U-N-I Ch. 31 - Coming Home

"Thank you for an amazing night San Diego! I can't believe this is the last one, you were amazing, we love you and we'll miss you so much! Have a safe journey home and see you again someday!"

Those were the words that Robbie had used to end the tour. We'd played the SDCCU Stadium and it had been so sad and emotional to say goodbye to the fans, knowing that it was the last gig of what had turned out to be the most incredible tour we had ever done.

Now we were gathering in the dining room of the hotel for our pre-arranged brunch before we all flew back home to London.

----

"Hiya Rach," I smiled as I pulled her into a hug. "How're you feeling?"

"Tired," she said with a sigh, "-but excited. What time are we leaving?"

"Three o'clock, we'll be home tomorrow and we'll be sleeping in our own beds for a change," I giggled.

"I can't wait, you have no idea, I'm so impatient!"

I smiled at her, knowing since the two gigs we'd played in Toronto back in August how eager she was to come home.

It was during a 'down-time day' that she and Damon had dropped their bombshell. The road and stage crews were building our stage-set and we'd be doing the sound and light check the following afternoon prior to the first gig, so we could chill-out for a while, maybe even get to take in some of our surroundings for a change!

Rachel had asked us to have dinner with them in their suite, she'd said that, just for once she'd like us to eat in peace without feeling like we were all under scrutiny in a public space. How could we refuse? To be honest I couldn't have agreed with her more.

Jord, Grainne, Dylan, Alicia, Rob and I had met up for a couple of drinks in the hotel bar beforehand so we'd all arrived at Damon and Rachel's room together.

We'd been talking about cars when Damon had opened the door - it had turned out that Grainne was almost as much of a petrol-head as Jordan and me - so it had taken a few moments for us to take in the odd atmosphere between our friends. As we'd got ready Rob and I had discussed the possibility that they were going to tell us they'd finally decided the when and possibly the where for their own wedding and, for me, the looks on their faces just about confirmed our suspicions. Damon hadn't moved away from our small group after he'd closed the door.

"Got a question for you," he said when we'd quietened down.

He was talking to us but looking at Rachel with a possessiveness I'd never seen in him before,

"How many people do you see in that chair?"

"How many drinks have you had while we've been showing some real restraint in the bar?" Jordan asked right back laughingly.

I looked at Rachel and Iknew.

"You're pregnant," I said quietly, mostly to her.

She smiled and nodded.

"I knew it!" Alicia hollered and looked over at Grainne, excited and happy.

"You are?!" Dylan exclaimed.

"As of twelve weeks ago," Rachel told us happily and immediately stood up to let Grainne and Alicia hug her.

"Oh man, two married couples, another starting a family this isso not rock and roll, anybody would think we're all grown-ups!" Jordan guffawed.

I cast him a swift glance, only I knew of his own plans. He intended to whisk Grainne back to Dublin after the tour to propose to her, that way they'd be able to tell their families face-to-face - as long as she said yes of-course!

He'd even shown me the ring, it was a beautiful ruby-in-platinum affair.

"It's Grainne's birthstone apparently," he'd told me.

"Go for it bro', she's the best girl you've ever been with," I'd smiled.

Rob, I noted, said nothing at the news of Rach being pregnant.

That Damon and Rach were expecting a child had come as a shock to us all - including them! Rachel had fully intended doing things in the right order, diamond solitaire, wedding ring then baby but, Rachel being Rachel, she'd lived up to her reputation for unpredictability.

Their news had actually sent the rest of us into a bit of a tailspin. Would their baby affect our future recording and touring? I'd done a quick count forwards and calculated that what she'd said meant that her baby was due early in 2021, I think. Would it break up our living arrangements? Like all of us Damon's home occupied just about an entire floor of our building, as did Rachel's - coincidentally the one below Damon's.

But all this paled into insignificance when we realised how ridiculously happy they were.

The first thing we did, mostly thanks to Grainne's organisational skills, was to throw them an epic but alcohol-free party in celebration as soon as we got to our next destination.

We were all guilty of driving Rachel nuts as her pregnancy progressed, we just wanted to wrap her in cotton-wool and keep her safe; especially as she'd refused to go home and had insisted on staying with Damon.

