All Comments on 'Vanilla Extract'

It’s as if your are intentionally overdoing it, or trying to show off. But you lose the focus of your constructed thoughts. This makes the story wander and your readers (or just me) lose the context at hand. And in a story where the context changes rapidly like this one, it’s a problem. Keep it simple, tell a story and let it make sense. Example...Why thirty plus words in your last sentence? Or the hundreds more wasted in earlier ones. It’s way too much...try this...Smiling down at her controller, her eyes closing, their lips embracing, she tasted the knowledge that she was destined for happiness.

Unlike the previous commenter I find the writing and words give a wonderful impression of how the participants feel. The impressions of control, submission, confusion, peace etc come through to me more strongly because of the words and (lack of) structure. Different strokes for different folks.

Who’s in charge? Paula? Trudy? Robb? This story is all over the place and mysterious. It has no focus and no direction for a purpose. Was Paula really leading this at the beginning? Why did it end with Paula looking down into the eyes of her controller? Did Robb set all this up for himself? Since the author is only allowing us to see the moment and locking us within the event, she has blinded us to the staging, setup. She has provided us nothing to help us see why and how this is all occurring. And I believe the author is being intentional vague, just like a hypnotic suggestion, and denying us the ability or or need to see the truth beyond what the author wants us to see. It’s a perfect mode of writing for this story group. Just enjoy the story for what it is and like the hypnotized characters inside the story just enjoy the ride. It’ll all be better when you wake up.