Unrequited Pt. 02

"I remember the look of fear in their son's eyes, the panic and shame. Sixteen years old. What's going to happen to him? He could end up on the streets, or in some sort of conversion therapy. In the best case he's going to have deep emotional scars, if he survives at all. And all his parents have to do is hug him, and tell him they love and support him, just like my parents did with me."

Kayleigh took a deep breath. "Sorry. I dumped on you a little."

"Just a little? "I grinned at her, which made her giggle.

"Brat. "

I leaned in and kissed her softly, and she gave a happy little whimper. My lips moved down to her neck, earning a sigh before she whispered.

"Remember, we're taking it slow today."

I groaned and buried my head in her neck. "I was hoping you weren't serious about that."

"Sorry. Do you have any plans for later?"

I rolled off her, propping my head up on my pillow. Kayleigh was wearing a shy smile, which was so cute. I reached out and brushed the strand of her dark hair away from her eyes. "Not really. We could start working on that second date. I could take you climbing."

"Do I need anything special?"

"No. Just something you can move in. I'll have to go back to my apartment for some clothes."

"Do you wear, like, yoga pants?"

"You can. Actually most climbers wear looser pants than that. I have a couple pairs of climbing pants I use."

"OK, I should have something that will work. And afterward I'll take you for a crab boil."

We just lay there, talking through our plans for the day. It was really nice, intimate and lovely, and as we spoke I could really imagine myself being in a real relationship with this woman. I wasn't just attracted to her; I really liked her. And part of me was terrified of that.

I could see it in her eyes, the way she analyzed me. It wasn't her fault really. It was just who she was. But I was sure she knew I was scared, and I wondered if I'd ever have the courage to tell her why.

Unfortunately, all of the plans we were making precluded the possibility of laying in bed naked all day, so we had to get dressed. Kayleigh had a loose pair of cargo shorts that would work well on the climbing wall. I had to dress in my clothes from last night.

"Well, I hope you don't mind my 'walk of shame' outfit."

Kayleigh smiled and shook her head. "I'll never complain about seeing you in that top, but I hate that expression."

I furrowed my brow. "Which one?"

"Walk of shame. Are you ashamed of what we did last night?"

I gave a conciliatory smile. "No, of course not."

"And it's only used about women, like it's shameful for a woman to have sex. It's one of those cultural prejudices that are so damaging. I'm going to teach my daughters to celebrate and enjoy their bodies responsibly."

I raise my hands. "OK, I will never say it again. Promise."

Kayleigh grinned sheepishly. "Sorry. It's a pet peeve of mine. I just see how devastating people's shame can be, especially for normal, natural sexual desires."

"Hey, I'm a gay woman, too. I understand the concept of undeserved shame."

"Sorry. See, this is why no one dates therapists." Kayleigh took my hand and pouted out her bottom lip, looking up at me through her lashes. "So, are you rethinking today?"

As it was, not in the slightest, and I told her so. The smile on her face after I said it was radiant, and I couldn't help giving her a gentle, reassuring kiss.

We determined that we were both starving after our very active night, so we stopped at a little pancake house on the way over to my apartment.

I ordered a tall stack of buttermilk flapjacks and took a sip of my OJ. "So, are there any other pet peeves I should know about?"

"Oh, so many. I'm like a minefield of fun." We both giggled for a moment before her eyes got serious. "Patricia always called me high maintenance, and not in a kind way. It was something she'd throw at me during fights. We had a lot of those."

I grimaced and shook my head. "I hate fighting. My parents never fight. I remember being at a friend's house once when his parents were arguing. It made me cry." I took another sip of my juice. "OK, so let's start with the name thing. Why no nicknames?"

Her face got sad, and I tried to retract the question, but she cut me off.

"No, it's OK. When I was in grade school I got teased a lot about being half Korean. They would pull on their eyelids like this." She put her fingers to the corners of her eyes and pulled them outward. "They'd call me Kay Lee. Or just Lee, and the teacher never stopped them.

"That's terrible. I'm so sorry."

"Thanks. I decided from then on I'd always use people's given names. A person's true given name has a power over them. It makes them more aware of themselves, I think. More honest. It's not a scientific opinion." She shook her head. "I'm talking way too much. How about you? Tell me about your job. Where'd you go to school?"

Our conversation stretched through breakfast as I talked about my job and college at SLU. We compared summer vacation trips and holiday traditions. It was easy to talk to her, even if I was constantly editing Sally out of all my stories.

