Used and Abused in Shame Ch. 03

When I came around, I quickly untied the scarf and freed my pussy and ass from the vibrating toys.

It was a relief to get them out, but it still made me feel strangely empty.

I removed the clamps from my nipples, Doing so hurt terribly as the blood rushed back. I screamed out my pain.

Now all that remained was to free myself. It was difficult to do as couldn't see anything.

I had the self-control to keep the hood on. My camera was probably still broadcasting.

Once free, I rolled off the bed, tore the hood off, took out the earplugs and collapsed on the floor. I was completely exhausted and couldn't even stand. My whole body trembled. I lay on the floor and tried to calm down.

After a while I got up, walked around the camera and turned it off. Then I collapsed on the bed. I pushed away all the items to the floor and pulled an old blanket over me.

I was nude and hadn't taken the leather cuffs off my ankles and wrists. No pillow, no sheets just a raw blanket. I wasn't worth more.

As I drifted into sleep my hands found their way to my pussy and clit. Without thinking, I started to masturbate.

I thought about everything that had happened that night and was ashamed. How could I live with it? How could I look at myself in the mirror? Was I nothing more than that? Just a cheap fuck toy that get turned on being humiliated and used. I had fallen so deep. I was beyond saving. I knew it now for sure. Still, I couldn't stop. This was just the beginning and it would only get worse.

I heard the words:

"We can and will do what we want with you, we can and will do what we want with you, we can and will do what we want with you, we can and will do what we want with you."

I heard it in my head and came, hard.

When I woke up, my whole body was sore. I managed to get to the bathroom for a shower and to drink some water. Then I fell asleep again. Towards afternoon I woke up and felt a bit better.

Now I had to pull myself together. It was Sunday and work tomorrow.

I got dressed and made some food. After I ate, I felt better even though I was sore all over. Especially in my pussy and ass. I gathered all my courage and logged into Fetlife.

My account was overflowing. There were 10,000 comments or messages about the film.

It had really been broadcasted. Most people liked it. Others commented that I was just a pathetic whore. Still others thought it was terrible and wondered how I could do it. The movie was still there and I clicked on the link.

It started with me lying completely vulnerable and tied up on the bed. Suddenly I jumped. It must have been when the audio file started. Then not much happened so I put fast forward. When the padlocks unlocked, I could see how I pushed the dildo up into my pussy. I was surprised at how hard I was with myself. It was like I wanted to hurt me and like I hated myself.

Most surprised was how I sounded. I moaned and screamed like an animal. It wasn't my normal voice. This was something or someone else.

"Yes, I am a whore," I shouted.

When I came, I screamed out my orgasm and in between orgasms I screamed my pain.

I had responded to the mantras and repeated out-loud what I thought I'd said in my head:

"I am worthless,,, I am worthless."

"I am a fuck toy.... I am a fuck toy."

"I am just a set of holes... I am just a set of holes."

"You own my body...You own my body."

"I have nothing to do with how you use my body."

"You can do what you want with me."

"I got turned on by being used and abused by unknown men."

I said it out loud without knowing I did. The sound in my voice made it obvious that I meant every word I said. Everything was true. I was exactly what they said. And I had repeated it out loud. The truth was that my body wasn't mine anymore. I couldn't control it. I was like a drug addict. I had to hand myself over for treatment.

The weeks went by and I lived like a sleepwalker. At work I did what I was supposed to do. No more no less. I worked long days and nobody had anything to complain about, but still my commitment wasn't quite there. It was only at the weekends that my excitement increased.

Masterforcumsluts had completely taken over the directing of my Friday evenings in front of the camera. He pushed my limits further and further. The sessions become longer and rougher. Still, they followed the same pattern.

It had now been 6-7 weeks since the first occasion with a live broadcast of self-bondage. I hadn't watched the films but I knew they were there and that there were many of them. A lot of people watched them. I had read some comments though.

I'd been thinking about what was so special about them There were thousands of comments and everybody had an opinion. It was obvious that people (almost only men) reacted to them in many ways.

So, one evening I started one of the later films. Someone, probably Masterforcumsluts, had edited the video and added some comments. Above all, however, I had concentrated on the final part when I punished myself.

