All Comments on 'V Day - D Day'

Great intro, but definitely feels left unfinished. If this is it, I can still appreciate it but would really love to hear how it pans out for these characters.

Excellent first story! Very nice analysis of the *possible* beginning of the end, and perhaps raising enough awareness to turn things around before it's too late. The story is complete as-is and doesn't need more . . . but the door is certainly open.

Very well crafted and thought out. So many possibilities from this point. Looking forward to reading more of your work. Thank you.

Good beginning of a story.

Desperately in need of proof reading and/or editing.

Would like to see this story continue.

now it's sink or swim

Well written!

Very good story.

It seems quite realistic for a husband who feels that his wife is drifting away and that his marriage is in danger.

When you feel something is wrong (no matter what), you discuss it, you don't bury your head in the sand and wait for it to go away.

Good but for me it's unfinished. Let's have a part 2 from her perspective. 4 stars

Let's have part 2, them part 3, to finish off this disaster. Let them go their separate ways, destroyed family and home life, all as a result of the "ENTITLED WOMAN'S LIBERATION FRONT". The laws in this country favor a Cheating Bitch, neuter the husband, and punish the husband for attempting to protect his children.

Will written, a good first part. I hope she comes to her senses and realises it takes two to make a marriage work and flourish.

Nicely done - short, simple, devastating. Well written. Thank you

While a sequel is possible, you could also leave it as is and let it as thought provoking.

Very few people could do that. It involved seeing at a depth that most find impossible. And, many people, if they did see it, would balk because they wouldn't be sure enough. D

Pretty good. It is complete.

Well written and finished at the perfect place. Makes it real easy to walk away from this story without a second glance

Just realized it’s your first story in LW. A brave writer swimming amongst the sharks in LW. Keep them coming! And ignore the annoying annonyies

Well written, thank you. It works either as a stand-alone, or to set the stage for a follow-on.

If you have more stories to tell, please do.

As it stands this is a well written first chapter of a story. You have given no indication as to whether you are going to expand on this opening stanza or if you consider it complete.

Ok but unfinished.

Congratulations on posting your first story. I look forward to reading your next. May I presume to make a small recommendation? Use exclamation points extremely infrequently and never use more than one punctuation mark in a row (unless it's an interrobang). Great first effort!

Very good first story.

Been there, done that. Story could use a second chapter. I predict the wife would try for a while and then proceed through the stages.

This was a great start, and I hope you plan to continue this story. I really want to know her reaction. 🤔

Great first story - 5 stars. Needs a follow up, but my instinct is she is already in Phase 2. Not boinking yet, but soon to start having to work late or weekends, Friday nights "with the girls" to "think about our relationship".

Congratulations on a very good first story. You left it in a way that invites a follow up, but not incomplete. You captured the dynamics of the early breakdown of their marriage very well. Please continue, I’m looking forward to more from you.

5* Excellent first story! Write On!

Divorce her. She will NOT change and only get worse.

Great first story.

With the divorce rate at 50%, my suspicions are that his last ditch Hail Mary will amount to nothing. His “phase 1, phase 2, etc.” is his nice way of saying why the fuck are you cheating on me? This might be a good time for an “amicable divorce “ if there is such a thing. She ain’t feeling it, and you’re not gonna get her back. There’s no “us” in this story, just him pissing up a rope, and her either cheating or preparing to cheat. Why wait till the very end? If the relationship is destroyed, it’s time to move on, he needs to find someone else who will love him, she needs? Someone not him. The only true losers are of course the children. Poor kids are going to be collateral damage in the upcoming train wreck divorce.

well written for a new writer (at least here) Keep writing

This appears to employ the set up from "Womens Infidelity" by Michelle Langley. She has four stages that some women go through after they inevitably lose the emotional excitement that they confuse with being "in love". Thus, the limbo.

I agree. Really great first story, or even a second or third story. Just needs more. Don't stop. Only you can finish it, no matter what the outcome. The Bear approves 4.5 stars, because you left us hanging. And we need an ending. Maybe a happy one? Your call.

The BEAR

Mmmm?

Maybe I should have read this many years ago?

Then again, I wouldn’t be happily married to my current wife now, would I?

Too real. thanks

Great story - just finish it!

I kind of have to agree with some of the others. It's a great story.....so far. Yes, I agree when other writers say they think they have said enough and wanted their story to end right where they left it, anything further would be from out imaginations. Maybe we're just too lazy to finish it in our minds so show us what happened next from your mind. Did I say it was a great story so far? It really is.

