All Comments on 'V_Squared Ch. 01'

First story on here, willing to hear suggestions on what you would like to see from this series moving forward. Thanks for reading!

The best suggestion I have is to get an editor. You switch from past to present tense and back again. There are missing words, incorrect grammar and faulty punctuation all of which make it hard to concentrate on the story. Just one example: "The girl shook and lisped out through fat pouty." Pouty what? Tht's just one of the many, many errors. What is a "teacup-like" bra? Seems you didn't even bother to give this a cursory proofreading and just don't give a damn.

I will look more carefully at my work in the future.