All Comments on 'Two's a Crowd Ch. 11'

who the fuck is this Bruce!?!?? when he did a brain and a set of balls? Jesus...talk abut being totally OUT of character and totally inconsistent with the previous 10 chapters

it is getting really good. i wonder what happens next?

Okay, I have tried to give this story the benefit of the doubt, but you have gone from strange to utterly beyond belief. That she would string him along as a friend only to use him in some plot to get evidence, in a role which had no factor whatsoever since Myriam was already on the inside, is beyond any chance of believability. It makes no sense whatsoever. Also, if it was real, Bruce would come back with a gun, blow them both away, and then try and get on with his life, because they have screwed him over for years. Honestly, at this point, it would be justified, and I never recommend the permanent solution. Seriously, this guy would be in the right to just end both of them and pick up the shattered pieces of his life, if he could. Until this chapter, things were still somewhat understandable, but you have totally killed this story from any realistic perspective.

as usual fluent writing but there's not much point in the development of this story. From your comment to Harry's in the previous chapter, #12 will be the last. It's good to bring this bizarre story to an end and, hopefully, let Bruce go on with his life. G.Belgium

Take Bruce out of the story in the first few chapters and you still have the same story without the mewling, whining and indecision. Not only did he not contribute to the success of the conspiracy, he had the potential to make it go wrong at so many points that it would have been irrational to keep him anywhere in the vicinity of their machinations.

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That persuades me that the conspiracy nonsense was in the story only as an excuse for the interpersonal gibberish the author seems to enjoy.

Went off a bit the last couple of chapters, but you've got me hooked again with this one.

I'll look forward to my daily dose again

why? There was nothing in it for either of them why keep him in the program? And you have the two whores acting like secret agents, why? The story smacks of total stupidity, now what does that imply for the writer?

I'm waiting for Bruce to get even.. or at least get some satisfying closure. Will that ever happen?

to humiliate bruce as painfully & as long as possible which seems to be this writers stlye. Its OK if that is what they want to write about A's actually a fairly good writer & I don't have to agree to enjoy.

Well, this chapter kept me from going back and reading the few I missed. Sorry but no one is this stupid and weak, he can now move on or kill them both, I really don't care, does anyone?

If she is completely happy, why all the calls to Bruce? This story goes back and forth so many times. I live with mental instability in my life, and I can relate to some of this. The whole whore part is kind of redundant though. But for some reason I cannot stop reading. I guess that says it all.

I agree with Britease...I'll keep reading for a few more. It does seem to be back on track, and I love the diverse and intense comments. I guess it shows we can't let go.

I have to agree that Bruce's character is not too consistant and he has some serious personality flaws to be in his line of business. Assuming he has by now quit his job, he should go to some small town and buy a hardware store to run. The pool he swims in has way too many sharks for the little fish he seems to be. Please don't ruin it by having him kill off all three of his antagonists, because that would be even more out of character, although he does seem to have a somewhat misplaced temper at times.

As usual the writing and turn of phrase is very good and on occasion makes me stop just to run a sentence, or paragraph over again in apprecation of your skills.

Ah well, I will read to the end and not try to overanalyze the story. It's going to end however you want it to?

across a country of insanes and sicks. The storie's packaging is highclass, as always, but the content is disappointingly shaky-------Bavarian

- I feel Bruce hasn’t pulled out a gun or something (like some posters suggested) because the author wants us keep suffering :-)

- Even though I’m not that big of fan of sci-fi, overall it is an interesting reading (each chapter has something new, unexpected and thrilling).

- If I have to sum up briefly, the whole story could be titled “Bruce P against the world”.

Everybody who is around him is plotting against him (his love, his best friend, his boss).

There isn’t a single person who he can count on. That’s why he reminds me a little bit of Dustin Hoffman roles – he always put himself in an incredibly dumb and embarrassing situations.

This story keeps me on pins and needles. When a man deeply loves a woman, he can do some strange things. You would think that by now he would have said ahh fuck it but, you never know what that individual would do. I for one enjoy this story and I guess I'm a romantic and want him to wind up with her in some idyllic place.

Some stories just don't have all loose sex and I think this is one of them. Besides all of that, the author is lovely.

I am a little dissapointed with this. It is not as inventive as I expected from AS. I rather feel that this chapter actually causes plot holes to appear in previous chapters. It belies the whole scene with Myr's mother and Aunt for one thing.

