Unity and Destiny Pt. 02

Kat was sitting alone at the table, looking lost. She looked up when he entered.

"Hey, Javier," she said, taking a breath. "Listen, I think it's about time for me to get home. I hadn't meant to stay here so long, and the truth is I'm feeling pretty damned useless. That's a big improvement over how I felt when I came here, so I'm not sorry I came. And I hope everything's OK, you know. With us. With Esther."

Javier put his hands on hers. "Why don't you at least stay a few hours. Esther's going to explain the whole story, and it sounds complicated."

Kat's hands trembled. She was a lot more upset than she was pretending.

"Javier, don't you see? I don't belong with you and Esther and everyone. I'm trying to split my life and it's not working. I pushed away Grace because of it and I'll do it again if I ever find someone even a fraction as wonderful as her. The less I know, the better. Fewer secrets."

Javier squeezed her hands. He'd been so selfish. She'd come here for company and had wound up being his emotional support instead. And something finally occurred to him, something he should have thought of right off.

"Would you get back together with Grace if you could? If not for all the secrets?"

"God, in a heartbeat," she said. "It's moot, though."

"What if you could've brought yourself to tell her? Would you be able to trust her, if that's what it took?"

Kat paused. "If I hadn't been such a chickenshit about it," she said. "If I thought she'd even have believed me. Yeah, of course. Grace would never hurt anyone, not even me if she could've avoided it."

"So tell her," said Javier. "If you think she wouldn't believe you, Esther and I could talk to her first. Warn her you had an impossible story to tell, and that it was all true."

Kat stared at him. "Really? You're okay with Grace knowing all this shit too?"

"Yeah," said Javier. "I trust you, and we already know Grace. If you think she can handle it, that's good enough for me, and I bet the same for Esther. As for your own hacking exploits, I'd say that's your problem."

Kat laughed. "Maybe I'll lead with that. I'm sure she guesses as much. Oh, God, Javier, I don't know if I can do this. But I'll try. And I guess I'll stick around for Esther's story."

Javier sat looking at her, until they both blinked and looked away.

"About us," he said. "I still don't know what I think about that night."

"I liked it a lot," said Kat. "The actual sex piece of it. I like sex."

"No shit, Kat. I mean everything else. Esther won't be upset. And I suppose I needed it."

"Oh, you needed it," said Kat, and they both smiled.

"If it happens again sometime—"

"Yeah."

"I hope it's under better circumstances."

"Me too, Javier. But I'm not sorry it happened. That's what I've been telling myself anyway, so I might as well stick to it."

* * *

"I'm going to start my story with the victory over Franklin. There is a piece I've hidden, because it frightened me so much at the time. During the brief instant I opened myself up to Franklin, I sensed there was more than one other person watching, from immense distances. Other countries."

Javier felt the hair on his neck prickle as Esther told her story. It stood to reason there were others. And it explained why she'd been so desperate to improve her abilities. In retrospect that desperation had ended up slowing her down instead.

The others listened with rapt attention. Selena had known the least beforehand, so Javier wasn't surprised to see her shock each time Esther revealed more of what she could do with her powers. But everyone was startled by the end of her story.

"Wait," Selena said. "Are you saying you broke a rock with telekinesis?"

Esther shook her head. "No, I need to explain this more—"

"Yes," said Kat. "That's what it boils down to, doesn't it? We understand it's a rare and difficult thing for you. You managed it that one time before, but that was just flipping some bits in computer memory. We're all used to the idea you can nudge other people's senses, but this is something else entirely."

Esther sighed. "Yes, I suppose it is. I would never have attempted it if the circumstances weren't so dire. Of course, Abuela could do feats like this, but she found it difficult. And the honest truth is I think I'm starting to understand how it works better than Abuela did. It's the mathematics that's helping me, as Abuela guessed."

There was quiet as everyone digested what that meant. Who knew what Esther might be capable of, eventually?

"You shouldn't let others know you have this capability," Selena said. "I'm even nervous that you told me."

"You worked as hard as anyone to save Esther," said Javier. "We all know we can trust you. You're one of us."

"Esther, what about the canyon? Do you have theories about how it works?" Nicola asked.

Esther rubbed her forehead, and Javier stepped in.

