Uncle Jason Lives with Us - Conclusion

"Act surprised to see me and walk up to the table. After I introduce you and we make small talk for a couple of minutes I will get a text message and have to excuse myself. Be careful not to show too much cleavage or he might cum in his pants at the table and that will ruin our plan. After that you are on your own."

That's just what we did, and just like that we had a new tenant. That evening in bed Gina was like a new woman.

"Please John let me make love with you. You are so good to me I want to show my appreciation for what you've done."

"No Gina, I can't. And please don't hurt the kid; he is going to be a long term project for you. He is incredibly shy. Pam told me how you molded Jason into the man she fell in love with. I would like you to be able to do the same for Lee. It will be a challenge for sure, but I have faith in you." I patted her on the shoulder and rolled away from her secure in the knowledge that she would be so focused on teaching Lee she would leave me well alone. That is of course unless the big hands and feet thing was just an old wives tale. Apparently it wasn't.

I did briefly wonder if what I did fell under any pandering laws. I didn't really think so, but I made a mental note to talk with Ansel about it.

The day before Lee moved in I had a long direct chat with him. Something about me killing him if he breathed a word about what was going on. I was confident that Gina would explain how he was to conduct himself around our daughters, but I reminded him just the same.

Our cover story to the kids was that since we had a room available we decided to take on a tenant to make a few more dollars a month to help their contribute to their college funds.

Gina rose to the occasion and began Lee's training right away. Believe it or not I could see a definite change in Lee at work. He looked tired but was getting surer of himself everyday. He could actually talk to the female staff without ejaculating in his pants after only a week with Gina. Of course it could have been because he had no semen left in him I suppose.

After my ten year arrangement with Gina was up I had Lee move out because the house had to be sold. He thanked me profusely for my role in connecting him with Gina. He affectionately called her Yoda. Yeah whatever.

After I relocated to California I heard through the company grapevine that Lee had become quite the ladies man. He apparently dumped Gina at some point. She probably got to old for him, I never really knew why. My sources in the home office told me he slept his way through the entire under thirty-five female population of the office, married and single.

He became a legend until he screwed around with the wrong man's wife. There was a rather ugly incident in the parking lot after work and after he was released from the hospital no one ever saw or heard from him again.

My life went back to the run of the mill nightmare it had been while waiting for the divorce to be finalized.

By the way, yes we were all invited and attended Pam and Jason's wedding. Mary was one of the bridesmaids. Gina was pissed that she wasn't. She said that it was the least Jason and Pam could have done after all she had done for Jason. Really she said that!

It was a small but tasteful affair. I was grateful the ceremony wasn't in a church, because I wouldn't want to have pushed my luck with God having Gina and Jason inside the same house of worship. I mean I don't think he is a vengeful god but why take a chance?

Gina cried through the whole wedding. She started drinking heavily at the reception and several times tried to approach Jason, but June or I always managed to get her away before an international incident occurred. Part of me wanted to let it happen because I could tell that Pam wouldn't need much encouragement to deck her. A territorial thing I suppose.

Another provocative incident that threatened my plan occurred when Sabrina turned eighteen. It became apparent that I wasn't going to get my pound of flesh by revealing Gina's betrayal to the three girls. When she was getting ready to leave for school, she explained why she chose one over five hundred miles away.

"Don't even start with me Dad. I want nothing to do with you or my mother. You two might be the most fucked up people on the planet. If you want to pull my college fund, do it. I've got enough in scholarships that if I can find a part time job, I could probably make it work."

She ranted for about twenty minutes. I was initially angry, but it soon turned to sorrow. When she wound herself down, I tried to explain my reasoning and she cut me off.

"Don't give me that bullshit Dad, I'm not interested. If I never speak to you or Mom again, it will be too soon! I'm catching a ride with a friend to school so just leave me alone.

"Oh yeah, and good fucking luck explaining this pile of shit to Mary! I don't want to be anywhere near here when you tell her. She still loves the asshole."

I told her I was sorry she felt that way and that I hoped in time she would come to understand. She just snorted and stomped away. I didn't see her again until she graduated four years later. And no I didn't pull her college fund.

I assumed that her inviting me, not Gina, to her graduation indicated a thawing of our relationship. It was, but several more years passed before any semblance of normalcy returned.

The conversation I had with Mary when she turned eighteen was absolutely the hardest thing I ever had to do. Unfortunately for me, Little Mary's sisters had not clued her in to who Jason really was and what he was doing with her mom. I was cowardly hoping they would have so it wouldn't have to be me destroying her world, but in the end I had no choice.

