Vic E 03

Vic E 03

I wasn't totally accepted by everyone so easily at Kim's underground party last weekend, but no one really let their true feelings be known on the outside. I mean, a few people there appreciated me and my black sparkly jumpsuit that fit me like the skin on an apple, so, all in all, for my first mixer, things weren't too bad.

And if there is a next time, I'll spend less time with the purposeful eye contact to determine who was a fan and who wasn't, especially since I learned pretty quickly that the first eye glare or soft eyes told me everything that I needed to know.

And who knew that the goth crowd liked to play party games, right?

"I mean, if we're bobbing for apples tonight, I see the apple that I want to bob on, so?"

"Excuse me? Oh, it's you, the guy who flicks his cigarette butts out of the window on the Strip! I have collected a few of those and have forwarded them to the FBI for DNA analyst, you know. And what do you mean by what you said anyways, hmm?"

"Oh, you know, I'm going to make out with your butt before I plow your butt, that's all, so?"

LOL, like my tight as the skin of apple jumpsuit was going to just come off!

"Well, I thought that was myth, so. I mean, the making out with a butt part. Some other people in my past have wanted to plow my field regardless of the season. Anyways, what's your name and just who can I blame for your existence then, hmm?"

"Well, you can call me Ron or you can call me your boyfriend for the night, but before the night is over, I'm hoping that you literally call me a big pain in the ass! And I don't mind if we start things out slowly with me replacing the batteries in this jumpsuit that you're wearing, so?"

I mean, Ron is more than fine, right people?

"Also, Ron, um, Kim needs me in the kitchen, so, I mean, I will do my best to avoid you tonight, so, bye now."

And that's when I figured out that next time, LOL, I wouldn't glance over my shoulder to make sure I wasn't being followed as I made my way through a house that I wasn't very familiar with because as I nervously entered the kitchen, I mean, I bumped smack dab into another sea of black clothing and facial hair!

"Oops, sorry, my bad, so?"

And sometimes when people run smack dab into each other, their arms just wrap around each other by default of the crash.

"You're short."

"Or I'm the perfect size, so?"

"You're wearing flip flops."

"I have nice feet, so? And petite would have been a better choice of labels, so."

"I know you from the Strip. You talk to a lot of people, all except us."

"You guys flick your cigarettes on the Strip and that's so like a hundred years ago, so?"

"You're not backing down from me then."

"If I haven't disgusted you in the first 30 seconds, then you like me, so?"

"Is this jumpsuit painted on then, hmm?"

"There's a zipper in the back and it's a long zipper, so?"

"I'm K Geo."

"I'm Vic E."

"Hmph."

"Hmm."

"Are you going to have a cigarette break with me later, Vic E?"

"Are you going to put it out and put it away properly, K Geo?"

"Hmph."

"Hmm."

And that's a goth conversation, I guess. But it was pleasant.

"Having fun, Vic E? LOL, and we won't tell Marla either way, so?"

"Oh, I am, Kim. Um, I think I have figured out who to approach and who to avoid, but I know that I'm not for everyone, so, it's cool and all."

"Well, good, good for you then, Vic E. And by the way, shoes or boots, heels do lift the butt, just saying for next time, but your little apple seems to be doing alright in flip flops, so it's all good for now, Vic E. Besides, LOL, I already posted that I have a cutie bare foot in the kitchen, so."

"Um, K Geo then?"

"Oh, um, he's fine, just a little reserved with the words and the emotions, so?"

"That's how I felt too. And Ron the jerk?

"LOL, Ron will end face down drunk and passed out with a sign taped to his back before too long, so?"

"That's exactly what I thought to, Kim."

"Ta, ta."

You see, folks? It's good to have input from the neutral side, right? And how do you kiss someone with facial hair? I'm asking for a friend.

Anyways, I mean, even in my fancy ass jumpsuit, I still the outcast because even though I could read the facial expressions of those to avoid, I mean, they were all in mixed clumps, but I did what I could.

"I've seen you on the Strip before, so?"

"Oh, yeah, I mean, you're the one who prances around with that mini tablet, so, I guess I have seen you the Strip before too then. And since you seem to avoid us, I mean, what do you do with that mini tablet then, um? I'm Arron."

"I'm Vic E and I'm already almost through with you, Arron."

"Fine, I know why you prance around with your mini tablet then. I mean, you're all "popular" now for your scheduling skills. I only wish that more of us owned and rode bikes, so?"

And with just a couple of quick verbal exchanges, cool, Arron doesn't flick cigarette butts on to Strip! Not that I'm saying that K Geo had serious tobacco breath.

"Arron, are you comfortable enough to take a photo of me with my phone? I want my entire jumpsuit captured and that's hard to do with an arm extended selfie, so?"

