All Comments on 'Two Inches Too Far - A Sequel'

Why didn't he go to the hospital to get his wounds treated and to get blood tests for drugs? Also it would have been good to hear more from the court case and how she was totally humiliated.

This story has bothered me for years. And you managed to end it just the way I thought it would go. Three things - The one mistake I saw was when Thalia tells Jake to not stay in the house but to pack some clothes and stay at a hotel. The issue is that his bedroom, where all his clothes would be, is a crime scene. OOPS! Secondly, this was an error of omission - what happens to his ex-wife? Does she spend time in jail? Does she go bat-shit-crazy at the trial? It was disappointing to not hear her reactions or have any interaction between her and Jake after her arrest. Thirdly and this is a repeat of the previous comment about Vickie, we never find out what happens to Darren. Does he do any time behind bars? Did he lose money in a Civil suit? Was there no confrontation between Jake and Darren in Court? You left out a lot of possible details. Overall though, this was a great ending. Thanks for the effort. Keep after it.

4 stars

In re-reading the original, I didn't rate because I said that I would wait until it was finished. Well, six years later he it is and it is a tremendous conclusion. Justice was served. Fucking cunt.

Five Stars

FTDS had a very big following as they finished stories that obviously needed a part 2, conclusion or whatever. Unfortunately the writing duo lost one. Glad to see you are trying to continue. This story was so much better than the sequel you wrote about February. Getting better. Keep writing, keep finishing those stories you want to finish. So thanks. Not a five yet.

BTW. The original cried for someone to finish it.

What about getting him to a doctor? Story was really rushed as well. Wanted to know more about what happened to wife. Nothing about her boyfriend. Good concept. Good as a beginning, but not as a true finish.

Please include a like to the original story. It is helpful to get things straight.

All the steps toward resolving the main character’s issues are reasonable, but you just cut to the bare bones after the investigation by the detectives. You briefly bring in the wife’s boss without developing his involvement, never attempt to resolve what the full guilt of the wife or boyfriend might be, and then throw in a new girlfriend in the few paragraphs, again with no setup. You started well then seemed to rush to the end.

What a terribly thought out and written story.

It is in the wrong category. It should be in non erotic.

This shit should go in readers digest.

No where near as good as your February sequel, indeed a lot less. It looks like it was thrown together way too quickly and the end was rushed. Come on, you have proven you can write a good story, give the next one the full treatment, you can do it.

No more like this poor effort.

Scores 3/5

The sentence structure makes the story difficult to read, as it's filled with very short sentences. "He went there. She did this. I did that." That type of structure is very stilted and doesn't allow the story to flow.

Point for rounding off the story, but not much more.

Whoever your editor was they missed 2 biggies:

1) Name changes - Walt is the one at the police station, apparently he has taken Jake's place...

2) Thalia told Jake to pack clothes for a couple of days not long after the CSI had stated the room was out of bounds and he would have to live in the clothes he had on for a couple of days.

/

There were too many leaps, for example:

The police knowing Darren and Vicky worked together.

Thalia saying Darren was a subordinate.

Assuming there was a non-fraternisation policy (even if there was, it of no business to anyone outside the company and Jake's abuse is none of their concern unless it happens on company property or dime).

Good effort at trying to finish it, but it didn't work for me as it was too cliched. Some will argue that it was unfinished as there was no real information about Sharon.

This is the second story i have read of yours, both 2 stars. What happen to the bitch and the Asshole. You leave way too many unanswered questions. A total waste of my time.

Just get an editor to polish the grammar ;)

as the title says, a good start, however a little rushed with the ending.

Well written but more like a story of abuse, miscommunication, divorce/revenge than anything erotic.

This sequel did a disservice to the original story. Really, "a street lawyer" -- in your dreams! The story says "My fee will be based on a healthy percentage of any settlement I can get for you." NO! Lawyers are prohibited from taking a contingency payment from a divorce settlement. Then we have scenes out of a the old "Thin Man" movies. Finally we have a claim based on an anti-fraternization policy, which is another legal stupidity because such policies do not provide for any third-party claim. Anytime you see a writer commit such mistakes in a story, the whole story falls apart. If you want fantasy, that is one thing, but an author should not foist a reality story that contains impossible events.