My heart ached so much at the prospect of what I had to do, that I thought seriously of just not telling her. Why not let her keep believing that Jason was her hero? No matter what else he was, he was a hero to Mary. I discarded the idea because there was going to be no way to keep that a secret forever. I felt that my relationship with her would be even more damaged if she didn't hear it from me.

I also thought about making Jason tell her with me. But he flat refused and no amount of cajoling or threatening could make him change his mind. I gave in but told him that he was going to have to talk with her at some point.

How do you start a conversation like that? My baby sat sweetly across the table from me at Denny's. She always loved Denny's and you know why? Because Jason would often take all three girls there on Sunday and they loved it. He continued to take her there even after he got married. Of course his wife always accompanied him. There was absolutely nothing inappropriate about their relationship. As Mary grew she realized that she didn't really want to marry him.

I was betting that Pam would be with him for his uncomfortable conversation with Mary when the time came.

After placing our orders with the short and stout matronly looking waitress, all the waitresses at Denny's are short and stout aren't they, we began our talk.

"Mary honey, I have to speak with you about Uncle Jason." She just sat looking impassively at me so that's when I knew she didn't have a clue, and I relayed the last ten years to her. I could tell she was crushed and conflicted. She never touched her meal when it came. Tears were streaming down her face and she wouldn't make eye contact with me. When she finally raised her eyes to meet mine I knew what I had done was a horrible mistake. All ten years of it was a colossal error in judgment. Why was it so clear to me now and not then?

Pam was right, everything I did after Gina hit me with her ultimatum was on me and I would have to live with it until I took my last breath. I spent countless hours wondering if what I had done was just as evil as what Gina did. Well intentioned individuals commit acts of evil all the time. Well maybe I wasn't being evil but I certainly was being selfish.

Had I made everyone suffer as adults to soothe my uncertainties and fears? Later on I read books and articles about the impact of divorce on children. While kids of all ages are obviously traumatized by a divorce, it seems the younger ones have a better ability to overcome the negative aspects and adjust more quickly than teenagers.

I even wondered if Gina would be the train wreck that she was today if I had just ended it when it started?

I believe that life is like a balance sheet and just before you leave the earth you see the bottom line. I think you can actually tell what the dead think of their balance sheet by their expression as they pass. Oh everyone cries at the end, but those with a positive balance sheet have a restful and peaceful expression on their face and those with a negative balance sheet, do not.

I wondered what my bottom line would look like.

It has only been the last couple of years that I have found the contentment and peace in my life that I had been seeking. I was convinced that had I acted differently, more proactively, my peace would have come years sooner.

Mary was a better person than all of us, stronger too. She never judged me or her mother for that matter. She told us how disappointed she was that we hid it from her but said she understood. I don't think she really did though. Mary never cut anyone out of her life, even Jason.

She did have her sit-down with him shortly after I spoke with her. And yes, Pam was there. No one ever told me what transpired in that conversation, but I do know that Mary became friendly with Pam and maintained her relationship with Jason. They even continued their Sunday lunches at Denny's. Later, after Pam and Jason started their family Mary would baby-sit for them. The kids called her Aunt Mary.

My melancholy reminiscing was interrupted by my phone ringing. It was Jason, and as happens quite frequently, he was emotional about something. I listened to him for several minutes, my eyes growing wider and wider with surprise.

Before I could answer him I sensed that Sabrina had entered the room. "I have to go Jason. Let me think about that." And I hung up and turned to her smiling. Yes it was going to be a very good day.

SABRINA

"I'm sorry Dad, I wasn't eavesdropping on you, It must have been really good news? I haven't seen you smile like that in years."

"That was Jason."

"I can't believe you still talk to that asshole Dad. After what he did to us?"

"Like I've said a hundred times sweetheart, in a way Jason was a victim too. Your sisters still have a relationship with him and maybe someday you will too?"

"Not very fucking likely."

I saw him visibly wince at my language. I'm 34 years old, but fathers think their daughters are always little girls. So I just loved to tweak him by sprinkling as much profanity into my talks with him as possible.

"Didn't you ever make a mistake sweetheart?"

"Of course I have, but him fucking Mom?" He blanched again. "That is not a damn mistake."

"Were all the decisions you made when you were that age the right ones Sabrina?"

Ok that one hurt a little. "Dad! You are frustrating me no end. Fucking Mom wasn't like he wrecked the family car. Surely you can see that? I never made a mistake like that."

He went for my jugular. "You cut your parents out of your life. No matter what happened in our marriage, we were both good parents to you. That was a huge mistake on your part as you have told me many times. Time changes perspective. And he did get out and go on with his life.

