Undaunted

I had stood up and leaned sideways against the wall behind Lucy as she spoke, and it took me a moment before I finally realized that she was still going on about Jamie and me.

"Hey, I've dated some people for longer than that before!" I protested lightly, shaking my head as she held out two different earrings to her ears and waited for my reaction.

"In the last five years?" Lucy asked drily, quickly turning back to her jewelry and then holding up a new mismatched pair.

"Left." I decided. "And what's your point?"

Lucy shrugged, grinning as she placed the earrings back and turned her full attention back to me. "Just saying I'm glad things are going great between you two."

"They are." I told her, leaving out the part about my creeping suspicion that things somehow weren't so great anymore after last night. I didn't want to talk about it with Lucy, at least not until I knew for sure.

"Then what's been bothering you?" Lucy sighed exasperatedly and I grinned. She really couldn't stand not knowing.

"Okay, look," I shrugged. "How about I'll tell you if—and only if—you tell me what happened on your ski trip last weekend?"

There had been something different about Lucy ever since she had gotten back from that trip. She seemed more uptight than usual as of late and, although she tried to pretend as if everything was normal, I knew her all too well to believe that was the case.

I watched now, with a bit of amazement, as a slow blush crept across Lucy's cheeks.

"Nothing," she replied, seeming a bit flustered. "And it wasn't a ski trip. It was a work trip. It was... nothing."

I smiled, choosing not to say anything further.

From the way Lucy had responded, it was clear that the trip wasn't 'nothing' at all, but I was more than willing to leave the subject, so long as Lucy let my own 'nothing' go—which she finally did.

*****

I arrived at the rehearsal dinner at about a quarter past 7 in the evening, wearing a thin-strapped, lacy, black dress and heels. The event was held in Marnie's childhood home once again, and I instinctively scanned the rustically decorated room for Jamie as I greeted the happy couple by the door.

Finally, I found her.

She was speaking with Jenna and one of Tony's groomsmen at the far end of the living room, her tan glowing deeply against the knee-length, soft mustard dress that she was wearing. Her dark curls cascaded in two long and sexy waves over her shoulders as she nodded at something Jenna had said.

Her make-up gave her the perfect evening look, and I watched as Jamie's cherry lips broke into a sexy grin the moment her dark brown eyes fell on me.

In that moment, it felt like everything was right again. It was if Jamie and I had always been in sync and I had no reason to be worried in the first place.

I set my course towards her, and I couldn't help but smile at the appreciative look she was giving me as I approached. Jamie greeted me with a quick kiss, taking my hand as she seamlessly joined me in on their conversation. Lucy found us a short while later just as dinner was being announced, and the five of us took our seats at the long table.

Everyone seemed to be in good spirits. Speeches were made, conversations were had. It was quite a great evening altogether and yet, somehow, the unsettling feeling that had been with me all day returned as I sat there next to Jamie.

My disquiet grew stronger by the second until I could no longer pretend that it wasn't there. Something was definitely off between Jamie and me, and it frustrated me to no end that I just couldn't seem to figure out exactly what it was.

It wasn't like anything had changed with the way we interacted or talked. It wasn't like Jamie was suddenly being distant. No, she was the same as she had always been with me—engagingly flirty and subtly affectionate. She was always holding my hand or touching whatever little part of me that she could, even while she was conversing with other people.

A third of the way through the main course and a couple glasses of wine later, Jamie gently squeezed my thigh under the table and lightly leaned her cheek on my shoulder. We were all laughing at a little anecdote that the bride-to-be's uncle was telling, and her touch brought my eyes to her.

I watched a subtle, nearly imperceptible shift in her demeanor as she giggled and relaxed against my right shoulder, and that was when it finally clicked.

Jamie hadn't been relaxed around me all evening.

She hadn't been acting any differently, but now I could see that it had been a conscious effort on her part not to act differently. It was as if there was some invisible strain on her to stay the exact same way she had been with me for the past couple of months—before last night, before I had told her that I was in love with her—and, in a sense, she had been silently urging me to follow her lead.

What if this was all that Jamie wanted us to be? The thought entered my mind then, unbidden. What if this was as far as it could go for her?

