Vanessa's Choice

I nodded. "And the accident?"

She closed her eyes. Tears leaked down her cheeks. "He ran the car off the Back Bay Bridge and drowned. Testing showed he was drunk. But I never even saw him drink a can of beer watching a ball game. There was never any alcohol in the house and he never went out. He was strictly a homebody. After I read the police report, I asked my other grandmother, my dad's mother, if she knew anything about Daddy drinking. Grandma told me her husband, Daddy's father, had been a drunkard and abandoned them and that's why Daddy never drank."

I put a lot of sympathy into my voice. "You think he committed suicide?"

She slammed her fist on my desk. "Hell yes, I do, and that rancid bitch drove him to it."

Of course, she meant her mother. I nodded. "That's hard, I know. I'm very sorry. Did he have life insurance?"

She sat back. "Yes. After the funeral, I heard Momma tell her mother that he had enough life insurance for her to bury him, pay off the mortgage, and buy a new car."

I continued. "But you didn't know all the facts at the time, did you?"

Her nostrils flared again. "I knew enough. I knew he was dead and she lied to the cops. I'm not a fool. Any idiot could put two and two together and get four."

"And you never confronted your mother about it?"

She snorted. "What would be the point? She'd just deny it and start on about how weak and useless Daddy was and we were better off without him. And if I heard that, I swear to God I would've put a fucking knife in her guts."

"That's a lot of anger for anybody to handle, especially a twelve year old child. So you choked down your feelings and shielded yourself with silence?"

The tears came down harder and she was on her third cigarette. She didn't respond and I continued. "And you extended the silence to everybody around you. How long did that last?"

She shrugged. I tried to prompt her. "I found nothing to document you using drugs or alcohol at that time. No arrests for underage drinking or public intoxication or purchasing or using drugs. No shoplifting or other petty crimes. Does the record reflect reality?"

Vanessa nodded without commenting on me investigating her background. "I didn't have money until I started working at a grocery store near the house. I was sixteen then. Momma knew better than to try to take my wages. I think maybe she was a little scared of me.

"Anyway, by the time I was seventeen, I had saved enough to buy a used car. Actually, I gave Grandma Fontaine, you know, Daddy's mom, the money and she bought the car because I was too young. I got a better job at a dress store further away. And when I finished high school, I went over there to get a degree." She pointed out the window toward South Mississippi Polytech.

The hour was over. I put my pen down. "I don't have any patients waiting today. Do you feel like continuing?"

She snubbed out her cigarette. "So, you're not angry with me?"

I shook my head. "No. You know you have issues you need to work through and I know that your negative actions stem from your issues. You need to realize that, too. I don't want you to feel remorseful about what happened last time. But I do want you to understand I can only help you if you and I retain a proper doctor/patient relationship. And that does not include seduction games. You and I are only human and we shouldn't stretch the lines of propriety."

She looked directly into my eyes. "I'm sorry. You're beautiful, you know? All dark and petite. And those black eyes of yours draw a person in. And I know that you find me attractive. I was just being weak, I guess. So, no hard feelings, right?"

I nodded. "Right. You seem to be calmer now, would you like to lie on the couch and get more comfortable?"

She smiled. "Yes, please."

I motioned toward the couch and got up to dim the lights. She took off her shoes and lay back. She pulled her skirt down when it hiked up. I watched her close her eyes. I sat at the head of the couch and took up my pen. "Did you date boys in high school?"

"Not much. Just the big events, you know, Homecoming, Prom. The occasional hamburger before the movie date. Nothing serious."

I observed, "Many women who lose their fathers in some way, through death or divorce or just plain neglect, you know, the father being a mere paycheck, a piece of furniture, well, that can lead to the girl feeling abandoned. Such women often compensate by having inappropriate relationships with men."

She shook her head. "I didn't. No relationships at all, just the occasional date."

I probed further. "When did you lose your virginity?"

"Not til I was in college. Freshman year I got drunk at a frat party and decided I wanted to know what I'd been missing."

I said, "On average that's a little late nowadays. How did you feel about the incident?"

She snorted. "'Incident.' That's a good way to put it. It was just an incident. Sure as hell not an 'event'. Boys paid attention to me, you can guess why," she ran her hand over her breast, "but I mostly ignored them. I got a reputation for being emotionally cold, you know, not fun. Most of my dates before college seemed a little afraid of me. None of them were the really popular studs. I guess that bunch decided there were easier fields to hunt, and they were right. I might have been curious, but I wasn't about to get that close with anybody."

