Uptown Girl

"What? DJ invited you. Does he know about you and Tina?" I ask, more than a little shocked.

"Yeah, of course he does. Tina makes him watch us when we fuck. He's quite the little cuckold, he even cleans up after me." Jayson replies while laughing out loud.

"Holy fuck! That means they both know about you and me, and right now they're in there talking with my fiancé. This is not good, not good at all." I reply as I turn to walk away. Jayson grabs me gently by the arm to stop me for a moment.

"What's wrong, Jessica?"

"Jayson, they fucking hate me, both of them. I got her husband fired and she thinks I'm now trying to steal you away from her. If they tell Jack, I'm fucked."

"They wouldn't do that, surely. They seem like a nice couple. Well, they're nice to me anyway."

"Maybe you can do me a favor, Jayson. Please. Can you go over to them and see what they're talking about. Make sure they're not talking about us, that they're not telling Jack anything bad. Can you do that for me?" I almost begged Jayson.

"Alright, I can do that. But what if they are? What then?"

"I have no idea. I'll look to follow you over there in a few minutes, if you can watch for me and give me a nod if yes, or shake your head no."

"Yes, for if they are talking about you, and a no if they're not. Right?"

"Correct, at least then I can figure out what to say or do before I get there." I reply as Jayson then makes his way back inside to join the three of them.

I stand here, trying my best to keep myself together, I feel like I'm almost shaking from fear of Jack finding out about me. I've never felt like this before, so scared of what might happen next.

I take a sip on the wine I'm holding, trying to calm my nerves, to again be able to present an air of confidence once more. Who am I kidding, I'm such a nervous wreck at the moment. I give it a couple more minutes before I decide its time, as I turn and walk through the doorway back into the large ballroom. I look over to where Jack was standing before with Tina and DJ, expecting to see Jayson there too and if he could signal me before I'd join them.

But they aren't there. None of them are there. I quickly look around the room, trying to spot Jack, but also the other three. Where the hell have they gone? I can sense a feeling of panic beginning to set in, 'Calm yourself, deep breaths' I tell myself.

I slowly begin to circle the large room, hoping to spot them as I move around. Jack is still nowhere to be seen. By the time I've done a full circle, I begin to walk towards one of the doorways that lead into some smaller rooms where some of the guests are seated and chatting. By the time I've walked past each of those, I still haven't spotted them. The only other place now was out the front where the main entrance is.

I walk outside, there are a few people standing around chatting in small groups, none are Jack, nor Tina and Darren Jarvis. Where in the hell is he?

I quickly text Jack: 'Where are you? I'm having trouble finding you.'

It takes a few minutes before I finally get a reply from him.

'I've gone home. Don't follow me. I can't speak to you right now. Maybe not ever again.'

Oh my God! Those cunts have told Jack. I can feel my stomach tighten; it feels like the whole world is closing in on me. I can't breathe. Oh my god, oh my god. Jack knows, he knows about me. What am I going to do? What can I do?

I collapse down to my knees on the steps where I've been standing, clutching my phone, just staring at the screen. I can't believe this is happening. I can't believe that my secrets have been exposed to him. I'm shaking, I'm in a state of shock, I can barely make out that someone is trying to talk to me, I look up to see a man holding my arm, saying words but I can't hear him. Everything's hazy, everything's going dark.

Slowly my eyes start to open, I'm sitting in a chair, and there's a lady talking softly to me.

"Hey, there you are. You're going to be fine darling. Just take it easy for a few more minutes while you get your bearings back. You're going to be alright."

"What happened? Where am I?" I ask as I'm still trying to get my thoughts together.

"Shhh, it's alright. Just take a moment, okay. You feinted outside, you're okay now.

You're inside the venue, just give yourself a moment, and take a few deep breaths for me." The lady informs me.

I followed her instructions; it seems to help. Everything is flooding back to me. Jack! I need to go see Jack. I try to stand back up but I'm a little unstable still, the lady beside me grabs my arm to steady me.

