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Summerset nodded, along as he listened. So far the dream was a recounting of his meeting Glenna, and then negotiating with Yul'Anahaen for her marriage, but then marrying not only Glenna but Yul'Anahaen as well. Swallowing, Janaspi continued, "That was the first vision, the second was this: The Guardian roared at the Moon, Seline weeps, and three Tears fall to the dying lands of the Guardian. The first Tear turns into a Lioness. The second Tear becomes a Woman of surpassing beauty. The Guardian takes for himself the Lioness and the Woman. However, in his arrogance the Guardian takes a Maiden of Seline that was not given to him. The face of the Moon grows dark and no longer shines its light on the Guardian. The Champion is born from the Guardian and the Woman that was the Tear of Seline and the Moon turns it's light toward that one, and the two Tears that were given to the Guardian and the Maiden are taken away from him and given to the Champion..."
Janaspi fell silent as she concluded reciting her visions. To her at least they were pretty self explanatory, and by Summerset's expression he understood as well.
"So," Summerset sighed and shook his head, "By taking Ana as my wife Seline feels that I was greedy so now I have fallen out of favor with her."
"Partly yes," Janaspi mumbled as she searched his eyes for... something...
Was it hope? Or purpose? Was she looking to see if he was lost? Or was it her? Was she lost?
Her Lord, her husband was...
"My... Love," Janaspi mumbled tearfully, "From the visions... I received... I got the sense that your time will be... cut short. For some reason the things that happened when you married Glenna and Ana sent in motion events that will result in your death... I am not sure if these visions from Seline are a judgment, or a forewarning so that you may prepare yourself."
"I see," He sighed, "Well, at least I have some time since Glenna hasn't conceived the Champion yet."
"Yes my Lord," Janaspi cried as she flung herself into his arms and wept bitterly.
----(!)----
9 years later -
"Daddy daddy daddy!" Silvain yelled as her long moonlight white ears bounced up and down as she ran to give him a hug and to be picked up.
"What is it Moonlight?" Summerset laughed as he lifted her up and hugged her tight to his chest.
"Mommy says she has a surprise for you!" She giggled as she gave him kisses on his cheeks.
"Oh she does, does she," He purred as he found a ticklish spot on her ribs and began torturing her delightfully as Silvain squealed and shrieked, "Then maybe you can tell me what this surprise is?"
"Nooooooo," She giggled as she flinched one way and then the other as he found one ticklish spot after another.
She howled in delight as Glenna walked up and Summerset caught her watching him and Silvain as she smiled lovingly at them. As she approached he stopped his tickle torture giving his little Moonlight a reprieve so that she could catch her breath and sighed contentedly. He offered his arm to his adoring wife and she immediately took it and placed his hand on her lower belly and announced, "I'm pregnant!
----(!)----
(Dear Readers;
Thank you so much for reading these 4 (bonus) chapters. This is the conclusion of this prelude telling the story of Summerset Vale and Glen'nathel Moonlilly's marriage, and how she came to be pregnant with Silvain.
My hope with this short story was to foster more of an attachment mostly to Glenna. So that the reader would see her as more than a noble, a priestess, and for a time a temple prostitute. That there is more to who she is, than just her occupation. To see that she is the sum of her race, culture, and environment. That what she is, and what she has chosen to do with her life are decisions influenced by family, tradition, cultural norms, and many other factors.
The reason I decided to do this was not because of criticism from this audience, rather from others, and I could see that first two chapters seemed to be very galvanizing. Readers either embraced Glenna and Silvain, who has been sent off to the Temple for training as a priestess of Seline; or, they absolutely rejected the whole premise don't continue reading. So, I set out to tell a story that would introduce Glen'nathel for who and what she is. A priestess of the moon, Seline. A pagan religion that like all the others having many hedonistic practices including temple prostitution of both females and males. That she is a healer, and there are many reasons why they have sex with men. The primary reason being that the practice of magic calls for a powerful catalyst, primarily life-energy that come in two form; life-essence (a persons actual life span), and life-force (a persons procreative potential i.e. sperm and ovum). So, in order to neither use their life-essence that will shorten their life and age them prematurely, and to not use their ovum rendering them sterile, all female magic practitioners are usually very sexually active in order to harvest male life-force to use as a catalyst for spells. Then I wanted to show Glenna's migration from being an openly zealous practitioner of the churches dogma to becoming more conservative once she is married to Summerset.
