Up In Smoke, Pt. 02

I still wasn't sure if the weed was actually magic, but last night had surely been magical. I put the bag in my top desk drawer, looking forward to my next opportunity to try it out, then I sat in my chair and turned to my computer without turning it on, I just sat there blindly staring at the blank screen thinking about Amber. Things definitely had gotten more complicated in the last hour, but I was still excited to see her again. It was only then did I realize with a shock that I had never even gotten her number. Fuck! I'm such a fucking idiot. I thought for a moment about how I could track it down, maybe I could get Mai's number from Minh, and ask her, or even Hong's. But that seemed too pathetic and desperate. Maybe I could find her on social media? But not knowing what platform she used, or what even what name she went by (I doubted that 'Amber' was her real name), that seemed to be an uphill struggle and even a little stalker-y. Shit. I thought for a while, and realized that, if nothing else, I could just go back to the Pub and look for her there. She had also mentioned a few other places she worked at so probably finding her shouldn't be that hard. I hoped.

Behind me in the bathroom I heard my shower turn on. Thuy was taking a shower. Which meant right on the other side of that door she was naked. Thuy was naked in my room again. I groaned and my dick suddenly got hard, the loose boxers and pajama pants doing practically nothing to hold it down.

"No!" I told myself. "Stop it. Not going to happen."

I tried to will myself down by thinking un-sexy thoughts. Baseball. Frankenstein. Being stuck outside in a pile of snow. Water flowing down Thuy's glistening back. No! Uhhh....Uhhhh Roadkill. Uhhhh. Rats. Thuy bending over lathering soap down her legs. FUCK!

I was doomed. I thought of a breathing technique I had learned during a failed rebound attempt after things had ended with Thuy. I had met a girl who taught yoga and had offered to teach me a few things one-on-one, but it hadn't worked out as well as I had hoped. I had thought that yoga was about mediation and bending my body in funny positions, but it turned out to be more of a workout than I had expected. More like fast-paced calisthenics with extra steps. I did not like it. But one thing did stick with me, the breathing. I tried to clear my mind and only think of my breathing. Nothing else. Breathe in. Breathe out. Breathe in. Breathe out. Every time my mind wandered, I would stop and think about breathing again. It kind of worked. Kind of. Maybe I should have taken a few more classes.

I heard the shower stop and my mind went back to what must be happening in there. I turned to my computer and turned it on, the light glaring into my eyes, but the pain was a welcome distraction at the moment. The bathroom door opened a crack and Thuy's head peeked through, her hair wet.

"Uhh, do you have a clean towel?" She asked. I stood up and got one out of my closet and handed it to her through the gap in the door. She gave me a smile taking it, "Thanks."

I went back to my desk and opened my email, figuring that at least I could answer a few work emails. That should be an un-sexy enough distraction. So that's what I did for the next few minutes until I heard the bathroom door behind me open up. I finished up the email I was working on while I heard her moving around behind me, probably going through her bags. When I was done I logged out, and turned around. I froze. She was bent over her suitcase wearing only a pair of skintight, pink boyshorts with the word 'Tasty' splashed across the ass, and a T-shirt I recognized as one of my old ones she had taken with her to France, hanging loosely in front of her. The towel now wrapped around her head.

Ok, look. I'm not dumb. I know she was playing me. She had always been manipulative. But lets be honest here, when a beautiful girl is in your room, wearing that get-up, hair still wet from the shower, bent over showing you her fat ass; thinking is the last thing you are thinking about. My dick shot up to full-mast again. Well, I'm fucked.

Thuy stood up and turned around. I looked away like I hadn't just been staring, but I knew that she knew I had been looking.

"So, how have things been going?" I guess she was going for casual, but it came out a bit too inquisitive.

"You know, the usual, working mostly."

"But how have you been?" She looked almost genuine.

"How do you think I have been?" My anger starting to bubble.

"Look, I know you must be angry, but I never meant to hurt you. I'm sorry."

"You're sorry? Fuck Thuy! From what I have been hearing lately, it's not only me you've fucked over. A lot of people are angry."

"What have you heard?"

