Vanilla Passions

This was so completely different than what she had ever seen before. The music stopped and everyone went back to their own seats as if they had not been that close or intimate a few minutes ago. As her drink took more control over her, she started to like the beat, the sound and no one seemed to care she was even there anymore.

She finished her drink and asked for another, as each song played she would smile and forget that she was old, white, and over dressed. As she was about to finish her 2nd drink, she felt someone touch her shoulder, it startled her and when she turned around, it was Cole. "Miss Lee, would you like to dance?"

She shook her head, "I can't dance to this kind of music, and it's too fast. But I do like watching." He looked at her and smiled and said he would be right back. She watched as he walked over to the DJ and said something to him, they both nodded heads and he walked back over to her.

"What did you say to him?"

"Well I asked him to play something a little slower, and he said he would. Now you have no reason not to dance with me." Candace couldn't find a way to say no since she had given him the excuse the music was too fast. She drank the last of her Sex on the Beach. She felt very loose and they waited for the song to end, neither of them speaking. The next song that came on was slower, and Candace told Cole that she wasn't sure she could do this.

"Don't worry Ms. Lee, just follow me." He held out his hand and Candace reluctantly reached out and took it. He led her to the floor and turned her around so that she was facing away from him. He whispered in her ear, "Let yourself go, listen to the music and dance like you are making love."

Cole reached and put both hands on her hips and gently started her hips swaying to the beat. Candace closed her eyes and let the music take her away, her hands reached behind and pulled Cole's hips closer to her. She could feel him behind her grinding up against her ass. His hands traveled down the length of her thighs and then back up touching her inner thighs. She could feel his breath on her neck, this caused goose flesh and she felt her nipples become erect. Her breathing quickened and arousal began to take over. Her hips ground up against him even more, her chest was rising and falling in an almost feverish manner.

Cole's hands moved up the length of her body and lightly brushed her breasts, shoulders, and back down her arms. He lightly kissed her neck and in her mind she was stuck in time, with nothing but what she was feeling and HIM. To her there was no music; he was in complete control of her senses, her mind, and her body. She heard someone say, "I want you", and realized it had come from her own mouth. It didn't matter, she wanted this fire that had been started to be put out and only Cole could do that.

She heard another voice telling her that the song was over, it was Cole's and this brought her back to her senses. She couldn't recall a time that she had been so lost in her thoughts and feelings. She stared into his eyes a few seconds more and then started to walk back to her stool. Cole grabbed her elbow and led her over to a bench where he had been sitting. She sat down, and started to feel like a puppet unable to think or do for herself but only what he wanted her to do. He asked her what she was drinking and she told him. He went and brought back 2 drinks, she couldn't shake the feeling of not being in control, she wasn't sure if it was the alcohol, or the dizzying effect he was having on her.

He sat down and the music started picking up again. It was terribly awkward for her and she imagined it was for him too. They both sat quiet only occasionally looking at each other. Candace felt like she should say something, so when the DJ decided to take a break for 30 minutes she decided it was a good time to strike up a conversation. "I want to thank you for saving me from your brothers last night. I was pretty scared."

He kind of smiled and said, "I don't know why they do the things they do, but I feel like I have to watch them all the time. They were pretty humbled when they found out you were my boss. I need the job since I am the only one who has a job."

"What about your father or mother? Don't they work or get retirement or something?"

"No, my dad died a few years back, and my mom is depressed most of the time and can hardly function. She has never gotten over losing my father. So now I am the bread winner and father figure to my brothers."

"That is quite a lot of responsibility for someone so young as yourself."

"You do what you have to do. Doesn't do any good to complain."

Candace felt quite impressed by him and realized she had judged him wrongly. They continued to talk about work, life and other things always trying to stay away from what had happened on the dance floor or how lonely their lives were. Candace had finished her drink and Cole went and fetched her another one. Candace was feeling very relaxed, Cole sat down and smiled at her. Candace reached out and laid her hand on his arm. Cole's eyes narrowed as if he was trying to read her actions, but not sure how to respond so he went back to watching the couples out on looking out on t the dance floor.