For those of us who haven’t been waiting six years for a continuation of one specific story, what was the point of this exercise?

Decent follow up but I really didn't like the ending. Seemed cut off and short. Darren just totally disappeared in your tale after the bedroom scene and he was one of the main characters. Could have been a much better story with more details on the aftermath. To me that is what makes a good story.

"By 4PM, I woke up to find myself tied to a chair in the bedroom." - "Woke up?" He was never asleep.

/

Since both he and Thalia rode with the cops (why?) both of their cars are back at the bar.

/

A company has no legal obligation to enforce any of their own policies. They may have a policy that if you're late more than three times in a month you can be fired, that doesn't mean that they can be sued if they don't. Now, maybe employee A, who WAS fired can sue for unequal treatment if employee B, WASN'T fired, but that's different.

/

"Pack some clothes, enough to last a few days." - How can he pack any clothes? Aren't they in the bedroom that's a crime scene?

/

Okay, nice touch having the CEO having an office affair to force him to pay off for Vickie's.

/

It took him six months and his engagement to get back to Walt's? I would have been there s soon as Thalia got into action.

/

What about Darren? Was he married? How much did he have to pay Jake in his civil suit? Did he do jail time?

Too predictable. 3*

going to the hospital and having his wounds checked over, but then he just went to the hotel to sleep. You never really finished on what happened to the wife or her lover. You just kinda tied it all up in one big happy bow. But it was somewhat entertaining. 3*

Good conclusion to an unfinished story.

Noticed several places where you referred to Jake as Walt.

Olddave1951

Very good, but you forgot about what happened to Vickie and Darren. They should both be spending several years in jail. Also the families would have been informed. Can you imagine the parent/siblings/cousins reaction that their relative was guilty of these crimes?

Now we need to learn what happened to the slut wife and Darren. Don't keep us hanging like the original author. Good job!

Great finish to the original story. When I read the original (I guess Part-1, now), I walked away feeling a little bit sad at the Hitchcock-esque ending. It's a tribute to both you and OP that your stories flowed together so well. You were able to take the characters you inherited and (1.) keep them in their original frame of character; and (2.) segue their actions well into the conclusion. The "conflict", so essential to any story, remained faithfully unto its resolution at your adept hand! <b>Five Stars!!!

Would have been even better had we found out what the effect of losing so much actually had on the cheating bitch and her toy-boy lover.

Still seems incomplete.

Hence 4****

I see you are still a new writer, but you need to reread your stories a few times so you don't get caught in an error like this.

You can't go into your bedroom for a day or so. You will have to make do with the clothes you have on. You can remain in the house tonight, just use a spare bedroom.

I would prefer that you not stay in this house tonight. Pack some clothes, enough to last a few days. I'm going to order us a taxi, drop you off at the Hampton Inn close to my office and then go pick up my car.

Unless he kept his clothes in the spare room, he would have no way of packing some.

I was hoping a sequel would involve what happened to the wife, we don’t know the results of the criminal case against her and what happened to her boyfriend? Did he turn against her to save himself? Did either or both of them get convicted? Since Darren only met Jake once and decided to leave, likely he was being duped by wife that Jake was agreeable to the cuckholding, but when he obviously wasn’t Darren left. However Darren should have known Jake wasn’t into it by his protestations and struggle while Darren and wife screwed. Could have described some interesting legal cases with potential harsh outcome for wife but opportunity was wasted

It turned out very well, but Vickie and her stud should meet a very bad ending and suffer greatly before they are never seen again, ever...

Great story, but what happened to the Dr. Did he ever go?

LW’s legal experts will tell you where you got things wrong on the legal side, and the grammar police will have their turn. I’m just a reader of good stories and I enjoyed it. Good job.

But in reality, there is no way the police would give anything like those resources to investigate a domestic abuse. In any case we all know the legal system would believe and back the wife in any case like this, he'd just be wasting his time and money.

