Two Wrongs Turn Out Right

Since the day he showed up in the office at school, I couldn't get the thought out of my mind that almost everything about his life since we had divorced made me a little jealous. I had ended up divorced, unable to have kids, and alone with the exception of a few close girlfriends and a few romantic relationships that never seemed to last more than about six months. Somehow, Kevin had gotten remarried to a beautiful woman, had three wonderful kids, had a successful career and now, as we walked towards my driveway, he confirmed all of those feelings when I saw that he was picking me up in a Mercedes SL550 Roadster convertible.

I was already angry with him and he hadn't even told me his big secret yet. I had managed to marry the poor struggling young attorney Kevin and his second wife had gotten the wealthy, successful attorney Kevin. He must have read my mind, because when we got to the car, he paused for a second and handed me the keys and said "why don't you drive." I think I gave an all new meaning to the phrase "drive it like you stole it." Kevin never said a word. He just sat back for the ride while I worked my nervousness out by putting his high-powered little toy through its paces.

Once we were seated at the restaurant, we ordered and I caught him up on the past eighteen years in the life of Alison Middleton, not that it took very long, and he told me all about his wife and the kids. The conversation was light and friendly but I could tell that he was nervous. Finally, after our food arrived, he worked up the courage to tell me the reason we were sitting here.

Putting his fork down, he shifted in his seat a little and began "So, I don't really know how to tell you all of this, so I'm just going to start at the beginning and you can stop me if it doesn't make sense to you. I guess the best place to start is right after your second miscarriage. I felt like my whole world was destroyed when we found out that we couldn't have children. All of the dreams and plans I had for our lives were never going to happen. I think we were probably both in the same place, but neither of us were mature enough to really deal with things properly and we kind of both went into our own shells and withdrew from the world."

After pausing to collect his thoughts, he continued "You were distant and depressed and nothing I tried seemed to help. You had lost all interest in sex and it felt like you had lost all interest in me. I was angry. I was angry at you because somehow, in my mind, I had made it your fault that we could never have children, I know now that I was wrong, but at the time, I was just angry at everything. I was angry that you wouldn't talk to me about any of it. I felt like I couldn't talk to you because it seemed like all you did was sit on the couch and cry whenever you were home. Please understand that I'm not saying that any of that was true about you. I'm only saying that those were my feelings at the time."

"I can certainly understand all of that" I told him. "I think we were both just hurting so much and we were both so young. We had never really had to deal with anything that bad and we did the best we could given the circumstances. Unfortunately, we made some huge mistakes and before we knew it things got really out of control. I did pull away from you, but it felt like you were pulling away from me too. I just wish we could have had this talk eighteen years ago."

"I agree, but just keep that thought in mind while I tell you the rest, because it gets worse. The short story is what you know. I caught you in your car with that Patrick guy. I packed up and left and we divorced. The part that you don't know is that while you were cheating with Patrick, I was also cheating on you with Casey Graham from my office. I was hurting so bad that I just wanted to get out and move on and when I found out about you and Patrick, I used that to get you to agree to the divorce without fighting me on it."

"Oh my God Kevin! Now things are starting to make a lot more sense. That's why you were never willing to go to counseling or even consider reconciling." I could feel the anger swelling inside of me as I asked him "So, tell me Kevin, just how long was this affair of yours going on before you found out about Patrick?"

"Well, that depends on when you consider the beginning to be. A few weeks after your tubal ligation, we were working on that big case that was taking up so much of my time. Things between you and I were really rough at that point and Casey seemed interested in my problems and was a willing listener. At first, that's all it was, just talking and it felt so good to have someone to talk to. I know that I should have been talking to you instead of her and then nothing would have ever happened, but I didn't. I kept talking to her and before I knew it things got out of hand."

"It started with a kiss after going out for drinks a few weeks later after a long day of going through discovery evidence. I felt so guilty and I know that I should have stopped it then, but I didn't. Then, a few weeks after that, we ended up having sex in her apartment. That was probably about three weeks before I caught you with Patrick. I was probably with her five or six times during that period and then we were together for about two months after we separated."

"Okay, you really need to just give me a minute here Kevin. I had no idea that all of that was happening. I guess I was so wrapped up in feeling sorry for myself that I was oblivious to what you were doing back then. I'm not sure at this point whether I'm relieved to finally know the truth or if I'm angry that you waited so long to tell me and let me spend eighteen years blaming myself. What you did with this Casey person was almost identical to what was going on between me and Patrick, but apparently you were just way better at it than I was because I got caught and you never did. My God, how could I have been so stupid?"

"You weren't stupid Alison. You were walking around in this emotional fog just trying to survive. Plus, it wasn't exactly by luck that I caught you in that park. Patrick's wife had contacted me a week or so before to tell me that she suspected he was having an affair with you but she couldn't prove it. So, I got one of the investigators that we used at work and he did me a favor and followed you after work a few times and told me that you were going to the park with Patrick after work every Wednesday. The day I caught you, I was there before you arrived and watched everything from behind a tree. When I realized that you were actually going to have sex with him, I rushed to the car and broke things up."

