Under Your Skin

Seb looked up from the kitchen table as Jude walked in wearing her PJs. He offered up a heavy arm in greeting, clearly tired, but pleased to see her.

"Hi Sis. I see we have a guest tonight."

"Hannah is my friend; I got her first and I claim dibs on her," said Jude, picking a piece of cheese from his plate.

"So... has anything... tell me?" smiled Seb, knowing how Jude always got her way with conquests, much as she'd done with Francesca, his special guest at the exhibition.

"She's very sweet, we're the same age, we're both trans and I already adore her. You won't believe it, but she actually brushed off my advances."

"So is she in the guest room?"

"No she's in my bed, fast asleep."

Seb chuckled, "So not a total disaster then? This is a first isn't it?"

"I know..." she left the words hanging. "I think you know when you know, don't you?"

Seb made a shrug in reply, but studied his sister more closely as she intently turned a glass on the table. She broke her own spell and brushed away imaginary questions with her hands.

"Whatever. I know you'll like her and it won't change things between us. It'll ..."

"...make things better. I'm pleased, " Seb finished her sentence for her.

"So! How was the after-show do? Did we sell things?" Jude brushed aside her musings and Seb recounted the meal, how the designer Bonnard kept everyone entertained with his outrageous stories and how Seb's muse teased him all night by running her finger nails up and down his leg, unseen, beneath the table.

*****

Hannah felt the luxury of half wakefulness in her body: the lack of urgency to be at work or anywhere else, the warmth of the bed and its covers and the comforting pressure of a body lying against her. She remembered where she was, replayed the conversations of the previous evening and was glad to be was exactly where she was.

She became conscious of a hand on her hip and the tickling warmth of Jude's breath on her neck. She took the hand and brought it to her chest, kissing its fingers then pressing it against her breast, unbuttoned by sleep. She pushed back against Jude's body with her bottom and felt a familiar bundle of flesh. Emboldened, she slipped the waist of her PJs off her hips and with bicycle strokes kicked them down to her feet, then nestled her bare flesh against the still-sleeping Jude, pulling on her arm to bring her closer still.

She listened to her breathing, impatient for attention, but in the end, drifted off to sleep herself.

She awoke to find a hand combing her hair with slow, measured strokes. "Smooth me," she whispered.

She smiled. Contentment. As the hand reached her shoulder the next time, she took it in her own, kissed it and returned it to cup her breast. The hand stayed a moment, then its fingers began a slow arpeggio across her flesh, ending with her nipple being caught between thumb and forefinger. Slowly, languidly, with no other intention than the half-slept moment deserved.

Hannah wriggled her bare bottom back once more, still hungry for attention and felt Jude's hips press forward, her hardness afire against her cool skin. She was still not sure how awake Jude was, but enjoyed the feeling of her dick pressing flat against her soft flesh and imagined she was making little circles with her body against hers.

"And how exactly did your PJs suddenly fall off?" Jude's voice made their bodies vibrate with her sudden question.

Hannah shrugged and fought a grin from her face to play along.

"They were itchy," she replied flatly.

"They are silk," Jude replied, jamming her finger into the other girl's back for emphasis.

"Still itchy," came the reply and they both breathed a laugh through their noses. "You're perky."

"It's because you denied me last night. I'm over wrought and beside myself with ...err... passion, I think the word is," Jude replied, still sounding more asleep than not.

"Oh dear, I'm sorry... can I make it up to you?"

Hannah put her own hand over Jude's and pressed it harder to her breast. Her hips had begun a barely perceptible gyration into the other girl's hips, pressing the hard flesh against her bottom.

"Are you trying to tell me something?" asked Jude, moving her hand to grip Hannah's hip.

"Uh-huh," was the reply.

"What is it you want, Hannah. Tell me," Jude asked, pushing forward against Hannah's bottom.

"I want you, Jude."

"Sorry, I didn't quite catch that."

Hannah, spun her body to face Jude, hooking her leg over the other girl's hip to pull them both close once again. Taking both hands to cradle Jude's face, she kissed her hard, and quickly arms became entangled and hips ground one on the other.

"I want you Jude. I want you. I want you all over me. I want you inside me. I need you for these things. I want this. I want you." Hannah spoken with an urgency in her voice.

