All Comments on 'Watch Me!'

“Taught Buns” should be “TAUT BUNS”. Taut refers to tightness, taught refers to education.

Loved it. Full of suspense and wonderful sex. I have to wonder what happens next though. Surely there must be more the relationship now they are all together.

Maybe her buns are learn-ed.

I loved the way you wove romance and erotica together in this beautiful story. You kept me captivated from the beginning straight through to the end. I plan on reading more of your work.

I survived like three first pages but come on! This thing is ten times longer than needed.

I really liked the story all except the end. I thought it was really well thought out but the ending seemed rush and not... I guess, as great of an explanation as I was expecting. The flow and everything else was wonderful though.

This work is an excellent short story -- well thought out, well developed, and with a twist that couldn't be expected.

And yet some people comment on a word choice that, granted, is noticeable and used multiple times. Taut/taught happens 3 or 4 times. The other 600 or so sentences develop three love stories, describe dynamics of a ballet company, have a side trip to Argentina, consider the mechanics of setting up a new apartment in the midst of beginning a new job, develop a magical realism event involving a body's aura becoming visible, and describe a transcendent event that ties back into the relationships of the three central characters.

Wonderful prose.

It's cubicle btw :)

The descriptions of Rae’s lights, n the slow ability of others to see them was truely beautiful. I was looking for a quick sex story, but found magic and love. Ignore those who say nasty things. You got 5 stars from me.

Silky

I'm having trouble putting my thoughts together. The story was long and made it hard for me to concentrate on it. I'm not sure that I ever got the point of the story. I guess I'm still confused about what was going on.

By a huge margin. I do love character development but DAMN. Why the intense by play with Penny? A shorter version would have been fine. The part about Rachel 'losing it' I damned near lost interest there. You're not a novice writer so why inflict readers to this?

2 stars

DragonRider55

It seems that some readers only want to have a quick wank and don't know how to read a story. This is one of the best here in a long time and educated readers will have enjoyed it.

A couple of spelling mistakes including cubical and naval but otherwise very well-written,

Honestly I have to say this was a very interesting, if not always easy to follow piece. A very interesting story, honestly what else can I say, it was a great piece and I hope you continue writing.

Bravo! - 5 stars.

Loved the story. I could not stop reading until I finished the story. Loved the story line and believed the story. Very refreshing and a story full of love. Great Job.....Keep up the good work. I look forward to reading more of your stories!!!!!!!!!!

To start, I’m not sure but what this story is better suited for the Sci-Fi and Fantasy category.

Interesting, well written piece with good character development. I found the story progressing to a point which would result in a natural resolution to the personal issues of the two female characters. This didn’t happen as only Penny came out with a clear resolution. Rae appears to have become an ethereal being with more questions to be addressed. I guess I’m old fashioned in that unless a story is in a category where a definitive ending is not expected, I’m looking for a definitive ending. This story left me hanging and wondering about a follow up story.

Thanks for reading, and for your comments. The goofs are what I get for working without an editor or beta reader. I modified my copy and I'll submit the revisions some time after the dust settles.

Little long, but very good. Congratulations, and keep writing.

Don’t listen to what everyone else is saying. This story was nothing short of AMAZING. Well done good sir. Looking forward to a potential sequel maybe?

Incredible writing -- I almost forgot to breathe. The story pulled me in, and the characters took hold of my heart. Superbly crafted.

I've only read the first and second part, but the way you use language is quite amazing. I'd be thinking about a book of some sort if I were you. Either a collection of short stories like this or a longer version.

And don't worry about those saying it's too long, there are plenty of one or two pages long stories they can read and your style does not fit that at all.

This is an amazing story and incredibly well written.

Enjoyed that very much. Thankyou.

I prefer the longer stories as they give time to properly set scenes & character development. I find lots of short chapters something of a pain as it spoils the flow....