At this point, my head was spinning as I tried to reconcile what I remembered about that time to what I was now being told. "So, tell me Kevin, did it ever occur to you over all of these years that I deserved to know the truth about my life? Because from where I'm sitting, it looks like the only reason I'm getting the truth now is because you want something from me and you were afraid that it may all blow up in your face if I found out later from someone else."

"To be completely honest it has occurred to me over the years, but I always rationalized that it was better for everyone to not reopen those wounds. Hell, I was so messed up those first few years that I was incapable of thinking about anyone but myself. All I did during that time was work and move from one woman to another trying to make myself feel whole again. It wasn't until I met Suzanne that things started to straighten out in my mind. She wouldn't even consider marrying me until we went through some pretty extensive premarital counseling."

"It was that counseling that helped me work through what happened between us and taught me how to be accountable in a relationship and the proper way to solve problems. In fact, Suzanne really pushed me to contact you and tell you all of this back then. She tried to tell me that you deserved to know. But I was ashamed of what I had done and I justified not telling you by convincing myself that it wasn't fair to pull the rug out from under your life just to ease my conscience."

He paused again, apparently to see if I had anything to say, but I was still trying to process everything so he continued. "So, in case I haven't been perfectly clear here, I need for you to hear that I am so sorry for my affair and my part in the destruction of our marriage. I am also sorry for not coming clean with you many years ago. That wasn't fair to you and I know it's not much, but all I know to say at this point is that I'm sorry."

"I think I just need some time to process all of this. I can't think straight and I'm afraid I'll say or do something that I'll regret later if I don't sort it all out before we talk any more. If you don't mind, I think I really need to go home now."

"I understand. Listen, I realize that you may never want to speak to me again after all of this, and if that's what you want, I'll respect your decision. But I need for you to know that I have never stopped loving you, even while I was married to Suzanne. I don't know how to describe it, but I truly did love you both the same. I knew you were special at freshman orientation and I was damn lucky to have you as a friend. By the time we actually started dating, I knew that you were the one that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with I just wasn't sure that you felt the same."

"I wish that I could go back in time and do everything differently, but I can't. All I can do is try to learn from my mistakes and not make them again. I just hope that you'll find it in your heart to give me another chance and if you do, I will live the rest of my life trying to prove that to you. I think that if you spend some time with me that you'll see that I'm a completely different man than I was back then and I'm willing to bet that you've hanged a lot too."

There wasn't a lot left to say at that point, so he paid the bill and drove me home. We rode in silence until he pulled into my driveway. We got out of the car and he walked me to the door. "So, where do we go from here?"

"I'm not sure right now. I think I just need to try and wrap my head around all of this. Until then, I guess I'll see you around." I closed the door and watched him walk away not sure of what our future would be.

I didn't see or talk to him for the next couple of weeks. My days were spent busy with school and my evenings were spent trying to process our conversation from that Saturday morning. My emotions were all over the place, from angry, to relieved, to confused, and back to angry again. Finally, after having time to think about everything that I now knew about our past, I came to a decision. It took me several days to get my courage up, but I finally called his office.

"Hello, this is Kevin Middleton, how may I help you?"

"Hello Kevin, it's me. I've uh thought about all you said and I think I've uh come to a decision about what you asked me."

After an uncomfortable pause, he said "well, are you going to keep me in suspense or are you going to tell me what you're thinking. I've been a wreck since that Saturday just hoping that you would call me back sometime."

"Okay, so first, you need to understand that I'm still really pissed off that you didn't tell me the truth way before now. But I can understand why you didn't. Second, I don't know if we can get past all of this or not, but I think we owe it to ourselves to at least give it a try. If we didn't, I know I would always wonder about what if. So, if you're still interested, I would like to accept your invitation to go out on a date with you."

"Oh my God. You had me worried there for a moment. I can promise you that I am definitely still interested. So, Miss Middleton, are you free for dinner this Saturday?"

"Yes Mr. Middleton, I do believe that I'm free on Saturday."

"Great! I'll pick you up at 6:00. Wear something casual."

Just as we were about to hang up, I said "Wait a minute, Kevin, there's one more thing that I need to say. I need to tell you that I am truly sorry for my affair too. I have tried to justify it, excuse it, and blame it on Patrick or on you, but I recently came to the realization that it was completely my fault. So, I'm sorry that I cheated on you. I'm sorry that I lied to you and I'm sorry that I hurt you."

"Well maybe we can both work on this forgiveness thing together. Sorry to run, but I've got to go. I'll see you Saturday. Bye."

I spent the next few days trying to focus on work, but it was useless. I was completely distracted, playing every possible scenario and conversation over in my head from our date being a huge success and us ending up in bed together all the way to us getting in a huge fight and never speaking to each other again. Well, at least I have the two extremes covered, so I think I can handle anything in between.

Finally, Saturday night arrived and not sure how casual he meant, I decide on wearing something that would be appropriate in a lot of places, a modest sundress and flat sandals. I guess he really meant casual, as he showed up at my door wearing shorts, a button up shirt and flip flops. The talk was light and comfortable as we drove to downtown Charleston, parking near the Battery and walking up East Bay Street to a little seafood and oyster bar. "I hope this is okay" he said. I've been here a few times with my triathlon club and it reminded me of that place we used to go to in college."

