All Comments on 'Unexpected Pleasure'

I do hope you continue the story, good start.

no way that could ever happen and his ego about how wonderful he is, who thinks he is gods gift to women is pure crap, you know nothing about sex, you sound like a 10-year-old who wrote this, and she sure as hell not going to cum just because he put his cock in her without doing anything else. one star and that was too much.

You desperately need an editor

There’s a real need for an editor or extensive use of a grammar checker and spelling correction.

Does anyone actually say "plz"?

@sexymeup for one thing it’s a fucking story dog. Stop being a cuck. It’s the first one I’ve ever written and probably last. I did it just to try it out. What you fail to understand I could care less about your opinion and either you are really hurt or a troll cuz no way you really care that much. As for the anonymous people, I submitted this 9 times after fixing mistake after mistake, until they deemed it good enough to post. But y’all are probably gods at writing right? Knew I should’ve turned comments off.

Please continue. This is your first story here and you will find your ability if you keep writing. Good luck.

Superb.... next story!?

Forget what those anonymous comments! It was quick and nice 👍🏾. I enjoyed this story.

Thanks for those with helpful or supportive comments. Makes my day and I can see why writers like writing. I don’t think I can write more tho. I thought people read these for the erotic stories, not to critique the hell outa them. Brings the joy outa writing.

Please continue with the story. Hopefully he gets her pregnant.

"Oh fuck, don't stop!"

I then pull out and flip her over to start missionary...

Has this author ever had sex before? Immediately after she says don't stop you stop and switch position???

This may be your first time writing a story like this, but understand rarely anyone is good on their first try. One of the key things that allow me to enjoy this genre of smut is missing from this story, which is tension. None of the characters in this story had to battle with the tabooness of this event, the ramifications of it, and etc.

There wasn't even a decent build-up to the sex. How do you go from having "no sexual tension" whatsosever before the events transpire to instantly having them ravage each other? You didn't explore her possible guilt of cheating on her boyfriend, the anxiety of what their parents may say if they were ever caught. These are the kind of things that add a little more realism to a story and ramps up the tension. This would show us the natural reluctance one may have of incest, but the desire overwhelmed their social norms.

The dialogue needs work. It doesn't sound really natural and the characters could use a little more time to be developed.

All in all, this was your first try. I commend you on your bravery. It's hard for someone to put themselves out there and be open to criticism, but that's what to be expected whenever anything goes on the internet. You will improve the more your write and the more people critique your work, so don't worry about it. It's just part of the journey. I used to write for a non-sex genre and my beginnings were the same. You will naturally get better the more you write and the more you read other works as well.

Bottomline, if you find enjoyment writing this, then just be concerned about that. At the end of the day, you have to look at yourself and be happy with your own work. If you didn't want it to be critique, you would have never posted here. You will get better. Keep writing.