Unrequited Pt. 03

Tim shook his head. "Man. All I've got are burgers and brats. I hope that's okay. Nothing fancy."

"Sounds perfect. I haven't had a good burger in a while."

Brian grinned. "And tomorrow you'll still be able to say that."

"Hey!" Tim made a face at his friend, and everyone laughed. The two friends started going back and forth regarding their respective prowess on the grill, so I put my hand on the small Kayleigh's back.

"You want something to drink sweetheart?"

Kayleigh smiled up at me. "Sure, whatever they have."

I headed into the kitchen, followed by Sally, leaving my girlfriend to field more questions about Stephen's restaurant.

As soon as we were alone, Sally started beaming at me. "Bethy, she's wonderful!"

"I know. Way too good for me. We'll see how long until she works that out."

"Stop it." Her face flashed with anger before morphing into put-upon fatigue. "Beth, why? Why do we go through this every time you meet a girl? How long have we known each other?"

Shame bubbled up inside me. "Since we were nine."

"Since we were nine. And does anyone know you better than I do?"

I shook my head.

Sally continued. "And Kayleigh, is she a flake, or flighty, or stupid?"

"No, of course not."

"That's right. She analyzes people for a living. And she says you're worthy. And I know you are. So for crying out loud let yourself be happy for once." Sally stepped forward and brushed the tear off my cheek before pulling me into a hug. "Love you."

My heart was ripping apart inside me. My body hummed like it did whenever I touched Sally, but at the same time I wanted to be back with Kayleigh, because Sally was right. Kayleigh did make me happy.

We poured six glasses of lemonade and carried them back outside on a tray. Tim's grill had made it up to temperature, and the sizzle of the burgers was evident. Brian was busy in the role of sous chef, while Amber sat chatting with Kayleigh.

I took two of the glasses as Sally gave a third to Amber and headed over to the boys. I handed one of the lemonades to Kayleigh as I sat next to her.

"Thanks, sweetheart." She cocked her head. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah," I lied. I knew she wasn't buying it as I forced out a smile. Taking her hand helped though, and her touch immediately drew away some of my gloom.

Sally sat across from us and asked Kayleigh if she'd always wanted to be a therapist, and she answered with the stories I'd heard before, so I took in the reality of the situation.

I was here, with Sally, my fingers entwined with another woman's. One I was proud to be with, whom I really liked. But across for me was the epitome of everything I'd ever wanted, everything I'd ever dreamed about since I first had experienced those adult emotions as a teenager. I was conflicted, torn.

But I also realized I'd never been torn before. Not once had I ever, for the briefest moment, let anyone fracture my complete devotion to Sally. But the small, green-eyed cutie next to me was doing just that. I felt her palm in mine, and I hoped I was making progress.

Tim acquitted himself well on the grill, and the burgers and brats were consumed with gusto by all present, along with corn on the cob and baked beans.

"Amber, did you make the beans from scratch?" I took another bite, waiting for her answer.

"Hey!" Brian sat forward. "I made those, and yes."

Amber giggled, nodding. "It's true. I'm not a good cook. He is though. On our third date he made manicotti and homemade garlic bread. And from scratch tiramisu."

"Wow. I'm impressed." Sally sat back nodding.

"Yeah. He had the table set all nicely, with candles and flowers." Suddenly the pale skin of her cheeks turned bright red. "It was a really nice night."

"It better have been." Tim was eyeing his friend. "You spent enough time planning it with Sally and my sister."

Amber's eyes went wide, and she stared at her boyfriend, who shrugged sheepishly. "I wanted to get it right. It was important."

Amber's face split into a grin, and she reached out and took Brian's hand, "Oh baby, that's sweet."

Brian sucked in a breath, "Um, yeah, so, dessert?"

Sally clapped her hands. "Kayleigh brought it. I'll get it." She stood and ran into the house.

Brian looked curious. "What did you make?"

"Soda bread pudding. It's my grandmother's recipe."

Brian made a face. "I didn't know bread pudding was Korean." Tim actually face palmed, but Brian was nonplussed. "What?"

Kayleigh just laughed. "It's not. My Irish grandmother. If you saw my dad you'd swear Amber was his daughter instead of me."

I jumped in. "She actually started making it from scratch yesterday."

Kayleigh shrugged, blushing "I made the soda bread yesterday. It's better when it's a little stale."

Sally reemerged with the dish and a stack of dessert bowls, which were passed out.

"So, you're part Irish?" Amber asked.

"Yeah, almost half. As much as I am Korean, at least."