Another JPB type story. A great storyline without an ending. At least it was short. If you will have a second chapter to this, say so. But I don’t think you will continue this. 3 stars which is better than I normally give writers that waste the readers time.

Agree with others - great, relatable story for many of us. In fact, I may borrow some of the verbiage in a future conversation with my wife. Now, finish it! 4.5*

You cannot negotiate attraction. It's impossiple

Not exciting, but very realistic, and original. So, originality counts for a lot (especially on this website), enough to get 4 stars without a lot of action. I notice I lot of commenters think the wife is already cheating or locked into a path that will lead to cheating. I felt like the story was purposely written to be open-ended, and could go either way. This certainly could be the beginning of a longer story. However, unlike the overwhelming majority of commenters, I don't feel writers that pen brief stories w/ unresolved details deserve being burned at the stake. Sometimes, a short story that spurs the imagination is enough. If the writer has commenters complaining about "finish the story" then the writer has indeed hooked the reader.

i just love stories that go nowhere

just the start of a story another non ending

Good start, but that's all that it was - a start. Without an ending it's not worth the time it took to read it.

A new, refreshing take on the "We need to talk" cliche. Well done.

This really happens, more frequently than you might think. And a majority of these marriages fail, with the dissatisfied party repeating the cycle.

So please post this story again once u get an idea where u go from here…may e it will be interesting enough for me tonread?

Excellent start. Waiting for next part.

I must commend you.

Firstly, for your courage, your first entry to Literotica and you take on Loving Wives.

Secondly, on the work you've submitted.

You have captured, in roughly 2000 words, a depth of emotion other more prolific authors have never got close to.

This vinaigrette on the tipping point of a marriage is almost perfect.

Your treatment of the characters brings us into their lives with an understanding of their motives and sets the stage for our imagination to complete.

We each will come away from this with a different idea of its conclusion based on the actions of the characters as you have laid them out colored by our experiences.

Well done this is both a very clever story and a very clever way to announce yourself to the community.

Can't wait to read more from you.

Needs a follow-up. The husband came across as a whiny character with no backbone.

Not a fan of half stories. Was ok but could have been sonmuh better. 2*

Needs her side

Very confusing about what us going on? Why does he feel that something is wrong; and why doesn't she say or do something?

Like the story. Is there a part 2. FTDS

When I returned home with the children, I found a note on the table, with a couple of five five wet spots from her tears: "I'm sorry, Tom... I really love you, and in your reasoning you hit the nail on the head. Alas, I have progressed much further in the methodology of Cause and Effect that you have outlined. I'll stick to your terms, then I probably already have stage 5 - I'm pregnant with another man's child and it's too late to change anything. Oh my God, Tom! Why didn't you come with me to that stupid corporate party of my company on Halloween? Why didn't you catch me in the middle of stage 2!!!? I'm really sorry..."

Once only yours, Sam

Well this seem more like a men-hater Feministic Propaganda, promoting the submissions of some brainless men. Nonsense.

Psycho manipulative tale making the husband act like an idiot monkey in chains. Totally unrealistic.

More than a "Hubby57" this extreme fempov tale is saying "Wifey57".

Interesting

Different and well done.

The only thing missing is the first sentence of this should have been "Dear Abby". What a waste of time.

The author! This wonderful story begs to be continued. Please us, the readers. Be so kind...

A sequel PLEASE

Excellent vignette, great emotion, very thought-provoking. Could stand alone and be great, or you could continue with a sequel with the potential to also be great.

Very good so far. I really think though that it is unfinished. It seems more like a scene from a story and not a complete story. But I really like what you’ve done so far.

Not really fiction and a logically usual yet novel approach in a society that is slowly killing marriage and the family. Do preemptive strikes work or do they show weakness at the wrong time?

Disagree that this is complete. It’s a great setup and a very competent first submission.

.

But “complete”? Uh….no. Sorry, HDK….no way.

.

4 ****

An accurate description of my current situation.

Either a part 2 continuation or one from her side. Excellent story as it is.

He's layed it out there and now it's up to her, but what ever the outcome he must stay strong and stick to his guns and carry though with his words turning to action. To not do so would just mean years of he'll for the whole family.

Not a story, just an intro.

You've obviously been reading some of the so-called experts on the subject, and almost copying their words verbatim.

Very nice, short, sweet, and straight to the point. Even left enough for the imagination to take it to any conclusion.