"What changed when you went to college?"

Vanessa shrugged. "I don't know. Maybe it was something about finally being an adult. Maybe it was just loneliness. Maybe it was the beer. Christ, you know, cheap mass-produced American swill spewing from a detachable spout inserted into a metal keg buried in ice in a garbage can? I was sick most of the next day and I hadn't drunk that much of it."

She paused for a few moments before resuming. "Maybe it was all of that combined. But it most definitely was NOT love. I don't think that guy even told me his full name. Anyway, if he did, I don't remember it."

I digested that statement. "What did you find so distasteful about the experience?"

She chuckled. "'Distasteful,' eh? It wasn't that it was distasteful. I mean it was normal, right? Put tab A into slot B, work back and forth for a while and WHAMO, bliss all around, right? Bullshit. No it wasn't distasteful, it was worse. It was boring. I got nothing out of the experience. Just a little charged up, but it was all over before I could get going, much less finish, you know what I mean?"

I nodded. "Yes. Men, especially young and inexperienced men, can be utterly self-centered about such things."

She snorted. "Yeah, like 'I got mine, hope you got yours.' Or not. They really don't give a shit."

I pounced on that. "You say 'they.' You had other experiences?"

She nodded. "Yeah, a few. Like, I couldn't believe that was all there was to it. Everybody makes such a big deal out of it, you know?"

I nodded. "What you've described isn't unusual. It takes a woman longer to achieve an orgasm than a man. And there's other factors to consider, such as physical security and comfort, not to mention emotional attachment. It takes a while for a young man to acquire sufficient skills to really please a woman. Some of them never do."

Vanessa shrugged and remained silent. It was clear that she thought those experiences of little import, so I decided to push on. "But there came a time when you changed your mind?"

She hesitated. I prompted her. "You've already indicated that you like girls so don't be embarrassed. Did you develop a relationship with another woman?"

She shrugged, as if to say, "what the hell" and answered. "Yes. My roommate in the fall of my junior year. Karen."

"Tell me about you and Karen."

A wistful smile played upon her full lips. "She acted tough, but she was a creampuff on the inside. She was a lot thinner than me and her breasts were small. She had dark eyes and hair. She cut her hair short, wore jeans and t-shirts and athletic shoes and no makeup but she was still pretty, you know, good skin and full lips. And she was messy. But I liked her. She could always make me laugh, usually by telling funny stories about people around the campus, students and professors. You know how they say all good comedy is funny because it's based on the truth? Well, Karen had a gift. Whenever she made fun of somebody she was spot on."

"Was she a lesbian? Or bisexual, like you?"

Vanessa pondered the question. "I didn't know what a 'lesbian' was then. I mean, I didn't know anything about oral sex except sucking dicks and I didn't do that. Why pleasure a guy if there's nothing in it for me? I had no frame of reference for what women could do with each other sexually. I just knew that I liked Karen and she liked me and I got along better with her than anybody else in my life. I guess she sneaked peaks at me when I got dressed, but I never saw her doing it."

"I suppose that Karen initiated the sex?"

Vanessa nodded.

"Tell me about that."

Her eyes glazed as she collected her thoughts. "One night I came out of the shower wearing just my robe. That wasn't unusual. We had talked before about my attitude toward dating, so she knew that no boy had ever, you know, 'done it for me.' That night I complained about how some new shoes I had worn hurt my feet. She surprised me by sitting on my bed and offering to check my feet for blisters and massage them so they'd stop hurting. I laid down and put my feet in her lap."

***

The rest of her encounter will be more readable if I assume the role of an observer in that dorm room.

***

Karen raised each of Vanessa's feet and examined them. "No blisters. That's good." She began massaging them, rubbing the outside of the big toe, then the ball of the foot, then the opposite side.

Vanessa purred. "Ooh, that feels sooo good."

Karen's voice got husky. "You mean nobody's ever done this for you before? None of your men?"

Vanessa responded with a relaxed voice. "Hell no. If one of them had, I might have stuck with him."

Karen gripped the foot with one hand and gently stretched the toes back with the other. Vanessa sighed.

Karen began on the other foot. "I'll bet none of them ever noticed how lovely your feet are. They're perfectly shaped and so dainty."

Vanessa snorted. "You're probably right. All any of them ever paid attention to was my tits."