But at least she has given us a strong male character capable of manipulating women to his own ends. In case you missed it he's called Onslow.

Erica also suffers from multiple personality disorders, and in fact her other part is Onslow. Her disorder is so severe she actually physically changes from an ugly fat man to a beautiful toned lesbian. As Onslow he's in love with Bruce, and in the next chapter will make Bruce his slave just like his Erica self has made Myriam hers... and so on... and on... and on...

After a couple of promising chapters, the plot of this story has become incoherent. There is no point or direction anymore. The revelation that Erica was involved with Estelle/Myriam from year 2 of the marriage, and Bruce never noticed anything wrong, is beyond believable. At this point, the story has lost its ability to suspend my disbelief.<br><p> Great writing style, but needed a tighter story.

I guess it's time to give it actual critical review of this story and why after such a promising start it turned out to be so AWFUL on so many different levels. well maybe awful is too harsH... how about if I use the phrase "such a let down"?...

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First I will start out with the technical aspect of the story.

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<b>1. TOO MANY SMALL CHAPTERS </b>

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I dont know if the author intended to present this story through 12 chapters or if this is something Lit did. But since she presented the story 12 chapters over at SOL... I have to presume it is something she wanted to do.

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By presenting this story in 12 chapters it is obvious that the author is going for suspense which is great but in terms of building continuity and consistency with the main character/ protagonist BRUCE that readers can follow .... it actually ends up hurting the story by a huge amount. The 12 chapters allows readers to sift through all the nuances and actual words. it also allows for increased focus on huge plot holes and gaps in the story.

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To be sure there are a lot of stories here at LIT can have 10 12 14 chapters or more...but they feature male heterosexual characters which are far more rational and less complicated than the main character Bruce. As a result Angiquesophie stories draw far stronger reaction and /or criticismn.

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<b>2. THE STARTING PREMISE: </b>

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back in Chapter 1 the author developed the character Bruce as someone who do not really know anything about his wife's background family before they met. She never asked about her past sexual background.

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That Just is NOT Natural. Sue it does happen I suppose from time to time. Still if you are going to use this sort of thing to develop the story then a author HAS to anchor it with explanations of how and why someone could get married to a person without really knowing anything about them... and their family.. their background or their sexual past. It can be done and it can work in a story but it really has to be anchored and explained well. That was not done here at all.

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<b>3. BRUCE'S MOTIVATIONS </b>

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It's a basic rule of good writing. <u>When you have the extraordinary actions / events Done to ordinary people it usually results in extraordinary actions or consequences.

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Bruce was married for several years to Myriam... which according to chapter 11 she came under the control of Erica. Erica was a high paid whore that eventually worked for Onslow then recruited and used Myriam as a way of getting favorable contracts and information for Onslow.

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Great story!!! <b>So what does this have to do with Bruce? </b>

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After Myriam's whoring activities were discovered by Bruce and they divorced... Bruce had moved on for two years and appears at that point to be a well-adjusted recovering divorced man. Erica had become Onslow's mistress and she was fucking Myriam who is now just a plain old high paid whore herself.

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So when Bruce runs into her at the Dallas bar two years later... so what? She picks up the phone and calls him an overnight sobbing <i>"I am dying "</i>.

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<b>so what? The author never explains why Bruce feels compelled to save Myriams after seeing her one time in two years after all the hell and emotional wreckage she put him through. </b> That's sort of extraordinary reaction by Bruce two years after the divorce REALLY destroys the entire story.

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Tangentially if this had happened only a few months after the divorce then obviously it was his motivation would have been a lot clearer because he still had strong emotional connections to Myriam and it might give him some answers and closure.

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but for Bruce to react this way Two years after seing her 1 time? It really is not such a big deal to ask and wonder about his whose motivations for intervening given what he went through.

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<b>4. PLOT HOLES </b>

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Why couldn't these two girls get the information they needed from Onslow without having Bruce involved? Bruce do not have of the information Eric or Onslow was seeking. He certainly wasn't skillful enough or sneaky enough to obtain this information from the other company.

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<b>So WHY pull Bruce into their scheme? </b>

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In fact if anything Erica ran the risk of Losing control of Myriam because of her needs perverted and warped as it was to still see and talk to Bruce. According to the story Erica says "Myriam is mine. She always was"

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When Bruce meets up with Myriam's mother he finally learns why she has hated him and hated their marriage. Fair enough.

