All Comments on 'Vile Vial Ch. 01'

I'm guessing either you uploaded the wrong draft or nobody proofread this because there's a sudden and jarring shift in perspective from third-person to first-person in the middle of the story that INSTANTLY killed it for me.

The story starts off ok, but like the other poster said, the switch in perspective kills the story momentum dead. The fella's reaction jarred for me as well. Concerned friend to rapist in the space of seconds.

With greater care & an explanation of the guys reason would help.

4 stars up till she leaves the bathroom

1 star after that

2 star aggregate

Hope, tgeir is more comming.

Hope this gets a sequel. It needed some polishing, but I'm excited for more.