"We could be cousins!"

I nodded. "She has a bedspread that's actually her family tartan, and she has a coat of arms on her wall."

Tim leaned back in his chair. "Have you ever been?"

"To Ireland? No, but I've always wanted to go. I've seen pictures, the green rolling hills, and I listened to the music. It calls to me. I hope to go soon."

"And Korea?" Tim continued.

"I've been there a couple of times visiting relatives. It's amazing. The sense of family and history. It goes back generations upon generations. I felt very connected. And my great-grandmother was very keen to pass on the old family legends."

Amber leaned forward, eyes wide. "Oh, like what?"

Kayleigh looked down, cheeks reddening. "There was one big one, but it's silly. I shouldn't..." This caused a general uproar from the assembly.

"OK, OK!" Kayleigh was grinning now. "So when I first heard this I was about eight. I was enraptured, sitting at my great-grandmother's feet with my sisters.

"The story starts in the late 1600s, when the first British trading ships came to my family's village. My many-great grandmother was just a young woman, beautiful but poor. Anyway, the ship stayed for two weeks, and she fell in love with the dashing young first mate, with his blonde hair and blue eyes.

"The night before the ship left, he promised to come back for her, and to cement his promise he rowed her out to his ship, where the captain married them in secret. They spent the night together, and after returning her to the village he sailed on the morning tide.

"Nine months later she gave birth to a daughter, one with golden brown eyes. In the village's mind she was disgraced. With no suitors and disowned by her family, she waited for her sailor to return.

"It was nearly four years later before another ship came to the village. She waited breathlessly as the rowboats came closer, but her dashing husband was not among their occupants.

"There was, however, one man, nicely dressed and clearly not a sailor, who asked for her by name. He informed her through an interpreter that her husband had been killed in a battle with pirates, although his sacrifice had saved the ship.

"She collapsed to the ground with a wail, fainting from grief. When she awoke she was back in her lowly hovel, lying on her hard bed. The man from the ship was there. He told her that her husband had come from a wealthy trading family, and had an extensive fortune, all of which was now hers.

"She went from being a pariah, and the poorest woman in an already poor village, to one of the wealthiest people in the region. Her marriage now substantiated, her daughter grew up without the stain of illegitimacy, And with her exotic golden brown eyes and light brown hair, along with a generous dowry, the daughter was one of the most sought after brides of her generation.

"She had a very exciting story as well, but she found love and bore many strong and wise children. But only one, a daughter, inherited her golden eyes. And so it's said that every generation has one girl born with golden eyes, and with them, a spirit of adventure and romance."

We were all caught up by the story, and Kayleigh realized we were staring, and she blushed. "That's the story anyway."

Amber breathed out. "Wow. So, is it true?"

Kayleigh shrugged. "Maybe. My grandmother and great grandmother both have golden eyes, and so does my mom. But my generation kind of broke it. All my sibs have light brown eyes."

Sally smiled. "Except for you."

"Yeah, I guess." Kayleigh motioned to her eyes. "Green, so really weird."

"Maybe." Sally looked at me with an annoying grin, and I reflected back my most innocent expression, but I knew what she was thinking. Kayleigh had been the one of her siblings to get the golden eye gene, probably just a blue-eyed gene, combined with her dad's green.

But it meant, if you put any stock into old stories, that Kayleigh was destined for intense, lifelong, passionate love. No pressure there, I guess.

*****

Kayleigh buckled her seatbelt in place as I backed out of the drive. "So when do I get my report card?"

I gave her a little half grin. "What? You were great, you know that."

"I don't mean from you, silly." Her voice changed slightly. She was actually nervous. "I meant from Sally."

"Sally loved you."

"Are you sure?"

"Kayleigh, you're intelligent, kind, sophisticated, and despite all that you're dating me. You're her dream girl."

"Thanks. But I don't want to be her dream girl." Kayleigh fiddled with her hair for a second. "She's just, um, a lot to compete with."

"You're not competing with her!" I glanced at Kayleigh for a second, trying to reassure her, but the doubt in her eyes was obvious. I reached out and took her hand, trying to reassure both of us, I think. "Really. Promise."

Kayleigh managed a half smile, but she didn't let go of my hand. Her touch soothed me, like it always did. We talked about other things, like Brian's insensitive comments, laughingly imagining the tongue-lashing he was likely receiving at this very moment from Amber or Sally.

"I wasn't offended, really. Brian's not a bad guy. Doesn't always think before he speaks, but still."

"I'm still sorry." I turned into Kayleigh's driveway and shut off the car.

