Unpoetic Things

"I like to listen to you talk," I said.

"I like to watch you listen." He turned to me.

We were facing each other, inches apart. "I don't know what to say," he said carefully, and at the same time I was saying, "What do you want from me?"

He laughed good-naturedly, his hand on my hand, wrist, forearm. I shivered. "So...do you believe in love?" I pressed.

"Of course I do. It's just...Think of it this way. Your ex gave you a hard time for wanting to believe things happen for a reason right?" he asked gently. "Well in my experience, that advice has made me read into all sorts of situations that were actually exactly as they seemed."

He was dancing around the point but I had a guess what he was hesitant to say. He feared that he had been irreversibly changed by his experiences with love. Drawn in by the current of invisible forces and the beauty of all the light in the galaxy, knowing what was happening but being powerless and unwilling to stop the inevitable. And now he was part of the dangerous, dragging current.

But I decided I was safe. After all, you have to get very close to fall in. That didn't stop me from enjoying the view.

Chapter Five: I reconsidered

"There's something else." I hesitated. "There's this girl..."

"Another one?" Jakob teased. We had left the museum together and were walking in the rain.

"Yeah...She's a friend, and she kind of invited me to...her and her boyfriend have some kind of arrangement."

"Ooh, the drama. And you like this girl? I say do it."

"Really?"

"Yeah. Sounds fucking hot..." Jakob smiled.

We stopped because we had reached my apartment building.

Jakob went through his pockets until he found his card. "And then tell me everything about it." Before I knew what was happening, he had kissed me on the cheek, and was around the corner. Elusive, just like my dream.

I felt too antsy to go home so I wandered aimlessly, until I got cold. My feet had led me to Lila and Calvin's neighborhood. I took a deep breath. I can just go and ask her for a hot drink...warm up a bit before heading home. I knocked.

Lila's face appeared and I was struck, as always, by her beauty. Her coffee-coloured hair was a gorgeous mess, and she had changed into pajamas. She wasn't crying now, but her eyes were red and I could see tears on her cheeks.

"Lila, I..." I stepped forward and reached for her, but she opened the door further to reveal Calvin sitting in the living room behind us. I straightened up. "Um, hey, I was just...I can come back later."

"Hey man," Calvin stood up. "Let me get you a drink."

Lila pulled me by the hand, and we sat on opposite ends of the couch. Calvin passed me the drink he had just poured then found a spot on the floor across from us.

"So, you reconsidered?" Lila was smiling at me hopefully.

I shifted my gaze between them, confused. Lila leaned in and mumbled "It was his idea...he wants to see us...together. Maybe even join in."

I couldn't do this with her...if I did, there would be no going back. But even as I made up my mind, heat spread through my body from where she was now almost touching me. Lila had moved to kneel next to me on the couch, close enough that her small breasts pressed against me while she whispered, and wisps of her hair brushed my face. She was staring down at my lap, where my body betrayed years of longing. Calvin was watching us with interest, and I looked away, uneasy. I couldn't look at Lila either, for a different reason, so I stared into my glass.

"Yes, I reconsidered," I admitted quietly, taking a sip, still not meeting the couple's eyes. The calm control was a facade. I knew Lila's quiet seduction was one movement away from making me lose it. I think she knew it too. She draped an arm around my shoulders and squeezed, and again her chest rubbed against my arm. Not an accident. This was it.

Her waist was small enough that I could easily maneuver her, and in no time I had her lying back on the couch. Her hair was wild, her shirt was pushed up, and her wrists were held in place by a fraction of my body weight. She looked up at me, smug. "I've dreamed about exactly this so many times."

"Oh yeah? What happened next?"

"You kissed me."

So I did. My hands didnt let go of her wrists as her body writhed beneath me. I was able to forget Calvin's presence for a minute, lost in the sights and sounds of Lila. Her mouth didn't want to be apart from mine. Her hips lifted and legs wrapped around me to draw me closer. When my hand brushed against her nipple, I was rewarded with the sight of her mouth dropping open, and the sound of a tiny gasp.

"Kiss her neck too," Calvin instructed softly.

So I did. "Is this like in your fantasy, Lila?" I asked innocently between kisses to her neck and chest, as I lightly rubbed her breast. She had her eyes closed now, and was moaning softly. "Yes..." she answered dreamily. "Calvin and I have talked about this lots of times. And when he's not here I...oh...mmm...get myself off with my...ahh...mm...."

"And then she tells me all about it."

I considered this. "I want to see this. I want to see you touch yourself while you think about me and your boyfriend both wanting to fuck you." I got off her, and went to sit on the floor beside Calvin.

"And if we like it, maybe we will." Calvin smiled at me, but quickly looked away as well.

"Fine," Lila said, sitting up casually, as if her hair wasn't a mess and her shirt half off her body. Her hand wandering over her body before settling between her thighs. Her fingertip nudged lightly over her clit through the thin material of her pajama shorts, then a little faster. Watching waves of ecstasy crossing her face was irresistibly intimate, and the dark wet spot spreading on the crotch of her shorts became unbearable. Lila spread her legs wider until I could nearly glimpse her pussy...but not quite.

"Oh...mm yesss" she moaned softly, and managed to look me directly in the eye while she rubbed herself.

