All Comments on 'Un-break My Heart'

Don't leave me hanging ...there has to be more. Some revenge, confrontation something.

I am liking your efforts. The writing is very good and the emotions can be felt. It started like an old detective novel. Dark and with dispair. Those who want endings with solutions will not be pleased that things weren't settled, but in life they seldom are. Good job.

great story as far as it goes. but i just can't give a good score for an unfinished story. i do consider it unfinished.will there be more,something that finishes this?

don

I wonder why it is so hard for some people to understand that a GOOD story doesn't necessarily mean a clear cut ending. This story is perfect as is it, if I may say so myself" and even if there wasn't an "ending" it still would be perfect.

Why is the complaint exactly?? That you're not spoonfed a cutesy story? That you have to, GOD FORBID, think while reading this story? What's wrong with all of you people...is your dick the only thing running your life???????

Chagrined you know who I am..sorry if I don't leave my "real" identity here but I don't want to have people one-bombing my work.

It's more that the story begs for a sequel, some sort of resolution. I don't know of any tale of real life that doesn't have some sort of conclusion.

From the story's actions I doubt that a violent conclusion is going to happen (to the dismay of many cheating wife story critics). Divorce is quite possible, suicide is still a possibility, a commitment to a mental hospital ending could result given the husband's state of mind at the end, and even a seperation - reconcilation ending may yet happen. Even having alternate endings is better than no ending.

Leaving a story unresolved that catches the reader's emotions as this one can is like seeing a starving person being allowed to view a wonderful feast without being allowed to partake of it's delights.

My thoughts anyway,

Kydreamer

Looking for the Great Australian Novel?

I think not.

I can quite enjoy a story like this, and in fact gave it '5' on the score scale that counts.

BUT, this trend of authors being too lazy to end their stories is reaching plague proportions.

Very few people read stories on this site because they want to be made to think, or to decide for themselves a possible ending for stories.

AND contary to what some trendoids think, readers aren't necessarilly after 'clear cut', romantic or tidy endings. We have got to the stage where some ending, ANY ending would suffice.

Believe it or not, you preachers in the comments, all the readers here are living the life you want to think we know fuck-all about!

There is a big difference between 'no ending', which is now the trendy outcome, and what the majority of readers would prefer, and that is at least 'some' ending.

There are plenty of places for those who wish to post non erotic stories.

Keep with the non ending stories on Lit and realise you will have to take the flack. So get used to living with it.

is right to the point and well presented.

Also Tornto surprises me.

I may know who she is, and she well knows that my call is never for a clear cut ending, but VERY definitely along the lines of Kyedreamer's comments.

GIVE US SOME CONCLUSION OR RESOLUTION!!!

he needs to tell them everything and refuse to go back home at all if this is his way of handling things.. he doesnt need his slut wife reminding him that she likes someone else better i would have killed them both instead of running off and if i did they wouldnt have found me that easy divorce the bitch and take disability just say it drove you mental

I'm impressed with your ability and the story line. Unlike some others, I feel that dragging out a story line for reader satisfaction isn't always fair to the story or the author. Tieing up all the loose ends dosn't always create the emotion or the lasting memory strived for by the author.

I applaud you author - for a moving, emotional, gripping story of betrayal and how some people realisticaly react. It dosn't need to be sugar coated or explained. It is what it is. Well done!!! Thanks and Best Regards

An excellent description of how a man could react, shock, pain, bitterness of the deception he saw. This reader could feel his anguish. This story has great possibilities, anybody wish to continue with it?

Kanga40, I understand what you're saying, but may I ask who continued a story a year ago and didn't finish it, although it cries out for an ending. Sorry for bringing it up, but I still would love to read your ending. Thanks for some great reading Chagrined.

Some like it, some don't. I feel like it is half way done &

if I had known it would stop like this, I would not have read

it.

Concrete Sequential in my thought processes (wife has her degree in psychology)...so I like 2 + 2 to equal 4. Here we

have 2+ 2 = x. Ok, I had basic algebra too, but you KNOW what

I am driving at.

I like this writer's approach and would like to see him nail

the wife for her cheating. And the jerk who causes their

divorce.

If you like this type of story, give it a 5. It was a good

story, but not what I like.

I really loved the emotion in this story. I could totally relate to the man'spain. However, I would like to see a Part 2. It doesn't have to be this 'Tough Guy' gets revenge crap that some readers want, and it doesn't have to be the 'Wimp Husband' stuff either.

However, there's always a tomorrow. Please... continue. The wife says, "I didn't want you to find out this way." I hope there's an explanation there.

I never said mine was finished.

There is a difference between not finishing a story, and finishing it with 'no ending'... LMAO

This story stands on it's own merits. It ends with the husband in a state of post traumatic stress. Perhaps that IS the appropriate ending.