"Well," I thought. "It was just the natural next step-in my self-humiliation and destruction." Someone had been editing it so it looked like a real movie that could be sold.

My shame on the screen.

Something that really surprised me was that there seemed to be close-ups and it looked like the camera was moving. I didn't understand that and let it go.

When I watched the film, I was instantly become aroused. I saw everything I done to myself. I felt the humiliation wash over me. I felt both excited and devastated. My entire humiliation was on film and many thousands had seen it and probably masturbated to it. They used my shame for their pleasure. They have had access to look straight up into my spread pussy as I pushed a big dildo into it and screamed:

"I'M WHORE, USE ME, RAPE ME, HURT ME."

To this Friday, all films were shot on Friday nights, Masterforcumsluts had made a very detailed list and pushed my limits further. Nowadays, I only took his directions. Among other things, I was supposed to set the locks for five hours. I hadn't tied myself up for that long before.

The other tasks would require a lot of preparation so I started straight away when I got home. To be sure to make it in time for broadcast. I even have left work a bit earlier than usual with some fictional excuse.

My entire body below my head should be shaved. I was supposed to be completely hairless. Next was the permanent marker. Masterforcumsluts had given me a website where I could buy them. This was a variety that had extra strong ink. I guess it would be harder to wash the words away afterwards.

This time there would be a lot of writing:

RAPE MY CUNT, just over my pussy.

I'M RAPE MEAT, in capital large letters over my stomach.

DO WHAT YOU WANT WITH ME, on my chest

And spread out on my body, and some, written several times:

PUNISH ME

HURT ME

USE ME

I'M A FUCK TOY

I'M WORTHLESS

I'M JUST A SET OF HOLES

I'M A SLUT

I DID THIS TO MYSELF

THIS IS WHAT I AM -- I HAVE ONLY MY SELF TO BLAME FOR IT

If I say it myself, I've gotten really good at writing with a mirror and took a pride in that.

Afterwards I inspected my work. It looked really good and by that, I mean the craftsmanship. I myself was the same pathetic slut as before. And when I read what I wrote I blushed. I was ashamed of myself.

How could I do that to me and my body.

I knew that a lot of people would see it. Many thousands had seen the previous films. So, it wasn't doing anything new. The same as the last Fridays. But I had a feeling of taking one more step against something every time I did this.

And that something which I don't know what it is can't be good.

And now I would tie myself up in front of the camera again which meant another step. And this time I had the feeling it was. I don't know why. Maybe the long time, five hours, and the pushed limits.

I went through the same procedure as before. I laid down on the bed and started with my legs. Since I had done this many times now, I had gotten more flexible and could therefore spread my legs even further. I would also use a slightly larger butt plug and set it to medium vibration. Not lowest as before.

New was that I would put two clamps in each labia. One high and one low on my pussy. The clamps that sat on the same labia were joined by a string that ran on the outside of my thigh. The string was supposed to be stretched as much as possible.

The effect was that my pussy was opened, stretched apart and completely exposed.

I realized that the camera would have full visibility right up and into me. Nothing was supposed to be hidden. I guess it looked obscene.

This time I was to have a ball gag in my mouth. I was supposed to push it in as far as possible and fasten it with the leather buckle behind my neck before putting the hood on. After the hood was on, I would wrap ten rounds of tape around it.

It would be impossible for me to scream or say anything. I wouldn't be able to form an understandable word. The possibility of communicating was completely prevented. Nobody would hear me.

I had received strict orders to make a hole in the middle the ball of 1.5 -- 2 cm in diameter. And that hole was not to be taped over. It was to ensure my breathing. Still, I would be impossible to communicate.

"I have no use for the whore if it suffocates," Masterforcumsluts had written.

Maybe I should have reacted to the rawness and ruthlessness of it but strangely it just felt like he cared about me.

I was done. I had tied myself as before and secured my hands with the timed lock which now was set for five hours. I just lay there completely exposed, completely opened and couldn't move. I felt the butt plug vibrate. It was unusual with the ball gag. Otherwise, it was mostly as before. I had done this so many times now that it had become a habit. And the need in my body arose. I had to do this. My body craved it. In a strange way it made me free. Captivated but free.