After we paid we headed back to my apartment. She'd been there once already, but of course at the time we'd been in a bit of a rush to make it back to the bedroom. Now it was in the full light of day. Luckily I always kept my place reasonably tidy, so I wasn't too embarrassed.

"I'm going to go change. Make yourself comfortable." I stepped into the very short hall before poking my head back into the living room. "Please feel free to snoop around."

"Oh, I plan on it."

I met her mischievous grin with one of my own and disappeared into my bedroom. I put on fresh undies and a sports bra before dressing in my favorite climbing outfit, loose khaki Drawstring pants and a tight gray tank top. I was tossing a change of clothes into a bag for after when I heard my phone chime from the kitchen counter where I'd set it down.

I walked out into the living room, where Kayleigh was grinning at me.

"Your phone's been blowing up. I had no idea you were so popular."

"Yeah, sure." I walked out and picked up my phone, and my heart dropped as I saw three texts from Sally.

Sally - I see you're home, finally. I take it things went well?

Sally - I want dets. Call me!

Sally - Fine, I might just show up at your place and nag you until you spill.

I heaved a sigh and typed out of a response.

Me - Date's still going. TTYL

"Sorry, my friend wants to know how things went."

"Is she the one who picked out that blouse?"

I nodded. "Yeah."

"You should tell her thank you for me."

Me - Kayleigh says thank you for making me wear that top.

Sally - *Big smiley face* She's very welcome. I can't wait to meet her!!

I smiled and shook my head, and my phone dinged again before I could put it down

Sally - When you're ready for that.

Sally - No pressure.

Sally - :D

I gave Kayleigh a resigned look. "She's very excited. "

"I can tell." The tenor of her voice change slightly. "Is this the, um, friend you were helping move into her boyfriend's the day we met?"

I felt a spike of panic. Had I screwed this up already? I wasn't going to start lying to Kayleigh though. I'd seen too many romantic comedies to think that was a good idea.

"Yeah it is." I tried not to sound too defensive, but I don't think I succeeded.

"How's that going?" I know from her tone of voice she wasn't just inquiring about Sally and Tim's relationship status, but I chose to take it that way.

"Pretty well, I guess. She seems happy so far. I know her mom's gotta be anticipating wedding bells."

Kayleigh smiled kindly. "And how's that going for you?"

I shrugged, picking up one of the pictures I had of Sally and me. "I'm surviving. She's happy. She's my best friend, and I want her to be happy." I could hear the emotional timbre of my voice, so I knew I wasn't fooling anyone. I was afraid to look at Kayleigh, fearing I'd just destroyed our day and our relationship already.

I heard her stand up. She walked over to me and slipped her hand into mine.

"You okay?"

I nodded. "I'm sorry."

"Hey, it's okay. It's not like I'm not trying to get over someone, too."

"So we're just a rebound for each other?" I forced a smile.

"Maybe. But there isn't any actual, solid evidence I know of that says rebound relationships have a poorer chance of working. Besides, even if they don't, they can still be fun."

I squeezed her hand. "You're just trying to take the pressure off."

"Maybe a little. Come on, let's go fall off a cliff."

I grabbed my climbing bag. "It is not a cliff. It's a climbing wall. "

"But I'm still gonna fall off it."

I pretended to think for a second. "Probably. But I'll be there to catch you."

"Deal."

*****

Kayleigh marched up to the counter at Krab Kingz and confidently ordered the loaded platter with Cajun butter and two drinks. My eyes bugged out a little at the price, and I had to remind myself that good seafood isn't cheap, especially this far from the ocean. We filled up our drinks and went to sit down.

"See, I told you I was going to fall off."

"Yeah, but you did it so gracefully."

Kayleigh smirked. "I did not! I 'gracefully' screamed and held onto the rope for dear life. Don't laugh at me!"

Her admonishment didn't stop me from doing so. "It really was adorable."

She blushed deeply, her lovely smile stretching across her face. She pushed a strand of her dark hair behind her ear and looked up at me. Her lime green eyes struck me, and my mouth went dry.

"Bethany?"

"You are so beautiful."

Her eyes misted over for a second. "You haven't met my sisters."

I reached across the table and took her hand. "I saw the pictures in your apartment." Our fingers intertwined. "They don't have your eyes."

"I always thought they made me strange. My cousins teased me about them. And my freckles are ugly."