"Maybe we should talk about this among ourselves for a while," he said. "Let Esther get some sleep."

Mark volunteered to stay with her, and the others filed out. Kat took Javier's hand as they left.

"I guess this is good-bye," Kat said, giving him a kiss on the cheek. "I'll let you know. Maybe I'll take you up on that offer to talk to Grace. Sometime when things are less crazy, when Esther's better."

* * *

"It occurs to me," said Javier. "First Franklin, and now the canyon. This is the second time we've faced a danger that's stronger the more sensitive you are. The first time Esther was resistant, but not this time. And if Mark had gotten trapped inside as well, I doubt I could have gotten him out. We need to think hard about this kind of danger."

"Lukas tried to train me to resist Franklin," said Nicola. "He encouraged me to keep my senses focused very nearby. I can't tell if it did any good. Even Lukas couldn't resist him in the end, and it was Esther who protected us both."

"Abuela thought Esther would be resistant to Franklin because of her ability to hide herself," mused Javier. "Esther's experience supports that. When she allowed Franklin to see her, he hit her very hard even from a distance. Luckily she was still more than his equal, even on Franklin's own playing field."

"The rest of us obviously can't count on that," said Selena. "So the question is, can we learn to hide the way Esther can? Maybe we don't need to be as good at hiding as Esther, if we're not as sensitive to begin with."

"Or you could try it from the other direction," said Javier. "Jacob suppressed his abilities so well that he's no longer sensitive. That could be very useful, if you could do it temporarily. I bet if Jacob had been at the canyon, he could've tolerated it just as I did."

Nicola shook her head. "Jacob's method worked very slowly for him," she said. "It required him to change the way his mind worked, even his subconscious. He was highly motivated and it took him years to achieve. I don't think he could regain his abilities quickly, or that we could simply learn to switch ours off."

"I agree," said Selena. "Jacob and I decided that his approach wasn't well-suited to me. Esther's exercises are about focus, and they seem to be working faster. But they're also helping me become more sensitive. I would much rather remain sensitive but be better able to hide. The harder it is for someone like Franklin to find us, the harder it would be to influence us. And the less work Esther needs to do to hide and protect us."

"We all want to be like Esther," agreed Nicola. "Well, she's best placed to teach us. So let's talk about why she couldn't protect herself from the canyon."

"She thinks her defenses were weak," said Javier. "She was exhausted working so hard to extend her senses for the Watch. And then she turned her efforts towards the memory in the sculpture, which meant she was actively seeking out the canyon's patterns."

"What do you think about the others she felt?" Nicola asked. "How long were they there, and how were they able to escape? If they're still dreaming together, could they have been trying to lure her in?"

"She doesn't know for sure," said Javier. "It may take her a long time to sort through it. She isn't even sure if the dreamers truly noticed her. She said they barely seemed aware of anything but each other and the images. And then of course there's the whole mystery of the images themselves."

* * *

Javier collected some dinner leftovers for Esther. Nicola had taken over the watch briefly, and Esther blinked sleepily when he entered.

"I can stay with her if you want," Nicola said. "I don't mind."

"I'll take you up on that," Javier said, "Another time. Thanks."

Nicole patted Esther on the shoulder and left. Javier got her sitting up again so she could eat.

"It's hard being so fussed-over," she said. "I want to get up. I have so many plans. There's so much work to do, Javier."

"There always is," said Javier. "Remember how you got yourself all wound up the last time around. We have to avoid that. There's time for other stuff."

He put his hand on her shoulder, meaning it as a comfort. But Esther took it a different way.

"I'm not ready," she said. "My body's barely working yet and everything's gotten tangled up in my head. It's not fair to you."

"I wasn't actually talking about sex, Esther." Javier winced at the sharpness of his tone.

Esther put her face in her hands. "I'm such a mess, aren't I? I thought I was over my body worries, but I'm not, really. And then all these other worries showed up. And I kind of skirted past it, but those people in my visions were practically having an orgy, though a lot of the sex was just them touching. It's hard to explain. It's part of what drew me in, and I feel so guilty about that, when I was neglecting you."

"I had sex with Kat," Javier blurted.

"Oh," Esther said. "Uh, good. I told you to be open to that, didn't I?"

"I didn't know if that was really you," Javier said. "Since you were under the influence of—whatever that was."