I mean, it was kind of me to ask him about his comfort level in advance, right? And even though not everyone could see what was going on, that was an ice breaker for sure for the few who could see the impromptu photo shoot, so, yay, I think I won over a couple more fans! And they were easy to spot because LOL, they were never going to make it as spies who took sneaky spy photos.

However, I'd probably never wear the jumpsuit again, so, maybe I twisted once or twice for the cameras and maybe I didn't, but I took every ice breaker that I could get.

"I mean, it's probably not illegal for me to hand you an unopened bottle of beer, so?"

"Gruff."

"You were one year ahead me in school and you chased me out of your spot under the bleachers once, so?"

"Gruff."

"Are you on the green weed then?"

"Gruff."

And sometimes there are two ice cubes that just won't break apart, right?

"If you're looking for something, I mean, Kim's place has a small half bath just at the side door by the garage. And I see that you met Gruff, so?"

"Oh, um, yeah, tee, he, Griff and I go way back. I mean, Gruff. And where is that half bath then, um??"

"I'm Dew Tell and you're that little schedule maker then, right? Vicki? From the Strip?"

"Oh, um, Dew Tell, it's Vic E and it's better to refer to people like me as petite rather than little, but I like your logo t-shirt. Nothing says the party don't stop like a t-shirt that literally says "the party don't stop" like the one you're wearing and I literally don't know why I just traced the phrase "the party don't stop" with my finger across your chest, so?"

"Well, Vic E, you just go ahead and wave that little, I mean, that dainty finger at me when you need a guard at the bathroom door, so?"

I mean, I had to do it, right? I mean, why else would CD's and Tranny's practice it in the mirror, right?

"You mean like this, Dew Tell?"

[Performs the universal blow job hand signal motion, including tongue pushing out cheek]

"Aha, aha, aha, that will work, Vic E, aha, aha, aha!"

Or what not to do at a mixer for short! Especially your first mixer.

"Okay, um, okay, um, well, I really need to use my phone now, Dew Tell, so?"

And that actually wasn't a lie. I mean, there was more ice to break, right? And I just had to send out a quick series of photo texts! I mean, even I appreciated the flashy jumpsuit, so.

"Well, Vic E, it could only have been you, so, care to explain then, hmm?"

"Kim, just go with it."

I mean, what pleases a goth crowd as much as that internationally recognized blow job hand motion does, right?

"Jimmy J? What the hell, dude? Or get in here for short!"

"Hey, someone sent Suzie a selfie in a shiny black sequined jumpsuit and bannered it as "help" and then sent another photo text showing the party crowd and then sent another selfie with a 4-way split screen and ta, da, here I am with five large pizzas. And Suzie also said that this damn party had still better be popping when she gets off of work. Anyways, eat up my people and this party better still be popping later! I'm tired of Suzie taking things out on me!"

See? You just call in the big guns when the big guns are required!

"So, maybe you hate me less now, hmm?"

"Maybe. Who are you plating slices for, hmm?"

"Hmm, K Geo. That's alright, right?"

"Oh, that's fine, I guess. That's a long zipper running up your back, so?"

"LOL, I couldn't reach to put a miniature padlock on it, tee, he. I'm Vic E."

"Uh-huh. I know who you are. Do you have a cigar for me then, Vic E?"

Well, obviously there wasn't any cigars on my person in that jumpsuit!

"Lift the cake cover, George."

[Huh, cigars fanned out in a circle like a cake topping then, huh]

"I don't kiss guys, Vic E."

"I'm a huge sucker for lip locking, George. It's most of my sex, so?"

"Huh, then you better deliver that plate of slices to K Geo then, Vic E. And thanks for the cigars."

Well, you know, more tobacco breath, right? I mean, the tobacco party don't stop, LOL, right?

But here was the thing about the pizza and the perfectly fanned out cigars. I mean, ewe, too many of my new friends wanted to "thank" touch me with their greasy pizza fingers, so, ewe, for my bazillion dollar jumpsuit!

But I quickly got that quick slip and slide motion down pat. Until I found K Geo anyways.

"I knew you would find me with a plate of pizza slices, Vic E, so?"

"And you've been smoking, K Geo, so if you're thinking about stealing a kiss or two from me tonight, I mean, double ewe, so?"

"Are you always going to be a sassy handful, Vic E?"

"Hmm."

"Hmph."

[Munch, munch, munch]

"Can you control yourself if I need help with my long zipper in the back of my jumpsuit, K Geo? I need the powder room, so?"

[Munch, munch, munch]

"Can you at least half control yourself, GJ?"

"Ladies first."

Well, I had already figured out where Kim's half bath was just off of the garage and the others were still hamming it up and fist bumping with Jimmy J while eating, so.

[Zip, zip, zip]

"That should be enough, K Geo. I can reach from there, so?"

[Zip, zip, zip]

"Oh, okay, I beginning to feel a breeze, K Geo."

