by MzSapphiria
More please I'm wondering how they're going to do with the him not finding out she's not wealthy....lol
You need an editor to get your work on point! Good start though...
4/5
This is a decent idea being shot down before our eyes by lousy writing.
Example:
"Around noon her went over to Ruzzini Palace" -- Her did?
Punctuation issues about, the writing is clunky, and generally you just need a good strong hand.
Damn I didn't know this was an English class. Yea there are mistakes but I don't see you writing anything. Disregard them girl
Update soon.
I love the story. Ignore the meanspirited criticism-- you are a good writer and it is a great story line. Please finish..
But that's all you have is that without a good editor. The story was jumpy and went from one thing to the next I'm not trying to be mean offer hurtful but want you to be a better writer but because your work deseave it best of luck and hope the next chapter is better
~Mel~
I know my writing DESERVES a lot better and if you aren't trying to be mean OR hurtful enjoy the damn story and stop trying to give grammar lessons when you can't spell.
This is it? No second chapter? No!!!!!!
MzSapphiria, you just left us hanging! This has a nice plot and storyline, lovable characters AND suspense. Ignore the language police and please do continue writing. You have a lot of potential.
You stopped?? This story is so freakin cute. There has to be more. Please update soon.
Is this meant to be a series? I hope so. Can't wait to read what happens when they bump into each other again.
You are off to a good start. I hope there is more to this story.