'On Wings of Song', basically a retelling of Orpheus in the Underworld. But Rae comes back by herself. For now. Pretty scary. I read that Disch book almost 50 years ago, and it still haunts me.

For siblings who see each other occasionally their meeting after the show was uninspiring. She didn't even say hello, let alone greet him, and it was as though he couldn't care less about her.

If they are meant to be bonking later it will take months for them to even say good morning. Perhaps penny is their unicorn so they never actually touch, talk to, or look at the other.

Is the rest of the story as loving?

I loved this emotional rollercoaster. I hope you plan more stories/chapters!

Took me a few days of reading a page here and there, but it was worth it. Very well written, I loved the emotional depth of the characters and their developing relationships. I don't think I've been this emotionally invested in a story on Literotica for a long time, if ever, and I'd lie if I said the ending didn't get me a bit emotional. It was very inspiring to read, I hope I'll be able to match this level of writing skill some day.

Amazing. I couldn’t stop reading. Loved it

No.

The rest of the story was fine, ignoring the odd spelling mistake.

But the sudden disappearance, in front of an audience, of a girl on a stage when it is not a magic act, when there has been no inkling that this is some sort of fantasy tale... just not my cup of tea.

If nothing else it left more questions than answers. Didn't work for me.

And what is tonto?

Lexi

Got me. "Tonto" means "crazy," but in a foolish sort of way. I meant him to call Rachel insane, and that's different.

Marvelous.!.!.!

The story was pretty good, but it was buried in a swamp of prose that added nothing to the story being told. It was like going to the movies expecting a first-run feature and then five minutes in it becomes a French Art Film... focusing on the most inane and meaningless details that add nothing except word count.

I LIKE long stories with build-up and character development. This story was long enough to do that, but unfortunately it never does. The characters are flat as cardboard cutouts, the build-up is nonexistent, and the sex is poorly described. I found myself skipping whole paragraphs of meaningless drivel, waiting for the story to resume.

I know writing is a process and that all the authors here are amateurs doing it for nothing more than praise, but this was very poorly done. You desperately need an editor... not to correct spelling or grammar errors... but to tell you when you're just spouting purple prose, need to chop the meaningless details that add nothing to the story, and focus more on building actual character development and plot.

To the commenters who have been wildly praising this story, I liken you to the patrons of a modern art museum who, on seeing a pair of sunglasses on the floor next to a blank wall, all stood around praising the deep meaning and artistry demonstrated, only to be humiliated when the owner of the lost glasses arrived to look for them. It wasn't art at all... it was just lost junk. The writer here is TERRIBLE, and those praising him are liars of the worst sort... just commenting to sound so much smarter and more evolved than the 'unenlightened masses' masses who just don't 'get it'.

The truth hurts. Sorry. This sucked.

Anonymous, it seems that you have a very high regard for your own opinion.

WOW!

'wildbill'

Wow… weird… but oh so good. So so good. Such a fantastic read! Thank-you for this. So enjoyable!

The author should delete the comments from the miserable Anonymous.

I don't come here to read fine literature, but for a good story. This is a good story.

The point of a story is to tell a story, and that's what counts. I'lll remember this tale long after the supposed blemishes are forgotten.

Ignore the condescending opinions of the self appointed literati.

I/T is hot. Polyamory might be, but for entirely different reasons than the taboo nature and secrecy of incest. They effectively cancel each other out here, ruining a potentially good idea.

Very sensual, sexual, and loving story. Thank you.

only one distraction for me in this excellent story ... a finely toned body part is "taut" ... if you learned something from a teacher, you were "taught" ... this mistake is made many times in this story

Loved it!

poly aspects made me skip this one. I'm sure others enjoy it, though.

This is an intriguing story. Considering the more thoughtful comments, this story is worth a re-write and more development of the individual characters and the dynamics of their Polyamorous relationships. The premises could easily carry a longer such story.

As written, it is still quite good, but it literally begs to be given the chance to be great.