"Not too fast, just give yourself a moment. I don't want you feinting on us again."

"I feinted? I'm okay, I need to go home." I reply to the lady helping me.

"John, can you get Charles to bring the car around, please." She orders a guy standing near the door.

"I'm okay, I can get an Uber." I respond.

"I'll hear nothing of the sort. You're Jessica, aren't you? Jack's fiancé. I'm Catherine, this is my charity gala tonight. My driver Charles will give you a ride home. I'm not going to entrust you to some random man in the state you're in. Just give him the address and he'll take care of you, okay?"

"Okay, and thanks, for everything." I reply to Catherine as I'm escorted out the front by the man Catherine had just been speaking to.

On the ride home, I try to think about what I'll say to Jack. I could lie and try to tell him that they made it all up, but I'm still not sure what they've told him to begin with. I'm struggling to even think, I feel like I want to throw up. As I step out of the car, I'm feeling so nervous, I can feel myself begin to shake once again. I thank the driver and make my way to the front door, taking out my key from my purse.

As I walk down the hallway, entering the living room, I'm still not sure what to say to him. He's not there, so I go to the bedroom, but he's not there either. I sit on the end of the bed for a moment, tears start rolling down my face, I can't help it.

I get up and walk back out, he must be outside on the balcony, it's where he likes to sit and think. I'm sure I've given him a lot to think about. As I step out onto the balcony, I see him sitting there with his hands up covering his face. He drops his hands and sees me standing before him.

"I told you I didn't want to talk with you tonight."

"I know." I reply softly.

I walk over and sit on the end of the bench; Jack is sitting on the other end. The gap between us is real, not just physical.

"What did they tell you?" I ask softly once more.

"Enough." Jack answers, I can sense his emotions just in that one word.

I look down at the floor, unsure what to say, how to make this all better.

"Why?" Jack eventually asks me.

"Can I ask what they told you first?"

"What, so you can decide which bits to leave out? What bits to lie to me about?"

My tears continue to trickle down my cheeks, but now I begin to cry. Holding my hands up to my own face, I don't know what to say to make this all better, to make Jack still love me.

"I'm sorry Jack. I'm so sorry. I don't deserve you; I never have." Was all I could offer in between my sobbing.

"You're right about that. I'm just thankful to have found out who you truly are before we got married."

"Jack, I'll tell you anything you want to know, anything at all. I know you're angry, and that I've hurt you, but I do love you. I love you so much."

"Really? Were you loving me every time you slept with another guy? With guys like Jayson? What was it, four of them at once? Who the fuck are you? I can't believe how you've fooled me the way you have. I can't believe that such a whore, a slut like you, could make me fall in love with her, to want to marry her and have a family together. Thank fuck I've found out before it's too late."

"Don't say that, please Jack. I'm not that woman anymore, you've changed me. You're the first man I've ever been in love with. I'm in love with you Jack Batman, I'll do whatever it takes for you to see that." I reply while sobbing still.

"Can you un-fuck all the guys that you've slept with since we've been together? Can you do that Jessica? I didn't think so. So, no. There's nothing you can do to change that, Jess."

I fell silent, I know there's nothing I can say right now to ease his anger; his feeling of being betrayed. Instead, I try my best to stop my sobbing, to pull myself together.

"You still didn't answer my question, why? Why did you do it? Am I not enough for you? What was it that I couldn't give you? Have you been laughing behind my back the entire time?"

"Of course not, I've never met any man as good as you, it's not your fault, Jack. I don't want you to ever blame yourself for what's happened. It's been me, I'm the one that did this, not you." I reply, wiping the tears from my face.

"The why did you do it? Why Jessica? At least tell me why, you owe me that."

"Because I can't help it. Because I've always had sex with different guys all the time. I tried giving them up for you, I really did. But after a while, I couldn't help it, I wanted to meet new guys again, to fuck someone new. I love sex, I love the way they make me feel special. That's who I am."

"So, you're a slut. That's your reason?" Jack replies, sighing at the end.

