Vicki's Story Ch. 01

Nan recognized it early. She drove my life in other directions. She was a clever and insightful woman. She wanted the best for me and helped guide me. When she realized I had a penchant for computers, she fuelled that my buying me the very latest models. She set up my very own office at her house for me to do my studies in. Wise in so many ways. I think she realized I would struggle in many facets of life.

I had always loved books, and reading. Discovering computers changed my world.

Nan recognized it and she gave me a hefty push in that direction. "Fran, technology is taking over. If you can master it, you are going to be very successful."

Her words slowly seeped in. I started to play games less and study more. Technology became my focus. I didn't want to just be proficient at using computers, I wanted to learn everything about them. I learnt how to troubleshoot and fix faults. Which software worked and which didn't. I learned to write code and programs. My prowess became known amongst my family and my golf ball business took a back seat. I was now the computer repair guy. It wasn't just repairs though, I became somewhat of a hacker. I found ways to fix things and I don't mean technical breakdowns.

As I repaired computers for friends and families, I found that I could learn a lot about people. Most people had very little idea about how to hide files. They thought the delete button got rid of things they didn't want people to see. I wasn't nefarious, I never used that information, well, not then anyway. But it taught me a lot about people. I realized how valuable, yet dangerous, information was.

The day Nan passed away totally devastated me. I had never felt anything like it. The feeling of loss was total. I was empty. I cried for weeks. She was gone. No more little chats, no warm hugs and consoling kisses when things went wrong. It was the saddest period of my life. I was heartbroken. I loved that woman like no other.

There were no more weekends at Nan's. My parents were busier than usual. I knew Dad was affected by Nan's death as well. His response was to throw himself deeper into work. He had always been like that, work was his life. So busy at building his own, very successful, business. Mom and I became less important. She, made up for his absence by immersing herself in charity work. Like a lot of business widows, she filled the yawning gap left by my father by helping others.

Up until her passing, my world was Nan. With her gone, it was like a huge hole opened up beneath me and my world collapsed crushing me. Weekends were never the same after that. Computers, in a way, became my therapy. If nothing else, they kept me busy.

The sad part was, I had to put away my love of dresses, lingerie, heels and hose. Without Nan's wardrobe to rob, I was bereft of choices. I really don't think Mom would have understood. Although, when I was home alone, I took every opportunity to steal a whiff and to slide my feet into her shoes.

I turned my focus to school as I tried to figure out what I was going to do with my life.

I was attracted to the professional world. I imagined myself working as Nan had. I imagined ways to make that happen but, it seemed impossible. It was my father's dream that I would be following in his footsteps. There was no secret, he made it clear and obvious, he wanted me to work for him.

That thought irritated me. He had been so absent throughout my latter teenage years, I felt a sense of abandonment. I didn't hate him but, I definitely blamed him.

I chose to heed Nan's words and narrowed my targets, setting computer science as my goal.

My hormones were raging as well and I was definitely interested in discovering more about the females of the species. There was one girl, in particular, who interested me. Her family were my parents closest friends. We were the same age and spent a lot of time together when we were younger.

Gail was a social butterfly, a member of the "in" crowd. Unfortunately, she was not interested in the likes of little old me.

We were thrown together at a New Year's Eve party hosted at her parents' house. Knowing how Gail felt about me made it seem like a terrible night. I didn't really want to go but Mom got her way and dragged me along.

Gail, I sensed, was in a similar boat. She didn't want to be there either and she was in a particularly foul mood with her parents for forcing her to stay home.

She stole a bottle of sweet blackberry wine and as the main party raged in the house. She grabbed me, because I was the only one there her age, and dragged me up to her bedroom.

We sat on her bed drinking until the bottle was empty. As she became increasingly drunk, we started dancing. As the drunkenness worsened, the dancing led to kissing, which led to roaming hands and my hands were, for the first time in my life, wandering all over a sexy pretty girl.

We ended up on her bed with her hand in my jeans and mine in her panties. This was my first feel of a girl's vagina. God I was enthralled and excited. At eighteen, I was probably the oldest virgin among my few friends. I was damn sure if only half of what I heard about Gail were true, she most definitely wasn't a virgin. My fingers though were clumsy as I tried to figure out what the hell to do.

