All Comments on 'V Day - D Day'

Yep, this marriage is done. She had already pulled away and is probably looking else where. It is good that he put all his cards on the table and at least tried.

Great opening story. Congratulations. We want more :)

4 stars for a decent introduction, or first chapter.

The MC chose to take the first step towards saving his rapidly deteriorating marriage, by communicating his fears and concerns. He chose to give her ONE last chance to save their marriage, and it is totally up to her to decide what is to happen.

What more can anyone do in these kinds of circumstances? I also care more about the children - so please make a special effort to consider their input into this marriage.

This was a good start, now it is up to you to finish the story.

I look forward to reading it.

Have a nice day.

Great first story. Keep up the good work.

Powerful stuff. This author packed an amazing amount into such a short story which is an enviable skill to have.

JR

Good start. Some grammatical mistakes but overall not bad.

Very well written but the story is about a guy flogging a dead horse. Her tears were an acknowledgement of her despair over the death of their relationship. If she had any intention of staying in the marriage she would have said something to the effect of, "get the kids later, let's rekindle or relationship ". Nope, put a fork in this marriage, it's done.

Konxhard appears to be correct. The author of this story appears to be using the four stages of infidelity by Michelle Langley.

Yeah, he's toast and so is the marriage. You can not change how someone else "feels". The trouble with fighting for your marriage in situations like this is that you are actually fighting your spouse and you aren't going to win that one. For whatever reason, when affection is gone from a marriage, there is no marriage. People think that the children are hurt more from a divorce than two people staying together for them but I don't see it that way. I think they are hurt worse from watching one or the other of their parents put up with something they know is wrong and learning that might makes right in a marriage. Girls learn that a husband will put up with anything if you have a kid and men learn to bow down to the children and the strong spouse. Well played story, he didn't quite come across as whiny, just almost.

"My first reaction is that you are really overreacting," - Just the way she came in shows that he's not.

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No meat on the bone.

Needs an ending. Otherwise a good start.

Very well done

First blood! It's already too late, buddy, you're way too good for her.

Nice start but you will have to pull a rabbit out of your hat to avoid the usual cliche’

Love the story.. hope there is a chapter 2..

That's a sad vignette about a marriage in trouble. 5*.

You can’t push someone into saving a relationship, you have to pull them in, and ultimately they have to want to be embraced. If she doesn’t, nothing will be effective. He’s right, the ball is in her court, she either returns service or drills it into the net.

Very well thought out and well written first chapter to a longer and more complicated story. I thought the commenterto noted that the wife had tears, but took no action to respond to the husband, suggesting that the tears were for something that was probably irretrievable lost. Without her acknowledgement that there was a problem, the marriage is toast. There is still time for her to get her emotions collected and respond, and that would begin the longer story, which I would love to read.

Good story begging for a chapter 2! cd

She has gotten to the nit-pick, condescending, trying to create a rift over everything and anything - that should tell him she no longer respects him and just tolerates him. The only thing not yet stated is separate bedrooms - that's coming.

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Unless they go into marriage counseling right NOW that marriage is doomed. Hell, He must beg her just to have a conversation.

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It would be interesting to know what her relationship is with the kids? Does she participate? What happens on weekends/holidays?

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3.9**** hooyah, needs more

not much...... not a bad start but what could have been a 4 maybe a 5 is a 2. END THE STORY!!!!

THIS IS an extraordinarily GOOD essay, an in-depth study, a vignette, a "snapshot" of just ten-minutes perhaps, taken OUT of time, carefully studied, prodded, probed, tested and analysed. Five Star+++

THIS IS a KEY moment, -a "Watershed Moment"! - This arbitrary ten-minutes, -ten minutes out of a Lifetime, one apostrophe out of a book, can alter the whole course of history, -just as surely as the beating of a Butterfly's wings in the heart of the Amazon Rain Forrest!

*****

THIS is the story OF that ten minutes, and not of his or her conception or birth, nor the circumstances surrounding those events, even though there might very possibly have been events and circumstances surrounding those, and other episodes, they are NOT relevant here, as those events, like also puberty, adolescence and any prior dead dogs, runaway cats, broken hearts and severed relationships which, taken on aggregate, constitute no more and no less than the usual accrual of detritus in everyone's daily life, and have no bearing whatsoever on this tale!

Nor is the choice of which one out of several dozen possible future trails is to be chosen of the slightest relevance to our study of this knife-edge, open-ended cliff-hanger!

Will she? won't she?

THAT is the ONLY question here!

So that is the ONLY place that THIS study CAN end! Anything else would RUIN it!

Of course there can be more variations for a follow-on than one can shake a stick at, - perhaps even more follow-ons than "February Sucks"! And maybe THAT proves the point here, here we are looking at a crunch-point, a turning-point, where everything hangs on one life-changing event. THAT is the story here.

Various OTHER stories can, and likely WILL follow on, and that is right and proper.