"I'm pregnant, not bloody ill," she kept chuntering whenever one of us became overly-solicitous.

Now here she was, almost five months gone and blooming!

Despite having been away from home, she'd managed to come up with some fabulous ideas for their baby's nursery, the colours and furniture and it was the reason why she'd been so eager to get back home.

---

"Fuck it's so good to be home," Rob said to me as he finally flopped onto the huge sofa in our lounge.

I sat next to him and he reached for my left hand.

"Yeah, this tour really was our best ever but being here with you is the best place on earth," I said, gazing at him and we shared a kiss.

He began slowly stroking his thumb over the ring I'd been wearing since long before our wedding, he looked - I couldn't quite put my finger on what he might be thinking which was unusual as we knew each other so well - pensive maybe, or even sad were the only things that came to mind.

"What's up, babe?" I asked very quietly.

"I honestly don't know," he said, slowly shaking his head, "the come-down from the excitement maybe, being home, it's so quiet here."

"Yeah, it's odd," I agreed, "it might take us a while to get used to not having to entertain eighty thousand people nearly every evening."

He let out a giggle,

"Yeah, in a way, I'm glad it's over, but I know I'm also gonna miss it. I might wake up and need to run around the apartment at two o'clock in the morning!"

"You do what you gotta do!" I laughed.

"I don't like this, not knowing what comes next, you know, I feel all at sea, lost. Our lives have been planned out for us for so long, not just for this tour but foryears."

"Oh come on, we all need a really long break and it was a good idea to decide to not begin working on the new songs for at least a couple of months, don't you think?"

"Yeah of course, but what comes after that?" he asked sounding unsure, "Another tour taking up almost two years of our lives? I don't think I'm up for that."

"Babe, it's too soon to be thinking about that. God knows how we'll feel about touring by the time the new album's finished. We always feel this way after a tour or after releasing a record, we always feel like we can't do it again, that it'll never be as good, but it always is. And whatever we decide to do next, it doesn't have to be a tour as huge as this one was."

"Yeah, you're right," he nodded and sighed heavily, even more pensive than before.

I thought I could guess where his thoughts were leading him but just like when I waited for Jordan to explain what was on his mind all those months ago before he told me about Grainne, I had to let Rob take all the time he needed to express his thoughts and emotions.

Could it be my turn to speak first?

Whether it was or not I'd have to wait until we were both past the post-tour downer.

We were quiet for a moment. Rob moved his arm around my shoulders and as we snuggled up on the couch, my mind began wandering toward something I had been thinking about since Jordan had told me about his plan.

"You know Jordan's going back to Dublin with Grainne in a couple of weeks?" I asked.

"Is he?"

I simply nodded, not wanting to tell Rob that he was going to propose to Grainne. He had made me promise not to tell anyone yet.

"I was thinking about going with them? Would you like that? We could spend a few days with your folks and I know you wanted to go and take one last look at the house before they sell it."

"Yeah, that'd be nice," he said, as if he couldn't believe he hadn't thought of doing that himself, "I'll call them tomorrow."

Rob's parents had recently sold their old home. They'd been renting it to their nephew since they had moved into the new home we had long since bought them - I had shared the cost with Rob and in all honesty I'd have happily paid for all of it alone and thought it small thanks for everything they'd done for me when I'd been at my most vulnerable.

Coincidentally, in the time Jordan and Grainne would be in Dublin, Jane and Ed were due to complete the sale.

I placed a gentle kiss over his lips that he returned.

"You're right, they should be handing over the keys about then. I'd love you to come with me you know - to take a last look at the old place."

"Rob, I'm not sure," I sighed.

"Please babe," he begged.

"I don't know, that would mean taking the risk of running into -," I stopped not wanting to ruin the peaceful mood with my personal inner torment Rob knew me well enough to understand what I hadn't said.

"Babe, don't tell me youhaven't thought about confronting him because I sure as hell have."

"Yeah I have - of course I have, and I know exactly what I'd say to him but would it really do anybody any good? Think about it, if I piss him off then walk away, theonly one who'll suffer is my mother."

I sighed again, my head dropping onto the back of the sofa,

"You asked me to be there when your olds moved out, I couldn't do it then I don't think I can do it now."

