Her family had returned!

Archer remarked, "Blair, taken up night softball I see."

"Mommy!" The children screamed, ran up to and hugged her. She leaned down and hugged them back with many tears streaking down her face. Blair looked at Archer and saw no sign he wanted a hug, much less a kiss.

"Good to see you mommy. We're so hungry we want to eat now. But we have a lot to tell you about our trip."

"Yeah, Dad has a girlfriend."

"Shut up doofus. We're not supposed to talk about that."

Archer spoke calmly, "She's not a girlfriend, per se. She's a lady we met in Arizona and had a good time with her and her family. She has two kids about the same age as these two monsters. Her house had a swimming pool. The kids have become good swimmers. Our families became close friends."

"Sure looked like she thought she was your girlfriend to me."

Blair couldn't form a coherent sentence because she couldn't form a coherent thought. Joy at seeing her family fought with the anger in fear that her husband had probably decided to leave her.

"Blair, do you want to talk now or in the morning? I'll sleep in the guestroom. Do I need to lock the door to keep you from killing me?"

"Wouldn't be a bad idea. But . . . How . . . Why . . . You . . ."

"It sounds like you need time to figure out what to ask me and what vile names to call me -- well deserved, I admit."

"Archer, I don't think I will be able to sleep any more tonight. I would like to talk to you as soon as possible."

"Okay, let's get the kids to bed first."

Soon the kids were through eating. They ran and hugged their mother and told her in one breath how much they missed her, and in another breath, tried to tell her all the places they visited and how much fun they had. With their suitcases rolling behind them, the kids went up to bed.

Archer and Blair sat at the kitchen table each with a cup of coffee.

"Well, Blair what do you want to know about first?"

"Why, Archer? You must really hate me to do that to me. Was I really that bad a wife and mother?"

"Yes, you were. I got tired, no, sick and tired, literally, of you bitching about your life and your family. We had a good life, Blair. YOU had a good life. Maybe not the most exciting life, but, damn it, it was good by any objective measure. I just got so exhausted of all your shit and then when I found out about your boyfriend, I guess I went a little off the deep end. "

"You were right to do something about my behavior Archer. I took the most valuable things in my life for granted, you and the kids. I apologize. I know cheating wives say this all the time, but it is true in my case with Jason: it was just sex. It was something I could get involved in that wasn't related to me being a wife or a mother or a co-worker. He gave me a place I could go to in order to escape all the roles I had that required me to be responsible. With him, I could just feel. And I got pleasure, sexual pleasure in return. That's not an excuse. That's a character flaw on my part. I have worked hard during your absence to do something about that character flaw. I would like you to give me a chance to prove to you that I've changed.

"You don't have to worry about Jason, Archer. I don't love him, nor do I plan to ever have sex with him or any other man except you. I only loved you although I was having an affair, and I only love you now. I wish I had a foolproof way of how I can gain your trust again. I would do anything to get that back. Is there any chance for forgiveness and a new start?"

Archer looked shocked. "I was the one who drugged you and kept you for a couple of weeks until I could get you placed in the mental illness facility. Surely you want to get revenge for that. It's okay. That was a risk I was willing to take.

"Why did I do it, Blair? I wanted to shock you into seeing what you were ruining by causing you to lose almost everything you had, including your freedom. From what my spies have told me, my plan may have succeeded to some extent. What you do with what I think you've learned is up to you. At this point I don't know what you have learned.

"Frankly, I still expect you to have me charged with a number of felonies because of what I did to you. I'm so done with your shit though that I don't give a flying fuck. I'm ready to go to jail rather than live in the hell you made our home. I would feel more comfortable staying in jail than I would coming home to the same old perpetually unsatisfied wife and mother. One purpose of the trip was so I could get an overdose of our kids for a few months. My memories from the last couple of months will help tide me over while I'm in jail.

"Blair, you can go ahead with the divorce while I'm in jail. You can have everything that's left. I did put a big dent in our checking account, and I wiped out a lot of our savings. I hadn't planned on being gone so long, but when I found out about you and Jason, I became less concerned about when I needed to come back. We're back now mostly because of the kids being able to start back to their school and I became bothered about your financial well-being with me gone. I won't be produce income while I'm in jail so I'll cash in my 401K which should help with the children's expenses. Maybe Jason can move in and help you with your bills."

"Archer, I admit I thought of putting you behind bars and doing a lot worse to you. And, I still have flare ups of anger. My grandfather used to say the way to get a stubborn mule's attention was to hit him between the eyes with a 2 x 4. Well, you used one hell of a 2 x 4 on me. Your blow rocked me to my core. I have a lot to make up to you and the kids for. Like I said before, Jason and I are through. At this time, I can't imagine being with any other man. I don't want to be with any other man. I need you at home. I won't file for divorce, nor will I agree to press charges against you if the police ask me.