Jamie's rebound, her ex had called me. Not that I would normally put too much stock on what Joan says, but it wasn't like that thought had never crossed my mind before. I knew from the start that it was a possibility, and I had always thought I was prepared enough to be fine with things if that ended up being the case.

But the idea of being Jamie's rebound now...

I would probably laugh if it were someone else in this situation and not me. I was the one who liked to keep things casual. I was the one who had no problem getting out of a relationship before feelings started getting in the way and someone ended up getting hurt.

All this time, I guess I just never thought it was my heart that would ever be at risk of breaking—and it was too late to do anything about it now.

My heart was already on the line and in Jamie's hands, and damn if the sudden uncertainty of it all didn't scare the shit out of me.

*****

We dropped Lucy off first before I started driving Jamie towards her apartment. I was only taking her home since we had both agreed to get some rest tonight in our respective beds, given that, as a bridesmaid, Jamie would have to be at the wedding tomorrow much earlier than I did

Everything had been really nice with Jamie for the last hour or so, and I was pretty sure that the amount of wine that she had drunk over dinner had a lot to do with it. I wasn't complaining, especially since that intangible wall between us seemed to be thinning out as a result.

The wine had also loosened her lips, I noticed, as Jamie produced a steady stream of chatter to keep me amused while I drove. She held my hand in hers, her finger absently tracing squiggles on my right palm as she talked. Things felt perfect in that moment and, for one fleeting second, I wondered if following Jamie's lead and acting like last night never happened would be so bad after all.

As soon as the thought had come to mind, however, I immediately recognized that it simply wasn't possible. Last night did happen and, like it or not, things just weren't the same anymore.

I couldn't deny or ignore how I felt about Jamie now even if I tried, and I knew I didn't want to end this night still uncertain of how she felt about me as I drove.

"Jamie, I think we need to talk." I told her, cutting off her story about the wedding rehearsal they had earlier. I almost regretted the words as soon as they came out of my mouth, but they had to be said.

"Oh, I'm sorry, wasn't that what we were already doing?" Jamie teased, smiling at me but avoiding my gaze when I glanced her way.

"I'm serious." I said firmly, although I couldn't help but grin as well while I quickly turned my attention back to driving.

"Okay," she started cautiously, letting my hand drop to her lap as she lifted her left leg slightly and angled herself towards me. "Talk about what?"

I flicked another look towards her direction, glad to note that she was still smiling before I glanced away again.

"Last night," I answered, pausing to take a deep breath before I continued. "I think we have to—what are you doing?"

Jamie's fingers had begun a lazy path from the inside of my knee as I spoke, and my flesh jumped lightly at the unexpected contact. They travelled up slowly, making their way a couple of inches up my right thigh and hiking my dress up in the process. Her touch was light but electric, and it sent a sudden bolt of desire to the pit of my stomach.

"I'm driving," I reminded her when her hand continued its deliberate ascent up my thigh. I started to turn my head towards her, my eyes narrowing in an attempt to get my point across, but Jamie gently nudged my cheeks back with her other hand, forcing my eyes to look straight ahead.

"Then eyes on the road and both hands on the wheel," Jamie said, taking my free hand from her lap and putting it where she said it should be. "And maybe slow down a bit, just for good measure."

Her tone was playful and teasing, but I could sense that Jamie was excited by the unexpected constraints that my position behind the wheel had placed on me. And judging by the way that my blood had suddenly seemed to come alive in that moment, so was I.

Her hand was back on my thigh in the next instant, and my nerves tingled where her feather-light touch grazed. My heart began to pound in anticipation as Jamie continued to ignite the heat between my legs, but all I could do was wait for her fingers to finally reach the part that was now aching to be explored.

My excitement was not without frustration, however, as her fingers continued to tease my sensitive skin, and a part of me wanted to level the field so I could reciprocate.

"Should I pull over?" I asked when her hand dangerously neared my waiting warmth.

"No." Jamie replied in a tone that left no room for argument, both thrilling and maddening me further.