"Besides, do you know what sex was like with your mother?"

Now I was the one to noticeably flinch. "Oh my god Dad, of course not! Don't be disgusting. Although to be fair from what I hear, you, me, Mary & June, and Jason for that matter, are the only ones in the old home town that aren't having sex with her right now."

"Has it gotten that bad?" he asked. I just nodded my head slowly.

"Wow, well I guess she brought it on herself."

"Yes she did. It gets worse Dad. You heard she retired right? Well she didn't really. She was forced to resign in order to keep her pension. Apparently there were a lot of complaints from the younger male teachers in the district about her. Something about constantly asking them about the size of their packages.

"But what broke the camel's back as it were, was the district started to get complaints about Mom hitting on numerous fathers of the school children. It was starting to get ugly I guess. Has June or Mary told you what is happening now?"

"No, and I'm almost afraid to ask?"

"Well according to them Mom is mostly a recluse but she does frequent a dive bar outside of town looking to pick up well hung young men. Mary has received many calls late at night from one of the few friends Mom has left. Apparently they would go pick her up out of the gutter. A couple of times it appeared that she had been beaten or otherwise debased if you get my drift."

"Jesus Sabrina she is sixty-eight years old for god sakes..."

"I have no sympathy for her!" My dad was going to say something but I cut in spitefully. "And don't give me that shit about her being my mom and she didn't do it to me. Bullshit! She did it to her whole family. I'm never going to forgive her and she is never getting back into my life. So just save your breath or you're liable to piss me off to the point I'll cut you back out of it."

"You're joking?"

"Yes Dad, I'm kidding, about cutting you out anyway. I understand why you did what you did, but I still don't agree with it. Look, even if Mom had been successful in turning us against you, you don't think we would have figured it out at some point? We aren't stupid you know." I was getting angry with him again.

"You didn't think we would be smart enough to sort it out? We wouldn't have let her cut you out. Maybe when we were little but once we became teenagers you should have dumped the bitch. We would have chosen to live with you no matter what she said and you know it."

"Look Sabrina, Your mother did a lot of good. As a life long educator she gave countless hours to improving her students' lives. She donated 10% of her earnings to various local charities every month. And by your own admission she was a good mom to you.

"Have you forgotten what she did for your niece Gem? When that poor little girl was dying and desperately needed a kidney, she was a good match. She gave up a kidney for her without blinking an eye. People are rarely all bad or all good. Simpletons and young children are the only ones who see exclusively black and white.

"I know I am in no position to lecture you on morality, but I guess I just wish you would talk with your mom."

"Dad, you and I are never going to agree on this one so let's just drop it and move forward. I can see the gray in things. I finally came to see that about your decisions. But Mom's? Uh-uh, no way.

"Let's change the subject. We are just going round and round. I feel bad that you are still alone. There's no reason for you to be lonely. You need to find someone."

"I'm far from alone Sabrina and I'm certainly not lonely. I have my three daughters and eight grandchildren and Mary's pregnant with twins. It's a beautiful day and the whole herd is coming by because I told them I would take everyone to the beach. Ellery and Grant are even stopping by with their grand kids to join us later. Sometimes I can't believe my good fortune."

"Maybe now you see it as good fortune..." We were interrupted by the thundering herd of grandchildren running down the hall screaming for their poppy to take them to the beach.

JOHN

The whole gaggle started jumping onto my lap or grabbing and pulling on an arm or a leg. "Oh munchkins, I'm so old and tired I know I promised to take you to the beach, but it's so far away."

"Oh Poppy it is not, its right across the street! Stop teasing us and let's go." There were several high pitched screeches coming from the whole bunch of them. You know the kind with high enough decibel levels that damage old people's ear drums.

"What? Someone moved the beach across the street from my house. I don't believe it. Let me see." I made a big show of grunting and groaning as I slowly pulled myself up from the chair and looked out the window. "Oh my gosh, it is right there! That is a lucky break for me huh? Well let's get this show on the road then, shall we? Now everyone run downstairs and get your sun screen, towels, and toys. You know the drill." I clapped my hands smartly three times. "Go now!"

After they scurried off Sabrina remembered what started our whole argument. "Hey I forgot to ask Dad, what was it that asshole Jason said that put you in such a good mood?"

I couldn't help myself I was grinning from ear to ear. "As usual, he was asking for my advice. In this instance it seems that since he has reached his forties he is slowing down a bit, because his wife just moved her nephew into their spare bedroom."

There's no clear line between good and evil. Instead, the line is permeable; people can cross back and forth between it.

Philip Zimbardo, professor emeritus at Stanford University.