I would like all stories to have a happy ending but that's a personal preference. This story set a mood so well that a firmer resolution would have detracted from what the author was trying to convey...a feeling of hopelessness.

What's written is fine, but there is too much missing.

I heard a chilling scream as I walked to my house. I opened the door.

That is too open ended. It could be Snoopy reading the part after "It was a dark and stormy night."

I don't mind when the reader is left to fill in his choice of several possible endings. You've tossed out some clues but so much is unknown that we'll also have to fill in the vast middle as well. Maybe a mathematical analogy would be better. Finish this sequence with numbers that fit: 1.

After a great deal of thought I have decided that NO, there will not be an ending. Hopefully, I can pull my other 2 submissions in time to spare folks. If not, please, don't read them. I wish to Christ I had never submitted this damn thing to begin with! A mistake I will not repeat believe me!

Please Chagrined, don't get upset. I know that this was a great peace of work but it would be a shame if this didn't have a sequel.

This screams sequel so bad my ears are starting to hurt!!!

Please reconsider!

Cheers!

...a sad tale but with a hint of something promising.You clearly touch raw nerves judging by the number and content of responses. Sometimes there are no happy endings (I know this well!) Thank you for your moving and very telling story. It is written compassionately and insightfully. best wishes

You criticized my story for "mediocre" writing, yet your own isn't exactly pulitzer material. I wrote a fantasy and you attribute it to women hating.

Your story is akin to the type you ridiculed. Turn your criticism on yourself the next time you decide to write a one page story with no character development.

I'd have liked the story had it introduced the characters a bit and made me care about their situation. Instead you made the common mistake of jumping straight to the genitals.

Tasteful becomes tasteless here!

Self-pitying, self-indulgent, pretentious, UNinspired.

All in all, absolute garbage.

What absolute refuse-can material!

Whinging, self-indulgent, pretentious rubbish.

Better go write excruciating melodramas for some tatty amateur dramatics company than submit you drivel on here!

Well done. I realize it stands well on its own, but still would kinda like to see a resolution.

I didn't mind the story or the ending but a pivotal partion of the story, due to grammer and wordage, causes me confusion. My questions are contained in "( )".

Startled, the stranger looked over, recovered and smiled broadly. He leaned back, and sat on his haunches causing his cock to slip from its warm home. Even in the dim light, the cock gleamed obscenely, wet and glistening from his wife's slick pussy. (Strangers dick just came out of wifes' ass. Where did the pussy juice come from?) "Well, well, look who's here, babe"

His wife looked over and met his eyes her lids still leaden from her intense orgasm. (Whose eyes did her eyes meet? The Strangers" or the Husbands'? Especially considering the next two sentences.) As they focused on him, her mouth drew in a sleepy smile. Slowly and languorously, her hands began moving up and down her lover's chest. (From doggy style, how was she able to do this, especially since the stranger had leaned back on his haunches?) Suddenly, her eyes flew open and she squealed. (Weren't her eyes opened and focused on her lover all ready?) She pulled the bedspread over her hiding her nakedness from her husband's sight. Furtively, she looked from her husband to her lover.

"You weren't supposed to be here," she complained. (In the prior sentence, she ended up looking at her lover. Was she talking to the lover at this time since she was looking at him?) "This isn't the way I wanted it to happen. You weren't supposed to find out this way! (If she was looking at the lover, what was he not suppose to find out this way?) I.." she began.

My confusion was what stopped a "5" score.

This was not a very enjoyable story,nor even a very erotic story, but I thought the author did a fantastic writing job. I could almost feel the poor husbands painand anguish. I would like to see a continuation , but ,obviously, that's up to the writer. I congratulate the author though, on a fine witing effort. It reminds me of the gloomy Dostoyevsky stories I used to read. --gloomy and heartbreaking. 60 year old George

I actually liked your story Chagrined. I thought that it was very sad and also very real. Most people on this web site look for sex when in real life situations it doesnt happen like that.I hope that you would write another chapter to this, maybe to see what the man does when he sees his wife. Just a suggestion, anyway I really liked the story and I hope that you continue to write more

I actually liked your story Chagrined. I thought that it was very sad and also very real. Most people on this web site look for sex when in real life situations it doesnt happen like that.I hope that you would write another chapter to this, maybe to see what the man does when he sees his wife. Just a suggestion, anyway I really liked the story and I hope that you continue to write more

I thought you wrote a great story.

You have to write the wifes story and answer some questions.What happens when she finds her husband in the hospital?

Does she repent?

Do they stay together or does she go with the asshole?

What happens to the children?

So many questions.

