Used and Abused in Shame Ch. 03

Continuation of Used and Abused in Shame. This third episode contains, among other things, a lot of self-bondage. Our main character falls deeper and deeper into her needs and humiliation. A humiliation she craves even if she is ashamed of it. Although she has tried, she has failed to manage her own needs.

In the first part this was tattooed on the ass in black block letters:

ANYONE WHO READS THIS SHALL BE AWARE

THAT THIS IS JUST A WORTHLESS FUCK TOY.

A TOY CAN'T BE RAPED,

JUST USED AND ABUSED.

IT MUST BE PUNISHED IF IT CUMS.

TREAT THE TOY LIKE THE SET OF HOLES IT IS.

IT'S ONLY PURPOSE IS TO GIVE MEN PLEASURE.

THE TOY BELONGS TO ALL MEN AND

HAS NO WILL OF IT'S OWN.

The previous episode ended like this:

So, what if I was a little sore and hurt? I only had myself to blame. That was the way it should be. A woman, or rather a slut, like me whose body got aroused and reacted with multiple orgasms when thrown into a van and gangraped by unknown men ought to be punished.

Such a whore doesn't deserve to be treated well. I realized that. I existed only for the joy and enjoyment of others. My own will was of secondary importance. Therefore, it's just right that I get treated and used like that by Joe and any or all of friends. What scared me most was how my body reacted, and that I couldn't control it.

I had failed.

I was supposed to be able to satisfy myself without giving my body up for others to use. That had been my plan - not to let others take advantage of me and use me.

But once again I had failed and left myself to be treated like a whore, an object, a fuck doll and cum-slut. I'm a large failure. I couldn't even manage to stick to my own plan.

..............

After the night out with my colleagues, which started innocently enough but ended with me tied to a mattress in a van and sold by Joe to a bunch of men, I had taken it easy for some days. I had been at work but was a bit withdrawn. My body was sore. By the end of the week that had healed.

Strangely enough, I felt satisfied. Both physically and mentally. I was calm. Calm in a way I hadn't experienced in a long time. Deep down, and I didn't want to reveal that, I hadn't felt such peace since after I'd been used by my 'friend' from Fetlife. A man I still didn't know the name of. That time it had been 12 men, if the writing with a marker on my body was right, who had used and humiliated me in every imaginable way.

The feeling of calm and satisfaction was wonderful and I wanted to stay in this state forever. But I knew it was only a matter of time before I needed more.

By Wednesday the restlessness in my body had returned and I found myself masturbating more and more.

As usual this escalated more and more and I found myself going back and back to my account on Fetlife to read what others had said. There had been many posts and tips on what I should film and do in front of the camera.

Now I was even more determined to handle it myself. To return to self-bondage and continue posting self-made videos. Friday would be the next time. I even advertised it on my profile.

I had prepared for the evening carefully. I compiled instructions and tips from different people but I especially followed the one that someone who called himself "Masterforcumsluts". Someone who recently started to write to me. My body was prepared. Everything below my head was shaved and smooth. I had even warmed up and had stretched like before a sporting performance.

And as Masterforcumsluts had told me what to do. I had written with a permanent marker on my body. On my stomach it now said "WHORE" in large black capital letters. Above my pussy "RAPE MEAT". And scattered over my body in different places "CUMSLUT", "JUST A SET OF HOLES" and "I AM WORTHLESS".

I had practiced and tested writing with a mirror earlier. It was hard to do mirrored but it turned out quite well. And I had covered my revealing tattoo. I didn't want to show that to the world.

I had everything laid out on the bed, or close at hand, so I could do this myself. This required both thought and planning. Again, I realized that after all I was a very smart and intelligent woman who could work this out. In this case, it was hard to figure out how to do it. It took a very intelligent woman to able to act like a worthless slut and fuck hole.

The first thing I did was to set up the camera. I would broadcast live. It was the first time I done so. I had received information on how to do it from Masterforcumsluts and followed that. I had also posted an add with a link to Fetlife. And I would of course also record it.

It felt extra exciting that it was going to be shown right away. There would be, although not many, people watching me live. It was a different feeling than filming and being able to edit and choose what to show and not to show. This was even more revealing.