"Yes. But no more than a lot of other women out there. We aren't all waiting around, saving ourselves for Mr. Right to come and sweep us off our feet anymore. We have our careers, we have our hook-up guys, that's kind of how it is these days."

I'm getting tired of saying sorry, if this is really going to end between us, maybe I should just be truthful to Jack for once.

"Oh really? So, you're saying I'm setting my standards too high, for wanting a good woman who isn't fucking half the city?"

"Probably. We'll all lie to you, pretend we're something we're not. Take Tina Jarvis for example. Is she your idea of a good woman who's worth marrying?"

"Don't blame Tina and Darren because you got caught. You're not showing your best qualities right now."

"Are you sure? I don't know what they told you, but did she mention that she's pissed at me tonight because she mistakenly thought I was trying to steal Jayson from her. Yeah, right now Jayson's fucking her with his huge cock and DJ's watching them, probably sitting in the corner pulling on that little dick of his. Did you know that about them? Tina and her married friends all go to the same clubs as me and Alisha, hooking up with the same type of guys as us too. She and all her friends are just jealous of me and Alisha because the hot guys always want us first, only picking them as a plan B." I respond, maybe getting a little annoyed myself.

Jack started laughing, not what I expected him to do.

"Are you serious, DJ is Tina's cuckold?" Jack eventually asks.

"Yeah, he is. But she's a good example of your ideal wife right there. I'd never do that to you. For everything else I've done, I'd never do that."

"Oh, I should be thankful then, huh? You might fuck other guys every week but at least you won't make me sit in the corner and watch. Thanks Jessica, you're such a catch." Jack replies sarcastically.

"I'm just being honest. I know you'll probably never want to be with me after tonight, so let's just be honest with each other. No more secrets, no more lies. Ask me anything you want. I'll tell you the honest truth, I've got nothing to lose now, anyway." I respond quietly.

"How long? How long before you slept with the first guy after we began seeing each other?" Jack asks me.

"I never stopped. That night you dropped me off after our first date, I wanted you to come in and fuck me so badly, but all you gave me was a kiss on the cheek. The moment you drove away I was texting one of the guys I know that lives close by. He was probably fucking me by the time you got home."

Jack sat there shaking his head.

"Before, you said you tried stopping for me. For how long did that last? When was that?

"About two months after we started dating. It lasted until after you asked me to move in with you. I started to feel like this was all too real, that I was really going to live with my husband, to be a proper wife. It scared the fuck out of me if I'm being honest, I felt like I needed to get my fix before the walls closed in around me."

"You've got major commitment issues; you know that right." Jack responds.

"You're telling me. It's been so hard to shut down what's been such a huge part of my life. Going out and hooking up with a hot new guy almost every other night is what I've been doing for years. I've never let a guy get close to me though; I mean emotionally. And I've never been in love before, not until you came along."

"But yet that still wasn't enough for you, was it? You kept spreading your legs for whichever good-looking guy wanted to stick his cock between them. What is it about meeting a new guy that you like so much? That he strokes your ego? That he tells you how fantastic you are?"

"Yeah, it can get pretty addictive. Feeling down? Just hit the club and have some hot guys tell you how beautiful you are, that you're the best-looking woman in there, that you can do and have whatever you want. It gets hard to not want that after a while."

"Wow. So, a slut with commitment issues who's also a narcissist. Are you going to tell me you like pulling the wings off butterflies next?"

I look over at Jack with a 'fuck you' expression.

"Is there anything else you want to know while we're doing this, Jack? This is a one-time only offer."

"Did you ever actually enjoy being with me? Or did you just feel that because you're turning thirty that getting married to someone like me is what you should be doing."

"I've loved being with you Jack, every minute of it. More than I ever expected to. I know it's hard for you to believe me when I say that right now, but I mean it, I'm not just saying it to make you feel good. You're the only guy I've ever fallen in love with, at least I'll always have that."