"It's OK. There are enough people out there we really have to be worried about."

"Does it happen a lot?"

"No." There was a haunted quality to Kayleigh's voice. "But way more than it should, and when it does it sticks with you, makes you scared. It's a terrible thing to feel unwelcome in your own home." She took a deep breath and plastered on a smile. "Walk me to my door?"

We went up the walk hand-in-hand, and it felt odd to be saying goodbye after spending the whole long weekend together. I didn't have any work clothes here, so I needed to go home.

Kayleigh unlocked her door but didn't go in, turning back to me, a shy smile on her face. "I had a wonderful weekend, Bethany."

I put my hands on her waist and stepped closer, watching her green eyes flutter closed as I leaned in to kiss her. Fire raced in my veins as her arms went around my neck, and I reveled in her unique taste.

Eventually we broke part, and as we did we heard a long, pathetic howl from the other side of the door.

"I think Patches knows mommy's home."

Kayleigh shook her head. "I don't usually come in through this door. I use the garage." She opened the door and stepped inside. As she did so Patches dashed out past her.

Kayleigh shouted "No!" and tried to grab her, but she didn't take off into the yard like I expected, instead just winding around my legs.

I reached down and scooped her up, and she purred into my neck as I held her for a moment.

"Aww," Kayleigh cooed, "she likes you."

"I guess. Here's your mom." I handed the tortie back to Kayleigh, who looked at me over top of her cat.

"You doing anything Friday?"

"Actually, I'm watching Emma. Greg and Nat have tickets to the Cardinals game." Kayleigh's face fell slightly. "Do you want to come with?"

Her frown reversed instantly. "Really?"

"I'll have to clear it with Natalie, but yeah. It'll be fun. Emma's great. And there'll be cookies."

"OK." Kayleigh tossed Patches gently back inside, and she didn't try to get out again. "So, you're okay with me meeting your family already?"

I grinned at her. "We're not very good at taking things slow, are we?"

"I guess not. But I like where we're headed, I think. But Bethany?" She glanced over my shoulder, and we both somehow knew she was looking towards Sally. "I don't want to be settled for."

I couldn't say anything, so I nodded, eyes suddenly stinging with tears. Kayleigh put a hand on my cheek and we kissed again, long and deep before I stumbled back to my car and drove away, my girlfriend waving from her window.

*****

"Bethy, she's wonderful! I mean, just perfect for you."

"You think so, huh?" It was Tuesday night, and sure enough Sally had called almost as soon as she got home from work.

"Of course I do. She's cute, really smart, and super sweet."

"Yeah, such a change from my normal type, mean, dumb, and ugly."

"Bethy!" I swear I could hear her shaking her head at me. "But she has a good heart, I can tell."

"She does. Wicked sense of humor, but a pure soul, I think."

"See! Look at you, getting all poetic."

"Ha, ha. She's not kidding around though. She told me first date she wants marriage, kids, the whole nine yards. It was kind of intense."

"See? And you didn't leave a Beth-shaped hole in the wall running away. That's gotta mean something."

I let out a cold laugh. What it meant was that I made a promise to Sally that I'd give this a try. But, honestly, so far I'm glad I did.

"So you're seeing her again this weekend?" Excitement was dripping from Sally's voice.

"I hope so. Greg and Natalie are going to the Cardinals game Friday night, so I'm watching Emma. As long as it's OK with them, I'm going to bring Kayleigh along.

"Wow. Meeting family already?"

"That's what Kayleigh said. What can I say? I'm a lesbian. We don't mess around with stuff." Sally laughed, a sound I adored more than just about anything else.

Sally started talking about a trip she and Tim were taking up to Chicago, and how Tim had gotten them tickets to Mean Girls the Musical. I admit I was jealous, but what hurt more was the music in Sally's voice when she talked about Tim. When she switched subjects to a new piece of lingerie she'd ordered, her description made me want off the phone.

"Sorry, Sally, but I need to call Natalie."

"Oh, yeah, right. OK. Love you. Talk to you soon."

I said 'bye' and disconnected, my heart in a knot. Sally almost always told me she loved me when we got off the phone. I didn't always reciprocate, because doing so always hurt so damn much. I pushed it out of my mind and pulled up my conversation with my sister.

Me - Can we talk?

Less than 30 seconds later my phone buzzed in my hand.

"Hey, Natalie."

"Hi, Sis. What's up?"

"I need to talk to you about Friday."

I could hear her sit up. "Oh, no. You already agreed. No take-backsies."