I aimed the camera. I was now quite good at using it and made sure to set everything correctly. I put everything on delay. The broadcast would start automatically in 15 minutes. I would have time to get ready by then.

I put my black leather cuffs around my ankles, above my knees, and around my wrists. Totally three pairs of cuffs. I fastened them carefully. Not too hard but tight enough so I wouldn't be able to break free. I also tightened a black leather belt around my waist.

I lay down in the middle of the bed and made sure that everything was prepared so I could reach it.

First, I took a strap that ran under the bed. I attached it to each cuff that sat above my knees with carabiners. When I tightened the strap, my knees were pulled apart. I pulled so hard they would be separated as much as they physically could be. Then I took a strap attached to the headboard on the far left and attached to the same cuff above the knee of my left leg with another carabiner. I did the same with my right leg. In this way my already spread legs were pulled up.

Masterforcumsluts had been very clear that my legs should be completely spread. My pussy, or 'cunt' as he called it, should be completely opened and exposed.

In order to be completely immobile, my feet were also attached to straps in the corresponding way, but towards the foot end to the far left and right respectively. I was glad I was agile enough that I could reach me feet and do this. My legs were now completely stuck. I couldn't move them a millimetre and I was completely open and exposed.

Then came another thing that Masterforcumsluts had also

been very clear about, a butt plug. He had written that it didn't have to be a big one. The important thing was that it vibrated. I wasn't to set it on a too high a level either. Just the second lowest level of vibration.

To fixate myself further I attached a strap that ran under the bed to the belt attached to my waist. The strap was attached on each side of it and I tightened it so that my waist was pressed down against the bed.

Now for the tricky part.

First, the leather hood. This ensured my identity was protected. And this time I used one without holes for my eyes. It should make me blindfolded.

I put the earplugs in. This was brand new and extra exciting. I had received an audio file from Masterforcumsluts. The instructions were to download it to my iPhone and wear earplugs under the leather hood so I couldn't avoid hearing it. I was told not to listened to the file beforehand and hadn't. So, I didn't know anything about the content. I would hear it for the first time while tied up in front of the camera.

It started with music, some pretty rough rap, so I could set the volume to the right level. Then I put the leather hood on. I fixed it carefully so that the earplugs were in and attached. I carefully made sure that my nose and mouth were free so I could breathe.

Next were my arms. I had two straps attached to the headboards, far right and far left. The straps ran like a loop so they could be tightened. Each strap had a strong metal ring that I was supposed to fasten to the padlocks. Now I had to find them without seeing. I had bought two padlocks that could be timed. I had set both to open automatically after an hour. During the week I had tested them several times and it had always worked. This was the biggest risk moment.

Imagine if the locks didn't open? It was both scary and exciting.

I started with my left hand. I searched and found the padlock. I put it through the metal ring attached to the strap and the metal ring on the leather cuff. Then I pressed. I didn't hear the click because of the music in my ears but I could feel it had locked.

With my right hand, I tightened the strap so my arm was stretched. Now I repeated the same procedure with my right hand. It was hard do it with one hand, but I managed to do it. I closed the padlock and tightened the strap, as much as I could with one hand.

Now I was stuck. Totally bound, unable to move or get away. Tied in the view of the camera.

I didn't believe that 15 minutes had passed yet so the broadcast hadn't started. I tested my shackles. I was really completely stuck with no possibility of getting free. In fact, it was difficult to move more than a few centimetres.

I'd done a good job. I saw nothing, and I heard nothing but the music.

I started to wonder what I was doing. It couldn't be normal. I couldn't be normal.

Tying myself nude in front of a camera. Showing myself vulnerable and exposed. At the same time, I knew I could do nothing else. I couldn't help myself. Without this humiliation I wouldn't function. It had become a part of my life. An important part. And if no one else, did it, I had to do it myself.

Otherwise, I'd have to search for men to do this to me.

This was much safer and I could control it.

At least I thought I could.

I had received help from Masterforcumsluts but I had tied myself down. No one else had done it. I did it myself. And now there was no turning back. Now I just had to lay here, wait for the hour to pass, and the padlock would open and set me free.