"It's perfect. Believe it or not, I've lived in Charleston for over twenty years and I've never been here, but it looks great."

We had a wonderful dinner and talked for hours just like we used to do in college. We talked about my career and my spotty love life and he was open to all of my questions about Suzanne. He told me how they met and their lives in Chicago. We talked about his kids and about Suzanne's cancer. I was amazed at how open he was with me about how tough things had been on him and the kids since her passing.

Finally, around 10:00, he announced "I really hate to do this, but I have to get home. I promised my sitter that I would be back by 11:00 and if we don't go now, I'll never make it." So, he paid the tab and we headed back to my house.

About halfway there, I had noticed that he had been a little quiet since we left the restaurant. "What's on your mind? You haven't said much since we got to the car."

"It's nothing bad, but I do have something that I feel like I need to say to you before we go any further and I've just been trying to figure out how to bring it up. So, now that you've asked, here goes. I've had an amazing time tonight and I hope you have too. In fact, there is nothing that I would like more than to do this again very soon."

"But, if you're interested in this going any further, I have a couple of favors that I need to ask of you. First, my kids can't know anything about us right now. If things get more serious, I will obviously sit them down and talk to them about everything, but that's something that they need to hear from me. So, I need for you to promise me that you'll not mention us being together until I'm ready to talk to them."

"Next, and this is the hard part for me to talk about, I need for you to understand that I'm not ready to have a physical relationship with anyone right now. Since I met Suzanne, she's the only woman that I've been intimate with. We were faithful to each other for fifteen years and it's just going to take me a little more time before I'm ready to open up that part of me to someone else. So, please be patient with me."

We rode in silence for a few minutes until I was sure he was finished before I answered him. "Okay, so that wasn't so bad was it? Let me see, where do I start? Uh, Okay, let's start with I've had a great time tonight and I would love nothing more than to go out with you again. In fact, I'll hunt you down and hurt you really badly if you don't call me for another date really soon mister."

"As far as your kids go, I would never say anything to them about us until you are ready to tell them. You are absolutely right in being protective of them after all they have been through with their mother's death. So, we are in complete agreement about that."

"Now about this no physical relationship thing, you do remember that we had that same agreement when we first started dating, what was it, twenty-five years ago now, don't you? It seemed to work itself out back then and I'm sure it will work itself out now. In fact, I think it says a lot about your relationship with Suzanne that you are still so respectful of your marriage even a year after she's been gone and it's actually kind of endearing too. So, why don't we just play that part by ear and I think we'll both know when it's time."

His only response was to say "thank you" before he reached over and took my hand, holding it in his until we pulled into my driveway. Once there, he walked me to the door and kissed me on the cheek before saying goodnight and promising to call me soon for another date and that's exactly what he did the following Tuesday. We continued to go out a couple of times a week for the next few months. From my standpoint, things were going well, but I could tell that he was still very cautious.

Then one Friday night, when we got back to my house, instead of getting out to walk me to the door, he took my hand and said "hang on just a minute. I want to talk to you about something." My heart almost stopped in my chest when he said that. The first thought that popped into my head was that he was going to say that this just wasn't working for him and we couldn't see each other again. After what felt like forever, he finally spoke again "I was wondering if you could come by the house tomorrow afternoon? I was kind of thinking about grilling some hot dogs and hamburgers with the kids and then maybe, hmm, talking to them about me and you."

Before I could answer, I felt the tears flowing down my face. "There is nothing in this world that would make me happier. But, are you sure you're ready? Because, in case you haven't noticed, I love you Kevin Middleton and I'll wait for you as long as it takes for you to be one hundred percent sure."

"Well, I think you've been patient enough and I think it's time for the kids, my family, and the whole world to know how much I love you." Before he could say another word, I leaned over the console of his car, took his head in my hands, and kissed him hard, holding his lips to mine as the tears kept flowing. When I pulled away from him, he said "wow, I hope you get that excited about my next question."

He paused for a few seconds like he was trying to figure out just the right words before he finally spoke again "I was also wondering if you would be open to taking a little trip with me next weekend over your fall break? My parents have a little cabin in the mountains near Brevard, NC and they have agreed to watch the kids so that we can be alone if you're available."

"If this means what I think it means, I can pack my bags and leave with you tonight. But I've waited this long, so I think I can make it one more week."

The next day, I drove over to Kevin's house at around 4:00 like we had agreed to the night before. I remembered the house from when we were married and his parents lived in it. But he had completely remodeled and modernized the whole house. I stood by the huge windows in the family room admiring the amazing view of Clark Sound and the beautifully landscaped yard that led to the boat dock. While I waited, Kevin rounded up the kids as one by one they came running down the stairs to see why their principal was at their house on a Saturday.

When they were all there, Kevin had them all sit on the sofa and told them how he and I were friends from a long time ago and that we really liked each other a lot and that he wanted me to be his girlfriend if it was okay with them. The boys were really excited about the idea, but I could tell that Hannah was a little apprehensive. When I asked her what was bothering her, she simply asked if I was going to marry her Daddy.