I am not sure I accomplished everything I set out to do, and really, I don't think I could have in only four chapters. I do think it does engender more affection for Glenna as well as a host of new characters and family, and I hope the visions spark your imagination for what is to come. Anyway, so I hope you enjoyed these new chapters as much as I do, and in a few weeks I will start turning out more chapters continuing Viridian and Huxian's side adventure into the beehive, and whatever will they find?!
Until then, -Pinkender)
- COMMENTS
Anonymous12 months agoChapter 1 was, & did, exactly what you said it would be & intended for it to be.
Structurally & mechanically it could be better, but nothing was so drastically wrong a typical re-write, or an editor's touch wouldn't fix.
It was an, after the fact, prequel/introductory chapter adding back story for what is to come. Good God, people, get over yourselves. If you can do better,, then effing submit it; if you don't like the story setting, premise or arc, read something else. There's certainly plenty.
One practical tip re: dialog. If you find yourself writing 'he/she/they/name asked', (or anything synonomous to 'asked'), it should be proceeded with a question mark.
It's not the first time this has happen, & is strange when it does, but the previous writers' submissions I just read had a habit of not using question marks when appropriate. Your story was the tipping point for me, & pushed me to comment on it. At least you were not singing the praises of multiple 'editors', as they were. It makes it just that much worse that numerous people missed something so blatant.
On a more serious note, when introducing characters, try not to dump a full description/list/compendium of their physical attributes at first mention of their name.
If they are to become an important character, there is plenty of time to slowly build a physical image the reader will be able to remember. As written, no way can a reader remember all the physical intricacies of a character's physical attributes if it is dumped on them, along w/ the same for other characters. The same goes for locations/cities/countries, etc.
If they do not become an integral part of the story, & allow a slow layering of descriptors, then it's just a waste of space.
The new, digital world has created a situation where writers don't have to learn efficiency in their writing. Gigabytes upon gigabytes of space has created a tendancy towards over indulgence in verbage.
Being much older, & having learned to write, and edit, in a time when true, physical typesetting still existed & was the mainstay, saying more w/ less was emphasized while being taught to write & insisted upon, & enforced by editors, if you did learn to write well enough to be put into print. But then, so was grammar & spelling; perhaps I'm expecting too much from people wanting to be considered writers.
Several submitters ago, someone proclaimed they were a 'storyteller', not a writer as if that excused the atrocious spelling, copious structural errors & plethora of grammatical confusions. To add to the self-importance of being above even the thought of good written communication, or pride in one's efforts, they also turned off comments, insisting only on email as the only source of feedback. It's as if they anticipated their personal laziness & disrespect for the craft was going to elicit loads of negative feedback; ya think? LOL
Oh my, the world is full of self-aggrandizing asshats. Always has been, it's just the Internet has given them an easy forum...
Curious where your tale will go from here, & looking forward to finding out. Thanks for sharing.
GeoD
Anonymousover 1 year agoI started reading the story from chapepter 1 until here and I must say I was not too thrilled to start of this way. It reads like a backstory, not as exciting tale about people going through riveting moments of their life. I'll still continue on and I hope the main story is more exciting.
Anonymousover 1 year agoYuck. Yup, I was correct about the foreshadowing. Had the potential to be a great story.
Time to find a new one.
pk2curiousover 2 years agoYour intent was accomplished . As back stories are almost always beneficial in answering the unknown and harnessing a GR8er bond with the audience / readers . Well done . I am quite enjoying the tale . I am liking all of the turns and characters , emotions and adventures .