Karen continued rubbing. "Well, it's hard to blame them. I mean you've got the best tits I've ever seen. They're large and that attracts a lot of people. But it's a lot more than that. They're perfectly round and look firm. And it's really sexy the way they bounce when you walk. And your nipples are so pink. Your breasts are perfect."

Vanessa tensed her body and gazed into Karen's eyes. "I never saw you looking at my tits before."

Karen gave her a sheepish grin while she stretched Vanessa's toes. "I see you in the mirror all the time. I didn't want to make you uncomfortable by staring. Does it? I mean make you uncomfortable?"

Vanessa shook her head. "No. Now that I think about it, I don't mind. It's nice that you think they're so attractive."

Karen snorted. "I didn't say they were attractive. I said they were PERFECT." She tickled the foot she had in her hands.

Vanessa laughed and wiggled. "Stop that."

Karen stopped but didn't release Vanessa's foot. She kept rubbing her hands over both of them. "And I bet the men you've been with didn't even notice how beautiful your eyes are. They're such a warm and friendly brown, not too dark. They contrast very well with your blond hair. Most women would kill to have hair like yours."

Vanessa smiled. "Damn, Karen, you're gonna make me blush."

Karen shrugged. "I'm just telling the truth. The men you've been with didn't appreciate what they had. They only cared about themselves. Women are different."

That confused Vanessa. "I know women are different, but I don't know exactly what you mean."

Karen's gaze intensified. "I mean that it takes a woman to know what a woman likes. Have you ever thought about it?"

Vanessa frowned in confusion. "Thought about what?"

"About being with another woman."

"What?"

"About having another woman please you."

Vanessa's confusion continued. "You mean women can have sex with each other?" Karen nodded. Vanessa asked, "But how?"

Karen ran her hand part way up Vanessa's leg. "Would you like me to show you?"

Vanessa hesitated. "I don't know."

Karen's smile grew warmer. "You can say no. It won't hurt my feelings and we'll still be friends. But you've told me no man has ever satisfied you, and I really like you. You deserve to have somebody make you feel the way a woman should and I want to do that, if you'll let me."

Karen lay beside Vanessa. She cupped Vanessa's chin. "If you like, you can close your eyes and pretend I'm a really cute boy. You want to try?"

Karen's hand was warm and soft and her gaze sent thrills through Vanessa's body. Vanessa nodded. "Yes, I want to try."

Karen whispered, "Good."

Without waiting further, she kissed Vanessa's upper lip, then her lower lip. She opened her mouth, placed it against Vanessa's and inserted her tongue. The women entwined their tongues for a long kiss. Karen still cupped Vanessa's chin and Vanessa ran her fingers through Karen's hair.

Karen broke the kiss. "How was that?"

Vanessa's smile assumed a dreamy look. "Different. Soft. It feels, I don't know, better? Like it means something? I like it." She reached around Karen's neck and pulled her closer. The young women kissed again.

Vanessa's pulse hammered and her breath quickened. She opened her robe with trembling hands. She took Karen's hand from her chin and placed it on her breast and opened her mouth, pressing it against the slender girl's.

Karen caressed her friend's tit, savoring its size and firmness. As their tongues swirled, Karen ran her fingertips over the nipple and felt the delicate flesh harden. Without breaking the kiss, Vanessa moaned. Karen rolled the nipple and pinched it gently. Another moan.

Karen sat up and spread Vanessa's robe. Her voice was heavy with lust as she gazed on the blonde's nakedness. "You have such a beautiful body." She ran her hands over Vanessa's breasts and down her belly. "You make my mouth water. I've wanted to do this ever since I first saw you."

Karen's words and actions, especially her warm and gentle hands, had Vanessa's motor running hot. Unconsciously, she rocked her hips with a slow and sensuous motion. Karen watched the effects of her efforts and felt her own panties dampen. But her eyes always trailed back up to meet Vanessa's gaze. "Your eyes are so beautiful. So warm, even when you're filled with lust."

Breathless, Vanessa asked, "Do most women's eyes change when they're having sex?"

Karen nodded. "Oh yes. Most get a hungry look. But yours are all warmth and gentleness and need. So tell me, baby, do you need me?"

She ran her hand down Vanessa's belly. Her deft fingers found the blonde's bud hidden in a mass of golden kinks and began rubbing it in a slow, firm, circular motion.

