All Comments on 'Walking in Daylight Ch. 05'

...to a great story. Hope to see more of your work in the near future!... Cat

please write more.

You tell a wonderful story. Kept my interest and made me want to keep reading. I hope to read more from you soon. keep up the good work!!

Good but not great, although I still liked it. Felt rushed. Keep writing though since I want to read more of your stuff!!

The ending of this story seemed a bit rushed and it seemed like there were one or two gaps in the plot as well as a couple of parts that seemed unclear. For example, this chapter begins with Ryan and Pen having just six months together. However, at the end Ch. 4 they weren't together and Pen had just left Ryan. When did they get together? The bit about Benjie's involvement and how much Ryan's father knew about what was going on was also somewhat unclear. Adding further to the rushed feeling was the fact that two characters, through only a few sentences of dialogue, revealed the entirety of the Nightwalker conspiracy.

I rated this chapter a 3. While I can certainly understand the impetus to complete a story so that you can begin writing others, I feel as though the rushed manner in which this chapter reads does somewhat of a disservice to your other chapters which appeared to be well thought out and better written.

I did enjoy this series and I THANK YOU for your willingness to share it with the Literotica readers.

I was really glad to see at the end that Pen finally feels that he does deserve to be treated with love and respect. However, there was a huge gap in the story. You have chapter 4 ending with Pen walking out, and then chapter 5 having Ryan breaking off the relationship with Pen. Hello? Where's the development of the relationship? How did they come to have a serious enough relationship in the first place? I agree with the previous poster about the conspiracy. You just spring it on us out of the blue. There's no buildup or tension, no airing of suspicions, just a simple this is it, the end. That rings of a plot twist just for the sake of having one.

You have great potential to be a serious writer, but short changing the readers on the plot will not work in the long run.

Okay, I just want to point out that Pen walks out on Ryan at the end of chapter 3 NOT chapter 4. So if you've skipped chapter 4, that may be why you find there is a gap. Maybe not, but it's a possibility. Yes, we are 6 months later than at the end of chapter 4, but they were only friends getting closer.

As for the "nightwalker conspiracy"...well, I didn't see it that way. I pretty much wanted to stay on Pen and Ryan. That's the way I chose to go, and I guess it isn't the way people would like. I didn't really plan on it being a major 'thing', just something that happened. My mistake.

I apologize for that, and I thank you for your comments.

I typed 4 instead of 3 because I was thinking of chapter 4 as I wrote. Chapter 4 only had them talking about the past and Pen's feelings. It only hinted at Pen possibly giving Ryan a chance, nothing more. Then, you jump ahead and they are already talking a break up, even though it is not really one. It would have been nice to see their relationship build, because I feel that is what makes their emotions even more compelling. Obviously you see it differently and didn't want to spend any more time on that part of the story.

When you write a story you have to decide the tenor of the story. Is it an action one with sex, or is it a romance one with action? The first 3 chapters led me to believe you were writing a romance, but there was no building up of the romantic relationship in it. That is why it disappoints.

wow, it's such a fabulous story!!! God, it's so moving and loving! I love u!

This is one of the first stories i read on Literotica, and it made my heart melt! I loved the characters, You gave me laughter, love, sympathy. Pen was so sad you really endeared me to his character, this may be quite personal for me to say, but he reminded me a lot of my partner, when he was in an abusive relationship, and i was always the one there to pick up the pieces, he had the same characteristics as pen and shied away from people, he thought he was worthless, he was scared and panicky and felt unloved.. in fact, in many ways, Pen and Ryan's relationship is strikingly similar to mine and my love. I'm so glad we got our happy ending! and I'm definitely sure he knows how loved he is now :D

So after the first time i read this story, it touched me, and i couldnt get it out my head for a while.. and afer reading a Hell of a lot more stories on Literotica, and your Blue story, which i also loved! Walking in shadows is always the one i find myself coming back to, I'v read it over and over. Thank you!

Haha can't believe I called it Walking in shadows, I'm going mad! Walking in daylight, My apologies

I enjoyed reading this story again. The characters, storyline, emotional agnst... all great. I look forward to future submissions from you!

I am so so so glad i found your stories, reading them makes forced bed rest after a tonsillectomy totally worth while.

^-^ GREAT WORK!

I love that Pen has found happiness. I read the other story first about Pen's cousin the Nightwalker and I just had to come back and read this one.

I'm really looking forward to reading more of your work.

Happy Writing!

I can't stop smiling. You did a wonderful job. :)

From beginning to end and love it even more the second time around well done

I loved this story!!! Thank you!!! Can't wait to read other selections from you!!!

Is always better than the first but love this story, very well written all of your stories are actually

your story is on of the best i have read you are one of my favorite authors along with Cruel2BKind and various others you give inspiration to a young author like me and im assuming many others #write4life