"It was me," Esther said. "Some version of me, anyway. And I always thought you and Kat were—right, somehow. I don't know. I'm glad she was there for you."

"Let's start over," Javier said. "No assumptions. Try to forget the past. We're just two awkward people trying to find out what makes the other one happy."

"All right," Esther said. "I'll try, Javier. But I'm going to need a lot of help."

* * *

Esther settled into her chair after lunch. She almost had a routine going again. A week after returning from the canyon, her body was still weak, but that no longer worried her. The others had confirmed that she wasn't getting nightmares. Her sleep was better than it had been in ages.

She'd taken Javier's advice and avoided resuming her Watch. Instead, she practiced Looking into the otherspace. She was increasingly convinced that the extreme exhaustion of the Watch was due to her reliance on Abuela's map. That construct was designed for Abuela's mind, and Esther needed to retrain herself using her own tools. She could already feel how much more efficient that might be, if she could make it work.

If only things were going better with Javier.

It was obvious he felt guilty about having sex with Kat. Esther didn't seem to be able to reassure him about it. And he was so attentive and patient with her that it was almost too much. She should probably tell him that, since it was the sort of thing she'd promised to talk about.

There was something else though, connected to the arousing memories from the canyon. And she didn't know if she could talk about that, because she didn't understand it. Maybe she was afraid she would be subtly pulled in by those visions again. The sexual arousal had been a part of all of it. But there was something specific in the joining of that ritual. Many Changed people, touching and joining senses.

It reminded her somewhat of what she'd done with Nicola. And now she was worried about that, too. Well, it was time to put that fear in the open.

"Come in, Nicola," she called as the other woman arrived.

It was the first day of their resumed collaboration. Javier was out with Mark, and he'd insisted it was fine for them to meet without him. She couldn't go on second-guessing Javier. She'd promised that, too.

"Hi, Esther. How you feeling today?"

"Better all the time."

Nicola sat in her usual stool. She'd brought with her a small piece of quartz.

"You're getting back to basics, so I thought I'd do the same. Simple crystal structure."

It was a hot late-summer day, and Nicola was still sweaty from her work around the camp earlier. Smells were always the hardest thing for Esther to avoid noticing. And she had so many good associations with these particular scents.

"Nicola, there's something I have to say. I told you the rituals in the canyon seemed to allow a group of Changed to use their senses together."

Nicola nodded. "A little like we've been experimenting with. I know, I was wondering about that."

"It was more than just practical," said Esther. "It was touch, and sex, and something on top of that. The feeling of joining was irresistible to that group, and I'm starting to think it was that feeling that first drew me in, during my nightmares."

Nicola frowned. "Are you implying that even what we were doing might be dangerous?"

Esther worried exactly that, in fact. "We should be careful. And I'm also worrying it will remind me too much of the visions."

"Okay," said Nicola. "Let's put a hold on it, then. I'm disappointed, of course. I mean, it didn't feel like I was getting addicted to the feeling or anything. So, we go back to the previous way?"

"Yeah," said Esther. "I teach you, and you teach me. I'm still not sure how to teach you to hide yourself from people like me. But I have something to try. I'm going to pull gently on you, and you're going to try to resist."

Nicola smiled. "Good idea. Okay, hit me whenever you're ready."

Esther nodded, closed her eyes, and Looked. Nicola was there, a familiar roiling of twisted lines. And there were so many connections to her. She reached for a solid-looking one, and pulled gently.

Nicola leaped forward and kissed Esther on the lips. An instant later she staggered back.

"Well, fuck," Nicola said, laughing. "That didn't work at all. You'd better dial it back. I'm sorry, Esther, I'm going to guess that kiss was my subconscious."

Esther hadn't expected such a strong effect. Everything was easier now. She listened, and her mind raced along unexpected paths, hundreds and thousands of branches, fingers of lightning questing through the air and ground and trees. All connected in more ways than she could ever properly explore. And there was Javier, sitting with Mark, eating a late lunch. Esther couldn't remember the last time she felt this alive. She resisted the temptation to tug on Javier.

"You okay, Esther?" Nicola asked.

