We Needed to Talk About It

I received a call Sunday afternoon from Steve who had me meet him at the local Denny's. When I arrived, Steve had brought his financial planner Harold Furness with him. He told me that they came up with a way to protect my children financially and screw Susan in the process. I was very interested.

Steve and Harold asked me about the house. I told them I had applied for the mortgage loan myself and it was in my name alone. She would receive the house in the event of my death free and clear due to the insurance I carried. Harold calculated that I had about $100,000 in equity. Also, Harold suggested that I increase my life insurance coverage and make each trust a beneficiary. I took out 1.5 million in life insurance so that upon my death each trust would receive $500,000.

What they recommended was that I take out an equity loan for the full amount, cash in my 401k, take all of our savings and put the money into a blind trust equally divided among the three children to be managed by Harold and administered by Steve. They would stipulate that the maximum amount of child support per child plus 10 % be authorized per month per child from each of the trust funds. It would amount to about $550 per month per child.

Susan could apply for additional funds for medical care not covered by insurance or any other major unexpected expenses for half the sum of the cost. There must be documented proof as to the need and all monies for medical expenses would be paid directly to the provider with receipts provided for the expenditures. In the case of funds dispersed for any other emergency needs, any left-over funds were to be redeposited or taken out in a reduction from the monthly stipend until the full amount is recovered to the trust.

The trusts would be invested and when a child reached college age they could draw upon the trust for books, tuition, room and board with a stipend for personal use. This was good for either college or trade school. If the child went directly to work, they would receive a share equal to any amount the others received for school. At age 27 whatever amount remaining in the trust would become the property of each child.

Whenever I decided to file for divorce, I could prove adultery and since child support was pre-arranged, I most likely could avoid any payment of alimony to Susan. Also, I could set some money aside from my earnings and a few weeks prior I could arrange to be laid off from work. With no income I could reduce the chance as well as the amount of alimony if payment was to be ordered by the court.

I told them to make it happen. I met with the attorney I had selected to represent me in my divorce, Carol Swanson, because she had the reputation as the nastiest shark in divorce cases with Gina a close second. I told her what I had done and she thought it was a unique strategy and to go for it. I told her that it had already been taken care of. I also gave her the audio I had recorded of my conversations with Susan regarding her affair and tapes of her phone calls as well as emails I found on our home computer.

Carol told me to go back to the house so she couldn't charge me with abandonment of our children. Sleep in another room and that she would prepare the papers and have them ready by Wednesday and would arrange to have Susan served at home when the kids were in school. She told me not to giver her any clues that might send her into hiding.

I told Carol I knew the name of her paramour, one Richard Seymour Silverstein, an attorney at law in family practice. Carol told me she had suspected as much. She has faced him in court several times. She told me he is a competent but lazy lawyer and as such not the best to represent the interests of his clients.

She did reveal that that had happened shortly after his wife's death. She added that she had even met my wife at one of the social functions held by the local bar from time to time. She didn't have any rings on and Carol believed her to be single and appeared smitten with Rich. She told me he seemed to be a genuinely nice person and is good looking but not exuberantly so.

I told her about his showing up at my house and kissing my wife and that my oldest girl Cindy witnessed the event. Susan said he wanted to have sex with her that afternoon before the kids came home but she rebuffed him and told him our house was off limits due to the possibility that the kids could come in at any time. How prophetic that proved to be considering what had happened when Cindy walked in on the kiss.

I needed to get Cindy some therapy, a professional to talk to asap. She became withdrawn and prone to fits of anger and sullenness. I had no clue what the cause was of her moodiness was until Friday and I believed it was due to having witnessed her mother kissing a man who was not her father. She had to be confused and unsure as to what she should tell me or how she should tell me. God only knows how her mother spinned the incident. Whatever she told her it didn't help our daughter cope with it.

Carol gave me the name of Dr. Consuela Remarques and said she is one of the best child psychologists in the area. She had her assistant call and schedule an appointment. It was for 11am Wednesday. Thank God I made the appointment when I did. Dr. Remarques told me Cindy held in a great deal of anger when her mother made her promise to keep her secret from you until she could talk to you.

During this time, I reflected on the entirety of the situation. I thought that due to the long hours I had been working that I neglected Susan and realized that I beared some responsibility for the failure of our marriage. While the tremendous amount of hurt and sense of betrayal remained fresh and raw, the anger seemed to dissipate once I had decided to end the marriage. I was ready to have a serious discussion with her.

After my meetings I spent the day at the park. I looked toward the mountains all aglow and thought of the devastation to land and property and the risk all the hotshot teams took to try and keep the rest of us safe. My problems paled in comparison. I headed back to the house at my normal quitting time saddened but I knew in my heart I made the right decision for me. I would do all that is possible to make sure my kids come out the other side of this as unscathed as possible.

I walked into the house formally known as home to the happy screams of my kids. They surrounded me and asked where I had been. I told them that I had to work out of town for a couple of days. Susan came in and threw her arms around me. I let her but I refused to return the hug.