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<b>If so... why not simply tell Bruce while they were dating or engaged or early in the marriage that Myriam is psychological nutcase and a supressed whore / slut. </b>

AGAIN .... extraordinary actions trigger extraordinary responses. The author develops its extraordinary piece of information and Bruce essentially says ... "oh well"

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<b>5. PREDICTABILITY </b>

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This writer has amazing talent. Truly gifted. I hate to say it but angiquesophie may be one of the best actual writers here at Lit. But her inability to SEE the hetro Male Motivitation issue or How men actually react really hurts her here. In this way she is actually the same as JPB -- Just Plain Bob.

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Everyone one of her stories features the exact same type of man: a heterosexual MALE that is an imbecile without a clue or brain. Every one of her stories features a wife that sneaky traitorous and at times beyond evil. I don't have to go over the litany of her stories which consistently feature the same sort of dumb stupid street male.

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To say that the reaction to this author's failure to develop Bruce as a guy that most Men can relate to... is just a bunch of insecure whining men.... Misses the bigger point. This author has as STUNNING amount of Talent. Frankly I am envious.<b> But that also works against her: Readers can clearly see her amazing writing abilities and therefore they EXPECT a better more coherent plot. </b>

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You see it works Both ways.

Well written story, but slightly convoluted at the end. Personally I would have preferred Bruce to pull out a gun and remove Erica's head when she sat on the couch but that is just my opinion. I never like stories to be left untidy...

Disappointed in where this has gone. I agree with others that it has just become incoherent babble after a promising start. Please just end it.

I'm sorry, you've earned the first zero I've ever given! This chapter was absolutely the most disappointing of all. Your writing is good but the plot actually made me nauseated. Erica must be a 55th degree black belt in umpteen different martial arts -- after all, she figures Bruce is thinking of violence but she knows she can take his head off with one-half of one pinky! Please give me a break. If you are into martial arts, and really so good that as a woman, you don't need to fear a man's violence, then it means you work out and practice at least 3-4 times per week, maybe more, you come home with bruises and sometimes broken bones (I've experienced these injuries as have all the others in my various martial arts classes through the years). You can't hide this expertise from a friend with whom you play tennis (who will see the bruises on your skin, for Christ's sake). A martial artist walks a certain way, almost like a ballet dancer, a flowing walk, a kind of balance, and an awareness that is nearly clairvoyant. Erica exhibits none of these traits. I know, maybe she will sex Bruce to death . . . that would not be any more ridiculous than a lot of the other nonsense in this story. I usually think Harry is over-reacting to stories in terms of his critiques, but not this time. I do think this story gets the highest male-bashing award of all time (the author has truly captured it from Nici, terrific). I have to hand it to the author; she has definitely gotten my goat.

I vote for content and this sucked big time. Onslough is nothing more than a womanizer and a pimp. Erica, who I though was just right for Bruce, is a common mistress for a woman that is mentally deranged. I hope she gets her kicks out of Myr, just like Hitler got his kicks out of exterminating the Jews. Bruce, get the hell away from all of them and never look back. Don't get caught up in their type of lifestyle. But if something drastic happens to Onslough and Erica, make sure you have a good and solid alibi.

Great promise with multiple personality plot that got lost, with the protagonist, along with the need to intro lesbianism as the path to Happiness(?). So many contradictions within each characters development that a scorecard would be needed to follow the plot; but by now we don't want to anymore.

A shame as the story had so much promise in the beginning chapters. Better luck on the next attempt and try not to involve so many plot twists and "heavies" into the mix.

Hope this is the kind of feedback that you are looking for.

I read this story from the beginning and defended the author and the story. The ending did not live up to the beginning or the author's obvious talent. The story had too many holes. There was no real motivation for Bruce. there were holes in the plot. The author is such a talented story teller she should focus her significant talents on better material.

Have you ever read a story...and you think that any second now, something worth a shit is going to happen, something that will validate all the time you spent reading. Boy does it suck when it turns out differently. I can sum up the entire series thusly; wimp hubby + cheating psychotic bitch wife + psychotic lesbian bitch = total waste of time. Many pages of fine details describing how people are used in the most despicable and pathetic of ways, and ends not with a bang but with a whimper. The author does not write poorly...usage of english seems fine (and only the anal retentive alvaron picks over that,) but I'm left with the same feeling as after a cheap carnival ride, lots of flash and noise but no lasting memory. Back to the salt mines wi'ye and better luck next time.