Jude lifted herself and rolled Hannah back onto the mattress by her shoulders and pushed her bent leg between her bare thighs. Jude was consumed by the aching hunger in her loins as she bore her weight down on Hannah, their mouths open, yet not wide enough to swallow the desire they both now felt. Tops slipped off, their breasts brushed nipple to nipple and Hannah coiled her legs around the slim, smooth body that weighed her down.

"Is it ok to...?" blurted Jude desperately.

"Yes, yes -- I'm wet enough," Hannah nodded back. "Fuck, I want you so much. Here let me... "

Reaching between them, Hannah took Jude's hard cock and guided it to her vagina, nodding to her.

Jude pressed steadily down and felt her already hot shaft being sheathed in Hannah's hotter flesh.

"Is that...I'm not hurting you?" Jude looked Hannah square in her face. Hannah half laughed, half cried and pulled Jude's shoulders down onto her, letting Jude's weight tilt her pelvis as her dick buried deeper into her heat.

Jude pulled back to plunge again and again. They became lost and clung to each other with a desire that was desperate: an urgency and demand their bodies were too slow to provide. With slick skin, they fought for air, their voices with wordless cries until, in a crescendo, Jude's voice rose higher. Her hands gripped hard on Hannah's shoulders, while in turn she pinched and clawed at Jude's sides and back. Neither body had enough, each fought for more, but their hearts burst with elation and rapture.

"I'm coming Hannah! I'm coming."

"I know, I know, my sweet. Please, please come."

Their mouths breathed hard at one another's ear, heads pressed too hard and eyebrows furrowed in determination as their ecstasy exploded. Jude's body slowed and her hips took up their own, quivering thrusts into the other's body, slowing, with gasps of disbelief, then shaky laughs and hot brief kisses with not enough air, and hugs and shared looks of tears and smiles and teeth draped in sticky saliva.

This was what they had made together: something beyond themselves that bound them for a few brief moments, in one spirit.

Their breathing slowed and the mundane crowded in, but they relished the slick of sweat that glued their tummies and they ignored the bedclothes tangled like ropes around their legs. Only when Jude's cock popped out with a rivulet of tickling sperm did Hannah acknowledge the 'Ooops!' of inconvenience, and Jude promptly squashed her with a grunt in reaching for a tissue.

Jude rolled to one side, ignoring for the moment the requirements of tissues, instead gazing at her prize, for that's how it felt to her. She had begun to want Hannah at the gallery, nearly burst with gratitude for her kindness, laughed with her smiles and was moved by her vulnerability, to feel protective and joyful of her company.

Now done, Hannah beamed a face of bliss.

"Oh God, grrr, I just, you, God you're so gorgeous. I could eat you!" Hannah squealed, pinching Jude's arms in a horizontal dance of happiness.

"Then there'd be nothing left!" Jude teased her back. "Maybe we could eat later?"

"I think that could happen. Disappointed if it didn't. I'll lick your plate clean." Hannah played the ball back with a forehand.

"Such filth and innuendo, young lady. How did you end up in my bed?"

"You put me here."

"I did, didn't I?"

"Uh-huh" replied Hannah with a nod, and pressed a finger between Jude's parting lips. Jude gave her free rein to explore, letting the finger run over her teeth, until she gripped it tight with her lips as it was removed.

CHAPTER TWO

"Do you have any plans today, Hannah?"

"Nothing in particular," Hannah considered for a moment. "Do you have something in mind?"

"I thought I'd leave that to you. It would be a way to get to know you better."

"Okaaay. How are you with outdoor places generally?"

"It depends. If I'm with someone I trust, I'm usually ok."

"There's a place I go on the coast and I'd like to share it with you. Best of all, the beach café does the most amazing bacon butties. It would only be a thirty minute drive and it's forecast to be warm."

"Will there be swimming?" asked Jude suspiciously.

"Optional," replied Hannah. "Paddling, rock-pooling and cloud-watching are compulsory."

"Is everything in your life an adventure? Cheerful people can get wearing, you know," smiled Jude, but seeing the slight wound to Hannah's enthusiasm, she reached out to add. "You convinced me with the bacon sandwiches, and it's great idea. Seriously."

Jude loaned her friend a change of clothes and they gathered up some essentials for the beach. It was still quite early, and as there was no sign of Seb, Jude left him a quick note.

The city carriageways shrank to roads, then the final mile or two were narrow lanes, that opened into a car park, sloping toward the sweep of sand. A rambling wooden café, with peeling paint and a frosting of sand at its windows, beckoned them.

