Unrequited Pt. 03

"Okay," I kissed her on the head. "My turn to be the therapist. What scares you about us?"

"Honestly? How easy it's been." She lay her fingers on mine, staring at the interplay of our skin. "With Patricia I had to fight for every inch of intimacy we had. I was always beating down her walls, and so proud of myself for it. With you it's different. I feel like you just let me in. Like I didn't have to work for it."

I laughed and gave her a squeeze. "Trust me, you'll have to work for it eventually. It's me, after all."

"We'll just work together, OK?"

"Deal." She raised her chin for a kiss, which I happily provided. My brain brought up the statement Natalie had made about me and my girlfriend making out on the couch, but they weren't going to be home for a while, so I didn't care.

True to her word, Kayleigh was fast asleep on my shoulder when Natalie and Greg did return, and I walked a sleepy Kayleigh out to my car. We'd accepted an invitation to Sunday dinner, where they'd really get to interact with Kayleigh. Funnily enough, I wasn't nearly as nervous about that as I had been with her meeting Sally.

I helped Kayleigh up to my apartment, and she stumbled into the bathroom. I couldn't help but smile as I turned down the bed and slipped off my clothes, putting on a tank top and a loose pair of sleep shorts.

The toilet flushed and I heard the sink run before the door opened and Kayleigh walked out completely nude.

"Do you want something to sleep in?"

Kayleigh hugged me. "Your arms."

I put them around her. "I can manage that."

I slipped in between the sheets, where Kayleigh joined me, enfolding herself into my embrace. She let go with an adorable little happy sigh.

"Bethany?"

"Yeah?"

"I had fun tonight."

"Me too. You're a natural with her."

"Thanks." Kayleigh yawned, snuggling closer. "Tired, though. It's okay we just go to sleep?"

"Of course. Even if you're all naked."

"Good. Just one thing." She reached out and pulled on the bottom of my top. I shifted so she could get it off, and once she did we embraced again, skin against skin.

Kayleigh sighed. "Mmm, Love this. G'night."

She was asleep inside the minute. I could feel the rise and fall of her chest as she breathed, the scent of her lavender shampoo filling my head. Her skin was so soft, and she was so beautiful, and for the first time in my life, I wanted to be in love with someone other than Sally.

****

"So, did you always want to be a psychologist?" Natalie sat down on the opposite side of the living room from Kayleigh after she'd handed us each a glass of wine.

Kayleigh nodded. "Pretty much. I always found people fascinating. And as the third of four you get kind of forgotten, so it's easy to just observe." My girlfriend shrugged. "And I was always trying to solve all my friends' problems. Whether they wanted me to or not."

"Were you out at all?" Natalie took a sip of her lemonade. No wine for her, of course.

"My parents figured it out when I turned sixteen. I came out to my friend's junior year, although most of them said they already knew, or so they claimed. There was this girl in my physics class, a senior. We were lab partners. We were so flirty it was ridiculous. She asked me to winter formal. My first real dance with a date, first kiss." Kayleigh blushed. "A few other firsts, too. It didn't survive her graduating, but it was special. She and her wife live in Chicago."

"And you just got out of a long-term relationship?"

"Nat!" I butted in. "This isn't an interrogation."

Kayleigh laughed. "Sweetheart, it's okay. Yes, I did. It had been over for a long time before we both admitted it." A sheepish grin formed on her face. "Sometimes therapists can take it personally if their relationships, romantic or otherwise, fail. I think that I might have been doing that."

"And you decide your next try is going to be with my sister. Bold choice."

I scowled at her, but I don't think Natalie noticed. Kayleigh was completely unflustered. "I think it's going very well." She slipped her hand into mine, and my irritation drained away.

"It must be, you're the first girlfriend of my sister's I've ever actually met. Except for Sally."

"Sally has never been my girlfriend! She's just a really good, really straight friend." I completely failed to keep the bitterness out of my voice.

Kayleigh picked up on it immediately, I'm sure, and she changed the subject. Or tried to, at least.

"So, what was Bethany like growing up? You're older, right?"

"Yeah, three years."

"Was she the typical bratty kid sister?"

Natalie smirked at me. "Not too bad. We both like to be outside, but I preferred playing sports, like soccer and softball. Beth would rather be climbing trees or wading around in the creek catching frogs."

"Really?" Kayleigh turned a half smile in my direction. "I always imagined you holed up in your room, fiddling with computers."

Natalie jumped in before I could answer. "That came later. When she was little she was always taking things apart."