Candace removed her hand from his arm, she wondered if she had over stepped her bounds and went back to sipping on her drink. This drink though was the one that was her undoing. "Cole I don't think I can drive, would you mind driving me home?"

"Sure Ms. Lee if you think I need to."

"Cole, yes I think I need you to, I am not a drinker." He asked her if she wanted to leave then and she replied that she would like to go. Cole helped her up and walked her to the door, he smiled and almost chuckled when he realized just how drunk she was, she staggered and kept saying, "Please don't tell anyone."

He reassured her that her secret was safe with her. She handed him her purse and took her keys out, he helped her in the car. He climbed in and started the car up, he glanced over at Candace and she was looking right at him. "Cole, this is twice that you have saved me. I guess I owe you big."

"You don't owe me anything Ms. Lee." He drove out of the parking lot. He asked Candace for her address and she gave it to him. "Cole, you can call me Candace when we aren't at work. You have done a lot for me and I think we can get past formalities." He didn't say anything and she wasn't sure if that upset him.

Cole finally pulled into her driveway, got out and helped her out of the car. "Will you be ok Ms. Candace", he stumbled over her first name.

"Can you help me into my house and up stairs?" I still don't feel very steady on my feet." Cole helped her into the house and upstairs to her room. Candace was still unsteady and Cole was afraid to leave her alone but he helped her over to her bed and sat her down. Immediately she fell back on the bed. Cole thought about how beautiful she looked, and how much restraint he needed to have. She opened her eyes and smiled at him warmly.

"Are you okay now Candace? I better go."

"No, please stay, I don't want to be alone, just stay awhile longer so we can talk." Cole wanted her so badly and he was afraid he might take her; he fought against it and felt like he was playing with fire by staying. Candace pleaded with him to stay and he finally gave in.

"Cole why do you always look at me the way you does?" It makes me feel strange." Cole looked somewhat surprised like a child getting caught with his hand in a cookie jar.

"Candace, everyday I see you, I am amazed just how beautiful you are. I didn't mean to make you feel uncomfortable." Candace tried to stand but she fell back again, she thought that this is what liquid must feel like. Cole laughed and asked what she was trying to do.

"I want to get undressed, but I am not having any luck so I may have to sleep in my clothes." Cole helped her to sit up and sat behind her, he slowly unzipped her dress. She didn't object or fight but she was aware of his touch, she closed her eyes wanting him to take her to where she had been earlier. He slid her dress down over her arms. Then he laid her down on the bed, he stood up and reached under her hips to pull the dress off her the rest of the way leaving her just in her under clothing. He looked at her, her hair lay on the bed like a nest of golden silk, and her skin was creamy.

Now he thought she was even more beautiful, he fought so hard not to take advantage of the situation. She lay there with her eyes closed and he knew how easy it would be have her and ravage her. He wanted her but not like this, when and if he did have her he wanted her sober and wanting him. He sat back down on the bed and slid of her shoes and dropped them on the floor. He then undid the garters from her nylons and slowly slid them off and laid them on the bed. Her skin was smooth and soft; Candace let out a moan and whispered "Cole".

He looked at her and it was all he could do to keep from kissing her lips or touching her hair. He could feel his erection become almost unbearable and he knew he had to leave soon. He moved Candace up further on the bed and laid her head on the pillow, he then covered her up. Upon leaving her house, he turned out the lights, locked the doors and walked home. He was pleased that he had the willpower and decency but once home behind his bedroom door he would relive this night and relieve himself.

The morning came and Candace woke up, her head felt like it was in a fog. She stretched, sat up and grimaced with a horrible headache. "This is why I don't drink more." She felt horrible, she lay back down, she couldn't remember too much. She didn't force the issue as it made her head hurt more. She knew she had to get some aspirin and then lay back down. She managed to stand up, she realized the only thing she had on was her bra, garter belt, and g-string. Her dress was on the bed along with her nylons and her shoes on the floor, she NEVER left her clothes lying around and she didn't go to bed in her underclothes. She made her way to the bathroom and grabbed the aspirin, swallowed 4 with water and went back to bed.