"Enough." I lied. In truth, I hadn't heard much of anything apart from the cryptic comments Mai had made the night before and put that together with the fact that Thuy's friends seemed to have all abandoned her, the math seemed to line up to something.

"Well, I don't know what you've heard. But they didn't mean anything. Not like you."

"They?!" My blood ran cold. She winced.

"I..." She hesitated, and I took the opportunity to cut her off.

"You know what Thuy, I don't want to hear it right now." I snapped, the pain in my head coming back at full force. "I don't know what you were expecting, coming here, but I'm not taking you back just because you say you are sorry. I'm tired as fuck, I'm hung over, and you being here is not helping either. So I am going to bed. I don't care what you do, but I expect you to find somewhere else to go by tomorrow because you aren't staying here."

"Oh, sure, of course." She looked down sadly. "I'm not tired, I was able to sleep on the plane. I have my computer and phone, so I can keep myself busy. I will be quiet."

"Good. If you do get tired, you can have the couch."

"You sure you don't..." she looked up at me trying to look flirty.

"The couch, Thuy."

"Yea, ok I get it."

I only shook my head. When she reached back down to her book bag to get her computer, I moved over to my bed quickly, hoping she wouldn't see the tent sticking out of my pants. Apparently my dick couldn't differentiate between anger and lust, it just read the situation as excited. Well thankfully, it wasn't calling the shots. I threw the blanket over me and I tried to get comfortable.

I didn't want to sit in silence, so I grabbed the controller and turned the TV on. For the next couple of minutes I flicked through channels looking for something tolerable to watch, while Thuy sat down at my desk and opened up her computer like nothing was wrong with this situation at all. I settled on some Vietnamese crime drama, thinking if nothing else, it wouldn't be sexy in the slightest, but of course I was wrong about that too. The victim had been a sex-worker, so the police spent the episode running around talking to working-girls...or were they students? It was all in Vietnamese so I didn't take in a lot of the dialog, but there were a lot of scantily-clad women strutting around in too much make-up. Whatever, I didn't care about the show, I just needed a distraction to calm my thoughts enough to drift off to sleep.

Which I must have at some point, though my sleep was anything but restful.

- - -

THE DREAM

- - -

Dreams are weird. When we are living them they feel as real as the waking world, but when we do wake, the more important the dream, the faster it seems to disappear from our memory. Some people never remember their dreams, others only parts. For me, the dreams that I do go on to remember are usually distilled down to a single image in my head, like my brain has done me the courtesy of taking a mental picture of the event. Somehow, that single image is loaded with context in my brain, like my subconscious wants to make sure that I learned something from what it was trying to teach me. The dream I had that night was one of these times. I'm not sure what the lesson, I was supposed to learn, was, but I have a few ideas.

The image I now have burned in my memory is of me sitting on a throne atop a leveled dais in a chamber surrounded by women, all wearing dresses of a variety of designs and colors. The room we are in is flooded with smoke and I can clearly see a few of the women, while others faded into the cloud around us. Standing tall and excited at my left in a long, flowing, ruby-red gown was Amber; a necklace with a large ruby in the center, tight around her neck. Cici, wearing a short, green, floral sundress was seated at my right; one arm bent at the elbow resting on my shoulder. In her hair sat a crown of leaves. Thuy was on her knees at my feet looking up at me, wearing a black corset with streaks of pink flowing down the sides and turning into a pink garter; at her neck she wore a pink choker with a strap leading up to my hand. Next to Thuy, with her arms on her knees, legs spread open, sat a short woman with curly brown hair and a squarish face and glasses. She wore a purple pants suit, with gold trim, and a long-stemmed rose was held in her teeth. On the step below Cici, sat a pale, petite woman, with long, wavy, blonde hair. She wore a pure-white lace gown, with a bright blue silk belt tied at her waist and a diamond tiara sitting proudly on top of her head. In front of us all, laying down on her side with her head held in her palm, elbow planted on the ground, lay a woman in a short, skin-tight, shining, silver nightgown. Her hair was a rainbow of colors, and she had tattoos running up and down her arms and legs, all dark silver against her bronzed skin. Other women sat and stood all around us fading into the smoke. One in a royal blue evening gown, carrying a leather briefcase. Another in a brown and yellow, plaid skirt hiked up passed her knees, with a bright yellow jacket and some crest on the lapel.