Thank you all for your comments. I wish I could have had them before I submitted the story. If I could go back and incorporate them into the story and re-publish it, I would.

What was this? You write a sequel to finish the story....then you didn't finish it?? What happened to Vicki and Darren? Fired?....Was Darren married?...Divorce? Did they get jail time?? Then there were little things like taking him to the emergency room after the police? ....and sealing the bedroom with crime tape then the attorney says to go pack some clothes? from the crime scene bedroom??

You were on the right track so keep trying....

Easier that she had a selfie accident, near a cliff, in a state park, by a waterfall, beyond the safety fence she ignored... just like a game of Clue

of course the 50 K tip never hurts, insults or pisses friends off. TK U MLJ LV NV

Sorry, doesn't add anything to original story.

It is a he said he and she said. What proof does he have that it was not consensual? Just cause he flaked out does not make it less true that he could have "consented" to the event and injured himself during it trying to wank off. This would be supported by the fact he went to a bar rather than the police. Also, I don't know a single company that still has a "no fraternization" policy, you would get killed by every LGBTQ community let alone the rest of them. I speak from experience here. As far as "finding her account" those are usually buried so deep you will never find them, the holders use memorized account with multiple encrypted passwords. They don't cooperate you get nothing.

I doubt this would even make it to court, plus most states are no fault so...

what a dumb story!

Darren was charged? Did he do time. Was he sued. Did his wife do time. Got a new women so fast,that was a stretch.

This reads more like the skeleton of a story than a story in itself. Very rushed and cobbled together. I'm imagining that you've been sitting on this idea for months/years, heard someone else was going to do it, and scrambled to put yours out first even though it wasn't ready. Not saying that's what happened, but that's what this feels like to me.

That said, it is a nice change of pace to see a character taking *legal* action after having his rights as a human being grossly infringed upon. Usually this scenario ends in either immediate violence or the plotting and future execution of violence. Don't get me wrong, I'm all for that; someone drugs me and ties me up, they might as well kill me because that's the only way they'd ever be safe again. But you can only see so much of the same thing before it all starts to blend together. Definitely could've been done better, though.

I give it a 3.

I always love these stories where a loving wife (it's always a wife) turns into a sadistic out of the blue eyes after decades of a perfect marriage... and jts always a perfect marriage lol.

33 years huh? lol

FTDS!!!

This is a divorce-porn procedural complete with standard issue legal fictions. On the plus side, it reads about like a comic book. Nice touch, asking the bartender to be the best man at his nuptials. Made me smile.

This is the kind of template story previously fucked-over guys like to read. Kinda boring. (Watch the new girlfriend walk off with most of his million! Can he pick them or what?)

The last minute push back from the cuck husband was too brief, and the wife's response was too muted. It would have been a much more compelling story for the wife to be reduced to a begging beaten aging whore as the law suites and consequences start to pile up. Darren would reveal that the bitch was a fucking dud, but being his boss what was he supposed to do? The CEO of the company would be revealed and ruined, and the settlement from the company would be a Hell of a lot more than 500G's.

But despite the opportunities missed, it ended much better than how the original author left it. Thanks for the effort.

I think we all know IRL that legally, the leg he had to stand on was as strong as grass stem. I could see only see him going back to dating 6 years after what he was put through.

however a 50 K gratuity will make any deal a little sweeter. TK U MLJ LV NV

Coulda been good, BUT.......

This story had a promising skeleton but not nearly enough meat and a few broken bones.

The first and most obvious was the urgent need to go to the ER but didn’t go. Only six months and he’s engaged, evidently he needs to be treated for amnesia. Where’s the info on the boyfriend? What happened to the wife? Where’s the normal dialogue associated with situations like this? What was the fallout for the various parties?

Probably the most glaring omission is the lack of angst or any emotion other than the brief encounter with the slut wife.

So he went from the police station to his house to the hotel? What about the ER to treat his wounds?