I felt the familiar tingling in my pussy. I could feel the weak vibration from the butt pIug through to my pussy and it made me aroused. I was really turned on and there was nothing what so ever I could do about it. It would be agony, pure torture to lay here bound, spread, unable to move and unable to satisfy myself. No normal person would put herself in a situation like this.

The realization hit me hard. It added more proof that I'm a worthless woman. A slut. No person. Only three holes. And now I had tied myself up in front of the camera where I showed my body and especially my pussy. My cunt. Anyone could see me and my lack of value.

I was really just a fuck doll and nothing else.

Another though hit me.

Did I want to be something else? Did I really want something else than this?

I wasn't not sure. This might be what I want to be. Maybe this is what I really really am.

Suddenly, as I lay thinking, I heard someone shout,

"WHORE, YOU'RE A PATHETIC WHORE."

I jumped and tore at my shackles. Of course, I couldn't get away. I had tied myself down well.

Without me noticing, the music had disappeared. Now it was the continuation of the audio file from Masterforcumsluts I heard. It screamed in my head.

"YOU'RE WORTHLESS. YOU'RE JUST A SET OF HOLES FOR MEN TO MASTURBATE IN. YOU HAVE NO VALUE WHATSOEVER. ANYONE WHO SEES YOU WILL KNOW THAT YOU'RE ONLY GOOD FOR ONE THING. TO RECEIVE CUM. YOU WILL TAKE CUM IN EVERY NASTY HOLE OF YOURS. IN YOUR CUNT. IN YOUR MOUTH. IN YOUR ASS. AND ON YOUR FILTHY BODY. ANYONE WILL JERK OFF IN YOU. YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO SAY NO TO ANY MAN. YOU'RE SO WEAK AND PATHETIC THAT YOU CAN'T SAY NO. YOU'RE NOTHING BUT A TOY."

It continued like that. The voice screamed degrading words into my head. I couldn't defend myself. I had tied myself and couldn't move or see. I could only listen and receive. I couldn't argue with a recording. Besides that, the vibrating in my ass didn't exactly help me think straight.

Suddenly there was another voice another man. He didn't scream. He was more calm and more matter-of-fact. It didn't make anything any better.

"Now you've proven to everyone what a slut you are. You've tied yourself up in front of a camera that's on display for the whole world. You have done it yourself. You only have yourself to blame. Don't try to blame anyone else. It was your own choice. You made it. You have written on your body what you are. You have accepted it. And now you have chosen to show off your perverted body to the whole world. Fucking hell, you're so worthless. You are only good to be stepped on. The dirt under my shoes has more value than you. You are a nobody. A nobody that could and should be punished. I mean, who cares? We will beat you. Whip you. Abuse you in every way. Mark your body permanently. Fuck you with large dildos and bottles. You don't deserve to be treated in any other way than that."

I was panting, my heart rate was high. I was torn between utter humiliation and excitement. Although the butt plug was small and set to low vibration, I could still feel it in my whole body and especially in my pussy. I wanted to scream.

"Yes, yes, yes I am everything you say. Do what you want with me. I need to cum, I need a cock."

And maybe I screamed it out loud, I don't know.

The voice just kept grinding on about how worthless I was and that it was all my fault.

Then a new voice appeared. This was rawer.

"I will rape you. I will push my big cock up in your embarrassingly wet cunt. I will use your body. And you will cum. I know you will bitch. And I will laugh at you. There is nothing more pathetic than a tied-up whore having orgasm after orgasm after orgasm while being raped. Oh, and by the way I know. They do. And here, in front of a camera is you. A cum dump that tied-up herself asking to get raped."

"And when I'm done with you it's my friends turn. There will be a long line of men waiting to stick their cocks into your holes. It's like masturbating, but they don't have to use their hands. They'll use your holes, toy."

It went on like that forever.

I lost count of how many men were talking and yelling at me. I knew they were right. Everyone said the truth but in different ways.

It was beyond all doubt that I was worthless and that I should be grateful that someone even spoke to me or looked at me. If they conceded to stick their cock in any of my holes, it would be a bonus, for me. I had no more value than an inflatable sex doll. I had laid down and tied myself up as such. At the same time the horniness was there. I had to have more. They were right. This is what I was and I had to have it for real.

I must be punished, I must be fucked, I must be used.