[Zip, zip, zip, ooh, a string]

"Well, it doesn't matter than I can wear a regular skimpy thong, K Geo, so."

[Zip, zip, zip]

Wait, wait, my jumpsuit zipper was all the way down! And I shouldn't have spun around.

[Mwah, ummah, mwah, smooch, lip smack, lip lock, mwah, smooch, mwah, smack, smack]

"Who is fucking you tonight, Vic E?"

[Mwah, ummah, mwah, smooch, lip smack, lip lock, mwah, smooch, mwah, smack, smack]

"Oh, you are or nobody is, K Geo."

[Mwah, ummah, mwah, smooch, lip smack, lip lock, mwah, smooch, mwah, smack, smack]

"But not in Kim's house! It's not right."

[Mwah, ummah, mwah, smooch, lip smack, lip lock, mwah, smooch, mwah, smack, smack]

So, guys don't care about that stuff then?

Also, so guys just get in there and saw between the twin peaks then? LOL, yep!

[Mwah, ummah, mwah, smooch, lip smack, lip lock, mwah, smooch, mwah, smack, smack]

[Ping, ping, ping, ping]

"(Gulp) oh, that must be Houston calling to remind you that taking me in the bathroom of Kim's house is a problem, K Geo! Oh, wait, that's your phone! OMG, is that your caller ID photo then? OMG, is that your baby momma? With twins? And with one on each nipple? Is she at least an ex-girlfriend?"

Well, she was the ex, but still, right? For one, ewe, seriously with that family photo as her caller ID and for second, well, it totally ruined the moment for me. And I don't even know if I was over reacting or not, but ewe, my brain went into survival mode and I scampered away as quickly and quietly as I could while he went all "the check is in the mail" on the phone with his ex who probably bothered him at every opportunity about where the support money was.

But my next problem was scampering away and trying to fully zip up my jumpsuit, which wasn't easy. The human is amazing, but it doesn't bend and maneuver in every direction, so. And by the way, someone should address this issue in the emergency exit handbook or something! Especially when the wearer can actually wear dental floss for undies!

(But I liked the way that he sawed me, you know, before I knew he had a baby momma crying about support money)

Anyways, I almost survived my first mixer, I guess.

(And that sawing thing should be in the foreplay handbook.)

"(Um)."

"What? Did someone mumble at me?"

"(Um)."

[A head peeks around the short stair step near the garage side door]

"Oh."

"I mean, I need help zipping up, so? This is as high as I could the zipper by myself."

I mean, I didn't have a big problem turning to expose my half zipped up zipper and back to him, but it's still unclear even to this day if I stepped forward into the half bathroom or if he nudged me.

[Zip, zip, zip]

"I mean, I know that's the down direction, so?"

[Zip, zip, zip, whoa, dental floss!]

"Are saving all this for yourself then? I mean, you're "Sissy Bar Vic E", right?"

OMG, forget about it, people! I thought I left that behind me in the first two chapters!

"I mean, it's been a struggle, but yeah, I've been saving that for myself, so, a zip up please."

Seriously? Don't guy's ever listen?

"Ahem! That's enough of the peeking then!"

[Reluctantly zips, zip, zip, zip, zip]

"Thank you, um????"

"Irvin. And I'm not mad at all about hugging you this way, so?"

"[Mwah] and we just agreed that I'm saving all that, Irvin. However, I really need to get out of here. I've had my share of mixer for the night, so, will you be my boyfriend for five minutes and walk me out to my truck then? I'm sure we can slip right out through the garage, so?"

You see, folks, I mean, sure, I have much to learn, but I knew my party time was up and I knew that I wouldn't survive much more of his hugging, which was a lot more like squeezing. Like the living daylights out of me squeezing.

Also, you see, folks, house mixers carry on in the garage too! Which is another thing that someone should put in the emergency duck out handbook!

"Well, what's this then, Irvin, hmm?"

"Step off, Mickey, I'm just seeing Vic E safely to his truck, so? Oh, I mean, just to the garage door and all, I mean, hey, who has the concrete crumble bits for dessert after the pizza then, hmm?"

Typical straight fag guy response, right? But do they actually have to gently shove you off, hmm?

"Oh, Mickey, it's good to see you. I mean, I'd check my tablet schedule, if I had my tablet on me, so?"

"Check it in the morning, Vic E, but get me in before the next rally. I like the shine your wife puts on my machine, so?"

"Marla is not my girlfriend, Mickey."

"Well, be that as it may, she still owns you, but that's between the two of you and I like her work, so."

"Well, I mean, well, we need each other, so are you walking me to my truck or what then? I'm only comfortable walking the Strip alone, so?"

Now, that's how a real man should respond! A real modern man is not afraid to wrap his arm around the guy in a tight and form fitted party jumpsuit and walk him out of the garage and down the driveway towards the truck! And I even lowered his gentleman's hand a little lower too.

End Vic 03