Esther opened her eyes and nodded. She was starting to cry. Nicola was right there, and she wanted to kiss her. She wanted to do a lot more than kiss. She could almost taste Nicola's nipple under her tongue.

She carefully set aside those thoughts and smiled. "I'm wonderful. Let's try again. Fight me this time, Nicola."

* * *

Esther waited until after dinner to tell him the good news.

"Javier, I think I can pick up the Watch again, without exhausting myself. Everything's coming so much easier now. You were right, I needed this time to start over."

Javier frowned. "Don't push yourself, Esther. Remember, that's how you got into trouble last time."

Esther felt herself deflating. This afternoon's attempts were a real accomplishment, one she'd wanted to share with Javier.

"How was your time with Mark?" she asked.

"All right," he said. "Way too hot today, though. Mark isn't very sympathetic, is he?"

Esther smiled. "No, he isn't. But I'm still going to go out with him tomorrow."

Javier grinned. "Good. I know it'll help with everything. I asked him what he thought about you trying to improve your healing. He says he doesn't know if it's something you can consciously learn, but that the body becomes better at it with practice, even for ordinary people like me. And then he explained that the healthiest way to practice it was—"

"Exercise," Esther said, grinning. "Of course he said that, but he's right. Microscopic injuries and wear on the body, then the natural healing response. It's the same kind of teaching I tried with Nicola."

She described her attempts that afternoon, and Javier nodded.

"How's she doing with it?"

"Terribly," Esther admitted. "Though maybe there was some progress. I would have tried other ways, but—"

She didn't want to talk about this with Javier, knowing he'd worry even more. But she'd promised him. So she told him a bit about her fears, though she still felt she was missing something.

Javier listened with that concerned look of his. When she'd finished, he kissed her.

"Esther, are you a little afraid of having sex at all?"

"No, of course not," she said. But then she thought some more. "Maybe a little," she said. "I don't know."

"So let's wait some more," said Javier. "Let things reset. Just like with your abilities."

"No," said Esther. "I don't think that's a good idea. It's the same thing with my senses. I have to be experimenting now, or else I'll fall back on old patterns. I'm not rushing, Javier. I have to push myself or I won't properly face the things I need to."

She *pulled* on Javier, and he gasped, grabbing her and holding her tight.

"I'm so sorry!" Esther cried. "I shouldn't have done that."

"It's all right," said Javier, catching his breath, kissing her on the neck. "Maybe I should practice trying to fight it as well. Though honestly, I'd rather not. I like this."

Esther's heart thudded. Javier didn't understand.

"I should never start using my powers like that," she said. "I might not be able to stop."

Javier took her face in his hands. "There. That's something you're truly afraid of, isn't it? Esther, you're not capable of being like Franklin. One loss of control is nothing, and I didn't mind. You said you had to experiment, and I have to trust you on that. That means you'll make mistakes, right?"

The thought terrified her, but he was right. And so she started taking off her shirt.

By the time she'd pushed Javier's face between her legs, she still wasn't sure if this was a mistake. But it was better than not trying.

* * *

"Five minutes to finish that before class," said Javier.

Nicola glared at him and pointedly stuffed her mouth with the remainder of the pie.

Esther had decided they needed a more rigorous schedule for the dwindling time they'd all be together this summer. Nicola would be joining the others for one of their group practice sessions. Esther was desperate to find a way to teach them to hide, but so far progress had been painfully slow. It was Selena who seemed to be picking it up the fastest, which Javier supposed made some sense. The older woman had already spent a lifetime trying to conceal her body, just as Esther had.

Javier hadn't expected to feel so left out. Of course he was the odd one out, but no one had ever rubbed it in his face. Now he found it rankled to have everyone else crammed in his cabin with Esther while he took on more of the maintenance tasks around camp.

So, he was the janitor. He'd had worse jobs, and it was a beautiful afternoon. He picked up the big laundry duffel and headed for the bath cabin.

Doing laundry by hand was an unavoidably intimate thing. Javier had been embarrassed the first time he'd handled Nicola's underwear, some of which was intentionally provocative. But what brought him up short this time was an unfamiliar pair of synthetic briefs.

As far as he knew Selena had done her own laundry up to now. It was a kind of trust, he supposed. He wouldn't abuse that by thinking about what the underwear had covered. Or, at least he wouldn't think about it for too long.