The SAME Author may well write a sequel, but it should be just that, a sequel, nor a part II!

So Hell NO, no second part, NO next episode, just lots of different follow-throughs!

Might be nice IF "Hubby57" did a George Anderson, and invited Al, & Sundry, to write their own follow-ups?

Great stuff, thank you kindly,.

R.S.

Clever

Good first story! Hopefully you write a second part. 4*

This definitely feels unfinished. I enjoyed it, but if this is a standalone, it leaves me incredibly unsatisfied.

The story is a let down. A wasted five minutes of my life.

Good first story!

5

Not a bad start but, DON'T leave it there. For now 3*. FTDS

Interesting story. Thanks for sharing.

Don’t leave it at that! What a wake up call. It is what it is and the ball has been served

The fact that it doesn't have an ending is what raises it above so many others. Bravo for knowing when to stop as well as for a well written story.

That was rather incomplete. Two stars.

Ftds

Very very well told. A veritable gem among too much dross.

Thank you all for the kind words! This was a written as a stand alone, just a snapshot in a difficult time. I give my permission to anyone who would like to continue, in any direction you would like.

Many of these comments inspire a vision of a group of people moving through a museum. They pause before the Mona Lisa, and someone says "What a rip! The artist doesn't give us any idea what the hell is she's smiling about!"; in response, several others mutter "Hear! Hear!" Then they move on to "Night Watch" whereupon a self-styled leader among them declares "This painter has some obvious brush skills, but tells us too little of what's happening. What are these armed men setting out to do? Why is there a little girl among them?" The response again is muttered mutual agreement, after which the group moves on to yet another shallow interpretatioin of an artist's work. Somehow they fail to understand that the painting was finished when the artist laid down the last brushstroke.

Very well written! A sequel would be nice but not necessary.

Excellent.

What do you do when your wife pulls away from you? Sam is pulling away from Tom, so the husband confronts her about her actions, pointing out exactly how she is destroying the marriage. Is there any hope for the family? Only a continuation of the story will reveal that answer.

Very nice. Good emotion, good dialog. A second chapter could go so many different directions, but a second chapter isn’t necessary. I like that you give permission for others to continue it. Next time, put that in the story preface.

A very good first story. I hope to see more.

Sincerely,

Payenbrant

Very gòd. I would love to see pt2.

Very well done. Perfectly self-contained. It doesn't need a continuation, although no one would fault you if you wrote one.

Perfect opening. Really honest approach, leaves it all hanging. It could go anywhere, but I hope it continues just where it’s at and the mystery of it slowly comes out.

Loved the story and how the husband handled the situation I hope surely this story will be continued.

Really liked it. Great short. A marriage in decline and a smart husband sees the hand writing on the wall. Intervention before it’s too late.

He said what he had to. If she cant figure it out in 1 month, then he should just file for divorce.

I enjoyed that, but you need to finish the story.

OK needs a finish though.

Agree with HDK, it is a complete story. By the way the story is set up, it's intended purpose is the confrontation, giving her the facts of where the marriage was going, and then put the ball in her court. Will she accept the research which shows she is on the path to infidelity and correct it? Or will she ignore it and very likely destroy her marriage? Either way, the onus is on her.

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Lot's to think about.

I'm with the others, FTDS! Your style is good, your grammer keeps the school marms quiet, and the plot moves well. You definitely have a flare for writing, so keep writing. Finish this soon, or at least, give us the next step. We have gotten a glimpse into him, maybe give us a look into her situation as to why she is less of a loving wife.

detroitdave

Good story. Now finish it.

Well done.

Really good. I will not criticize your brevity, or the end of your theme.

You got it across

Well done.

This was a good first effort. Your story deals with the husband’s painful realization that his marriage is slipping away, but he has no proof of infidelity. I would respectfully recommend that you consider consulting an editor to eliminate misspellings and improve the quality and flow of the story.

Well written but a waste of time.

A good start. Now continue

Hubby really needs to end this farce of a marraige. He is doing all the work and getting NOTHING in return. He needs to wake up and smell the shit this horrible woman is dumping on him.

Your first story and you already into LW tropes.

Why does a man have to be a martyr?

"I love you and divorce will devastate me" Seriously, how do you know?

Newsflash brother - she has already divorced you.

And - "I don't think you are in phase 2". Laughable at best.

What would stop a wife who has absolutely no respect for her husband from enjoying uninhibited sex? Nothing!

She is in phase 4 - she's been living a separate life for a while and treated him like a meal ticket and a babysitter. Grow a pair and give her a boot and find yourself a decent woman.

Live your life - you only have one!

Nice.

That was very well written.

But also very short.

4 out of 5 from me.

Thinking signs she has her eyes on a new guy, work partner or what ever. Just waiting to pull the trigger and get some on the side.

Good start for your first story, you can add to it like many commenters are requesting, or leave it where it is, make the readers think about it a little instead of serving it up on a silver platter.