Reds, blues, oranges. Colorfully clad women were everywhere. All of them looking up longingly in the same direction.

Towards me, sitting on my thrown.

- - -

THE NIGHTMARE

- - -

I woke up in darkness, not sure what was dream or reality. Was the pub and the club just a dream? What about Cici and Amber? I lay in pure blackness trying to get my thoughts together, for some reason it was difficult. Why was it dark? Were my eyes closed? No, I could feel them moving. There was just no light.

I tried moving my arm, but it was held down, I couldn't move. I shook my head, trying to wake myself up but my mind was sluggish and filled with images of dreams fading into smokey obscurity. I tried moving again but couldn't. While I was being held down, it wasn't uncomfortable, in fact, it was warm and tender. My senses started to reboot and I realized I was laying in bed, something soft lay snuggled inside my arms, gently rising and falling. I could smell something wonderful right under my nose. Could I still be dreaming? I don't think so, I seemed to be aware. I blinked my eyes a few times trying to adjust them to the darkness, and it sort of worked. I think I could start to make out shapes around me. Soft, twinkling dots appeared in one direction, framed in a dark rectangle. My window. It was dark outside. Night time. Had I slept all day? What day was it? How long had I been asleep? My mind was a jumble, not working properly. I had more questions than answers.

Focus. Focus. I was in bed. Check. A small, warm body was in my arms. Check. Amber? Had she come home with me?... No. I remember bringing her home and her kissing me goodnight, then I came home and...and...

I froze. Thuy. I had come home and Thuy was waiting for me. She had wanted to stay at my house. I had fallen asleep and...and, what? Duhh, shit for brains. The body in the bed is Thuy!

I didn't know what to do. I was wide awake now...I think...Thuy was in bed with me, snuggled in my arms, her arm over mine holding it down. I couldn't feel my other arm under me. I felt her move gently and her fingers, interlocked over mine, gave a little squeeze, then she pulled my arm further around herself. Her backside gave a little shimmy and it rubbed into my groin against something hard. I was erect. Shit. I was hard as a rock. I tried to pull it back, but she dug down in deeper. My dick, thankfully still sheltered behind my near-worthless boxers and pants, was sticking out hard in the gap between her cheeks. I moved my hand, still intertwined with hers, to her side and felt her hips. Good, I could feel cloth there, she was wearing pants. Silky, tight, short pants. I remembered the boyshorts she been wearing before I had passed-out and I groaned audibly. My dick jumped with a lurch.

Beneath me, I heard a soft moan and felt her move again, her hand slowly moving mine up along her hips and under the rim of her shirt. I felt the smooth skin of her stomach as our hands drifted further up her body til we reached her small breasts. Then my fingers brushed her nipple protruding out hard as a button. She moaned again and started massaging my hand over the nub, her ass grinding on my hard-on. I shivered. We stayed like that for a moment before she let go of my hand leaving it at her chest while hers slid back around us and rested on the back of my hip and started pulling me further into her.

I gasped and breathed in deeply, that wonderful smell flooding into my nose. My head was right above hers and I was smelling the beautiful scent of her hair.

I felt the pressure of her hand increase as she used it for leverage to spin her whole body around inside my arms, knocking my dick out from between her ass cheeks forcing it downwards towards the mattress at a painful angle. I winced and pulled my hips back to try release some of the pressure on my member. It kind of worked but when my hips returned to their former position, the tent in my pants now found a new home right in between the front gap of her legs. She was now facing me, her head leaning up towards mine, so close. Too close. She reached up and our lips found each other after being apart for a year. Any resistance I might have had crumbled.

We hungrily kissed each other as our bodies molded together and our tongues danced in and out of each others mouths'. Kissing someone new can be exciting in its strangeness, but there is nothing like kissing someone you knew well, someone you loved, and after being apart for so long, our mouths' reunion was bliss. She tasted like lychees.

We continued to kiss for an eternity, our arms holding our bodies tightly together, our groins trying to connect through both our respective pairs of pants, any thought muffled by sheer lust.