"Kayleigh, they're breathtaking, both of them. I wouldn't change a thing about them. About you."

There was that smile again. "Nothing?"

I shook my head for a moment before shrugging. "Maybe your desire to take things slow."

Kayleigh giggled. "Brat. I have to leave you wanting more."

I leaned forward, letting my voice husk over. "After last night I'll take as much 'more' as I can get."

Kayleigh 's mouth parted slightly and her eyes widened. I could see the naked desire in them. My God, she really was looking at me that way. For a brief moment I felt that old familiar panic rise up. What was I doing? I was already in love.

I saw concern blossom over Kayleigh's face, but it only lasted a second as serendipity chose that moment to bring out our dinner. It came in a silver aluminum pan, drenched in a spicy, fragrant butter. And it was huge.

"Oh my god! We're never going to eat all this!"

"Maybe not, but it will not be for lack of trying." Kayleigh shot me a wicked grin. "Now, time for you to learn how to eat crab. Put this on."

Kayleigh handed me a plastic bib, and she had to demonstrate how to open it up and tie it on. "Now, you could be all dainty and put on the rubber gloves. Or, you can just accept your hands are going to smell like garlic butter for a few days and just go for it."

I popped my eyebrows at her. "Challenge accepted." I grabbed one of the crab leg clusters and confidently dropped it onto my plate before licking my fingers. Wow, that was tasty. "Now, how do I eat this thing?"

We spent the next hour working our way slowly through the huge platter of crab, smoked sausage, shrimp, corn, and potatoes, all drenched in the Cajun butter. It was incredible. And more than a little messy. Sally would've hated it. Messy was not her style.

I'd been right, we didn't finish it, but the only things left at the end were a few small potatoes. The owner even stopped by our table to ask how we'd liked everything. I told him that if I ever drowned in a vat of that Cajun butter I'd die happy.

When he left I sat back in my chair and groaned in the most unladylike way, which made Kayleigh laugh. I wagged a finger at her. "Being around you is going to be very bad for my figure."

"I don't mind. I like my women curvy. And I have a naturally high metabolism, so I can eat pretty much anything I want."

"I hate you."

We both laughed for a moment before Kayleigh's eyes got serious. "So, we've been on this date for almost twenty-four hours. How would you reckon it's going?"

"Well let's see, several incredible meals, a fun athletic activity, and a mind blowing night together. I'd say not too shabby. Any chance of trying again next Friday?"

Kayleigh's face fell a little. "Actually I have something going on Friday. Saturday?"

"Absolutely." I almost asked her what was going on Friday, but I didn't want to seem clingy or suspicious.

Kayleigh drove me home and walked me up to the door of my building. "I really had fun, Bethany."

"So did I." I brushed a strand of her hair away from her face. She really was adorable, and I leaned down to kiss her. Her lips were so sweet and soft.

When we broke apart, I looked into her eyes. "Are you sure about taking things slow?"

That earned me a big grin. "Yeah. Got to give you a reason to come back for more."

"I think you gave me plenty of reasons last night." I watched the blush spread across her face, emphasizing her cute freckles. But I didn't want her to think I was pushing. So I bent down and gave her another short kiss. "Good night, Kayleigh." I opened the door and went inside, rushing upstairs to the first landing so I could look out the window and watch Kayleigh walk back to her car.

She did so in kind of a dreamy stumble, once putting her arms out and twirling around. She was so cute. Maybe I could do this, I really did like her, and I liked being with her. And the best part was that I wasn't thinking about Sally every moment.

I flopped down on my couch and opened my e-reader, pulling up the novel I was currently enjoying. I was in a great mood, and I found myself easily slipping into that place where I believed love to be not only possible, but inevitable, when my phone chimed.

I picked it up with a grin, thinking Kayleigh had sent me a text, but it was from Sally.

Sally - Is your date still going?

I sighed, my good mood instantly evaporating, replaced by that confused, sick feeling I got whatever I thought about Sally and Kayleigh at the same time. I could just ignore it and say I'd been in the tub or bed. But I didn't.

Me - It's over. I'm home. Alone.

Sally - On a scale of one to ten?

Me - Definitely an eleven.

Sally sent me several fireworks and celebratory emojis. There was a big part of that girl that was still in middle school. Of course, I kinda loved that about her.

Me - Don't get too excited. I managed to not screw up one date. We're not exactly picking out china patterns.