Despite this, I had that feeling that something was different. This time it had been more like I was following orders. Previously, it had been up to me to decide. Now it was someone else who set the agenda. I had given away another part of myself.

So far, I just heard music and waited for the voice or voices I knew would come. They would tell me what I already had heard I needed to hear. It was the truth. I knew that.

They would tell me how worthless I was. That I'm just a whore, just a set of holes to use. That my body isn't mine anymore. I knew it was coming soon and I waited for it. It had become like a drug I couldn't live without. I was an addict.

Suddenly the music disappeared and was replaced by laughter. It was a raw mocking laugh. Nothing you hear after telling a joke or in comedy. This was someone laughing at me. Like he was laughing at a stupid fool:

"You fucking whore. Now you put yourself in a bad position. Look at you. Oh, I forgot, you can't see. Why can't you see? It's because you have blindfolded yourself. You have tied yourself up so you can't move. You have even gagged yourself and opened your cunt. Everything you have done to yourself is your own choice and your own fault. What will happen is your own fault. You can't blame anyone else. YOU HAVE ONLY YOURSELF TO BLAME YOUR PATHETIC CUMSLUT."

And so, it continued. I become scared. It hadn't sounded like this before. This was rawer, harder and rougher. Also, it was detailed. It sounded like he knew what was going to happen.

"If you were a normal sub, you would have a safe-word. But you took that opportunity away when you put the ball gag in your fucking hole of a whore-mouth."

And then more laughter. Didn't it sound like there were more people laughing now?

"You have taken everything away from yourself. YOU did it. No one has forced you. You have made yourself into this worthless creature and that you are displaying for the whole world to see. You have even open you cunt for all to see."

I knew everything he said was true. It hit me even harder than before. I had done this to myself. It was all my own fault. I got what I deserved. My pussy was throbbing. I was so horny. I was so close to cumming. The butt plug vibrated but not enough to get me over the edge. I'd had this feeling before but this time it was worse. And everything he shouted and said in my head made it worse. I wanted to shout but I couldn't do that either.

"Please," I thought and screamed in my head, "do whatever you want with me."

I wanted to outvote the other voices. I needed it. Still, I knew I wouldn't get anything. I started to sob inside my hood.

It would be five long hours where the brainwashing continued and I was constantly on the edge of orgasm. An edge would never pass over. Exposing myself this way really proves what a complete fool I was.

But it wasn't my brain or intellect that set the rules. It was something else. It was something I needed, a craving I couldn't resist. My body set the rules and made the decisions for me.

I was a slave to this. I was a slave to my needs and to my own body.

Suddenly I felt a movement in the mattress. As if it is had been pressed down.

"What is happening" I had the time to think?

Next thing I felt something hot, big and hard pushed into my pussy while my whole body remained pressed down.

I got scared and completely paralyzed.

I realized I had a cock in me.

Someone fucking me, raping me.

I try to get away but it's impossible. After all, I have tied me down properly. I can't move an inch. I try to scream but the sound doesn't get past the taped ball gag. I can do nothing except lie and receive.

And all the time I hear in my head:

"You are a worthless whore. Everything that happens is your own fault. You are the one who put yourself in this situation. You are rape meat. Just a hole to jerk off in. You ARE a cunt."

The man who fucks me does it hard and insensitively. He's using me. That I should get any pleasure is not on the agenda. I feel him pick up the pace and thrust in hard and ruthlessly. He cums in my pussy while I hear:

"You have yourself to blame, you have yourself to blame" in my head.

Some minutes ago, I was aroused and to the edge of orgasm. Now I was shocked. I had been raped, used as a warm fuck doll. He had masturbated in me.

The voice continued in my head and I had a hard time thinking clearly and collecting my thoughts.

The voice continued to humiliate me calling me different things and names and saying that I put myself in this situation. And it was true. I had tied myself up. I had shown myself tied up on live cam many times.

The voice explained:

"This is your new life".

"The only thing you are good for is to be used. Accept it, accept your new life. Accept your new life. The sooner you accept it the easier it will be to enjoy it. You know you have to live like this."

Then I felt a new cock is pushed into my pussy.

