All Comments on 'Vannerbehn's Luck Pt. 09'

I am a big fan of your work. I have to say I think this is your best story yet. Keep it up.

What you write is fun and takes a blah day and makes it wonderful. Thanks you!

...but I have to admit that I finally had to break down and go back to Chapter 1 so that I could tell the difference between Kima, Taliesine, and Syrava. Before the more recent chapters I was also confusing Aressine and Fhaernala with the others. The first chapter didn’t do the best job of developing any of the second adventuring party except for Parnma.

(Sorry if I’m misspelling any of those names.)

Context of these characters within the later chapters allowed me to know their roles for the purposes of the immediate story, but I couldn’t have told you what each individual character had done in the previous chapters. I knew that a couple of them didn’t like Khelsen, one of them didn’t come on the raid against Moliun, etc., but I couldn’t have told you which was which until the characters were more developed in later chapters, but by then, even when the story revealed that Kima came around, it was difficult to remember if that was the blonde fighter or the red head.

A good example was when Fhaernala magically shot the arrow around the building corner. Was she one of the stand-offish spellcasters that I’m just now learning uses a bow, or was this the stand-offish archer that I’m just now learning can cast spells?

You introduced the first adventuring party very well, but the way the second party was introduced very briefly, but not really developed as characters (most of them, anyway) until more recently made it difficult to know who they were later when mentioned by name alone.

Perhaps it’s due to the serialized nature of this story. Perhaps a formal list of the characters at the beginning of each chapter would have been helpful.

But despite the above criticism, I’m still really enjoying the story and am very pleased whenever I see a new chapter!

You're not the first to comment on the number of characters. I really appreciate the detail you went into, though.

I wonder if it would be different if you were reading the chapters one after another, or if you could read the story over a few nights, instead of one chapter at a time, weeks apart.

I'll try to be more careful, in future.

You’re still one of my favorite writers on this site

I just found this series yesterday and have been able to read it quickly. I almost kept the characters straight pausing to remember some of them. Congratulations on another stimulating story with some tantalizing twists tossed in. I almost wish I had waited until you had finished this interesting tale. Thank you

I'm reading them in a row and I had the same problem, characters get confusing.

Revealing Syrava to be in love with Creyme was quite shocking--AND I hadn't guessed about Kima and Taliesine at all. Odd though, how you obfuscated that for the readers.

I don't get the angle where he pays for Denya to get magic lessons from Taliesine...although I know he cares about her future. Don't know if you're going to explain his reasoning, but now that cat's out of the bag, I hope you did in a later chapter--at least as an epilogue.

One thing doesn't jive, though: Kelsen is a superlative tracker and therefore should be a very good detective. HOWEVER, he seems too dense regarding evidence right in front of him. Either you made him dense purposefully to increase the intrigue or for some other reason...but it doesn't add up.

Not going to ding the story for seemingly 2 late reveals/inconsistencies, but they are something to keep in mind for your other current stories, in case you wish to develop something similar. 5