Very tedious story with lots of deception. The reader goes on hoping to get to a satisfactory conclusion and all that there really is that there are truly evil people in the world. Erica is one of them. They are the reason guns were invented. Onslow as well. Myriam is a mentally ill person without hope of redemption. She is easily manipulated and under the control of others and not worth a bullet. She also has no sense of morality.

The story is well crafted and has a lot of interesting twists and turns but in the end goes absolutely nowhere.

Somehow, he should have looked for a way to destroy Erica and in doing this would have harmed what was left of Myriam/Estelles mind. It would have been long deserved.

They are voluntarily together and myriam is doing the bidding of the other. A waste of energy and simply mpre to look forward too than either of them. Perhaps a good end would be for his to say, now, I have closure, and walk out not looking back.

imagination. Powerful writing. No way could I not finish it.

Yet...

It turned out to be a bloody silly story.

. . . fantastique; neither Bruce nor Berlioz can fathom the depths of this twist. Clearly the denouement, can Bruce find acceptance, growth and some semblance of humanity all in one final chapter? Thar seems too much to hope for.

Until I found one that was not only well-written, put logically thought out with carefully constructed characters. I realize now I'm not going to get that. Every protagonist will be shallow, vapid, & stupid; and every antagonist is going to be shallow, vapid, & morally bankrupt, if not downright evil. I guess it's a troll job of the loving wives genre as a whole, but man...is there ever going to be a point? Why even go through the effort of writing everything so well except for the plot and characters? Is this some type of anti-literature, dadaist, existential experiment? I'm gonna move on from this particular author after another story or two, but I will remain confused as to why there are so many versions of the same exact non-story submitted. What visceral reactions are supposed to be provoked?

But you completely emasculated Bruce.

Seems you are exactly like the characters you created in this story. Are you Erica, myriam or estelle?

Poor chapter and conclusion. Low marks.

Weird but love it.

2* because you wrote something, even tho its deluded self indulgent trash

Awful ending. Myriam is many things but a licker of feet doesn't fit any of her personalities. She's not that stupid. This was a well written tale that went off the rails at the end. So sad.

Apparently this author has the "Cunts Are Us" franchise at this website, wherein heterosexual men are stupid and easily manipulated, and their wives whore for the 1%, while their "love" for their husbands leaves the pathetic oafs twisting in the wind.

Erica had destroyed him and his marriage.

He should have had a contract killer blow her head off with a 12 bore shot gun as her shoes were being cleaned by Myriam.

Then he should have gone after his boss.

That may have given him closure.

either way a quick skim and a wont be reading anymore please be sterile or get made so at the earliest time possible

Thanks for sharing.

Because baby you give love a bad name

BTW, nothing wrong with FemDom, it doesn't equal this kind of treachery and ugliness

I kept reading this mess all the way through, hoping Bruce would find some justice. But he is surrounded by evil, insane people and has no chance to win. Justice would be Erica's slow, painful death, but we won't see that in this story.

this author hates men. prob a fat feminist cunt in need of oh I dunno a bus running her over.

This story sucks! What a waste.

This story is dropping out of sight... like shit down a toilet.

One of the following.

Ericas head on a plate

Estelle in a rubber room

Both of them in jail

Mia using her last bit of personality to free him, and end erica in self sacrifice.

But this author doesn't believe in those kinds of endings. The darkness is just for darkness sake, and controlling ones love interest, and dangling it in ones face is the only reason for the male lead in this story. To take his heart, and by extension, (the hipbones connected to the thigh bone...) , Ta da ! His penis. Loved / hated this story, but even JPB has variety to his endings.

I sampled this out-of-context chapter because you listed it as one of your favorites.

These people are so tacky...I soon began browsing instead of reading.

Your musical piece is so magnificent, I had to sample this.

The Good News is...I won't need to read another syllable of this.

Unfortunately the alpha, Erica, is slightly smarter, stronger, and full of guile.

Hmmmm.....something smells here, why uf Erica owns her, did she called him?

Utterly ridiculous. It's like the author sat down and spent months thinking through the process of taking a strong and good male protagonist and fashioned a dozen, detailed installments of a completely impossible scenario where the ultimate female emasculates him in every way possible. And in the end lures him to the Carribean beach house to rub his ex wife's betrayal in his face. It's dark. Its fatalistic. The message is "it doesn't matter if you are a good, intelligent and decent man...you'll lose always. And you'll lose to a woman who is smarter and more devious and who will take everything from you. And will destroy you."