This one wasn't as brutal and I'm not as shocked. He fucks me purposefully.

And now the unthinkable happens. My body is starting to betray me. I feel the stimulation on my clit that it longed for. Had I been able to meet his thrusts, I would have.

I tried to resist, tried to keep my brain clear but it didn't work. My head was filled with, "whore, you love to be raped, you want to be raped, you're just a hole, accept it, accept your new life."

"You are used as you wanted. It's written on your body. You wrote it yourself. You asked for it."

When he screamed "YOU PATHETIC DEPRAVED CHEAP FUCK DOLL" I came.

I could not hold back anymore. I was defeated, they had broken me. I had lost. And I was ashamed.

I couldn't hear anything from the man who used me, but he slapped my face so I guessed he noticed that I had cum.

When he came in me, he scooped up some sperm from my pussy and smeared it in my nose and dripped it into through the hole in the gag and into my mouth. I could smell and taste cum.

It went on for what felt like forever. Man after man fucked me. I soon lost count of how many. I had stopped fighting mentally.

My body was my biggest enemy and it took advantage of the situation. It probably came every time I was fucked. Maybe even several times per guy.

They slapped my face, pinched and hit my breasts. They broke me. They could do whatever they wanted and did. I had lost. I had no dignity left. I was a loser. A worthless stupid fool. Everything they said about me in my ears was true. I was a pathetic fuck doll. I liked being raped. And I came when they did it to me.

It was all my own fault. Hadn't I done all this to myself? Tied me up, showed me off, written on my body.

If I hadn't nothing would have happened. I was really just a worthless set of holes, rape meat and nothing else. When I broke free, I would give my body and myself over to those who possibly wanted me, if anyone did. My body wasn't mine anymore.

My pussy was sore. At the moment, nobody fucked me. Instead, they had started scooping up sperm from my well used pussy and spread it out and lubricating my whole body. There were many hands and they did it thoroughly. They didn't miss a spot. My breasts, my neck, my stomach, my thighs even my feet and hand's. In the end they had lubricated my whole body, impregnated me.

Then I got the first blow. It was from something that felt like a paddle on the stomach. More came and there were many who used other things like whips. Some hurt a lot, others less. They whipped my whole body.

And at the same time, I heard in my head. "You asked for it. We only do what you want. You wrote "Beat me, punish me" on yourself. You wrote it yourself, pathetic rape meat."

It was as if they wanted to pound the sperm into my skin. I could barely breathe from all the blows and pain. But it was my own fault. I knew that. I had myself to blame.

The blows became fewer, they slowed down and I thought it was all over. Then a guy jumped on the bed and pushed his cock into me. He fucked me harder and rougher than anyone else had done. He hit me first with his hands and then with a whip or maybe it was the others who hit me. I couldn't tell. My body was now so sensitive that it only took a minute before I came, and did so again and again. At the same time, I was crying in my hood.

When he pulled out and shot his load on my stomach I was crushed and broken. There couldn't be anything more worthless than me. Not now not ever.

"Now it's over," I thought, "now they will untie me,"

And I was sure that the five hours that the locks were set for had passed. Instead, I felt something being attached to the belt that went around my waist. It was attached first behind my back. Then the speed of the butt plug I still had in me was turned up to the highest level. A thick dildo was pushed into my pussy and was adjusted so that it just hit my g-spot. It also had a knob that was placed directly against my clitoris. Then they secured the dildo with the belt who went around from my back and over my pussy and was attached to the waist belt on the stomach. It was strained hard I wouldn't be able to push the dildo out. Then they also turned the vibration of the dildo to maximum speed.

My sore and thoroughly fucked pussy was filled and vibrating roughly. And there was nothing I could do. I could only lie and take it while I heard the taunt in my head:

"You must be happy now. You've got a dick. The men have honoured you by donating their semen. And you've cum. You've had a lot of orgasms. This is what you live for. To get cocks and orgasms. And now you will have more orgasms. A worthless whore like you doesn't deserve that, but it seems that the men were pleased."

Then they started to whip me again. Some of the whips were really stinging and I'm sure they would leave marks. I didn't care. The pain mixed with the vibrating stimulation. It wasn't pain anymore.