Damn, she was so slippery, her vagina puffy and slick with her juices.

I am sure from her perspective it felt more like an examination than anything remotely sexually arousing. Her hand squeezed and mauled my penis. Her kisses were sensational, tasting of the sweet blackberry. God even to this very day I can recall that kiss, not just because it was my first, but the taste! Oh my god it was so sweet. Every time I drink or eat something tasting of blackberry I get flashbacks and I smile inwardly.

Her lips were full and the kisses wet and juicy. It didn't take long for me to get her panties off and I was between her legs. The moment my cock slid into her it was like heaven. It was hot and wet. I couldn't describe it, maybe liquid silk or velvet, molten toffee. The wet sticky secretions clung to my skin, the room reeked of sex. There was that overwhelming sense of warmth, oh my god the heat. I was clearly not her first.

The moment I started to thrust into her I was overcome with the rush, the thrill. If gamblers were offered bets on how long I would last, most would have picked my time. I must have lasted all of three seconds and that would be stretching it. I certainly wouldn't have filled her with good memories. I came like a kettle blowing the lid off. I almost fainted it was so powerful.

The moment didn't last because Gail threw me off and raced for the toilet to throw up. I helped her by holding her hair out of the way. Jeez, talk about disgusting. Everything she had eaten in the last month burst out of her mouth in a never ending, wretched stream. Where the hell does all that stuff come from?

Thankfully she passed out and I had my escape.

The bad news is she never spoke to me again. I called around to their place the next day to visit and her mother said she was busy, even though I could see Gail peeking out from behind the curtains.

Life moves on. I ended up going to Case Western Reserve to study Computer Science. Sure it was a "local" college, but students came from around the world to attend.

It might have been local, but it offered me the chance to move out from under my parents roof. To find my own way in the world.

I moved into a dorm and I was released into the wild.

There was more than just wanting to get out from the control of my parents.

The urges had been growing within me, urges too hard to suppress. Try as I might, every day it got harder to subdue the raging, urgent need. Shame and embarrassment are strong drivers of denial. I felt all of them. Picturing the look of horror on my parents faces is what drove me relegating my desires to only dreams.

Unfortunately, the yearning needs weren't going to be subjugated. The need, the undeniable starving hunger, exploded once I was alone. All I could think about was the feel of silk on my skin, the wonderfully electric feel of nylon stockings sliding up my legs.

The cravings came back with a rush. Much like a drug addict must feel, I had no chance. I was hooked and there was no escape.

The dorm room I shared had separate bedrooms which gave me the opportunity to indulge a little. My room-mate was a bit of a red-neck so I definitely had to keep it private and hidden from him.

I wanted to focus on my studies, make Nan proud. As it is with most deeply seated fixations, the harder you try to suppress them, the harder it becomes to ignore them.

It started slowly. At first it was just panties, then that grew to include pantyhose and stockings, my favourites. It didn't take long before I had amassed a small collection of clothes and lingerie. I wore panties continuously. I was careful but, under my normal day wear I wore my little pink panties. It felt so erotic, naughty and stimulating knowing, hidden beneath my ordinary everyday exterior, I was encased in my silky satin pouch. The one pair of Nan's pumps, that I managed to save, were definitely getting worn.

As it is with most addictions, my need for more grew quickly. Now I could dabble with another element of femininity, makeup. Locked away in my room, I started with the obvious, lipstick. I remember that first time, the feel of the slippery lippy, the slightly sticky feel, and when I looked in the mirror, I was in love. Running my tongue over the velvety texture, the taste, the smell, oh god it was divine.

Over the following weeks, I spent a small fortune on different shades, lip gloss, and some lipsticks designed to fatten and plump. Heaven, absolute heaven. I loved the look and that meant moving into foundations, powders, eye shadows and lash extensions. Whole nights vanished as I experimented with my new found looks. I loved how I could develop different moods and looks.

Finding that I was not alone freed me. I discovered You Tube was full of wonderful tutorial video clips. It was more than the tutorials though, there were interviews and pod casts, other gender dysphoric people going through what I was beginning to feel. Just knowing that I wasn't alone lifted my spirits and removed some of the shame. Not all of it, but some.