What this author fails to understand here is this. We are all animals. When you take away everything important from a man. When you strip out his job, his career, his love...indeed when you strip away his joy and will to live? It all boils down life to it's most base.

And man in his most base? Is a mean and nasty brute. Who lashes out when he has nothing left to lose. You strip away society's norms, rules and lessons? You get deadly violence. This protagonist has literally nothing left to live for.

So...a more likely outcome for the end of her fatalistic story here?

When she offers him the beer? He takes a bottle. And he drinks it quickly. Then as she has his ex wife kneel and lick her toes to torture him more to prove her superiority? As she is monologuing...he swiftly breaks the bottom of the bottle against the wooden coffee table and embeds the jagged end straight into her throat and twists it clockwise while she is still mid sentence. His rage and despair give him speed and strength beyond what he normally would have. Her jugular ruptured...she'll bleed out in less than 2 minutes.

And before his ex even realizes what has happened? He takes the bottle and shoves it into the side of her head above her left ear into her temple with crazy, near super human strength driving him. And to make sure...he pulls his hand back and with his palm flat and strikes the end of the bottle again as hard he possibly can driving the jagged end even further into her brain.

His ex manages to turn towards him and locks onto his eyes and utters "what..." before falling sideways onto the floor where her body starts spasming in the throes of death.

He realizes, as he listens to her gurgling noises as she chokes on her own blood, that his tormentor actually succeeded in breaking him completely. As the insanity begins to drain...and he realizes what he has done...unbelievably a calm descends upon him as he watches both women stop moving and die.

His self awareness kicks in again and he wonders if the calm he is feeling at looking dispassionately over the bloody mess in front of him makes him a psychopath?

Then methodically he turns. Finds a passable set of men's casual beach clothes in one of the rooms. During his search he finds a bag in the master bedroom closet with bundles of 100s and 20s. Probably a few hundred thousand dollars in cash. Untraceable. He takes a quick shower to wash off the blood on his hands and legs. Changes into the clean clothes. Wipes his prints from everything he touched (including the broken bottle embedded in his ex wife). Bagged up his bloody clothes. Takes the bag of cash. Locks up the beach house and casually returns to his hotel room depositing the bag of soiled clothes in the dumpster behind the resort. He packs his luggage and takes a taxi to the airport. He is able to change his ticket for one in the early evening after paying a substantial fee.

While waiting in the airport he was glad to find that the extradition processes from the US to this small, independent Carribean territory was fairly murky.

Once back in the US...he went on with his life. Listing and selling his property in the city. Then moving across the country and going to work for a start up. He waited for a visit from the authorities that never comes.

It was 3 days before anyone even discovered the grisly scene in the beach house. A lot of forensic evidence had deteriorated. All the local authorities could find was that the deceased had rented the bungalow a month prior. Had engaged in some outrageous celebration parties during the first few weeks. Orgies really. Had spent lavishly in local department and clothing stores. For themselves and friends they made. But after the first couple of weeks or so...had been mostly quiet. Keeping to themselves. Hanging out on the beach and enjoying the sun and relaxing.

They didn't exactly have CSI on the island. And they found dozens of fingerprints from different people throughout the mess that was the beach house...but had no real leads to follow. No body made the connection between the ex husband having made a quick trip to and from the island. She had been divorced for a while prior to the murder. There were thousands of visitors coming and going on a weekly basis. And none of the names stood out on any manifests that were reviewed.

Life went on...nobody ever solved the murder. Brilliant and ruthless as that woman was...nobody really ever missed the two whores who died so violently that day. Because really who ever misses an evil, scheming sociopath? Or a weak, stupid, gullible high end whore with multiple personalities? No matter how beautiful...there's always the next hot young thing that comes along to fill any void.

Ok they have totally destroyed this poor chump. This guy doesn't and didn't deserve any of this. So now can he get to destroy their bullshit fantasy world? If not then this is just feminist facism literature.

More sharks to jump than worth counting. Every which way old Bruce turns, more perfidy. Give up, man, your goose is cooked.

I think I like the ending that anon posted a year ago better than the real ending.

Well this was a load of shite.

What was the point of the story? Guy is a pathetic schmuck. Guy continues to be a pathetic schmuck. Guy learns nothing and gets rolled by everyone. He gets no character development. He gets no revenge. The multiple personalities angle somehow made it all even worse.

Going to have to stop here, should have a couple chapters ago. It was interesting until the cuck just kept whining. You had a good concept, too bad it turned to...

I don't know???