Kayleigh went wide-eyed. "Like what?"

"Oh goodness, my Easy Bake Oven, our Light Brite, an old VCR."

"Hey, in my defense, that had a tape stuck in it."

"Dad's cell phone."

I winced as Kayleigh snorted into her wine glass. "Seriously?"

Natalie grinned. "Yep. She got grounded for a week."

My girlfriend cocked her head at me, grinning, waiting for an explanation.

I blushed and shrugged my shoulders. "I wanted to see how it worked. It was actually a seminal moment for me. When I looked inside, it didn't have any wheels or gizmos, just a small circuit board. And I realized that it wasn't like other machines. It wasn't just working, it was thinking. I wanted to understand how that was possible. Next school year they had an intro to programming enrichment course. I guess the rest is history."

Kayleigh turned back to Natalie. "So, were you surprised when she came out?"

"I had no idea until college. I was always encouraging her to date, and she just wasn't interested. When I got to college I met some other gay people, including women, and their stories made me wonder. Of course, I should've known the whole time, the way you mooned over, um, certain people."

I shot my sister the dirtiest look I could muster. That's all I needed, for her to switch to stories about my adolescent crush on Sally.

"So she never brought anyone home?"

Natalie shook her head. "Mom still thinks it's a phase, that it'll blow over."

"Yeah, that's what Bethany said." Kayleigh glanced at me, grinning. "So is it just a phase?"

"Absolutely not. Then I'd have to date guys. Blechh." I gave a disgusted shudder.

"Hey! We're not all bad." Greg finally interjected into the conversation.

"No, sweetie, you definitely have your uses." Natalie put her hand on her husband's arm, her voice dripping with playful condescension.

"Thank you. I think."

I shot him an evil grin. "Yeah. You're good for getting things off the top shelf, moving furniture, that sort of thing."

"Mowing grass." Kayleigh chipped in.

I pointed at her. "Yes, exactly."

Greg lifted his chin. "Well, even lesbians still need men for having children."

Kayleigh nodded. "For now. But they're working on that. They've had success with female rodents." She looked at Greg smugly. "Yep. Soon your sex will be completely superfluous. And all lesbian children will be female, so eventually we'll just breed you out."

Greg looked nonplussed, so I nodded at him. "Don't worry. We'll keep a few of you around, as servants and things."

"You're all terrible."

We laughed at him. Natalie stood up, picking up her empty plate before going over to her husband and taking his as well. "Don't worry honey, I still need you." She gave him a little kiss.

Greg responded by wrapping his arms around her waist and pulling her into his lap so he could do the job properly.

"Eww, Mommy and Daddy are kissing!" Emma made a face, and Natalie climbed back to her feet with a slightly dazed look in her eyes.

"Okay, um, who wants dessert?"

*****

"Gregory and your sister are cute together."

I grinned, keeping my eyes on the road as I drove. "Yeah, he's the only person I've ever known who can discombobulate her. He's good for her, I think."

"She's an always together sort of person?"

"God, yes. Tops in everything, trying to control everyone. She'd always get annoyed when, well, anyone, but boyfriends especially, didn't act or dress or whatever just like she wanted them to.

"But Greg, he was different. She never could get him to kowtow to her like her other boyfriends. Greg's quiet, but strong." I laughed as a memory surfaced.

"I remember one time, Natalie brought him home to meet our mom and dad. I walked into the family room and saw Natalie standing by the glass patio doors. She was holding a tray of lemonade, staring out into the backyard. Her mouth was slightly open, her eyes wide. When I said her name she jumped, almost spilling the glasses on her tray.

"I went to see what she's been looking at. Greg was in the backyard helping my dad with something. Greg's shirt was off and he was glistening in the sunshine."

Kayleigh giggled. "She was just staring at him?"

"She was transfixed. I've never seen her like that. I think it was the first time she'd ever been in an equal relationship, or ever wanted someone as badly as they wanted her. I will admit, though, for a guy he looked pretty good."

"Was she supportive when you came out?"

"She really was. It meant a lot, especially because I wasn't sure how she'd react. When she got engaged she asked me to be her maid of honor, and she actually gave me the option of wearing a suit if I'd be more comfortable."

Kayleigh giggled. "Did you?"

"Ah, no. I don't do dresses much, but I have no desire to wear men's clothes. But it was just so funny watching her try to be considerate while being prejudiced at the same time. She's gotten a lot better, but she likes to mother me a bit, especially about my love life, or lack thereof."