My mother always managed to ring at the wrong time, and often phoned, just as I applied my first layer of mascara, or lipstick. Trying to have a conversation with your mother, while looking like a drag queen, impossible not to feel elevated embarrassment levels.

That was the only problem, at night while I played, I felt so alive. The morning though as I looked at my growing collection of makeup. I became anxious, and the guilt and shame was unbearable. That dragged me down into despair. My insecurities growing exponentially. The filtered light of day break would bring with it the dark foreboding shame. As I walked to class, I would say over and over to myself. "No more, never again."

However, the moment I walked into my room, it started all over again.

Trying to manage my growing desires and my hormones created an internal dilemma. I still had all the same urges as other guys.

Dating was something I desperately wanted to explore. There was a sexy girl, isn't there always? She was in my class, Petrice. Pretty, without being a knockout, she was still attractive. What drew me in most was her dark moody personality. It made me uncomfortably nervous and yet impossibly attracted at the same time.

It took me a while to build up enough courage to ask her out. I tried and failed many times. In the end, I got my chance and it was easier than I expected. Metallica was coming to town. I had overheard Petrice moaning to her friends that she really wanted to go but couldn't afford it. So without really considering it I brought two tickets.

I approached her tentatively after class, heart in mouth. "Um Petrice, I was wondering whether you would like to go to see Metallica with me?"

She looked shocked at first. I mean this was pretty much the first time I had ever spoken to her. As the realization of what I said sunk in her expression changed and her quizzical look changed to a knowing almost condescending smile. "Are you asking me out Francis?" She didn't use Fran, like my friends and family. No she used the more formal Francis.

I nodded. "Yes... Yes I am." I tried to sound confident but as she stood glaring inquisitively at me I felt it slipping away. I thought she was laughing at me but she leaned forward and kissed me. "I would love to."

For our date I was unsure about what to wear. Should I try to be a bit edgier? Would mimicking her make her uncomfortable? In the end I went with my usual day wear.

As I knocked on her door I was stunned. At school she dressed darkly, but here before me stood this incredible Goth goddess. She was dressed entirely in black and purple. Her lipstick was black and she wore this pair of high patent leather platform boots that laced up all the way to her knee. The moment I saw them, all I wanted to do was put them on.

Too unlace them and slide them off her fishnet stocking covered legs. I noticed her eyes slide up and down me as she took in my appearance. She smiled and I couldn't figure out whether it was a sneer or whether she was pleasantly surprised.

We jumped into the cab and headed for the concert.

The moment we walked into Quicken Loans Arena I realized that I was definitely the odd one out. I was surrounded by men and women all dressed in a similar vain to Petrice. The Supporting act Gojira was already playing and the place was pumping.

The crowd were jumping and bouncing as one. Petrice dragged me by the hand until we were embedded deep into the mosh pit. It was impossible to stand still it was either dance with the mob or get crushed. Petrice was already straight into it so that was it. I just got sucked into that mass of bouncing sweaty bodies. I was exhausted after minutes but there was no stopping.

Afterwards we slipped out to the bar area and met with Petrice's friends. Her friends didn't bother hiding their mocking glances, they openly laughed at me. I overheard one girl ask who the dweeb was.

Petrice slapped her on the shoulder. "Stop it, play nice, he's my friend." The girl, Allison, kissed me apologising. She was short, about my height, she flowed like a billowing curtain encased in a swirl of red and black. Her robe like dress flowed openly. Her boobs overflowed the bodice of her Metallica T-shirt which was stressed to the max incapable of containing the billowing flesh within.

Later as we shared the cab with some of her friends we made out in the back. As we pulled up outside her apartment she kissed me and stared into my eyes. "Well?" I wasn't sure what to do but as she climbed out held out her hand and dragged me up to her den.

I mean it was an apartment but the style made it feel more like something Dracula would live in. It was decorated as she dressed dark and ethereal. It felt menacing.