I continued to do as she told, unable to deny just how much I was enjoying this little game. It wasn't like Jamie to be this bold and commanding—nor was I used to being restricted—but the apprehension that came with knowing that I wasn't in my comfort zone merely served to heighten my arousal, mixing instead of clashing with it.

I sucked in a breath when I felt Jamie's finger across the length of my slit over my panties. Her movements were unhurried, her pressure firm she deftly played with my cotton-clad pussy, and I could feel my legs relaxing a little as I gradually opened myself up to the movement of her hand.

Neither of us spoke now. It was taking all I had just to be able to concentrate on driving, and Jamie seemed content to silently watch my reaction. Her breath grew increasingly uneven as her fingers rubbed soft circles on my clit, and I fought the urge to close my eyes when they briefly pressed against my wet center for one delicious moment.

Eyes on the road. Hands on the wheel. I reminded myself, my thigh muscles straining against the sensual onslaught of her touch.

I heard Jamie's sharp intake of breath when her hand finally found its way inside the fabric of my panties, her fingers feeling deliciously cool against the fire she had so skillfully stoked between my legs.

"Jamie..." I managed to sigh, but I wasn't sure if I was telling her to stop or begging her to keep going.

She ignored me, her fingers dragging the slippery wetness they encountered up towards my clitoris where she began to gently rub back and forth. I couldn't stop the lengthy moan that escaped my lips, my hands tightening on the wheel as Jamie began to repeatedly tease the aching nub.

"Fuck!" I hissed when I almost missed a turn, and Jamie gave a short, breathy laugh next to me.

"As you wish," she said, right before she suddenly dipped two fingers into my now-dripping cunt. Once. Twice. Thrice in slow and deep successions, causing me to moan every time.

But then she was back to rubbing my clit—her touch light and teasing one moment, then urgent and pressing the next before delving into my warmth once again. She repeated the action a few more times, driving me closer and closer to mindlessness.

I heard Jamie whimper beside me and snuck a glance. She was biting her lip, her gaze fixed intensely on my mouth, and I knew that she was now feeling pretty restricted, too.

It was a relief when we finally reached Jamie's apartment building.

I took my seatbelt off as soon as I put the car into park, my legs immediately relaxing as my hand took command of hers. I pushed her deep inside me, resting my head against the seat as my hips began to move. I heard Jamie moan as I rode her fingers hard and fast, my hand firm on her wrists as I thought of nothing else except claiming the pleasure she had dangled in front of me.

Jamie groaned and curved her fingers inside my pussy. I could feel the tips dragging through the soft ridged flesh of my cunt and I knew I was so close. Jamie knew it, too, and her thumb pressed upward against my clit as she gave a soft string of encouraging words that I could barely make out through the intense humming in my blood.

My orgasm built quickly and steadily, causing me to cry out in pleasure when it finally burst through. My nails dug against the flesh on Jamie's wrist and my flesh tightened, keeping her in place while I pulsed around her fingers in a seemingly unending rhythm.

It was a while before my heart eventually showed any signs of slowing down, and I opened my eyes slowly when I felt Jamie shift in her seat. She was gazing at me tenderly, her eyes shining with emotion and a hint of sadness that confused me a little before she smiled, leaning over to place a deep and gentle kiss on my lips.

She had also taken her seatbelt off and was almost kneeling in her seat, her free hand propping against the back of my seat for leverage. I gasped as she unhurriedly drew her fingers out of me, and her tongue touched mine, leaving the feint taste of wine in my mouth when she finally pulled away.

There was no sadness in those deep brown eyes now as they fell on me and Jamie's lips broke into a triumphant grin, clearly pleased with what she had just accomplished. I couldn't help but laugh a little.

"Oh, you know I'm going to get you back for that," I promised her, still a little out of breath.

"Maybe," Jamie shrugged, giving me another kiss before she suddenly opened the passenger door, grinning as she glanced back at me. "But it won't be tonight. I'll see you at the wedding tomorrow."

With that, she was out of the car and out of my reach, smiling back at me one last time before disappearing into her apartment building.

I could do little else but stare after her with my dress still hiked up and my cunt still exposed. I breathed deeply, waiting for the strength to return to my legs while I slowly realized that Jamie had effectively deflected my attempt to talk about us, specifically about last night.