"Hello Hannah, how are ya, love?" asked the sunburnt woman at the counter.

"Hi Sarah. Good thanks. I've brought a friend on the promise of your bacon sarnies."

"Right you are! There's the usuals on the board and we've some fresh baguettes and croissants that Mike's just dropped off. Grab yourselves a seat and I'll be over."

"So you're a regular, Han," asked Jude as they swayed around the seats to a table overlooking the beach.

"Sarah's known me for most of my life. Mum and Dad used to bring us here all the time as kids and I even worked her a couple of summers ago, before Uni. She's been really kind to me; this is a good place -- no one judges. Everyone here has their own story, but there's always a helping hand if you need it."

Jude pondered for a few minutes as Hannah rested her chin on her folded hands and gazed out at her the familiar scene. She felt comfortable here.

"So, she knew you before you transitioned? Sorry, I'm not sure when that was."

"We should bring each other up to speed, shouldn't we?" said Hannah, leaning back in her chair.

"Well, I'm a learner, to use my own jargon. I always felt different, but could never put a name to it. I was bullied at school for being girly and started to do anything I could to avoid it. I was bulimic on and off from when I was ten, so that was a useful excuse to get time off. But, you know how it is -- you can't hide from things forever and one of the psyches I saw, helped me finally piece it together.

"God, I remember that session so clearly -- I suppose I was twelve? She gave me back my self-esteem: convinced me that acknowledging who I am, was more important than anything else. Anything. More than my family, though god knows I put my parents through it, more than school or bullies or teachers. Without her I'd probably have topped myself"

Hannah's voice cracked and tears filled her eyes. Jude reached across to grip both her friend's hands.

"It's ok, it's ok, Han. I'm sorry to have stirred such memories. Jeez, I mean look at you now: you'd give that Andreja Wejic a run for her money."

"Pejic," Hannah corrected her, rubbing the back of her hand across her nose. "I'm not sure she runs does she? I mean she has legs past her armpits, so I'm sure she'd run like Bambi on skates. "

There was a pause in their conversation, while they pretended to read the menu and by now Sarah was hovering at the counter and glancing their way.

"I'll order Han. How about the toasted bacon and brie? I expect the lattes are good?"

Hannah looked up with a smile and nodded in agreement.

Jude sensed Hannah needed a moment to her thoughts and got up to place the order with Sarah, making friendly small talk about the café and the obligatory range of postcards and seaside nick nacks. The toasties were being prepared, but she walked back to their table with the coffees.

Hannah was lost in thought: she wanted to tell Jude more, but felt guilty for even considering it. She thought it self-indulgent: other people had far worse problems than her own. The clink of the coffee broke the spell and she swept the troubling thoughts from her mind.

To Jude it seemed as though the sun had appeared from behind a cloud in her Hannah's face. She reached across to muss up her friend's bangs.

*****

Surf life is all chill and mellow. If anyone saw the two girls walking hand in hand, obviously engrossed in each other, as they made their way from the café to the beach, no one would have given it a moment's thought.

"Are you ok with this Jude? All this space. You seem pretty relaxed."

"I am," said Jude, sharing a smile. "I am content."

They stopped as Jude bent down to pick a spiraled shell from where it lay, punctuating an exclamation of darker sand, but discovering it was broken, she let it drop.

"I thought you said it was going to be warm! It's kinda bracing. Shall we run?"

"Race you to the cave!" Hannah shouted over her shoulder, already sprinting ahead.

The beach was quiet as it was the end of the season. There were a few locals walking dogs with anxious plastic bags at the ready, otherwise they could imagine they were castaways.

"How would we survive Hans, if we were marooned here? You could climb the palm trees and cut down coconuts. What other skills can you bring to our desert island? Can you build a shelter? What about fishing?" Jude chattered as they took turns throwing pebbles into the oncoming waves.

"I have fished a few times, but we always put them back," Hannah said, hiding a smile from the memory the question stirred. "Anyway, why are you on the selection committee, Miss Bossy-boots?"

"There's a plane crash, water is rushing in and I only have time to save one person," Jude replied.

"Did we have time to send a Mayday?"

"The pilot, a very handsome fellow with a raffish smile, had the presence of mind to make a call. Sadly his neck was broken from the impact. Pilots usually die. You can look it up on Google." Jude shook her head in mock sadness.