"So she knew about how you felt about Sally?"

I nodded. "Yeah. She was always on me about it. She'd always say it was never going to happen, that I needed to get over it. Stuff like that. I mean, she wasn't wrong. Whenever Sally would get a boyfriend I'd turn into a grizzly bear with a toothache. Stomp around, snap at people. I was a real delight."

Kayleigh grinned at my sarcasm. "And now that she's with Timothy?"

I could feel a tear stinging my eye. "Tim, well, you have to understand, Sally's dated some real losers." I gave Kayleigh a quick rundown of the lowlights of Sally's dating career. From the high school quarterback to her last boyfriend, who swore they'd never been exclusive when we caught him cheating. "I hated all those guys."

"They didn't treat her like you would have."

I shook my head. "I would've treated her like a princess. Loved her like she deserves. I'd be, um, I'd have been so good to her. Made her happy."

"And now?"

"She is happy. Tim, he's a good man. I'd never take that away from her. He really loves her."

"You're right. Do you know how I know?"

"Hm?" I looked over at her, and for the first time I noticed the sadness in her eyes.

"Because he looks at her the same way you do. The same tender longing."

A spike of shame lanced through my chest as my brain caught up to what was going on.

"God, Kayleigh, I'm sorry."

"It's okay." She smiled, but her eyes told a different story. "I'm good at getting people to talk about things they don't want to. It's my job."

"It's just, I mean, God, I'm screwing this up aren't I?" I looked over at her. Oh shit, she was going to dump me. "I'm really trying."

We got back to her place, and I pulled my car into the drive and put it in park. My heart was racing. "Kayleigh, please, this, you and me, it's the best relationship I've had in, well, ever. I don't want to lose you."

Her face was sympathetic. "Lose me?" She put her hand on mine. "Sweetie, we're just talking."

"You're not breaking up with me?" I mean, she'd just confronted me, sort of, about being in love with someone else. It was a hell of a lot better reason to ditch somebody that I usually used.

"No, I'm not." She put a finger on my chin, lifting my face until our eyes met. "But I was serious when I said I don't want to be settled for. I want a girl who's madly in love with me. Just like I am for her." She leaned across the center console and kissed me, tenderly and sweetly, making my toes crawl up in my shoes.

I got out of the car and went around to her side, walking her arm and arm up to the door. I desperately wanted to stay, but I had no work clothes here. So I settled for another long, lovely kiss before heading back to my car.

I drove home slowly, my thoughts chasing themselves around in my head. Kayleigh was right, of course. She deserved someone absolutely devoted to her, and the dark part of my psyche told me I could never be that person.

*****

A late afternoon disaster kept me at work until after six on Monday, and I didn't make it home to my lonely apartment until almost seven, clutching a bag from Chipotle.

Just as I sat down on my chair my phone chimed, and I pressed the icon to accept the FaceTime request.

"Hey sweetheart. It's good to see your face."

"Hi, Bethany. I just wanted to be sure we're okay, didn't hear from you today."

"Yeah, sorry. Had a big snafu at work. I actually just got home."

"Oh, what happened?"

"Some idiot in accounts receivable clicked on a link he shouldn't have. Spent all afternoon digging malware out of our mainframe."

"That doesn't sound fun."

"Actually, don't tell anyone, but it kind of is. Am I smarter than the hackers? That sort of thing."

"Are you?"

"I was today, I think. Pretty confident I got it all. I have some tests to run in the morning to be sure, but I think it's clean. How was your day?"

"Manic Monday. And in my line of work that's literal."

I laughed, and we talked through our days, and I began to relax listening to the sound of Kayleigh's voice.

"So, Bethany, are you doing anything Saturday?"

I hesitated a moment too long apparently.

"You are, what is it?"

I shook my head. "It's nothing."

"Bethany." Her voice held a touch of remonstrance.

"I was going to have brunch with Sally, but we do that almost every week." As I finished I knew I'd spoken too fast. I sounded like I wasn't being sincere.

"No, if you have plans,"

I made myself calm down. "Huh-uh, I'd rather be with you. What did you have in mind?"

"Are you sure?"

I pursed my lips and gave her a look through the phone, which made her smile. "Okay, I was thinking about taking a picnic lunch out to Castlewood, maybe do some hiking. Weather's supposed to be nice."

"Yeah, sure, that sounds great."

"If you want, just come over after work Friday. We can go shopping, get what we need. We can leave in the morning."

"Sure, perfect."

