Unity and Destiny Pt. 06

Selena nodded again, standing up. "We will think about the problem. And I suspect we will agree to aid you, for the children's sake. We can tell you more within a few hours. I also have a serious warning. The full force of the government is now looking for the perpetrators of the Black Christmas attacks. They already understand something about the Chosen's involvement. The greatest hope of our group is that we can find those responsible for the worst of the attacks, and thus divert the government from assigning blame to all those with Blessings."

Diana nodded slowly. "If I must be given up to keep others safe, so be it."

"We are more interested in what you have seen," said Javier. "Any clues that may lead us to the most serious crimes. The larger pattern."

Diana looked at him a long time. "Perhaps," she said. "But first, we find those children."

* * *

When they reached the car, Selena sat in the passenger seat and rubbed her forehead.

"Esther forgets that other people have trouble doing many things at the same time. If I got the gist right, by the end she wanted to come right in to meet Diana but she convinced herself to drive back, at least far enough to get reception on the cellular phone to talk to the others."

"So I guess we should sit tight for a bit," said Javier. "Of course Esther wants to help. If she wants to reveal herself to Diana, I guess that's really her decision. It's how she would think. The more Diana trusts us, the more everyone will get along. And that will just make things work better."

Selena laughed. "I want to say something cynical, but that's exactly what she did with me, wasn't it? And now look where we are."

Javier smiled. "You missed the fight we had. Well, not really a fight. But Esther was pretty upset." He described Esther's small meltdown that morning.

Selena nodded. "No, of course she doesn't see it. There are all sorts of ways to lead, though, and as Nicola said, we see it in her."

Exactly, thought Javier. Selena understood.

For a while they just waited, and Javier was reminded how easy company Selena was. Even now he felt a bit nervous and off-balance around Nicola. Probably it was the lingering sexual tension. At least there wasn't any with Selena. Not that he didn't have his occasional inappropriate fantasies, not to mention his curiosity about what exactly she was so nervous about with her body. She couldn't be stranger than Esther. And whatever it was, she would probably be beautiful as well.

Too late, he remembered Selena was well-attuned to this train of thought, and probably the little changes in his body, though it wasn't like he'd really gotten an erection, not yet—

He glanced at her, but she didn't seem to be paying attention, thank goodness. Or so he thought.

"I wish Diana hadn't said that about my Blessings," said Selena. "One more person who knows what I kept hidden so long."

"I didn't really notice what she said," Javier said.

"Now, that's just untrue," Selena said, turning back to face him. She was smiling slightly, but there was something odd about it. She was nervous.

Well, of course she was. She was probably still traumatized about the way Nicola had casually stripped her bare with a glance, on that first meeting. It was rude of Javier to even be thinking like this.

"Javier," she said slowly. "This may be too personal a question, so feel free to tell me so. What did you think when you first understood there was something odd about Esther's body? I mean, Changes unlike anything other women had."

It was personal, all right. Obviously she wouldn't have asked if it wasn't important, though, so he tried to remember back. It wasn't all that difficult. And Selena had seen Esther's whole body at this point.

"The smaller Changes I saw first—well, she was so scared. But I just thought she was beautiful. I don't know that it went much further than that."

"You didn't think, 'Wow, that's exotic, aren't I lucky!' That kind of thing?"

He frowned. This was Selena, so he was stuck being truthful.

"Well, maybe a little. But jeez, I was eighteen."

Selena found that funnier than he'd meant it to be. Of course, she still would see him as a little kid. She was older than she looked, though he wasn't sure exactly how much.

"And what about—the more complicated Changes?"

Javier swallowed. "I don't know," he finally said. "Of course I still thought she was beautiful, because it was Esther. Scared, because I wanted her to know that none of that mattered to me, even when I wasn't sure if that was true. And because, uh,"

He halted. He couldn't say this to Selena.

"Go ahead, Javier," she said. "Believe it or not this is more excruciating for me than you."

That seemed unlikely, but he went on anyway. "I thought I knew how to make girls feel good, and I was suddenly out of my depth. Every woman was different, and I was used to that, but what if it was too much? What if we never figured it out? I don't know, stupid panicked thoughts like that. I wanted so much for it to be nothing, but it wasn't as simple as that."