I way they sound fucking in his bed, this was the first time this happen. Where were the kids. Is this one of things where the wife is fucking a stranger and tell the kids, this is uncle so and so?

I way they sound fucking in his bed, this was the first time this happen. Where were the kids. Is this one of things where the wife is fucking a stranger and tell the kids, this is uncle so and so?

Your story brings out the seamy side of an adulterous affair. The mark of a good aurhor (at least to me) is when the reader actually puts themselves in the story. I could feel the man's pain in every pore of my body.

You are a fantastic writer and I can't believe anyone on here could believe otherwise. I'm going to read the other 2 parts, I'm sure I won't be disappointed.

Cookie

Much more realistic than most of the stories here. Very well told story and very well written.

Looks like I need to read the next part! Ohhhhhhh the pain!

I feel for him!

Thanks for writing!

Sexmate

Wow, I really felt this guys sorrow. Great job, I can't wait to read the sequel. Thanks for a great story!

~hb

"You love it better than hubby's?" He inquired as if asking for the time?...

..."Yes! Yes, I love it more than my husband's! Stick it in... I want it! Please!" her voice rasped heavy with her desire.

Under no conditions I have ever been aware of would that conversation happen.

This vignette is superb, from the description of the rainy night, to the closing tag.

This closely presents the plight of one who has suffered a great loss. Another well done piece.

Gee, this one cries for a sequel. This is way too short.

To be quite honest this was a song.. nothing here worth sharing with the rest of us.. LOL.. How does it feel? Maybe you should work on your feedback tactics..

...not worth my time.

one just knows there is a barn burner in the making. TK U MLJ LV NV

This isn't a story but an opening to something. Not sure?

finish the tale or maybe his break down is his finish.

This is just a tease and a waste of time. There's no story here. I gave it one star only because you can't give out a zero.

Bill1104

give it a minus zero

I know exactly how he feels. And it never ends.

especially after he warms up and re-coops, TK U MLJ LV NV

he had taken a step forward and kicked the guy in the rear so hard they both had to be hospitalized.

and left the story without an ending. BAH!

The sequels to this came out in '05.

Lackadaisical commenters.

What the fuck is wrong with these writers? Damn, this was written soooo well. I mean it, A plus for the writing. This deserves 10 stars for the writing; unfortunately it's not a story because it doesn't have an ending! Without and ending it's just a lot of words.

I would have given it 1* for no ending but it was written so well I gave it 2*.

To echo Rhomanov, check the author listing! There are two more chapters!

compelling. Five stars.

Now that's what I call a mental breakdown. Great start.

But the dark images and the refrain "un-break my heart" still echoes in my memory.

Excellent work.

Very fuckin' hard. Well done.

there was a sequel to this story.

Unrepentant Heart (4.57) Sequel to 'Un-Break My Heart'; the wife explains.

you may or may not like it any better than the first, but at least it will put an end to the nay sayers.

http://www.literotica.com/s/unrepentant-heart sequel

http://www.literotica.com/s/un-merciful-heart ending

I'll never understand why any author thinks leaving a story unfinished is clever. It simply makes for a non - story and begs the question - why didn't you finish the story? Did you run out of words or ideas? You couldn't think of an ending? You had an idea for a story and you posted the idea hoping someone else (where the hell is FTDS?) would finish it for you? I had to laugh at the authors comment. We wish you hadn't posted it too!

That's right--there are 2 sequels to this story, Anony 4/20, you stupid jump the gun twit! Unrepentant Heart is part 2, and Un-merciful Heart is part 3. Open your eyes before you insert you foot into your big mouth. (I'm sure it's a tiny little foot to go with your tiny little...mind). There are some nice plot twists coming your way, if you're so inclined. Oops...spoilers! Lol. 5 stars here...well done!

several possibilities exist. TK U MLJ LV NV

Still five stars.

These fag wimp writers get off making male characters wimpy cuck cowards....

The man was just a bit wimpy for my taste, story was still very well written..... 4*****

Where you kill off the wife and lover! OR give FTDS a call?

needs a decent ending though. by the sounds of it a really well thought out BTB would go down a treat!

Good start for a BTB. You should of finished first

...IS "Unrepentant Heart". More or less stumbled on to it.

this could use a 2nd part

Please stop writing. You embarass yourself.

Damn, I hope you write an ending for this piece of shit

Pretty screwed up dude , you say that you have no issues , hell I say your twisted and demented , and add value/less on top of that./////Felt dirty after reading your stories surely you optimize the definition the emasculation of man. ...Your the end results.! And the call you mac/ " ya" must be short for _> emasculation !

Jesus Christ. This author is so terrible it's funny. Quit while you're behind.

Not even worth rating.

