by nosebone
I usually wait until the end of a series before commenting, this is just terrific.
I like all the characters, as far out as the story is it's hot as fuck
Great work
I've thoroughly enjoyed reading this story because somehow, you managed to make it seem real.
My only problem with this chapter (apart from the mistakes - "I laid naked") was the lack of sexual tension. I understand stories evolve and have their highs and lows, but a good drama needs conflict.
If I may be so bold as to suggest a way forward - Jill could have a conflict of conscience. She thinks everything has gone wrong. She can't accept what has happened. Then everyone comes to her rescue.
I write this in hope it will aid your future output. Feel free to comment on my work and any criticism would be welcome.
I enjoy each adventure. I wish I could have been there.
I can't wait for another lovemaking.
Without a doubt the MOST AWESOME story with Kami, Carly, and Brad.
You built the best sex without being crude.
PLEASE CONTINUE!!!
glad this story is back. You've written many great tales, but this is your best! My only complaint about this chapter is it was too short!! Well-written, the dialogue is very well done. look forward to more