All Comments on 'Valerie'

It reads like an endless tick-off list; why is there absolutely nothing here that's even slightly erotic when you have all the elements to make a terrific short story? The only explanation is that you honestly have no story-telling talent whatsoever, and write like an 8th grader following strict, inflexible writing rules without any regard to form or flow (or even any interest) - 10 words, period, 10 words, period, endlessly, mechanically. Please rewrite this, and get a sympathetic editor to show you how to tell an adult story like an adult. No stars, in this form this story was marginally less interesting than watching a faucet drip.

who posts so many stories on the same day has to be a crap writer.

You are. A crap writer.

It was nice for a change to read a short simple love story...without all the embellishments and drama...thanks!

You are a chickenshit hiding behind your anonymity, the story isn't perfect but at least it's an honest attempt. I hate you anonymous pricks that contribute fucking zilch except your lousy contemptible comments behind your anonymous shield. I criticize authors all the time but I don't fucking hide from them. Fuck off and die.

Great story and well done!

It needed her to get bred to make it complete...

They acted like they were married thououghout the story.

2 stars