We talked for another half hour before hanging up. I had to reheat my chipotle burrito bowl, which had completely slipped my mind until I heard my tummy rumble. I worked my way through half of it before I texted Sally.

Me - Can't make brunch on Saturday.

Sally - How come? Another woman?

Me - Yup. Super hot Korean chick. You wouldn't understand. :P

Sally - I have an inkling. What are you guys doing?

Me - Picnic and hiking at Castlewood.

Sally - Ooh, fun! Tim and I were just trying to think of something to do this weekend. Do you guys want to double?

Me - Sure, I'll ask. Would Tim want to do that?

Sally - Yeah, he's sitting right here. He thinks it'd be great.

My spidey-sense was tingling, telling me this was not a good idea, but I wasn't practiced at saying 'no' to Sally. Like a chicken, I didn't text Kayleigh about the situation right away, which resulted in me not sleeping so well that night. I told myself I'd tell Kayleigh when I got off work, something that jumped to a higher energy level when she sent me a text just after four o'clock.

Kayleigh - Doing anything for dinner? I'm making chicken Alfredo.

Me - Sounds great, should be out of here by five.

Kayleigh - :D. See you soon.

*****

By the time I got out of my car in Kayleigh's driveway, Patches was in the window, her little pink mouth opening and closing. She jumped down and I heard scratching and meowing at the bottom of the door as I rang the bell.

Kayleigh 's voice sounded from the other side of the door. "I know, I know she's here." The door swung open and Patches scooted out to weave through my legs as I took in my girlfriend's smiling face.

"Hi, Sweetheart, come on in." She leaned up and we kissed, which was really nice. "Pasta is boiling and the chicken's on the grill. Are you OK?"

I took a breath. Dad always said to pull a Band-Aid off quick to get it over with. "Yeah, it's about this weekend."

"Oh, do we have to postpone?" I could hear the disappointment in her voice.

"No, I just, well, I texted Sally that I couldn't do brunch Saturday, and when she asked me why I told her and she kind of asked if she and Tim could come, too." Whew, I tried to bury my grimace while trying to read her reaction, but her face just slipped into that professional mask that I couldn't decipher. But it probably wasn't good.

"What did you tell her?" Maybe I was projecting but I thought I heard a coldness in her voice. I was afraid if I tried to relate the story I'd start prevaricating to make myself look less stupid and I'd wind up in a downright lie. So instead I just pulled up my conversation with Sally and handed her my phone.

"That's all there was to it. Do you want me to call and tell her 'no'? I will."

"No, it's fine. Besides, if you did she'll think I just told you to." She shook her head.

"And then you'd be the bad guy. Yeah, I see that. I'm sorry."

Kayleigh reached out and took my hand. "Hey, it's fine. You know, I'll never be someone who tells you you can't spend time with your friends. I trust you. And I like Sally and Timothy. It'll be good to get to know them better."

"You sure?"

"Yeah." She leaned up and kissed me, the touch of her lips pushing back my anxiety, even though I wasn't convinced she wasn't upset.

I endeavored to make myself as useful as possible, stirring the pasta and setting the table while Kayleigh prepped the sauce and sliced up the cooked chicken.

It was delicious, of course, but I tried not to be overly complimentary. I knew Kayleigh would see through that in a jiff. If she was upset it didn't show, and I was eventually able to relax and just enjoy being with my girlfriend.

After we finished I cleared the table while Kayleigh rinsed the dishes and put them in the dishwasher. She was humming to herself, and she smiled brightly at me when I put my hand on her back passing behind her.

After wiping off the table I flopped down into Kayleigh's most comfortable armchair, where Patches immediately joined me, butting her head against my hand until I scratched her neck. That earned a rumbling purr and a furry little lap warmer for a few minutes until I heard the dishwasher start and Kayleigh came in from the kitchen.

"Hey, missy, that's my spot."

Patches gave a mewl of protest as her mommy shooed her down to the floor. Before I could complain Kayleigh replaced her kitty in my lap, wrapping her arms around my neck and kissing me.

As she moved her lips over my cheek I whispered to her, "So what now?"

"I was thinking we could play a game."

I grinned at her. "A naughty game?"

"Do you mean an adult game? Not necessarily. We could make it adult. How 'bout this? The loser has to service the winner, with no reciprocation. Sound good?"

Well, if I won, I'd get my pussy eaten by my very talented girlfriend. If I lost, I got to taste Kayleigh's deliciousness again. That's a win-win in my book. "You're on."