"Ok so what about this? Let's see if we can book into Carton House, we could at least get insome other kind of reminiscing, and on the day, if you can't handle going back to Rathmines, you can go straight to the new place and I'll go to take one last look round the old one."

I thought about it for a few moments before I answered,

"I could probably handle that, thanks hon."

Rob nuzzled my neck and we grew quiet, just cuddling on the couch.

"So? What now?" he asked.

I smiled,

"How long has it been since we've made love on this couch?"

"Too long," he replied and started kissing me, fully pressing his lips against mine.

"Although," I began saying when we broke the kiss, "just so's you know, I've asked Sandra to fully stock the kitchen in preparation for our return."

He smiled at me,

"And now you'd rather cook than have sex?"

"Foreplay, baby, foreplay! And I've missed my kitchen so much!"

He laughed and resumed kissing me. We made out for a few more moments, feeling incredibly comfortable, we just concentrated on each other's lips and mouths, not feeling the need for things to progress. A good ten minutes must have passed and without meaning to do so, I yawned during one our kisses.

"Ok," he said, propping himself up on his elbows, "You're tired and I'm hungry. The magic's gone!"

I let out a giggle,

"Yeah, I can already feel jet-lagged. Come on, let's see what we've got in the fridge."

We both got up and went over to the kitchen to see what we could make. About half an hour later the food was just about ready. Rob was sitting at the large centre island, looking very happy to be alive, while I took the vegetables I had grilled from the stove. He asked if there was anything he could do to help, but I told him no and that he should just go put on some music or pour himself some wine and watch TV. He opted to pour himself some wine and stand next to me while I finished the cooking. I thought to myself that it couldn't get any better than this.

We chatted about this and that, and he told me that it felt good to be home, knowing that we wouldn't be bothered by anybody. I realized how crazy the past few months had been and now we had all this free time to spend with each other. Just as I wondered if we'd be allowed to hibernate a little Rob's phone buzzed.

"Oh, you gotta be kidding me," he said almost laughing when he read the message he'd just received.

"Invite?"

"Yeah, Jordan's telling me there's some kind of event in a club tomorrow night, wants to know if we're interested!"

"Does he say what kind of event it is?"

"Nope, probably something Grainne's been invited to for her job."

We sat down to dinner, and continued talking about a lot of different things. I found myself listening more than talking, I loved the timbre and flow of his voice. When he was calm, he spoke very well, and now as a grown man, his slightly nasal tone was so fucking sexy and I was more than a little intoxicated and hypnotised by the sound of his voice.

I couldn't help but think that we had an odd sort of relationship when Rob and I were together in private. It wasn't that we spent so much time talking when we were alone together. We didn't even spend that much time having sex, even though we were still doing it daily or at least every couple of days. For some reason, most of the time, we just loved hanging around each other, making each other laugh and doing all of the things we liked together. We would never run out things to talk about, even when we were just lying together, reading, writing music, watching TV but we truly found happiness in simply being together and being ourselves around each other.

I didn't know if I would ever be able to explain why but I always needed to feel his presence, to have him close to me, I felt so much better and at peace with myself when he was there. He made me feel so secure that I could go through life unfazed by all the bullshit - as long as I had him by my side.

As I watched him, I could still feel my stomach flip, there was still a spark and an excitement that hadn't died down. I really couldn't imagine my life without him. It broke my heart in a million pieces to even consider it and I wondered for a second how I had managed to leave him when I'd gone to New York. But then I remembered the way I'd felt three years before, when he was never there for me, physically or emotionally, and how much I had hated it. It was because I had been missing him so much that I'd become so upset with him. I didn't want to think back to that time of our lives though so I asked him what he wanted for dessert as we were relaxing quietly together.

I was about to get up to see what we had in the fridge when Jordan used his key to open the door of our apartment.

"Smells good!" he proclaimed. He walked over to the plate I had emptied the vegetables into. There were still a few left so he picked them up in his hands.

"So are you coming tomorrow night? Grainne needs to know, like, right now!"

"Jord," Rob said, "why send me a text if you knew you were gonna barge in here?"

"Cause you didn't answer it, duh!"

"What is the matter with you? If we hadn't decided to eat first, you'd be walking in on us having sex!" I said in a warning but playful tone.

"Nothing I haven't seen before!" he joked.