A sobering thought occurred to me then. Did Jamie intentionally initiate sex tonight just so she could avoid the conversation?

I sat up straighter and began fixing myself, remembering the last time that Jamie had been this confusingly evasive—and why. It had been when we first started hooking up, when she was still too afraid to actually date.

And now, she was running scared. Again.

I let my head fall back on the headrest of my seat and groaned. I couldn't believe that Jamie and I were back to this. Two fucking months later, and we were right back where we started.

Well, shit.

==========

Part Three

SHAIE

It was a lovely wedding held in a picturesque, Baroque church that perfectly complemented the solemn elegance of the ceremony. Tony had never looked more dapper in his tux; Marnie was absolutely radiant in her wedding dress, and two people couldn't be happier as they stood together in front of the altar.

But it was Jamie that my eyes had kept returning to from the moment she had started down that flower-strewn aisle in her bridesmaid's dress.

It was the exact same off-shoulder cut that she had worn in the dress shop eight weeks ago, except in a different color. I watched the way her tan glowed deeply against the gentle champagne hue of the fabric, her right leg occasionally peeking through the knee-length slit as she walked.

Her makeup was soft and classy, her lips a light shade of pink instead of the red tones she usually wore, and her hair was done up in an elegant bun, with the tips of her long brown curls flowing over to touch the base of her nape.

She was fucking gorgeous, and it sucked how all I had to do was look at her and I immediately started wanting her. Everything would be so much easier if that wasn't the case.

The previous night was still fresh on my mind, and I was still a little miffed and a whole lot frustrated with her because of it. I had no idea where things stood between us, and I wished Jamie would stop keeping me in the dark and just fucking tell me already so that I could figure out what to do next.

I mean, it would be one thing if she was just afraid, wouldn't it? But I would need to make a much harder decision if it turned out that Jamie simply didn't love me back.

I sighed, forcing myself to look away as I tried to concentrate on the event at hand. We were at a wedding, neither Jamie nor I actually had the time to discuss things now, and any resolution would just have to wait until the day was over.

Pretty soon, it was time for Tony and Marnie to exchange their vows, and my eyes instinctively sought Jamie once again as the lovely couple began making their promises to one another—only to find Jamie staring back at me with an expression that was both incredibly soft and intense at the same time.

My breath caught at the smile that slowly spread on Jamie's lips when our gazes met. Hope began to form in the back of my throat, and I smiled back at her, knowing then and there that Jamie loved me, too...

But will she ever be brave enough to actually own it?

As if thinking the same thing, a sad cloud crossed Jamie's features and she glanced down. When she brought her eyes up again, it was to fix her gaze at the bride and groom as they said their 'I do's'. I did the same, the both of us choosing to deal with our own questions at a later time.

Jamie came over and gave me a quick hug as soon as the ceremony was over, her hands landing in mine as they fell away from my arms. I barely had the chance to tell her how beautiful she looked before I felt a light tap on my shoulder, and I turned towards my aunt's familiar voice.

Aunt Liz was one of those people who just have a way of livening up a room. She was about 5'5", with the same light brown eyes and dark hair as mine, although her locks were straight and longer. She was only fourteen years my senior and, growing up, I definitely saw her as a cool aunt and was very close to her.

She had married Tony's and Lucy's father when I was thirteen and, while they had ended up divorcing a few years later, she had also grown fond of and close to her ex-husband's kids—which was why she had flown in to see Tony get married.

"Aunt Liz!" I exclaimed, ignoring the quickness with which Jamie let go of my hand.

Liz and I exchanged an excited hug and made small talk about how she had been and when she had gotten in, and then I tried to introduce Jamie, who had stepped forward as I lightly placed my hand on her waist.

"Aunt Liz," I began. This is Jamie, my—"

"Hi! I'm friends with the bride." Jamie interjected, smiling as she offered her hand to my aunt, who shook it engagingly in return. "I understand you and Tony are very close?"

I glanced at Jamie quickly, my eyes narrowing just the tiniest bit in annoyance as she began to converse with Liz. Did she have to remove herself so far from me?