Vicki's Story Ch. 04

Firstly, a quick word of thanks to my friends Vicki and Tim who helped develop this story.

Chapter four:

Once we were back in Toledo, things sort of meandered along. Livvy and I seemed to grow closer, at least from my perspective. I just had this gnawing doubt about her. My concerns grew as the days passed. She still had this close relationship with Lisa, who she never once mentioned to me.

Maybe my reservations were more about me than her. It was my constant battle with self-doubt about who I was and my choices. It's a difficult road and my decision to stop the hormone therapy wasn't helping. I was yo-yoing, sometimes taking them and then going days without.

I loved my life, my present position did leave me in a state of anxiety and indecision, I adored my new life as Vicki, but I constantly questioned myself why I refused to go the whole journey. I had read, and watched countless interviews with transgender people, men mostly transitioning to women. They all, well mostly, seemed to hate their penis, and saw it as the major stumbling block in moving forward successfully with their new lives as a woman. I didn't get those feelings, I loved my penis, and I enjoyed the sexual aspects of my life. I loved having Livvy and continuously wondered about the full gender reassignment. I kept coming back to the moment. If I could just keep things as they were, I would be happy.

My insecurities drove me back to tracking her emails. Yes, I know it was morally wrong as well as illegal and I would probably lose my job but, it vexed me. They talked about everything together. Me, our relationship, everything and it bugged me. She talked about things with her she never talked to me about. Even work stuff. I was so jealous of their relationship. What she had with Lisa is what I wanted. I wanted to be the one she confided in, talked to about our intimate details.

The other thing that annoyed me was the relationship Livvy and Mom had developed. There wasn't a day went by where they weren't on the phone to each other. Sometimes in the evenings they talked for an hour or more. I could be sitting right there but they talked about me as if I wasn't. It frustrated the hell out of me. I know it seems churlish and petulant but, I was jealous. I mean, I should have been happy that they were getting on so well but, it hurt.

Mom had always been warm and loving as a mother but, she was as guilty as Dad was about being absent from my life when I was younger. My grandparents were more like my parents...It was Nan who nurtured and encouraged.

I should have told Livvy but, couldn't do it. I wasn't sure enough in where we were going, or about myself for that matter.

I asked if I could meet her parents and she fobbed me off. "No baby, not yet. They don't know that I am a lesbian and I don't think I can tell them. It will break my mother's heart."

I got a bit huffy. "Yeah, well how the hell do you think I felt coming out to my dad?"

Of course, it descended into an argument and we didn't talk to each other for over a week...well, not for personal reasons anyway. Work was unavoidable but, personally we didn't talk. It was her god damned double standards which vexed me. It was okay for me to be humiliated but, for her, it wasn't time...

Mom obviously heard about the argument from Livvy because she called and tried to talk me round. "Honey, you can't rush her. She feels like you are pressuring her. Just give her time darling. Give her time dear, she isn't as brave as you, she needs your support."

It didn't matter what I said, Mom was on her side.

I missed her. I missed her a lot. I missed my friend and confidante. I had nobody to talk to. Yes, I had made friends with a couple of the other girls at work. Sandy, the receptionist and I had struck up a relationship of sorts. We went shopping together occasionally. We had coffee and sometimes lunch but, the reality is, aside from Livvy, I had no one to talk to about my concerns.

So, after the second week I picked up the makings of a big dinner and got dressed in my sexiest outfit, the little silver cocktail dress. Sequined and trimmed with lace, I always loved wearing it. It had thin spaghetti straps that exposed plenty of flesh. It made the most of my tiny boobs. I took a lot of care with my makeup and hair. I put it up in a tight little bun because I know she loves it.

I wore a lovely pair of pantyhose that had lace tops imitating stockings. I chose a pair of glossy black patent leather heels. They were my new favourites. The three-inch heel pushed my calves up just enough to show them to their best. I loved to look in the mirror walking, well, parading really, admiring how my legs looked in them. The shoes were amazing. I had never paid so much for a single pair of shoes in my life. I adored them. Underneath they were bright red and looked so sexy. I loved the smell of them, the feel.

I packed up the food and headed for Livvy's. I knocked on her door and when she answered the look of surprise was obvious and a smile slowly crept across her face. "Are you trying to say sorry?"