One of her hands slid down my back and her fingers began to dig under the waistline of my pants, slipping under the elastic band and onto my ass cheek pulling me closer to her. My free hand following suit. I really did enjoy the feel of her silky shorts over her ass. She didn't have a small one, nor was it tight, she always had a big, squishy butt and I had loved it, it made whatever she was wearing look great, and I loved the feel. Bouncy and plump, great to grab on to and squeeze. She had always liked me playing with it, but that's where she drew the line. I was never allowed to go near her puckered hole, not with my fingers, and certainly not my cock. I had tried tempting her once or twice in the heat of passion, but she always threw up stop signs whenever I did. If I ever crossed the line, playtime was over for the night.

But at the moment I wasn't thinking, we were both pawing at each others asses, pulling us closer together, grinding through our pants. Maybe it was the forbidden temptation that instinctively made my hand move; maybe it was Amber's positive reaction the night before; or maybe it was just fate stepping in to offer me a hand, but as I was groping, one of my fingers slipped to her asshole and tried to break through.

Her head pulled back, her lips leaving mine and uttered the words that doomed her, "Nico, stop!"

Who the fuck was Nico?

The reality of the situation crashed into my head like a wave of cold water. I was in bed fooling around with my slut of an Ex-girlfriend and the fucking bitch had just called me by some other guy's name.

I pushed her off me, threw off the blanket and jumped out of bed, hitting the light switch on the wall as I did. Florescent light blazed into my eyes.

"Who the FUCK is Nico!?" I shouted aloud this time as I saw the look of panic on her face as she bolted up in bed.

"Ben...I...I...he's no one...I...". She stammered knowing she had blown whatever plans she had thought she had, but her using my name now, just made my anger flare even worse.

"FUCK ME! What was I thinking! I want you gone! Get out of my life!" And with that I stormed over to my desk, reached into the drawer where I had stashed the bag of weed, grabbed it, then practically ran out of the room as she called after me, trying to get me to stop.

I ran to the only place I could think of. I stormed out into the night, up the stairs to the patio, then climbed up the rusted, old staircase to the roof. It was still dark out, but I could see the glimmer of color out beyond the horizon which meant that the sunrise wasn't too far out. I had slept almost a whole day. March in Vietnam is pretty much summer any where else, so even though the sun had not shown itself yet, it was still fairly warm out with just a slight twinge of chill about the air.

In my anger, I began pacing around the roof top stepping over water pipes and cables that littered the roof. I wasn't wearing shoes so I should have been more worried about nails or something else that wouldn't do my feet any favors, but I was just too angry to worry about much of anything. I needed to blow off steam or I was going to blow. Anger and pain blazed through my head, not a headache - that was mercifully gone - but now I had more pain than I could deal with and on top of it all, I was still fucking horny! I still loved the fucking bitch, love never leaves us, it can only turn to hate. Can we truly hate something if we haven't loved it first? Or are there different kinds of hate? Can we hate and love something at the same time?

Before now - before she had come back - I had tried to deflect my pain by telling myself that she had just been hooking up with guys. Not much better, but I could understand the basic need for sex, the need to release energy. I could almost forgive her for that. The lying to me about it was a different story, but even that I could understand in a logical part of my brain, we lie because we don't want to hurt those we care about. But now...Whoever this Nico had been, she knew him well enough to instinctively call out his name in bed; knew him well enough to know that he would try to go for her ass. He wasn't just another hook up, he was someone she had been with for a while. Did she care for him? Love him? How long? How many others? Did I want to know any of the answers? Yes. No. Fuck!

Then she had the nerve to try to manipulate and seduce me! She had come to me when I was weakest, claiming she needed help, playing on my sympathies, and then she had gotten in to bed with me while I slept, only to try and fuck me when I was still half asleep!

Rage flamed through my eyes turning my vision red, blinding me. I wanted to scream! I wanted to smash something! I wanted to hurt someone! I wanted to throw myself off the roof!

I just stood on the ledge looking down, emotions blaring through my head paralyzing me.

What can I do to make the pain stop?

Please, just turn it off...

Make it stop.

Silence.

- - -