I'm glad you followed up with the sequel. That said, your narrative, particularly early on, was "chopped" and not as flowing as it should be. It settled down as the story progressed but your writing style needs polishing. The whole story pushed the limits of "reality" but you did a good job drawing the reader into the pain and suffering of the "hero". The ending came too quickly as he jumps from retribution to a new love in the matter of a paragraph or so. 4*

@sbrooks103x1 day ago

"By 4PM, I woke up to find myself tied to a chair in the bedroom." - "Woke up?" He was never asleep.

How do you know? Just because it is a detail that wasn't brought up. Is it possible he fell asleep while waiting for wife and lover?

/

Since both he and Thalia rode with the cops (why?) both of their cars are back at the bar.

He rode with Thalia to the police station, then both rode with the detectives to his house.

/

A company has no legal obligation to enforce any of their own policies. They may have a policy that if you're late more than three times in a month you can be fired, that doesn't mean that they can be sued if they don't. Now, maybe employee A, who WAS fired can sue for unequal treatment if employee B, WASN'T fired, but that's different.

I believe that you can sue anyone you want for whatever you want. It might not fly, but thats different.

/

"Pack some clothes, enough to last a few days." - How can he pack any clothes? Aren't they in the bedroom that's a crime scene?

Who's to say that he had clean clothes in the laundry room

/

Okay, nice touch having the CEO having an office affair to force him to pay off for Vickie's.

/

It took him six months and his engagement to get back to Walt's? I would have been there s soon as Thalia got into action.

That is what you would have done, but obviously not what he did.

Hope this settles you mind a little. Have a great day.

BlackHeart93, you did a fine job on this sequel.

Keep up the good work.

Thank you for the read.

....was he ever arrested? And was the wife criminally charged? Did I miss something? Lots of loose ends here....

Loklie

You got the revenge down but, what about what kicked the wife off the rails and what is her state of mind now?

@ tralan69er

Good job. A nice take down on the Lindsey Graham of Literotica.

Liked the sequel BTB

Great BTB sequel...

Thank you for your writing and this story as one of your good ones. Yet, I suggest you list your plot threads, such as whether Vickie filed charges for Jake's push, and what happened to Darren. Also, Thalia told him to pack clothes,, but his bedroom was sealed--and he could not get clothes. You also could have Thalia say how many needy people she would help with her large fee here.

Vickie was sentenced to 10-15 years for the assaults' and other crimes.

Darren got 5-10 as he was not the mastermind he was just a lost puppy who fell in with a very bad woman.

Liked the story, the characters got mixed up a couple of times, one being Walt was suddenly the victim at the police station.

Another was Jakes reaction after Sharron tell's Walt that Jake wants him to be best man

Quote >

"Wow!" Jake responded. "It would be my honor. I am so happy you two have found each other. The last time I saw Jake, he was not nearly this happy." << unQuote.

It is only a small error, but causes some confusion while reading.

Still not finished! So what became of the Bitch and her stud?? The result of the criminal charges?? C'mon!

Not finished. Is there a part 2 in the offer?

you need a part 2, btb till the end

Lots of loose ends and inconsistencies. Lawyer lady was very concerned about Jakes cuts, and was intent on taking him to the hospital - but never did. When they left the house, lawyer lady told Jake to pack some clothes - but the cops had just told them not to go back to the bedroom. At the end, Walt's and Jake's names got switched around. How did they find out who Darren was? where he worked? How did lawyer Lady know that the CEO was a scumbag?---- If you are going to be an author, you've got to keep your story line straight!

I liked the story but would have liked more on what response from Vickie, the cheating wife on the sentence she received and her bogus reasoning for being just an abusive cheater. Also, would like to have seen what happened to Dick Head Darren. But, still enjoyed this as is.

I thought this was going to finish the story?

Why go to the cops first? The doctors could/would have documented his injuries.

Beats hell out of the original

very beautiful Blackheart suite.

5⭐

Thanks for sharing your talent

Ok but didn't cover wife's punishment !!

Only ok and that barely. Vandemonium1 and FTDS know how to handle straying cheating blankety blanks etc!!!!!