I nodded. "Yes, I am sorry. I miss you so much." She reached out and pulled me into a bruising embrace as the tears flowed down her cheeks. "God baby, I have missed you as well."

That night I cooked chicken cacciatore and afterwards we cuddled up on her sofa. We kissed and it was like a fire had ignited in my stomach. Her tongue delved deliciously into my mouth, circling and twirling with mine. The passion became too much. As we pulled back, her lips dove for my neck and she nibbled, sucked and kissed all over my exposed flesh. "I never want to argue again. I love you so much."

I forced her on her back, literally ripping off her thin blouse, until all of her beautiful tummy was exposed to my burning lips. I kissed, massaged and caressed every quivering inch. I slipped her bra from her shoulders and sucked her pointy little nipples into my wanton mouth. "Oh god yes." She moaned. "Yes, please don't stop."

With those instructions ringing in my ear, I slid my hand up her long sexy legs forcing them further apart. My hand clasped her mound and massaged with the palm of my hand. I pushed and caressed, stroked and tickled, that gorgeous moistening opening. Her panties were damp and sticky as I slipped my fingers up underneath the edges. I let my fingers walk along the length of her swollen mound. I watched as her face tightened into a cringe. "Jesus Vicki, you are a fucking tease. Please baby, don't tease me."

I slipped my finger into her. It was like dipping my finger into hot custard, so slippery and swollen. "Oh, that's it baby. Oooh yeah that's nice." I kept sliding my finger in then pulling it all the way out and rubbing along the length of her pussy. Sliding in just above her clit than along all the way to her asshole. Then dipping in and sliding all the way in.

Lifting her skirt I lowered my head and placed my lips over her still panty clad pussy. I licked and lapped sucking the juices from the silky fabric. She lifted her hips and I slid them down until she could kick them off. The moment her pussy was fully exposed I dived back down with my mouth clasping tightly over her hole. Sucking and biting as my finger fucked her. My thumb toying with her clit. As she got more and more worked up. I teased a little slowing the game. I moved up kissing her pouty lips. "Fuck you are a teasing bitch." She muttered through clenched teeth. You fucking torture me."

I laughed. "And you love it." I kissed my way slowly back to her sloppy opening. I kissed her clit nibbling lightly as her hips pushed up of the sofa trying to force more into my mouth.

"Baby please, don't torture me, please." Her hands were toying with my hair as she tried to pull me tighter. "Fuck you bitch, you teasing little bitch." She moaned.

I took her to the brink and then let it trail off several more times before I couldn't do it anymore. She was frantic screaming. "Fuck don't stop, don't stop." As she came all over my face her tangy juices lathered me. I climbed up between her legs and slid into her molten depths in a smooth deep thrust. She was so worked up she just wrapped me with her arms and legs and I rode her to a combined orgasm.

That night was the re-ignition of our relationship. It was so nice having her back in my life. Weekends were spent shopping and touring around the local areas. She loved to drive out to the surrounding areas just to sight see. We visited many of the local areas, Lake Erie of course and Maume River. We even went out to Hollywood Casino for a wonderful night out. It was an incredible evening. We both got dressed up wearing our favourite gowns. As happy as I was I don't think I was as happy as Mom.

A week or so later Mom and dad turned up at my door on Saturday about lunchtime. They had barely pulled into the parking bay when Livvy pulled in behind them. Totally unbeknown to me, Livvy, had invited them. Mom, loved my little apartment and we went out for a big celebration dinner. It was totally unexpected and made me feel a bit left out. Livvy, had planned the whole thing.

The next day Livvy, and Mom, went shopping together they were like mother and daughter. Dad and I took a walk along the waterfront. "Fran, sorry I still can't get my head around Vicki."

I interrupted. "Its OK dad I understand. Fran, is good. It's still me in here."

He smiled. "Fran, As difficult as it is for me to understand. You have made a life for yourself and I am proud of you. I cannot comprehend it, or how you got to this point, but. I just want you to know that." He reached out and held my hand as we walked. "I just need to know that you are taking your life and your career seriously."

I laughed. "Dad this job isn't where I see myself. It's just a start. It's a good start and I make enough money although, Livvy makes way more than me."