"Will you dig him a grave, Jude?"

"Nah! Sharks ate him. Shame, but these things... Oh sorry, I've got a call," Jude rummaged in her bag for her phone. She looked at the caller's ID and her face brightened.

"Hiya! I bet you've only just got out of bed." Jude mouthed 'Sorry' to Hannah and then turned to walk a few paces away from her.

Hannah was a little curious about who it might be and tried to guess from Jude's half of the conversation. However, the sea breeze stole Jude's voice away and she only heard a couple of words. She could tell it was someone Jude knew well from her body language: reacting with laughs and the familiar melody of her voice. Hannah knew well enough that Jude had a life beyond their short acquaintance and was looking forward to meeting the twin's circle of friends.

The call continued and by now, Jude had wandered quite a distance away and had perched herself on a rock. As she spoke she drew patterns in the sand with a stick at her feet.

After several minutes Hannah could see Jude's call was ending. She was standing, making nods with her head as people do when there isn't a natural end to a conversation. Hannah watched her press the phone's screen to end the call and noticed that Jude didn't immediately put it away, but was gazing at it with a smile, lost in thought.

Hannah didn't need to hear words to know the kind of call that was -- it was exactly how she reacted at the end of a pleasant conversation. She held her hand out to Jude as she approached with a smile.

"Sor-ry!" Jude sing-songed in apology. "Come on Miss Crusoe -- lets assume you have some useful survival skills and I decide to save you from the sinking plane."

"Do you have to give me mouth-to-mouth?" Hannah asked, pulling Jude close.

"Oh probably, Hans. We ought to practice shouldn't we?" Jude responded, pulling Hannah's face close to hers.

Their outdoor kiss was tinged with brine. Their faces were cool from the wind but the liquid softness of their mouths was an intimate warmth. Jude always kept her eyes open when she kissed and brushed away a strand of her own hair that had been swept into Hannah's face. In turn Hannah was awash with sensations: the rhythm of the breaking surf, the sand on her bare feet, the salty sweetness they swapped with their tongues, the tickle of hair over her eyelids and Jude's fingers brushing her forehead. Hannah felt a giddy flutter dance in her chest, her heart full of elation.

"I have so much I want to share with you, Jude," Hannah spoke softly, then nuzzled her face into Jude's opening arms. They stood for a few moments rocking in an embrace, their bodies sharing warmth and comfort.

Jude kept her arms wrapped tight around Hannah's head and kissed her hair, but her eyes looked beyond, to the horizon, her thoughts for a moment elsewhere.

The two spent a long morning exploring. Lying skyward in rocky hollows to watch gulls turn arcs on the air; tormenting shy hermit crabs in red-fringed rock pools; daring each other to handle a sea-louse; being saddened by the rolling corpse of seabird and frightening each other with lengths of dripping kelp.

Finally, with the tide turning, they sat side by side throwing pebbles, sharing the sad sound of the sea and the glitter of sunshine on the horizon.

"So what's your gig, Jude? You almost had me blubbing earlier, so let's compare notes," said Hannah with a glance across at her friend. It was the right moment to ask, when the sea puts big questions into perspective and the tide and sun and moon make us feel small and our problems, by contrast, trivial.

Jude nodded in acknowledgement of Hannah's timely enquiry. She bent to scoop a handful of sand and let it run from her fingers.

"Well, I'm a twin, which makes it complicated. We mirror each other: we are our other halves. In this case, my half is female as it turned out. So no matter how much this is about me and my sense of self and my gender, I can't unravel me from Seb.

"It's as much about what he has given up, in losing a brother, as it is about me finding myself. You know, he has never faltered in supporting me. Not once. Ever. It's a tough act to follow and we've talked about how we must walk our own paths, that we must make space between us for our own loves... In a sense it's a burden, but it's also a strength. We've always got each other's back."

Hannah listened intently and nodded encouragement, but kept her eyes on the sand spilling over her bare toes. "I can see how close you are. Anyone could."

"We are. I had it easy in that respect: easier than it sounds like it was for you. Seb stood guard over me and because "he da man", no one ever challenged me, not when he was there. We were a team, a force, but I could punch as hard as him, it's just that I felt bad about it after.

"I wasn't so different to you though, in my timing, I mean. I kinda knew all along, but Seb's presence acted as a mask I could hide behind. He popped out first when we were born. We're the same, but he's the bold one: he's got the balls."