I laughed. "No, it's not that. I, um, would you mind if I brought Kayleigh?"

"The girl you're seeing?"

"She's my girlfriend. Yes. I'd like to introduce her to Emma, and to you guys."

"So you want to bring a date to your babysitting gig? So you two can make out on the couch while my little girl wanders outside and gets run over by a truck?"

I could tell she was kidding by the tone of her voice. "Don't be silly. We'd lock her in a room first. What am I? Seventeen?"

"All right. If you trust her, I trust you. Besides, it'll be fewer cookies for you to stuff my daughter with."

"Cookies? What do you mean?" My ears were burning in shame.

"Uh-huh. You're not nearly as sneaky as you think you are, little sis."

"Emma ratted me out, huh?"

"She's five. See you Friday." Nat heaved a great sigh. "And you can still sneak in cookie dough, as long as you save me a couple."

*****

"Why are your eyes shaped like that?" Emma was sitting in Kayleigh's lap, staring into the face of her exotic new friend.

"Because my mommy's family comes from a place called Korea. Everyone from that part of the world has eyes like mine."

"Wow. They're pretty. And you have dots on your nose and your cheeks, like Petey at school.

"Thank you." Kayleigh leaned forward with her eyes closed, letting Emma touch her face.

"What are they called?"

"They're called freckles."

"I like them. So your Auntie Beth's new friend?"

"I am. Is that okay? I like your Aunt Bethany a lot."

Emma nodded. "It's good she has a friend. Maybe then she'll be less sad."

"Emma!"

She turned to look at me, concern shining in her little eyes. "What? You were. I saw you crying." She turned back to Kayleigh "And not just once."

My girlfriend looked at me, and I couldn't read her expression, exactly. Luckily that was the moment the oven chimed, letting me know it was preheated and ready for cookie dough.

That fully distracted Emma, and soon the house was filled with that heavenly scent of baking goodness. Afterwards Emma, now a very mature kindergartener, sat us down with several of her stuffed animals and taught class. Kayleigh was naughty and had to go to timeout for not paying attention. Well deserved, in my opinion.

We let our little charge stay up a bit longer than her mother would've wanted, but eventually we got her tucked into bed. She gave both of us hugs before we turned out the light and closed her door.

"You were a hit, y'know."

Kayleigh smiled. "She's wonderful. I love kids, especially at that age. Makes me miss my nieces and nephews."

"You ever think about moving back?"

Her voice got soft, like she wasn't sure I'd like her answer. "Sometimes." She gave herself a mental shake, almost forcing her mood to brighten. "But I've got my dream job here, exactly what I've always wanted to do. I'm happy, and it's not like I never see them."

I laced my fingers through hers and we headed downstairs. I flipped on the ball game my sister was at, and it was only the end of the fifth, so they had a ways to go.

I settled down on the couch. "What do you want to watch?"

Kayleigh sat down. "I don't care, I'm going to fall asleep anyway."

I pulled a blanket off the back and draped it over her as she leaned against me. One of the movie channels was playing a random Harry Potter, so I put that on.

"You a Potter Head, Bethany?"

"Oh, yeah. You?"

She shrugged. "I've seen all the movies. I keep meaning to read the books."

I rolled my eyes and made an offended noise. "Sacrilege. I've got the full set. I'll loan them to you."

"Okay, deal."

After that Kayleigh got quiet, and I thought she'd fallen asleep, so I gently kissed the top of her head. But she was awake, and she looked up at me with a sad smile. She seemed far away.

I ran my fingers through her hair and asked, "What are you thinking about?"

She shook her head. "Nothing, it's nothing."

I mean, I may not have the highest E.Q. in the world, but even I could tell she was fibbing. "Doesn't sound like nothing."

"It's just, I've always imagined this."

"What, watching Harry Potter?"

She giggled. "No, silly. Putting my daughter to bed. Snuggling with my partner afterwards. This is nice, but we don't get to do the other things. Waking her up in the morning, getting her breakfast. Being a mom."

"It'll happen. Promise." I pulled her close. "You're going to make an amazing mother."

"I just don't want to pressure you."

"It's fine, you did warn me. And I'm still not running."

"It just seems like things are happening really fast."

"Like you said, I don't think it's too fast, although I admit my experience is limited." To be honest, this was already the most successful relationship I'd ever been in. I'd had one or two that'd lasted a few weeks, but by that point I'd been ready to get out, and just too chicken to do so. I'd been telling myself that from the beginning that Kayleigh was different. Maybe I was really starting to believe it.