Her head was pounding and she lay there waiting for the aspirin to take effect. Her thoughts lightly touched over the dilemma of the night before. Bits and pieces started coming back to her, she remembered dancing with Cole and then going home but she didn't drive, who drove her? She remembered someone undressing her, but who? As she lay there longer, she remembered that Cole drove her home, he helped her up stairs to her room, and he undressed her. After that her memory was a blank, she felt angry that he could take such liberties. "If he undressed me what else did he do?" It was hard for her to believe that he hadn't had his way with her. She was also angry that she couldn't remember. She was angry that what she had wanted to happen did so without her consent. "What if I had consented and just don't remember?" This angered her even more and she felt he should have been man enough to have more control. She finally had herself so worked up that she began to reason that this was no better than him raping her. All the thoughts running through her mind made the tears well up and run down the sides of her face. She felt humiliated, used, and ashamed. She thought to herself that she would fire him, "Bastard" she said while she wept even more.

Her headache let up after 2 hours and she got out of bed, put on her robe but she felt drained. She went downstairs and opened a can of cat food for Mitzi who had waited patiently. "Good old cat. You wouldn't ever betray me would you?" Mitzi looked at her and purred. The smell of cat food was making Candace nauseous. She went into the front room and lay on the couch, turned the TV on and mindlessly watched TV for a few hours. All day Candace felt a sadness that she hadn't felt for a long time. Around 4:00 in the afternoon she began to feel better, she went upstairs to take a shower and brush her teeth. She would get dressed and go get a bite to eat.

The shower felt very rejuvenating and when she got out, she put on a pair of panties, a bra, pair of jeans, and sleeveless shirt. She brushed her hair and her teeth and went downstairs. There was a knock at the door; she had no clue who it was. Visitors never came by on Sunday in fact she hardly got any visitors at all except the ones selling something. She opened the door, and Cole stood smiling at her, she stood there aghast. "What nerve!" she thought, "Has he come back to gloat?"

Cole said, "Hello Candace, I hope you are feeling better today."

Candace became so angry and she slapped him across the face. "Who the hell do you think you are? I ought to call the cops on you, you lousy bastard!"

Cole stood looking shocked, and reached up to catch her hand as she went to slap him again. "What are you talking about?" he asked.

"How could you do bring me home and fuck me like a 2 dollar whore? Just because I was drunk didn't give you the right!" Cole pushed Candace inside the house and shut the door.

This time he was getting angry, "What makes you think I did that or even would do that?" She looked at him and realized that maybe she was wrong. What if she had been wrong? What does she do to make it right?

Cole got a look on his face of realization. "Wait... I know why you think that. You think I am just some black street thug who is out to fuck his white boss. You think I am that hard up that I would have to take advantage of a woman while she is drunk. I may look like I came from the streets and maybe I am not up to your standards, but I do have integrity even if I am black!"

Candace stood with her mouth open and realized that is how she sounded. "Cole, I am so sorry. Please forgive me. That isn't what I meant at all."

Cole was still angry and he glared at her, "Ms Lee I wanted you last night in fact I have wanted you for a long time and I could have had you. Don't think I didn't think about it, don't think it wasn't difficult for me to walk away, because it was! I never wanted to have you that way, you begged me to stay, I helped you get undressed, I put you to bed and then I left." With that said, he turned and stormed out. Candace stood there not being able to speak or move, the tears once again flowed down her face and with his words left a sting like the one that she gave him with the slap of her hand. She watched as he walked quickly down the street and she called out to him again, "Cole!" But he didn't turn around or respond he just kept walking.

Candace sat down on the couch and cried bitterly over hurting him and being so wrong. She recalled bits and pieces of the night before and the dancing and the fact that she remembered him leaving without touching her. She remembered the wonderful talks they had at the club and how she admired him, she remembered the dancing and the erotic feel of his body against hers. She remembered how she told him to call her Candace and the hurt she felt when he called her Ms Lee just now. She wanted him, she desired him, she needed him and she lost him all within a matter of hours. Although she had been alone for so many years, now she felt desolate.