"Jord, it'd be nice to settle down and get over the jetlag first," Rob spoke for me.

"I had a feeling you'd say that, but that's my future wife's job we're talking about, I have to go!" Jordan smiled brightly.

Rob looked at the two of us and his brows furrowed.

"Your future wife?" Rob asked, I could tell he felt a burning need to know more.

"I mean," Jordan quickly spoke but couldn't think of anything to say.

I laughed.

"Did I miss something?" Rob asked intrigued.

"Oh crap!" Jordan muttered, "Look Rob, say nothing alright, I've been thinking about asking Grainne to marry me when we're in Dublin," he blustered - I alone knew he'd made up his mind to propose ages ago.

"Really!!" Rob exclaimed with a bright smile and stared at Jordan, "Fucking hell, you're serious!" he said as he saw the expression on Jordan's face, then he looked at me, "Of-course, he's already told you about this. Is this why you want to go with them?" he asked.

"Well, yes and no."

"What d'you mean, is this why you want to go with them?" Jordan repeated Rob's question.

I told Jordan we were thinking about going back to Dublin too and why we wanted to go.

"Hang on, if you guys are going back to Rathmines, I'm coming with you. I've always told you this Mark," he said pointing his finger at me, "the day you decide to confront him, I want to be there! I was there when you went to talk to your mother," he said, "and I'll be there for this too."

That was true. Well sort of, I'd actually gone in to see my mother with Amy, but he'd driven with me to Rathmines then waited for me in one of our favourite pubs close by and he'd been waiting outside ready for me to collect him after I'd called him when I'd left the house.

"I'm not gonna confront him, it's not why we're going," I said, trying to convince myself that I wouldn't have to see James again.

Jordan looked at Rob and I knew what they were both thinking but they didn't say anything more.

"Won't you guys be going back to the Turcs and Caicos?"

"Obviously, we don't know when yet. There's not really enough time to go before Christmas. Maybe in January before Rachel gives birth?" I said to Rob in an inquisitive tone.

"Yeah," he agreed. "I want to spend some time here anyway - but Rach will kill us if we're not back for when she gives birth."

"When's she due again?" Jordan asked.

"Late February," I said.

Jordan seemed to think about his own plans with Grainne for a moment and then he spoke,

"Can Grainne and I tag along for a couple of weeks?" he asked excitedly.

"Dude, of course you can!" Rob said and then added in a playful way, "you'll just have to warn her that Mark and I live naked when we're there!"

Jordan laughed out loud and nodded,

"Alright, I'll see what she has to say about that."

"I don't think she'll mind," I pointed out, "I mean she keeps telling us, we're so visually arousing," I said with a smile, waving my hand up and down my face and body, as well as Rob's, my brows all but dancing.

"Thank god you're gay!" Jordan laughed, "So? Tomorrow night? Will you be going with us?" he asked me specifically, "Don't worry, we won't get back into our usual rock star debauchery. After ten years, it starts to get a little old."

"Yeah, I don't mind going, do you want to?" I asked Rob.

"There should a lot of people we know there, it's gonna feel like a big home-coming!" Jordan beamed.

"Sounds fun," Rob said and looked at me.

He didn't have to say it, I knew it was exactly what he needed to start getting over the post-tour downer.

"Brilliant," Jordan said and texted Grainne back.

"So what are we having?" he asked as he saw I was about to make dessert.

"Go home, Jord," I laughed.

"Alright! I'll leave you two to enjoy your gay romantic dinner," he said, "I'll see you tomorrow, I'll text you the details, enjoy yourselves," he added and happily headed out.

After locking the door to avoid any further interruptions I began making dessert with what we had. I took out a couple of yogurts, a jar of lemon curd and a bowl of raspberries that I had taken from the freezer when I'd started cooking, then I put a few Amaretti biscuits in a food bag and asked Rob to hit them with a rolling pin to relieve some of his post-tour downer. Once that was done, we prepared the dessert together and went to savour it in the living room.

"Mmm, so good," Rob said as he finished his bowl and licked his spoon clean. We were relaxing on the couch, with the sound of Frank Sinatra playing quietly in the background. Rob was sitting up straight on the couch but I was resting against the arm, a cushion behind my back and my feet on his lap.