We had dinner as a family and watched a movie together before the kids had to go to bed because it was a school night. After they were in bed Susan started in about my absence and failure to answer my phone. "Susan, I needed to clear my head and needed a chance to process everything you said Friday."

"Even you can admit that your timing was less than ideal given my long day at work. I checked my messages and once I ascertained the kids were okay, I shut off the phone. I didn't want to speak to you so I simply chose not to."

Susan asked with a mixture of hope and trepidation, "Jonathan, I admit I was angry but I also understand and I hope that you have considered working this out?"

I desperately wanted to demonstrate how I viewed our relationship now and going forward. I needed something graphic to bring my point home and then inspiration struck. I told her I would be back in a minute. I went to the kitchen a got out a terry cloth dish towel from the drawer. On my way back to the living room I grabbed one of the figurines, a gift from her late grandmother, she cherished and placed it in the towel and re-entered the living room and sat down.

I showed her the figurine and told her this represented our marriage. I wrapped it back inside the towel and gently rapped it on the marble edge of the coffee table. She was speechless as I set the towel on the table and opened it. Inside the figurine was now fractured into several pieces.

I told her, "Susan, this figurine was like our marriage. It was fragile and it required that it be handled with care. Whether on purpose or by accident, without care it has become broken. Of course, the pieces are as such as you can take the time to glue each piece back into place."

"However, once the glue is dried the fractures are still visible and its value as well as the aesthetics and integrity of the structure are forever compromised. This is what you have done to our marriage and our family. I can never see or envision the joy and beauty that it once held. All I can see are fractures and all that is left is a deep sense of loss." I left her in tears and I knew as I climbed the stairs, I finally had gotten through to her. I wondered if the tears were for the loss of her beloved figurine or our marriage. I felt a twinge of regret for the latter as I stepped into my room where I locked the door, climbed in the bed, and went to sleep.

The following afternoon Susan was served with the divorce papers. I came home early and found her sobbing openly on the sofa. I said, "Susan, this shouldn't have come as a shock to you. As I told you before I couldn't and wouldn't accept being a willing cuckold. Before moving on with our lives there are some things that need to be decided and arrangements that need to be made."

Susan cried even harder and I told her, "Susan, stop that caterwauling! You've made your bed and must lay in it. You brought this upon yourself because you had an affair for over a year, you refused to give up your boy toy and it was you who threatened me with financial ruin, a life of the streets and the loss of my children."

"Please Jonathan! Please forgive me!!"

I told her that I forgave her but I would never forget the pain, humiliation, and the cruelty of her treatment of me and how she totally disrespected me and our marriage. I asked her, "Are you still seeing him and will you continue to share his bed and share your intimacy with him?" She lowered eyes and nodded in the affirmative.

I told her, "Then there is no hope of our marriage being reconciled." I had her read the terms set forth in the divorce papers. If she agreed to "fire" her lover as her lawyer I would change the reason for filing from adultery to irreconcilable differences. If she refused then all the audio, visual, and video evidence would come out. I promised to send copies to all her family and friends. She would most likely become a pariah.

I also informed her that a major stipulation is that her lover must never ever set foot in this house or ever have contact with our children. If that part of the agreement is ever violated then I would use what our beautiful daughter saw as grounds to sue for full custody of the children on the basis she is an unfit mother.

That really got Susan's dander up. She said, I'm not an unfit mother!"

I told her, "Your oldest daughter is in therapy because you exposed her to your sordid little tryst right here in her home, her safe space. Then you involved her in adult matters because you asked her to keep your dirty little secret. One violation, just one, and it all goes before a judge. Custody of our children comes with responsibility to protect them from harm. You failed once but never again! You refused to put your marriage first but you will put your children first or suffer the consequences!"

I added, "If you agree to the terms as set forth in the agreement and make your children a priority then I will remain in this house. We will conduct ourselves as a family. We will share our bedroom with separate beds. This is so the kids have no idea that we are divorced. Your life is yours as mine is mine but only when it will not interfere with the welfare of our children."

"You have 24 hours to consider the proposal. Consult any lawyer except for your lover. Refuse these terms then I play hard ball all the way. I will destroy you and him. Look into my eyes so you know I mean what I say. Your decision is due tomorrow at 2:30pm and not one minute after. Read it, think about it and consult an attorney. Is that clear enough Susan?"

She nodded her head and ran upstairs. I slept on the sofa and had a fitful and restless night. I woke with the rising sun. I left the house and decided to go to the diner for breakfast and a much-needed infusion of caffeine. Once I had my motor running, I spent two hours in that booth, I read the newspaper and even did the crossword puzzles. At 9am I called Carol and told her of the deadline I issued and to be ready to serve the other papers to her and her lover if necessary.

Carol knew Rich and she phoned him to tell him that his actions caused trauma and harm to our daughter Cindy. She told him that she drafted a contract at my request where he agreed to cover the cost of her therapy for the duration of treatment or when she reached her 18th birthday which ever came first.