Selena let out her breath, turning to look out the window.

"Thank you, Javier. I mean that. And thank you for being the lover you were for Esther, apparently right from the start. I doubt most men of any age would have been capable."

Javier had no idea where this conversation was going. Was Selena trying to tell him something personal, and he was too thick to get it?

"Selena, I—"

But he broke off, because Selena was shaking her head, not looking at him.

"I think we should probably leave it there," she said. "I hope I didn't just make things incredibly awkward."

"Maybe," Javier said. "But I'm used to it."

Selena snorted and didn't say anything else. And after a few minutes, Javier found it wasn't particularly awkward at all.

* * *

When Diana opened the door, Esther reached to shake her hand.

"My name is Esther," she said. "And yes, we will help you."

Diana stared at her, eyes widening slowly. "Come in, then," she said. "I'm sure there's room for everyone."

Javier and Selena followed her in, finding places to sit.

"You were the one in the costume," Diana said. It wasn't a question.

"Yes. Are your abilities recovered enough to tell you that?"

"I've never met another who could hide like me," Diana said. "But you're so young. Are you—"

"Why don't we talk about rescuing the children," said Selena.

Esther understood. She'd allowed Diana a glimpse of her Changes, as much as Diana's senses could manage right now. Selena hadn't liked the idea at all, but Esther knew somehow that this was the right thing.

Diana gave the full names and descriptions of the children, along with Peter and Aaron.

"It may be a while," Esther said, and then she closed her eyes, Looking deep into otherspace.

* * *

For the first time Diana looked truly unsettled. "Is she—she's simply searching for them from here?"

Javier sighed and nodded. "There is a fair chance she will find them this way. As you guessed, she is remarkably sensitive."

Diana rubbed her head again. "You wish to keep her existence secret, don't you. Even from the Chosen. It was not merely for the theater that she dressed in that fashion when she visited us."

"Surely you can understand why," Javier said, and Diana nodded. For a while she was silent.

"I lost my first two children in the womb. And then finally Samuel was born, with even more Blessings than I was."

"We have heard of rituals," Selena said carefully. "In cases like his."

"Rituals," Diana spat. "I know the reasons. I know that in older times he would not have been allowed to live at all. But I had to watch that bright, inquisitive baby turn slowly into a withdrawn, sad shell of what he was. It nearly killed me. Samuel grew into a fine man, but what he went through as a child—it broke my bond partner. The love of my life couldn't bear it, and so he begged them to take his memories. He may still live in the outside, but he wouldn't remember me. And now this disgusting irony, that the elders are desperate for those with strength, like Nicola and Mark. And even me."

She looked up, suddenly uncomfortable. "I should not be sharing any of this with you. It is the pain. It robs me of my concentration and my judgment. I cannot understand how Esther avoided it. At first we thought it was simply a response of the Way to our presumption, our greedy attempts to use the ancient place. But we heard the news reports, enough to believe it has affected all the Chosen. Did we misunderstand?"

"No," Selena said. "We all felt it. I'll leave it to Esther to explain, if she feels it appropriate."

Diana nodded and closed her eyes. For a while Javier thought she'd fallen asleep.

"You are not what I expected," she finally said.

* * *

Esther opened her eyes and smiled as Javier passed her a glass of water and a granola bar. He'd become so good at judging the course of her meditations.

Diana seemed to be asleep, but she opened her eyes shortly.

"I found all of them except Aaron," Esther said. "Peter and the children are still in the car, perhaps six miles off highway 97 in the far north part of the state. The car is parked on the side of a forest road."

Diana's expression changed quickly, from shocked to uncertain. And Esther realized the other woman hadn't truly believed she could find them.

"You could find them at such a distance," Diana said slowly. "But not Aaron?"

Esther shook her head. "How Blessed is he?"

Diana frowned. Likely this was a rude question, but she seemed to understand. "Very little. But surely you would have seen him if he were nearby? Through the perception of the others, if nothing else?"