We collapsed into a big sumptuous settee with a bottle of cheap wine where she set about introducing me to her body. Petrice was one of those gloriously gorgeous creatures straight out of a turn of the century painting. She wasn't skinny but she wasn't overweight either. Perhaps womanly would be a good description. As we kissed and fondled, her hands did an introduction of their own. Her fingers were already wrapped firmly around the bulge that had filled my boxers. Her bountiful boobs filled my hands, and suddenly I was in seventh heaven.

My hand slid up her legs luxuriating in the feel and texture of the fishnets. That alone had me on the edge of orgasm, it felt so sensuous. By the time my hands were caressing her mound she was already pushing her hips forward grinding on my hand. I am slow but even I got that hint.

I slid my hand up under her panties and the feel of her wet engorged lips sucked my hand against her. As my fingers were sucked into her it was like she was on fire. The enormous heat as my fingers moved slowly along she mewed. "That's it lover, oh yes baby that feels good but don't tease."

That was all the encouragement I needed I moved with more authority plunging my fingers in and out rhythmically fucking her. She kissed and bit my face neck and ears as her passion mounted. I learned quickly and thrust harder and harder into her palpating hole. I felt her body tense up and she released my cock as she moaned loudly. "Oh fuck yes." Her body was shaking and I stopped. "Fuck no don't stop, don't fucking stop, oh god I am cumming."

That was my first experience of a female orgasm and it blew my mind. I couldn't believe how slippery and sticky she was. My hand was covered in her hot liquid goo. As I lifted my hand up and licked it clean she giggled. "Oh baby if you want to taste go right to the source, don't wait for an invite."

I wasn't sure what to do but I slipped her panties down as she lay back reclining on the settee. I knelt down in front of her and marvelled at the glorious sight. I kissed the exposed flesh above her stoking tops.

As I kissed her exposed flesh she sighed. "Yes baby, that's a good boy. That feels so good." I inched further up until my mouth settled wetly on her swollen lips.

This was my first up close and personal look at a woman's pussy. I kissed all around it relishing the flavour and aroma. The taste was amazing I was suffocating in delight as I inhaled deeply. I timidly pushed my tongue inside and was slammed by the taste. It was sticky and gooey and so earthy. As I moved my tongue in and out swirling it around her outer lips, my mind floated in a sea of sensory overload. It wasn't just driving me crazy it was having an immediate effect on Petrice.

Her hips started to undulate writhing and wriggling as she moaned. "Fuck that's good." Her hands tightened in my hair as the intensity grew.

Ever eager to please I licked and sucked as she pushed and pulled on my hair moving me to where she wanted. It was like she was masturbating with my face. I tried to keep up as she shoved my mouth hard against her hole. My fingers jammed tightly up into her sex. She pulled me up higher until this wiggly little worm like thing slipped under my tongue. As I sucked it into my mouth she started to buck wildly. "Fuck yes lick it baby, fuck, suck it you bastard suck it. Oh god yes, oh my god."

It was the mother lode I had hit pay dirt I sucked that little worm for all I was worth. Her ass lifted right up off the sofa and she crushed my face against her convulsing pussy. "I'm cumming baby fuck me, oh fucking hell, don't stop, don't stop." She went wild bucking and heaving so strongly I could barely keep up.

Wow what an orgasm. It was mind blowing. We were lying back trying to get our breath. I still had my clothes on and as we regathered our senses Petrice moaned. "Wow baby that was immense. God, where did you learn to lick pussy?"

I laughed with embarrassment, as I confessed. "Well right now actually. This was a first for me."

"God if that's true you are a natural. That was so hot, you would make a good lesbian." I didn't realize it then, but that was a very prophetic moment. She couldn't be closer to the truth, if she had tried.

She started unbuttoning my shirt, followed quickly by my jeans, which she tugged until they were around my ankles. Right at that moment, I felt the deepest embarrassment I had ever experienced.

I wasn't expecting sex on a first date, I mean who does that? Right... Right?

Underneath my jeans, I wore. My little silk panties, and a pair of sheer nude panty hose.

When, Patrice saw them, she shrieked. "What the fuck dude?"

It was a moment, I will remember forever. My face must have been glowing. I expected to get thrown out, but she was more than a little kinky, and if anything. That turned her on even more.