OK, good start. But you must realize it is just a vignette, and not a story. You write well, the fundamentals are there - next is developing at least a basic plot, a reason why this happened to this couple, and what happens next. Also, be sure to show, not tell!

Well done.

Definitely needs more chapters please.

A lot of truths from my life in there. We are still together in our retirement, with no outside relationships over the years.

If they didn't have children I'd advise him to seriously think of pulling the plug!

Not a bad story but you seriously need an editor. A proofreader would help as well.

Great first story! I like it and the open ending doesn’t detract for me.

Crap!

This was a good read. Thank you!

5*

I'm hoping you have more in you.

-

Be well!

A novel approach. I hope you decide to write another chapter

I have to note that the following important aspect fits into the above analysis. Namely, after the pandemic, in many married couples, one of the spouses returned to work in the office, and the other stayed to work, partially or completely, remotely (many companies considered that the remote staff work scheme is even more efficient and less costly). But, here's a strange trend I've noticed: Regardless of the position, salary or other factors that were previously acceptable and absolutely suited both spouses, but wives who returned to work in the office after a while begin to feel (I emphasize - absolutely unreasonably) higher in status than their husbands who do work while sitting at home... Women, somehow, elevate their status in their own brains. They cite fatigue, because they have to commute to the office every day. They try on the role of the "main earner". At the same time, they begin to perceive a man as a "slacker", "lazy", "servant", "cook", "cleaner", "educator", "interior element", "pet" and "bedside mat". She develops there, and he degrades here... And it is very difficult to deal with this... And there is only half a step left to adultery, if not to a full-fledged office affair.

Certainly not erotic..:just a real intervention/conversation between a concerned husband and his withdrawn wife. Easily a five star ⭐️ vignette.

Not sure if there is a next part, but I'll be watching anyway.

I really liked the story. Wow, putting all of your "cards on the table" is hard and I admire the person that can do that. I'd like to think that this might have woken up the wife - there's reason to think so here.

5 stars for a well done tale.

This feels more like the idea for a story than a complete one, but it's a good idea. The dialogue is a little stilted, people don't really talk like this, but that's a problem that plagues this site. Other than that, I kind of enjoyed this. Enjoyed it enough to wish to read what happens next and to give it a 4/5.

A decent setup. I can't wait to read the rest of the story. I just wonder which author with the wit and imagination will write it. I could have been you. It still could be.

The writer has hit the nail on the head for most marriages, although none of the partners will admit it. They would rather say " You have changed", "You don't cut it anymore," " You don't do the things you use to do," "The spark has gone," "You don"t care like you use to." It is not a case of one in the marriage pulling away, but maybe both because they don't realise until its too late that its happened. A marriage has to be worked on with the correct tools and these need to be agreed on before the marriage or give up the idea of marriage. when the rot sets in they are both to blame and both need to fix it, and remember why they got together in the first place.

There’s no marriage to save. She doesn’t respect him, and hasn’t for several months.

sounded to me like she was in what he called Phase 2 and not Phase 1.

Hope there is a part 2 even if it is in Non erotic category.

Very good story, especially as a first post. I can see why you ended it where you did, but this is the first part of a longer narrative.

Very good short first story. Well written, looking for more of this story.

Thanks for writing. 5⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Their boat has sprung a leak and I worry the wife is going to plug it with someone else’s prick.

A very good beginning, but that's all. Needs a middle and an ending.

Patience in a marriage is a top 5 requirement. Lunacy and procrastation are not.

Real.

A good opening. Will there be more? 4****

Might be fun to do this as differing sequels with differing endings.

So far this one reads as "Lunch with stud coworker wants to take it further" phase.

Congrats on a good start with your first story.

A well deserved 5 for you!

Always nice to read stories that relate to real life. Keep 'em coming.

Yeah, excellent first story! 5 stars!

Wonderful start and a nicely thought-out story but as most of us feel, we need another chapter. We need her side/view of her own personal state of mind. Is she becoming disenchanted with her husband or is she ALREADY into phase 2 or beyond. Is she becoming emotionally involved with someone at work? Is she having hormonal problems. He put the ball in her court, but he should already have plans for a divorce... Please FTDS and don't keep us hanging....

This is an outline to a beginning of a story. Keep writing but try for a fuller arc.

Nice intro!

Wonder if you are going to turn this into an actual story or just leave us hanging?

It’s OK to write a whole complete story with all the Who, What, When, Where, and Why included; and an actual ending……

Pleae go for it. You can do it.