He pulled me to a stop. "...and you are happy with that?"

I shrugged. "What can I do? It is a little embarrassing that she makes more than me and she never lets me forget it but, hey, I haven't finished yet."

As we walked he pulled me to a stop. "Fran, I need to know, are you happy? This can't be easy." He stared at me, his eyes inquisitive. "Be honest with me, is this something you are prepared to see through?"

I hugged him this was the closest my father and I had ever been since I was a child. This was a side of him I had not seen in a very long time. "Yes dad, I am happy." I stood back and held my hands up. "This is who I am. Really, I am happy with my choice."

He nodded and we hugged again. "It's all I care about. I just need to know you are happy." As we walked on he muttered. "You really fell on your feet with Olivia, she seems like a very special young woman."

We walked back into town and met Mom and Livvy.

It turned out to be a pleasant weekend. It was a wonderful time in my life but, I couldn't totally ignore my concerns. A year later and I was nearly finished my studies. I had worked extra hard and gone for the degree rather than the diploma. Work had been awesome with lots of new challenges. Geoff had pushed me into managing a couple of minor accounts and I had managed to bring some new clients into the firm.

Work wise my only problem was Livvy and her obsession with hiding our relationship. I wanted to tell the world. Here I am going out with this gorgeous wonderful creature and I wanted everyone to know.

She on the other hand wanted to keep it all under wraps. At least until she was a partner. Yes, we did argue about it. Yes, we had periods of no talking and petulant behaviour but, I guess we always managed to sort it out.

The next step was forced on me when I received a letter from Falcon and Brown notifying me that the tenants in Nan's old place had reached the end of their lease. Rather than renew or move, they wanted to put in an offer on the place. Livvy walked into my office as I was reading the letter and I guess the confused look on my face gave it away. "What's up Vicki?"

I handed over the letter and as she read it she sat down. "So, what are you going to do?" I shrugged as I pondered. "Well, I don't want to sell it, I know that much."

She suggested that I get a couple of different valuations just to see. I agreed. "Yeah I guess it couldn't hurt." So, over the next couple of weeks I got two different estate agents to visit and give me their thoughts. I got a property consultant to do a formal valuation.

The valuation came back higher than I expected. I sent it to the attorney and asked if the tenants would be prepared to match it. Of course they weren't. So in the end, I decided to end their lease. Once they had moved out, Livvy and I took a drive over.

The moment we walked in, she was astounded. "Oh my god Vicki, this is amazing." As we walked around, she walked from room to room saying wow.

The place was a little run-down. Renters never look after a place like someone who owns it would. By the time we finished looking around, Livvy was completely won over. "I can understand why you loved living here, it's incredible."

I sighed. "I loved it because Nan lived here. She was amazing. You would have loved her and I know she would have loved you."

She hugged me. "I am sure I would have. Everything you have said about her shows me how much you loved her."

As we headed off back to town for dinner, we talked about what to do. She thought that the most common-sense approach would be to sell. Me, I never even considered it.

The next day Livvy and Mom went shopping together and I went to the storage unit to start going through Nan's stuff by myself. It was hard to keep the emotions in check. As I walked amongst her dresses, feeling the fabric on my body, it seemed she was with me. I could still smell her favorite Chanel perfume.

I sat in the corner and looked through the photo albums. After getting myself under control, I went over to the piles of shoes. There were her favourite pumps. I picked up a pair and lifted them to my nose. Aaaahhh the smell, the feel, it was so real. I slipped them on my foot and they were still a perfect fit. I slipped on the other and walked around. They were perfect and they looked incredible with my naked hose. I loved them. I picked out some that I remembered and put them into a case. The jewellery was the same. There were a couple of pieces that I really loved. Her gold Cartier watch. It was old but, still in perfect working condition. I piled my selections into the car and went to pick up Livvy.

She joined with my parents over dinner and tried to convince me to sell but, there was no way. I held my ground. At the moment, it was going to stay empty until I could figure out what to do.

The drive home was a bit cool. Livvy couldn't understand why I wanted to hold on to it.

I hit her with it. "Well, what say we move here to Cleveland? We could live in the house and make it our forever home."