I couldn't take it. Calvin and I crawled to opposite ends of her sprawled body on the couch. I picked up her foot from the floor, and began to kiss up her leg starting from her ankle. At the same time, Calvin stroked her hair, kissed her forehead, and lips, before settling into kissing and rubbing her small breasts.

Lila's thighs were smooth and golden brown. I finally pulled down her white shorts, while Calvin tossed aside her top. She lay with her legs open and hands above her head, silently daring us. I watched for a moment from this close up angle as she fit two of her slender fingers into her pussy that I longed to taste. "Move your hand," I whispered. She obeyed, and Calvin took her hand and kissed her slippery fingers.

I pried her legs open further, and didn't waste much time teasing her with kisses, since she was already at least halfway there. I latched onto her clit with my mouth and sucked and sometimes stroked with my tongue.

"Oh, yes...fuck...Jonah!" Lila moaned with every motion of my mouth.

I dipped my fingers inside, continuing the motions of my mouth, and was rewarded with the feeling of her pussy squeezing my fingers, hard. Lila's body convulsed, but her moans were muffled by Calvin's mouth.

I felt a sense of loss when Lila moved away. I wiped my forearm across my mouth, and my fingers on my jeans. I caught my breath and watched as Lila's naked body perched on Calvin's clothed one and they lost themselves in a passionate kiss.

I suddenly felt stupid, and inched away from them. The room spun. I felt drunk.

What did I think was going to happen? Lila had her back to me and was overcome with passion for him. Calvin looked at me for a moment and shrugged. I slid between the sofa and the chair and listened to their unity before quietly gathering my things and slipping out the door.

Chapter Six: Oblivion

I resisted calling Jakob for as long as I could. Vincent was away for the weekend, so the apartment quickly became oppressively empty.

Jakob didn't sound surprised to hear from me. "Come over," he said. I could hear people talking in the background while he gave his address.

Jakob's apartment seemed more spacious than it was because it didn't appear particularly lived in. There were no pictures on the white walls, and a few of his friends were sitting on blankets and cushions on the floor.

He vaguely introduced me to the people in the living room, then took two glasses from the kitchen and led me into his room and shut the door. Here was the only furniture in the apartment: a bed in the corner and a chair and desk by the window. He poured some white wine for both of us and sat back on the bed. I perched on the edge and watched him wait for me to talk. The dark moonlight streamed in through the uncovered window.

"I went to her house earlier. Lila. The girl I told you about." I took a breath and a sip of wine. "We did some stuff, and her boyfriend was there too, and then...I left."

"Slow down..." He watched the raw emotions pull at my face, and looked away. "I'm sorry. I was wrong."

"What? What do you mean?"

He reached across the bed to take my hand. "I want you...and I pushed you towards someone else because... I was scared. Forgive me?" Shadows and light moved across his face.

"Of course...I told myself it was a bad idea but I have no willpower." My head was spinning with confusion. It was hard to accept that this man I'd been pining for in my dreams was offering himself to me...pulling me close to him.

I set my wine glass on the floor and crawled across the bed to him. I studied his features for a moment, touched his sharp angled nose and full bottom lip with the tips of my fingers. I kissed him and whispered, "I'm not afraid of you... Us. This."

Jakob reached for me, then pushed me back onto the bed and held my wrists, much the way I had done with Lila earlier. "And why not?" he asked, increasing the pressure.

"Come closer." Then I whispered, "I've placed myself deliberately in the path of a black hole, and I don't mind because of the dazzling light on the way to oblivion."

Jakob let more of his weight rest on my body, and I could feel his hard-on pressed against my leg. He kissed my mouth, then pulled a handful of my hair to the side to expose the pale flesh of my neck. I let out a groan as his lips, teeth, and tongue danced across my sensitive neck and collar bone, and I ground my hips into him.

"This is how I held Lila," I whispered. "Hours ago."

"And then what happened?"

"I fucked her while her boyfriend watched..." I lied, but couldn't keep a straight face.

"Liar." Jakob smirked.

"Okay, okay, she touched herself for me, then I tasted her pussy." It didn't make the best story.

"I know, I can taste her on you."

I caught my breath.

Jakob knelt between my legs on the bed, and pulled up my shirt and swiftly kissed along my waist. Before I knew it, he was taking my dick into his mouth. I gasped and sighed like every move he made caught me off guard. Some combination of Jakob's skilled tongue, the wine, and every possible kind of exhaustion overwhelmed me.

He stopped long enough to ask, "want to come?" then took my cock deeper into his mouth than before.

"Ohh...yes..." I closed my eyes to the building pleasure that was shooting through me until oblivion enveloped me.

I could hear Jakob's footsteps walking away. He came back with a warm damp cloth, and cleaned me off. We undressed each other completely.

"When was the last time you slept?" He pulled me close to him and kissed my sweaty forehead.

"I'm fine, I... I've slept enough..." I looked into his dark eyes as long as I could, then rested my head on his chest and he stroked my hair. I held on tight as if his body was a life raft.

One last poem.

I like your eyes

I don't like to stream my consciousness

At the best of times but I can't think

Straight when I look into the vials of black ink

That are your irises

Obsidian shiny, vanta matte

Attracting curious clusters of civilized planets

Behind a wall of onyx. Here they can only reminisce

Then everything went black.

[The end]