"Then I still just can't get my head around why you'd throw what we had away. What? Just so you can have some random guy tell you you're beautiful so he can fuck you? That's just fucking crazy to me. I know you said you couldn't help it, whatever that means, but fuck, Jessica. I was prepared to give you everything, and all you wanted was to hook-up with other guys for some meaningless sex. I don't understand you at all."

"I know. And I wish I never wanted them now too, I guess I'll have to live with that."

"One last question, were you still planning on fucking other guys after we were married?"

"I'm not sure, but most likely. Alisha's setting up a special birthday party for me next week, one that I was going to keep a secret from you. I'm assuming it involves several hot guys that are going to fuck us both. I've felt bad about being with other guys since we've been properly together, yet I continued to do it anyway. I think there's something wrong with me."

"Yeah, but I bet you're still going to go through with the party next week, aren't you? After everything that's happened."

"Probably, yes. No doubt Alisha will tell me it's for my own good after you've broken off our marriage. That I need to get back out there and have some fun. When it's all that fun that's gotten me into this predicament in the first place."

"Well, there is one difference now, Jessica."

"And what's that?"

"You'll be thirty now. You'll soon be one of those women watching on as some younger hotter slut gets all the best guys first. You can then be like Tina, getting jealous of someone younger and prettier stealing her fuck for the night. Except that even those women like Tina are all married. They'll at least have someone to go home to when they're done. You'll just go back to an empty apartment. I hope it's everything you ever wanted."

I looked away from him, I'd never admit that he might be right. I just couldn't.

"Well, we're done here, Jessica. You need to go call Alisha and get her to come pick you up and take your stuff with you. You're not staying here tonight. In fact, I hope this is the last time we'll ever see each other outside of work."

I got up and looked at Jack one last time before walking inside, texting Alisha before leaving Jack's place for good.

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We did have that special party for my thirtieth birthday, and yes, it did involve several hot guys in an all-night orgy. During that night but especially once we were done, I felt terribly lonely inside. I felt like I was simply going through the motions, pretending to be enjoying myself like I have a thousand times before. But I wasn't, not at all.

I'm starting to understand, with the realization that they've all lied to us, and that I've been lying to myself for the last ten years. From all my teachers, right through to Hollywood movies and social media, they keep telling us that we should aspire to be a successful career woman and that we can have it all, that we don't need a man to live a full and rewarding life.

Well, where's my full and rewarding life?

Is having casual meaningless sex with shallow and childish guys each week while I grow older what they call rewarding?

Is devoting my entire working life to a company that doesn't want me married or having children, is that meant to be rewarding?

Is being alone in my thirties, with no husband to love, no children to care for, is that meant to be rewarding?

Am I just going to end up being yet another woman in her thirties that is sadly clinging on to what remains of her youth, having meaningless sex with strangers, but always ending up alone? Is that supposed to be my female empowerment? Does that make me a Girl-Boss? Maybe I should just get a few cats and complete the meme that's becoming my life.

But yet, when I go out to the clubs and meet all those vapid and shallow good-looking guys, they still tell me that I'm beautiful, that I'm gorgeous and smart, they'll tell me whatever I want to hear as long as they end up between my thighs before the night is through. And I'll probably let them like I have so many times before just to hear how great they think I am.

I've always mocked those traditional women that wanted to get married early, to have a family and live a happy life. I thought they were the delusional ones, I looked down on them and felt that I was always better than them, that I could have it all. But it's not true, and it never was.

All I want now more than anything is to be in love with Jack, and for Jack to love me just as much. To have a family with him, to someday have children together, and to happily grow old with him by my side. And that's something I can never have now no matter how much I want it.

I miss him so much; I can't believe how hard it's been to try and move on without him. That it took just one decent man to come along and turn my world upside down, to show me just how misguided I've been all along. I'd happily give up all the men I've ever been with if only I could have Jack back in my life once again. But he'll never take me back now, why would he? And it's all my own fault.

So much for having it all... unless emptiness and loneliness are what they meant all along.

The End.