Do not listen to those anon that beat on ur stories. You build well and tell interesting tales

Those demanding a continuation didn’t get it. I know the author bent to criticism and extended the story, but it was necessary. As a stand-alone flash story, it expressed the crushing emotion it was designed to.

This has to have some kind of finish. Anything.

Most can deal with a traumatic shock - some can't - either way, everyone responds differently. His whole world, his past, present, and future, everything he most depended on has been called into question. For the cheaters, they better pray he comes through this in a peaceful manner - could get ugly.

Great story. Well done. Thanks for posting.

and like the war victims what will happen if the gets re-routed, TK U MLJ LV NV

Yet another story built around the Martian Slut Ray and the copyrighted, stock weak husband character. There is no creativity in this.

A solid foundation to a powerful series of stories. I think they're terrific.

No real man here.

Going back through this seies. I started out hating this story and this cheating bitch. Still do a second time.

Please write stories with REAL MEN as the husband. These snowflake cuck hubbys make me sick. The cops should have been looking for him for the Axe murders of the slut and boyfriend!!!

It's still as powerful as the first time I read it. Betrayal is about destruction and his is complete.

It is with these situations that have to hope that he could escape his wife finding him, but the system will always bring them back together.

And of course, we all know, there will be an innocent explanation for "You weren't supposed to find out this way!" I see those words written and always wonder, "How was he supposed to find out?"

That line is up there with "It was just sex, didn't mean a thing" or "It didn't mean anything".

Looking forward to the sequel, though the end is already here.

oh look a comment from closet cuck 26thNC

Intriguing first chapter but, only an idiot would use their own home to cheat yet I see it in so many stories, Also I don't care what state I live in or what their laws are if I came home and found some guy "raping" my wife he's a dead man....yes your honor I thought he was raping my wife....I give this first chapter four stars.

Need MORE.... this needs to be an NTB (Napalm The Bitch)!

This is a picture of the destruction of a life because of infidelity. The other side of the innocent little fling, Lue’s “recreational sex”. Damn that bitch.

What the FUCK? Where's the story?

/

@HDK, I don't mind stories that don't go cradle-to-grave, but there HAS to be more than this!

So very sad, in real life Isn't this how many people feel when they catch their spouse being fucked like that. It totally destroy their mind and well being

Its odd the wife is having an affair and plans on leaving her husband and yet she calls the cops looking for him?

Literally no cheating twat planning on leaving her husband would assume he's lost in the world. Most would rightfully figure he went to a motel or a friends house.

Want very good, could have been but fell flat.

This story missing a page or two? Just a disappointing ending if you call that an ending.

No story, excruciating grammar combined with an author with no imagination and you get a page of nothing.

Who cares if she’s cheating who cares if he’s catatonic that’s what bad writing gives you.

LISTEN UP MEN!!!

Have you ever heard of the "Pew Foundation" ? Doesn't matter the have been polling for years and what I have learned (just this week) is that women are 7 times more likely to be unfaithful than men... and those numbers have been so since the 1920's .... THE 1920'S wtf

A Harvard professor wrote that he finds it incredible that the American public has not seen this... He stated that men are LOYAL to a fault, even to the point of DEATH

He said there is story after story of men giving their lives for a complete strangers, yet there are none of women doing such a thing...

Of course there are exceptions but women by nature are emotional and opportunistic

Men have faced this many times. It's why women are kept in or have clitectomies in the East. The laws are grossly against men and it's understandable if the husband shot or knifed everyone.

B T B!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Just another snotty story where the man. Is shocked into,total inaction and is unable to function. Why do these writers identify with a witless main character that cannot function not under pressure. Hell, most men thrive under pressure, but not in the lw world. This is just crapfully stupid

I rated it 4 of 5 but like it ? No. It has been well done though.

I don't think I have ever read a story with such raw emotion. The author takes us on a short but wild ride of what happens when the apex of betrayer occurs, the body shuts down, the mind plays tricks, and the soul loses its will to live.. spectacular.

3 stars This author came close to what actually happens when confronted with unbelievably horrific images. I have witnessed some pretty awful things in my life, especially during my military service, but never anything so overwhelming that it caused a mental shutdown or shock response. Post Traumatic Stress Disorder - YES, most definitely for decades afterwards, but with time the images fade - thankfully.

I just couldn't get to 5*, close but no cigar.

I'm giving this a 3 star because of his story, although the husband should've captured some pictures, then slammed something into the guy's head &/or (pref) crotch. Then throw something to his wife to wipe the satisfied expression off her face. The story should've been continued on what happened at & after the hospital. (Too many authors want to write a story on this site but don't feel the need to finish.)

Was overall liking the story despite the above & waiting to see... anything, but what happened. I'm giving it a weak 3, but 3 nonetheless; could've been a 4 easily. --Bob