The next morning she got up for work, she felt she had no strength or energy to carry on as she always had. Somehow she managed, once she got to work, she saw Jody and remembered that she had forgotten the pin she bought Jody. Jody welcomed her as she always did and Candace smiled half-heartedly at Jody and went in her office. Jody thought that Candace might be sick; she got up and knocked her door. She asked Candace if she was all right. Candace said, "I'm find Jody, I am just tired. I didn't get much sleep at all." Jody went and sat down but still felt uneasy about her excuse.

Candace went to work on her applications but her mind was on the awful way she treated Cole. She had a hard time focusing on her work. At lunchtime Jody left to go eat and Candace lay back in her chair and stared out the window. She looked for Cole but he wasn't there. She didn't see him at all during lunch, nor did she see him at all that day or for the next 4 days. Candace never quite felt like being there, nor did she feel like staying late. She went home everyday at 5 pm just like everyone else. She had hoped he would come by or he would be at work and maybe she could apologize to him again.

By the end of Thursday she resigned herself to the fact that he wouldn't be back and she could never make up for the awful accusations against him. The hour's drug by and Candace went home, she entered her house and sat down. She stared at everything that she had worked for. She always believed that if she had independence and money, then she could be happy but now she knew material things couldn't hold her when she cried, they couldn't fill the empty silence, laugh with her or make love to her. She went to bed to sleep and just get through another day.

It was Friday and she went to work not expecting anything, she didn't even look for Cole in the loading area when lunchtime came. She sat at her desk doing her work and was only a little more focused than she had been, but the ache never left her heart. Around 2 pm Jody buzzed Candace on her intercom. "Yes Jody."

"Ms Lee, there is someone here to see you. He says his name is Cole and that you would know who it was."

Candace swallowed and prepared herself, "Yes Jody send him in." The door opened and Cole entered but he wasn't wearing his work clothes.

"Ms Lee, I am quitting. I have a new job."

"Cole I am really sorry but please don't leave. I feel so bad."

"It has nothing to do with what you said."

"Then why Cole?"

"I can't work here wanting you and not having you. I realized that it could never be between us. It's so difficult everyday and I've decided it's the best thing for me to leave." Candace' lips quivered and she chocked back the tears.

"Thank you for telling me, Cole. I wish you all the luck." Cole stood staring at her for a moment and then turned and walked out. Candace felt empty and she was angry with herself for not telling him that she wanted him also. She let her damn pride rule her life and it hadn't done anything for her but leave her alone and lonely.

The time crept by and eventually 5 pm rolled around. Everyone left and Candace looked at all the files she had gotten behind on, she gathered them up in her arms, determined that she would work on them all weekend and have them done by Monday. She didn't know how many applications she had but she felt like the load was more than usual. As usual she went home carried the files in the house, set them down on her kitchen table, fed Mitzi and read the mail.

After dinner, Candace sat down at her table and started going through her applications. She managed to keep her mind on her work and when she looked up she realized it was 12 midnight. She had managed to go through a good portion of her work, which surprised her. She stretched, yawned and got up, she just wanted to go to bed and sleep. She made her way upstairs to the bathroom.

She climbed in the shower and began to lather up, her eyes growing heavy from fatigue. The scent of the lilac soap relaxed her even more. After getting out of the shower and toweling off she crawled into bed, she slipped off into sleep completely nude while the sheets hugged her body. Her dreams that night were of the weekend before and how much fun she had, how happy she was and how young she felt. She dreamt about Cole holding her on the dance floor, somewhere in her dreams the realization came to her as to why she went to the club last weekend and why. She awoke and there she thought, "Why didn't I realize it before?" She had gone to the club because she had secretly hoped Cole would be there."

All her life she had always taken what she wanted, she was successful but Cole wasn't an object, or possession. He wasn't an application that she could just enter into the computer and forget about. If she was going to have him she had to do more.