Much better ending than the original

Great story, I gave it 5 stars. The only strange thing I noticed was the detective telling the wife she shouldn't say anything until she has a lawyer. I don't think there's a cop in the whole world that would have given that advice..

Once she's been Mirandized, it's her choice to keep talking and every cop I know would gleefully have taken note of every word uttered, while prompting her to reveal even more. Still, an entertaining story. Well done. Thanks for posting.

This version felt a bit rushed as it went about ticking off all the payback spaces on the card. The MC never went to the hospital in this accounting, even though it was mentioned at the beginning as necessary. The husband and his lawyer certainly wouldn't have been part of the search and arrest, especially when he was supposed to be receiving medical treatment.

The BTB format is as clichéd as any, but a believable flow is still required to make a story feel complete.

Good ending if a bit quick. Any backstory on Sharon?

How come he never went to the hospital to have his wounds treated?.

How come he never went to the hospital to have his wounds treated?.

Nice

Now that's what you call justice.

You keep writing them I'll keep reading them

Excellent story. I love these "Burn the Bitch" stories! 5 BIG FAT STARS.

especially when the rainbow sweetens the pot, TK U MLJ LV NV

This this story seemed rushed and abbreviated could’ve gone another two pages with a deeper description of the consequences

The ending was silly, the lawsuit against the company was way too low, and never heard about the criminal charges against the wife and boyfriend.

"Wow!" Jake responded. "It would be my honor. I am so happy you two have found each other. The last time I saw Jake, he

Good follow up and wish the original author was still writing. Hope u will be able to continue some of the work he did

your version is much better than the original author

This is at least the 50th story that has been good and then turned to pure shite by the lazy non ending.

1*

The inconsistencies with character names was the biggest distraction for me.

I don't get too hung up on grammar, but inconsistencies like those in this story hurt the flow and thus the enjoyment.

Still love it.

Does this author ever write his own stories?

Names switched back and forth too much, okay story but rough for continuity.

First: A teenager would say “This is my girlfriend, Sharon” by way of introduction. A mature, 50-year-old man would say “Walt, I’d like you to meet Sharon”. It would very quickly be apparent to Walt - or anyone over 21 - precisely the nature of their relationship.

Second: Why would you go into summary mode instead of presenting in detail the confronting conversations, the comeuppance of Vicki, her pain and response to Jake’s ultimate challenge to her, and at least a portion of what finally happened to asshole Darren? Seeing Jake win and Vicki being quite seriously burned is the payoff and should not be given short shrift. Sorry, but this feels like you got tired and bored and just wanted to get the whole thing done, already. Too bad, it could have been a lot of fun.

4 stars for the effort. Lost a star for no pain for Darren.

Lost cause for he will look like shit very quickly as no man can have any self respect after being a wimpy cuckold so long. Impossible to take care of appearance when can't look at yourself in mirror

Great Story, 5 stars. I love a happy ending

Your monetary values are wAy low. $500,000 is peanuts today.

Also you left out a comeuppance for her lover. Should have been included.

But all in all I enjoyed it.

Bill S.

Agree with many of the others. It felt like you yadda=yadda'd over the best parts. The important part of the BTB is the reactions, not just a Dragnet-esque ending detailing that something happened. Nothing was mentioned about convictions. There was no confrontation with the wife or the lover. There was no mention of them in the repercussions. Everything was left wanting.

Automatic loss of a star because of the name switching between Jake and Walt, that happened at least 4 times. Also for introducing Sharon twice in as many sentences. And a second one gone for the 'Meh.' ending.

Read But only to see how you were going to get around him being a wimpy cuckold.

Didn't see how and you failed.

One time slip due to drink,drug,or mental turmoil (life threatening event etc) forgiveness possible. Tell you in advance and when you say no and goes on anyway. Not a snowball chance in hell

You're just lazy jumping from the end of the first night straight to the epilogue. I thought you were a fan of confrontations. Where exactly was the confrontation?

THIS IS A CUCK WRITER