Esther paused. That was an interesting comment. She'd never fully unraveled why it was easier to see groups of Changed than individuals. Perhaps it was obvious from the way Diana sensed.

"Yes," Esther answered. "I suspect he is not very close to them. I looked a great distance in every direction, but I saw no sign. But I've found a degree of randomness to this kind of search."

"Not randomness," Diana said with distaste. "But rather our understanding is too unclear. Well, I see no better course than to go immediately to those you have found. No doubt they will know more, or perhaps one of us will sense him when we are closer."

"I am sorry to tell you this," said Esther, "but the children are very upset. I do not sense anything like that from Peter, but the vision still seems to be hurting him badly."

Diana looked slightly shocked, so perhaps emotional states were not something easy for her to tell at a distance. "Peter was lost in his mind much of the time," she said, "even before being struck with the vision. Singing is what he remembers. If the children have been left alone with him, they would have to take care of him. He must be returned to his family."

* * *

Nicola found a reason not to go along.

"You need someone you can reach, back with the others in Reno," she told Esther. "These cellular phones aren't reliable. With Mark, Javier, and Selena, you'll be able to handle anything unexpected."

She kissed Mark and got back into the smaller rental car for the hour's drive back to Reno.

"Don't trust Diana," she said finally. "Or any of them. I don't think she would be lying to you, and I guess Selena would know. But their world is alien to ours. Don't forget it."

"We won't," Javier promised.

But then Esther insisted on joining Diana's car, alone. "You'll be right there," she said. "I think this is important. Diana will talk to me in ways she might not talk any of you."

They argued with her, but Esther held firm. And of course, she got her way. She'd just blown up at all of them for letting her do that, and here she was doing it again. But she was sure she was right on this. And she was sure Diana posed no risk to her, not now.

Diana seemed surprised by her choice, but she accepted it easily enough. And after some minutes of silence, it became clear the older woman was used to long trips on her own.

"I'm sorry about the loss of your home," Esther said eventually.

"Thank you," Diana said with a sigh. "They're calling it the Exodus. I think it's a poor name."

"Because you weren't enslaved in the ancient place," Esther said.

Diana gave her a sharp look. "You're right. It's an even worse name than I'd been thinking. Probably most of them don't even know where they're remembering it from. We don't read a lot of religious history in school."

"Diana," Esther said carefully. "Do you understand why Nicola was so terrified of your community? Why she was so desperate to escape?"

"She wasn't, though," Diana said quickly. "She wanted to stay there. I could feel it. Everyone could. She would have been a wonderful member of the community. Someone finally with Blessings to help balance mine. And José seemed to be making friends as well, though I now think he was a better actor than I could have guessed. I was sorely hurt when you took them away."

"She didn't want to be taken," Esther said. "She was terrified from the start. And she's still so upset by the experience that she doesn't want to be near you. It was only for the last day or so of her captivity that she truly wanted to stay with you. Doesn't that tell you something?"

Diana shook her head, and Esther knew it was time to drop the subject.

Some time later, Diana broke the silence. "Esther, you were not raised in Unity, were you? How was it you knew how to join with all of us, so immediately? It was jarring, without the preceding devotions. I did not even know it was possible."

Esther paused. She didn't think it was a good idea to mention what she and Nicola had done sharing senses. "I was not raised in Unity," she said. "But I have a way of seeing that sometimes allows me to understand truths from a different perspective than most people. I had listened to your Unity devotions from afar, enough to guess how I could join all of you."

Diana nodded. "Now I am going to ask something important, and I ask for the truth, though I may dislike it. *Did* you actually join Unity? Were those true visions we saw, those strange scenes with Chosen and non-Chosen in harmony together?"

Esther struggled with how to answer. The truth, of course, but did she even know the truth?

"I don't know," she finally said. "I observed Unity mostly from the outside, but not entirely. I was terrified of it, as I still don't entirely understand it. The visions you saw were from my own mind, and those of my companions. I felt tremendous guilt about subverting the central ritual of your community. Yet you must understand, they were not meant to be false visions. Far from it, as I believe they will come true, in some form. But that is merely a kind of faith."