She was horrified. "Don't be ridiculous, I am not moving to Cleveland." It wasn't just the look of horror that worried me, it was the absolute determination with which she said it. "I have put way too much work into the firm. I am within touching distance of becoming a partner. I am not throwing that away!"

The rest of the drive was completed in silence.

It's not like we were fighting, we just didn't see eye to eye. Over the next few days, I organized by phone for some contractors to visit the house and put together quotes for modernizing the place. At the moment, it was an old-world style home with lots of separate rooms. Formal dining room, kitchen and living room were all separate. There was no flow. I wanted to knock out a couple of walls and open up the living area with a new kitchen and fittings. Turn it into a modern home without destroying its old-world charm.

I kept the mods to myself and went ahead and organized for the work to commence. Mom, rang me to talk a couple of days later. "Honey why don't you sell the house it is getting in the way of your relationship. Livvy, seems upset. Is that damn house worth it?"

"Mom, Livvy, needs to get with me on this. I am not selling and if she doesn't like it then she can lump it."

Mom was really upset with me. "Honey please you don't want to lose her. She is perfect for you. You are so good together."

I laughed. "If we are so good together why haven't I met her parents? Why is it that nobody where we work even knows about us? How come she has friends she is too embarrassed to introduce me to."

The phone was silent as Mom collected her thoughts. "Honey you just have to give her time. This cannot be easy for her."

"Oh come on Mom. How do you think I felt telling you and dad? I love that girl so much that it gave me the strength and she supported me. I want to do the same for her."

We ended up closing off disagreeing and there was what appeared to be a widening gap opening up between us. Fucking Livvy, could do no wrong in her eyes. I realized I was jealous of their developing relationship.

At work Livvy, was pleasant and polite but she had completely cut me off and I wasn't bowing down this time. I didn't think that I was wrong. It wasn't going to be me apologizing this time. This wasn't just about the house, it was a culmination of all our issues.

Every weekend I returned to Nan's place and camped out in the basement as the work in the living areas took place. By the third week, Livvy cracked. She didn't know where I was but, Saturday afternoon my phone buzzed. "Babe where are you? This fight has gotten out of hand. Can we please get together tonight to talk?"

It was so nice to hear she wanted to talk. "Sorry honey I am not there at the moment. I will be back on Sunday night if you want to get together."

"Well where are you?"

"I am in Cleveland." I could just about hear her teeth grinding. "What are you doing over there?"

I didn't want to tell her. I had this fantasy that she would see the house and fall in love with it and want to move. I wanted it to be a surprise. "I am just cleaning up some loose ends."

I heard her breathing slow, she was obviously deep in thought. "Oh, I see." She mumbled unhappily. At the end we agreed to meet up on Sunday night.

Sunday night I got home early and got ready. Livvy turned up and we talked about what was holding us back. It was the opportunity I had been waiting for and unloaded. "Well, let's see, you won't introduce me to your parents. You won't tell our colleagues about us and I have this feeling that you are just embarrassed to be seen with me."

She barked at me. "Fuck Vicki, why do you keep going on about this? I love you but I don't want the firm to find out about us until I am a partner."

"Yeah, well, what about your parents?" She sagged turning away. "This isn't about you, it's just I am so scared to tell them. It's not about you, I am in love with you." She cried. "If I could just get past that I know they would love you."

"Say what you like Livvy. I think it's just you are embarrassed to tell the world about me. Fuck, I am so proud to have you as my lover, I want to tell the world."

The night descended into a huge fight and we fought tooth and nail. She threw everything back at me. "Fuck you Vicki, you are just so fucking needy and insecure you think it's all about you. Well what about me. Fuck I am on the verge of making it at work and you want me to throw it all away. Well, it's not fucking happening."

Monday morning was hard. She was cold and unforgiving at work. It was impossible. Geoff called me into his office for a talk. "What the hell is going on between you and Olivia? She is wound up about something."

"Yeah we have had a bit of a disagreement and she isn't prepared to talk to me."

He paced around his office. "Look I hate to lay this all on you. I don't mean to take sides or lay blame but, you need to fix this. I won't put up with that sort of animosity in the team. Its building walls and barriers and I don't like it." This was the first time Geoff and I had disagreed about anything and I felt terrible.