Vanessa gasped. In the South, the word "baby" denoted affection and could imply a gap, usually one of age, between two people, with the younger and/or less powerful one being "baby." Here, Vanessa felt it was both. She felt strong affection flowing from Karen, shown by her gentleness and consideration. And Karen was skillful. Vanessa did need her at this moment. The need felt primal, a response to all of Karen's caresses and kisses and now, her words. The question, "Baby, do you need me?" was a five word summary of everything about Vanessa's emotional life. For as long as she could remember, she'd been lonely, frustrated, and fearful. Karen offered companionship, intimacy, and satisfaction. Of course Vanessa needed her, as in NEED.

The sexy blonde returned Karen's gaze. "Yes. I need you. I trust you. Do whatever you want to me."

Continuing the motion of her finger on Vanessa's bud, Karen said, "I'd love to kiss those perfect nipples of yours."

Vanessa murmured, "Yes," and she reached out to pull Karen's head to her bosom.

"Ummm," issued from Karen as she swirled her tongue around her friend's left nipple, then sucked it up into her mouth and rubbed it against her top teeth with her tongue. She pinched the right nipple with her other hand and then kneaded the warm and firm flesh surrounding it.

Vanessa huffed and held Karen's head. She whispered, "Oh, that's so good."

Karen trailed her tongue down Vanessa's belly. She stopped and looked back into her friend's eyes. "I'm gonna tongue-kiss your bud. I'll be gentle and slow. You just lay back, relax, and enjoy. You don't have to do anything, but you can do whatever you want. You can say anything that you want. And don't be afraid to moan or even cry out. It's Friday night and the dorm's mostly empty. Don't worry about anything. Don't think about anything. Just relax."

Vanessa closed her eyes and spread her legs. Karen knelt on the floor and put her face in front of Vanessa's bush. She inhaled deeply. "I love your aroma."

She parted the blonde's nether lips with her fingers and licked up her slit until she found Vanessa's bud. She swirled her tongue around it a few times. The blonde squirmed, nearly out of control and whimpered. Karen purred, "My God, you're so ready. It's amazing, such a ripe peach and never plucked."

She sucked the bud up between her lips and worked her tongue back and forth across it slowly and with steady pressure.

Vanessa panted and thrust her hips upward. She closed her thighs around Karen's ears and grabbed her head. "Oh my God, oh my God," she uttered in time with her rocking hips. It took only a few moments before her body stiffened. Karen ran her hands up the blonde's luscious form and pinched both nipples while increasing the pressure on her clit. Vanessa cried out and shuddered. Her body quaked for several moments while Karen continued licking, sucking, squeezing.

When her orgasm passed, Vanessa lay still and muttered, "Come here, please."

Karen slid up the bed. Vanessa reached out, framed her head, and kissed her, long and loving. When she broke the kiss, she whispered, "Is it always like that?"

Karen kissed her nose, each eye, upper lip, lower lip, chin, and then a brief deep tongue kiss. She smiled and nodded. "It should be, unless something's wrong."

Vanessa had that sleepy, satisfied look one only sees on a woman after a satisfying orgasm. "What could possibly go wrong?"

Karen shrugged and grazed her fingertips across Vanessa's nipples. They hardened again under Karen's touch. She kissed them and Vanessa moaned.

Karen answered, "Maybe you're not really in the mood, but you do it just to please your partner. Maybe you're too distracted. A lot of things, but almost all of them are in your head. See?"

It was Vanessa's turn to nod. "Sure. I get that. But, so long as the mood is right ...?"

Karen answered, "A lot depends on how skillful and considerate your partner is. But remember, the more you're into each other, the better it is."

"Does that go for men too?"

Karen frowned, as if disappointed, and pulled back a little. "I thought I took your mind off men."

Vanessa threw her leg over her friend's hips and her arms around Karen's neck. She pulled her close and gave Karen a long and lingering kiss. She whispered, "I'm just curious. Don't worry. Nobody's ever made me feel this way. I was mostly asking to see if you'd like me to do you."

Karen smiled. "Do you really want to?"

In answer, Vanessa rolled over on top of Karen and straddled her, hip to hip and began pulling the slender girl's shirt up over her head. She reached behind to release the catch to Karen's bra but couldn't handle it one-handed. She got on her elbows to bring her other hand into play. That put her face very near to Karen's. Karen put her arms around Vanessa's neck and kissed her. Vanessa got the bra unsnapped and rolled off Karen. Leaving the bra dangling, she unfastened Karen's jeans and started to pull them down, but Karen said, "Take off my shoes first, baby."