I don't know much time passed. Suddenly my hands were free. The hour had passed and the time lock had opened. Now I could do as they said. I could be punished; I could be fucked.

I sat up in the bed and reached the bedside table where I had quite a few things. First, I got a large dildo that could vibrate strongly. Without hesitation I pushed it up my wet and ready pussy.

Then I found my U shaped wireless vibrator, placed it in my pussy (or is it a cunt?) and over my clit. Then I grabbed a scarf. I tied it to the belt behind my back and up over my pussy, tightened it so the dildo was held in place and couldn't slide out.

"Now you're going to get your horny whore", I shouted to myself.

I put the dildo and U shaped vibrator on the highest setting and also managed to raise the level on the butt plug.

"You pathetic scumbag", I yelled at myself while slapping my hooded face. I hit as hard as I could. I tugged on the rings in my nipples. I spat in my hands to cover my body with spit.

I felt I was close to cumming but I wasn't going to let this worthless creature off the hook easily.

I dug further into the box and found two clamps that I put on each of my pierced nipples. The pain was immediate. I deserved it. I couldn't think straight. I had no control. In my desperation to punish and humiliate myself, I threw up my hands.

I searched for the padlocks and fastened my wrists again. I didn't know if the time function was set to one hour again but it didn't matter. I didn't care. Just one thing mattered. This pathetic whore needed to be punished. She must be punished for even existing. And this punishment would be forced orgasms.

It didn't take long before I came. I came so hard. I felt it in my whole body. It had been building up for so long. I almost fainted. And all the time the audio file was still playing in my head.

Someone shouted:

"You are worthless, you are worthless, you are worthless, you are worthless, you are worthless, you are worthless, you are worthless, you are worthless, you are worthless."

When I come to senses my clit was sore and my whole pussy was like a sensitive zone. The dildo, the U shaped vibrator and the butt plug didn't care. They had no feelings. They went on vibrating. It hurt. I screamed. I wanted it to stop. I tried to get loose. I pulled my shackles but they were strong. It was torture. I screamed and cried inside the leather hood.

And at the same time a voice shouted in my head:

"You are worthless, you are worthless, you are worthless, you are worthless, you are worthless, you are worthless, you are worthless, you are worthless, you are worthless."

The pain went into lust and excitement. I was about to cum again.

Was it possible? How could I cum over and over under these conditions.

This was just another proof that I was what they shouted in my ears. I'm not a human being. I'm a horny fucking object who cums from being humiliated, shown off and used.

Such a creature you could do anything to. It couldn't be raped. Anyone could use it it like they wish. It couldn't protest. It couldn't have any objection. It couldn't affect how it used.

That thing is me.

A voice droned on in my head:

"You are worthless, you are worthless, you are worthless, you are worthless, you are worthless, you are worthless, you are worthless, you are worthless, you are worthless."

"You are a fuck toy, you are a fuck toy, you are a fuck toy, you are a fuck toy, you are a fuck toy, you are a fuck toy, you are a fuck toy, you are a fuck toy, you are a fuck toy, you are a fuck toy, you are a fuck toy."

"You are just a set of holes, you are just a set of holes, you are just a set of holes, you are just a set of holes, you are just a set of holes, you are just a set of holes, you are just a set of holes."

"We own your body, we own your body, we own your body, we own your body, we own your body, we own your body, we own your body, we own your body, we own your body, we own your body."

"You have nothing to do with how we use your body, you have nothing to do with how we use your body, you have nothing to do with how we use your body, you have nothing to do with how we use your body."

"We can and will do what we want with you, we can and will do what we want with you, we can and will do what we want with you, we can and will do what we want with you."

"You get turned about being used and abused by unknown men, you get turned about being used and abused by unknown men, you get turned about being used and abused by unknown men."

It filled my head and my senses. I couldn't get away from it. It was like a mantra or hypnosis. But you can't be hypnotized into becoming something you aren't.

I already knew everything they say about me was true. I was torn between pain and pleasure. Pain and strong orgasms. My whole pussy vibrated, it hurt, I was sore. Still there was nothing I could do about it. I just had to lie there the way I'd tied myself up and take it.

Suddenly everything was silent.

The sound file was finished. My hands were free. The locks had unlocked. I must have fainted.