by kasey_connor
I loved this. I hope you write a part two about her visit to see you.
needs a good editor and a whole lot more background plus it needs to be slowed down so you can build the plot and characters. this was nothing but a first draft or outline that never should have been posted.
Story was rushed & I thot u were a guy not a girl 'coz from the way u started off. You need 2 build up a story 'coz ur story is nothing new apart from the usual
It was really short, and it had some distracting grammar and spelling errors. I think if you had an editor and teased the story out with more build-up, it could be really good.
Loved the story, perhaps introduce the boyfriend some more?
Would love to see those pics as well.