Diana let out her breath in a long sigh. "A complicated answer, and I believe an honest one from your perspective. It's not something I will repeat to any in my community. There is great dispute about exactly what your visions meant, which is to be expected. We always see poorly, and only parts of the truth. Your words struck that day exactly as you intended. There is however no dispute from the others about whether the visions truly came from Unity. As far as I know, only I suspected."

"What made you suspect, then?" Esther asked.

"When I enter Unity, I feel how easy it would be to draw the others in the direction of my own vision. And even when I believe myself most in harmony with Unity, there are hints at the edges, ideas that feel as if they are fragments of my own dreams. Yet I've never known if these truly originated inside myself, or perhaps if my Blessings allow me to experience a portion of Unity even outside devotions. There are no others I can discuss this with."

Esther nodded. "They would be horrified at the suggestion, and even less likely to want you within Unity."

"Exactly. But your vision vastly exceeds mine. Is it so difficult to imagine that you also are sensing Unity, even without devotions? It would explain why you were so quickly able to join with us. Those visions could well be of Unity, despite your perceptions."

Esther considered that. It was a difficult problem. A theological one, perhaps, though Diana wouldn't view it that way.

"I'm afraid I have no answers," she said finally.

"I did not expect them," Diana said. "But thank you nonetheless. In your own fashion I think you also seek harmony with the Way."

As they drove, Diana slowly started to talk about the visions, her doubts, her frustrations with the other elders. Maybe it was as she'd said before, the pain causing her to talk more than she was used to. But Esther suspected Diana was desperate to tell anyone about these things. Esther was an outsider, someone uncomfortable with the responsibilities her Changes had given her. In some ways she was more like Diana than any of her community. But then Diana would say something matter-of-factly, reminding Esther how different their worlds were.

"You really believe everything is foreordained?" Esther asked at one point. "What about free will? What about quantum mechanics?"

Diana had smiled slightly. "Just because the Way is fixed doesn't mean humans can ever understand it," she said. "I don't know anything about quantum mechanics, but one of the things the Way describes is the long, slow progress the Chosen make towards harmony. We make the best decisions we can to get there quickly, because that also is the Way. I know these are difficult concepts for you to understand, but you would, if you joined us. If you experienced Unity fully."

Esther politely declined, of course. But the things Diana told her were unsettling. From her account, it was difficult to believe the Chosen were simply seeing visions of their own design, and then attempting to make them happen. There were too many details lurking in the visions Diana described. Diana's missions frequently relied on information she couldn't have known beforehand, and some of it seemed to require extrapolation of future events. Esther didn't believe Diana was delusional and making up stories after the fact, yet that seemed more plausible than believing Unity could do what Diana and the others believed.

Their two vehicles eventually stopped to refuel, and Selena filled a gasoline container, affixing it carefully atop the minivan. It was reasonable to assume Aaron had run out of gas. But Esther was beginning to have a bad feeling about the situation. What would he have done? Walked to the highway, presumably, looking for help. But then where was he now?

They were on highway 97 before Esther finally admitted what she'd begun to sense in otherspace.

"Diana," she said. "I'm so sorry to tell you this, but I think Aaron is dead. There's a body hidden in the woods, not far off the forest road. A few miles back towards the highway from where the car is."

Diana didn't say anything in reply. Some time later, Esther informed her when they reached the forest road, and then again when they reached the spot nearest the body. Wordlessly Diana stopped.

The other car pulled up behind, and Selena, Mark, and Javier emerged. Mark was already walking towards the woods.

"He says there's a body," Javier said. "I'm sorry, Diana. I hope—"

Diana shook her head and hastened after Mark into the woods. Esther walked more slowly, as she'd been certain for some time that it was Aaron's body. Dead long enough that the body was cool.

The body was partly covered with leaves and dirt, and when Diana reached it, she quickly uncovered the face.

"No," she muttered. "Not Aaron. Why him, of all people? What could possibly bring this into harmony?"

She walked away quickly, eventually collapsing to sit against a tree.

Esther joined Mark, who was examining Aaron's body more carefully.