Personally I’d leave it where it’s at, but, it’s your story, you should do what you want with it, and not let the commenters influence you too much.

Thanks for your time and effort. KS

OK written, but fully mistaken. Based on how she treats him, she does NOT actually love him. She merely loves having him around. The fact that he luuuuuuuves the cold abusive bitch, is an indictment on how some men have no brains and no spine. More so when they are MC characters, or any fiction, because women REALLY get off on this selfless luuuuve and devotion from her man, no matter what (without bothering to even remotely be devoted back, unless he's an abusive ass - then she'll tolerate cheating, abuse and more). 3 stars.

I liked it, but have to agree with most of the other commenters in that she's already pulling away, and is probably flirting with other men (feeling them out). It'll only be a matter of time before she's cheating on him, especially since he's the baby sitter she needs, so she can go out and enjoy herself.

You wrote well, you thought about it, you created characters. But expecting the tardigrades of LW to think past their misogyny is asking a lot. Lower viewings but you would have been better off putting this into Non-erotic or even another site altogether.

Good first try.

Of course he"should know where to go from here",he should save himself the heartache and divorce her now.It is obvious that is where they are going with her attitude.

He should divorce her now and save himself any future heart ache.She obviously is pulling away and probably as her eye on some fresh cock.

I like everything about this except for one thing. First, I like the approach, the thoughtfulness of the husband really showing his care and love in the middle of addressing a deep concern for her and their marriage. The characters are clear and the dynamic is set up well. The only thing I didn't like, and this is from management principles, is that he left it completely up to her timing. He said he would never mention it again. Does that mean he's prepared to live the rest of his life, or their marriage, whichever is longer in this situation, never resolving anything. I understand the desire to try to decrease the pressure on her, but this sounds like he's painting himself into a corner. That's a mistake, since if she doesn't respond as he hopes, he'll be breaking faith with her based on his words, which can only add fuel to the fire.

5 stars-a part 2 would be nice

I liked your story. It's real not a fantasy. My wife and I are going through very similar feelings. I would like to hear how the story plays out. I hope you continue the story. I am curious as to how my own story will play out.

Nice!

4 Stars on a real story . Sadly my ex did almost the same thing to me . She thought i would be OK with her having sex with other Men .I shot that down after 5 years and catching her twice . Yes I know dumbass of the year for taking her back .

I just love all the people telling the author what the characters in HIS story think and feel. I have to say that this is one of the best 'first' stories I have read on LW. I hope there is another part to this story in the works.

Could be a good story if you have an imagination and any talent at storytelling but I fear there is a vacuum in both cases and no ability to complete this summary of a plot. I am sure this is either an attempt to show you in some mysterious light or the belief you have of being above it all and throwing scraps to starving readers but I see a Jack of NO trades and master of one... QUITTING! Stars are NOT in your future. Best look for a day job, something manual to wear you out to promote sleep, which you are probably good at!

Original story spin on a common topic. I liked it a lot and agree it deserves another chapter, although it also stands on its own as well.

Thanks.

Absolutely spot on exactly as it stands. Many thanks and please accept five stars.

Oh that’s a deeply truthful frightening story.

Well done, in the way you wrote it, the way you set it up and of course the script.

5 stars

Very well done.

Why do dopes like Southdown exist. The story could have been more in depth but the comments have no substance just a dope with shade. RIH Smacked down.

incomplete

Great story. A chapter 2 of what happened next would be nice.

It's an introduction. This is not a story. Hell, it's not even an essay. A story has a beginning, a middle, and an ending. This has the makings of a beginning.

I really like your story, it is complete OR you can write a part 2. It does reflect what might happen if you are strong enough to approach the love of your life in this way. A very difficult one side conversation when trying to keep your emotions and control on a level so you and your partner do not end up in a fight. Looking forward to read more from you. Thank you. An almost 5☆.

Write some more stories... Ignore the naysayers in the comments section that have never contributed a story to any site. Next story expand a bit even if you prefer a Naturalistic ending.

Thank heavens Harddaysknight was here to tell us that it was complete.

WHAT A CROCK!!!!!!

Gutsy, and appropriate obviously. I liked it.

An excellent story. Would be nice to read woman's answer

My tuppence worth ?

Finishing the story would be s good idea..

I believe that was a service ace. No return of service. game to hubby but is is match?

Begs a chapter 2

No story here just a start on a brief encounter with a woman who is having problems with being human and respectful, probably cheating and certainly not worth staying married to. Apart from the punitive legal action that crooked and heartless courts impose on men who are unlucky enough to get mixed up with a low-life woman like this I would say cut this nasty bitch loose ASAP. The family Court system needs to change so the GUILTY get punished not the innocent spouse(mainly men/husbands) and kids. I recommend a mandatory prenuptial agreement to ALL men getting married along with an immediate paternity test at birth of ALL children. MINIMUM!

unfinished