Sally - You're coming over for lunch tomorrow. I want all the dets.

Me - Dets? Are you twelve?

She sent me a tongue-sticking-out emoji.

Me - Fine, see you then.

I tossed my phone onto the coffee table, hugged one of my throw pillows to my chest, and stared at the ceiling. I held that posture for a long time, trying and failing not to think about anything. I was just trying to convince myself to head towards bed when my phone chimed again.

Kayleigh - Goodnight, Beautiful. Thinking about you.

A tear stung my eye.

Me - Me, too. Sleep tight.

*****

"So, spill. I want to hear everything." Sally tucked her legs up onto the patio chair she was sitting in.

I shrugged. "It went well."

"God, Bethy, tell me about her. Is she smart? Tall? Does she talk a lot, where's she from?"

"Yes, no, average, Kansas City."

"Bethy!" I was probably lucky there was nothing around she could throw at me. I laughed and held up my hands.

"OK, sorry. She's a doctor, so she's really smart."

"Like, regular really smart or is she a genius like you?"

"It's different. I think she's more people smart, I'm more computer, math smart."

"What's it like with her being a psychologist?"

I grimaced. "She definitely gets people better than I do. I'm just going to have to get used to the idea that she understands our relationship better than me."

Tim raised his glass. "Now you know what every straight man on the planet feels like, literally all the time."

"My condolences."

"Thank you." Tim grinned at his lovely girlfriend, who was giving him a playful stink eye.

"She's not tall, maybe five foot three, and not terribly athletic but she was willing to try climbing, and she did fine. And she actually let me keep score at mini golf."

"Wow. Did you win?"

"Shut up. But I beat her at Skee-ball and air hockey."

"I'll tell you Beth," Tim pointed at Sally, "this one's a ringer. She's already hitting over two hundred yards dead straight on the golf course."

"Is that good? "

"Um, yeah. After three months? It's ridiculous."

"See? Now you understand why I've never beaten her at anything."

Sally shook her head. "Oh stop it. Back on topic, when do we get to meet this girl?"

Tim tipped a soda at me "I could grill out on Labor Day. I'd invite Bryan and Amber. That'd give Sally another new relationship to fuss over. Take some pressure off."

I grinned at him and nodded. "OK, I'll ask her."

*****

I warred a little inwardly on my way home. Were Kayleigh and I at the 'meet your friends' stage already? That seemed fast, but taking my dearth of relationship experience into account I was reticent to trust my own judgment.

I spent all day Monday trying to decide if I was going to ask her or not. I could always call Sally and tell her Kayleigh was busy. I should probably be worried that lying came so easily to me.

I continued to process my options into the night, lying on my couch and listening to music, trying to make a decision.

My phone buzzed from the side table. It was Kayleigh. I almost chickened out and let it go to voicemail until the rational part of my brain told me that was not the way to start a relationship.

"Hey."

"Hi. It's good to hear your voice."

"Yeah, it is." I could feel my cheeks stretch into a smile. It really was good to hear her voice.

"You weren't asleep, were you?"

"No, just lying here, thinking about stuff."

"Good stuff?"

"I was thinking about you, so yeah." I could almost hear her smile on the other end of the line.

"What were you thinking about me?"

Oh shit. Might as well bite the bullet. All in, right? "Whether or not it was too soon to ask you to meet my friends, Sally and Tim. They invited us for a cookout Monday. Your office is closed on Labor Day, right?"

"Really? Yeah, it is" There was surprise in her voice, and I misread it.

"Shit, that's too fast, I'm sorry, I'll tell them no. I..."

"Bethany, stop." Kayleigh hesitated a moment. "It's just funny because that's what I was calling to ask you about."

"You wanted to meet my friends?"

She giggled. What a pretty sound. "No, silly. Do you remember I told you I was busy Friday?"

"Sure. Was that a lie?"

Another laugh. "No. The senior doctor at my practice is having a dinner party Friday night."

"And you didn't wanna take me?"

"I didn't want to scare you, you know, get too coupley too early. I didn't want to go too fast."

I leaned back into the cushions. "C'mon, Kayleigh, we're lesbians. Getting too coupley too fast is what we do."

Kayleigh laughed. "That's true. But we should probably wait at least another week before we go U-Hauling."

"Deal."

"Ah-ha, I can hear the fear in your voice. That scares you a little, doesn't it?"

"See, now, this is the reason no one dates psychologists."