She told him if he refused then she would file suit and everything would come out in evidence and he would be named as a co-respondent in the case of Freemont v Freemont, that there would be a custody battle and he would find himself in the middle of a nasty divorce matter. She reminded him that his questionable activities would play out before the court where he makes his living and the hit to his personal and professional reputation would be devastating. She told him the deadline is 2:30pm this afternoon. She had a courier deliver it to him at his office.

I needed something to pass the time so I bowled a few frames. Stopped into the diner for lunch and had a nice steak with a boatload of fries and a huge chocolate malt and finished with a slice of coconut cream pie and coffee. I looked for comfort in some comfort food. The only comfort provided was that my hunger was sated.

I went back to the house and cut the grass. I finished, took a shower and came down the stairs at 2:27pm. I had replaced the carafe I smashed so I made a pot of coffee, poured a cup and sat at the kitchen table and waited for Susan. I heard the garage door open and at exactly 2:29pm Susan walked in and sat down. She started to say something about her lover and I shut her down quickly. I said, "Susan, I don't care what his problem is, it's decision time. Is it yes or no?"

Susan shoved the set of papers at me and said that despite the advice and counsel of her attorney she reluctantly signed them for the sake of our children. I returned her wedding rings to her and she put them on. I called Carol and told her Susan signed and asked about Rich. Carol said he also reluctantly signed the contract. He received the restraining order barring him from within 1500 feet of our house and a no contact order for our three children.

I had the two twin beds delivered and set up in our room and donated our former marital bed and the one I bought for the room to the Salvation Army. Susan and I acted as though we were still a loving married couple while behind closed doors we were divorced and sleeping in separate beds.

One casualty of our marital strife was Susan's relationship with Rich. He ended it due to his concern that it might cause serious damage to his career. Also, Susan's schedule for taking care of our kids per our agreement and of course the money he was paying the well renowned and extremely expensive Dr. Consuela Remarques may have factored into his decision.

She charged good guy Rich $200 hour with three sessions per week for three years and a final price tag of $86,400. Seemed that "good guy Rich" got over his depression rather quickly and simply cut bait. That left Susan without her husband and without her lover. She soon discovered that loneliness is most assuredly all it's cracked up to be.

Susan occasionally would come to bed naked and tried to entice me into sex and hoped it would lead to something more. I slept in pajamas, avoided her advances and never paid any attention to her. In the long run it took its toll. I realized that my total indifference to her womanhood hurt her the most.

Several weeks had passed into our new living arrangement and the new dynamic of our relationship. However, fate is a cruel mistress. It was early September and the wildfires still raged in the mountains and consumed hundreds of thousands of forest acreage. A vital piece of equipment had broken down and I went into the inferno to make a necessary repair. After I got the dozer up and running a call came that a hotshot crew was trapped by flames due to the winds that had shifted.

I took a GPS transponder and got a fix on their location and I drove the dozer into the belly of the beast with water and extra fire blankets. I arrived at the location and had blazed an escape trail. I got the crew away from the fire but as we approached the command post the wind caused a branch to snap off and I was hit by a widow maker. I never saw it coming.

I happened to be terribly lucky and unlucky in one fell swoop. The bulldozer had a cage so I didn't receive a direct below and I survived. However, the branch was engulfed and the sparks rained down through the mesh of the cage and my clothing had caught on fire.

Fortunately, the hotshot team reacted quickly and managed to put out the flames. I received first- and second-degree burns that resulted in a lengthy hospital stay in a burn unit 300 miles from our town. I was alone for eight weeks, Susan took care of the children but never came to visit, as they treated my burns to prevent infection from setting in. It was a long and painful recovery process. I was lucky to have a minimal amount of scarring after I healed.

I returned home to a hero's welcome at least from the viewpoint of my kids, boss, and friends. I finally took Gary up on the offer to be the shop foreman. The pain from the burns made turning wrenches impossible to bear. I spent my days supervising, writing service orders, ordering parts and giving advise to our staff. I found that the job challenged me and, I realized that I enjoyed it more than I thought possible.

Steve did some research and discovered that the dozer had been specifically built for use in wildfire fighting and as such the manufacturer was negligent in using mesh for the top of the cage and was liable for my injuries.

I agreed to let Steve pursue legal action against the manufacturer. Even though the company is Korean they had a plant in the U.S. Even if they were solely based there, they were still responsible to know and comply with OSHA regulations for safety in their building specs for machinery sold in the U.S..

Steve negotiated a deal to keep them out of court. They agreed to pay for any medical expenses not covered by my health insurance, lost wages, and 2 million dollars for pain and suffering. I used 1.5 million for the trust funds and deposited $500,000 to each one bringing the total to 1million dollars for each child. I used $400,000 to pay off the mortgage and equity loan and put the remaining $100,000 in the bank.

Susan and I continued to maintain the status quo for a year. She had kept her promise to honor the agreement and since the night of her thorough humiliation at my rejection she refrained from any attempted seduction or being naked in my presence. I sensed her frustration at the lack of warmth, intimacy, companionship, and expression of love both physical and emotional that defined our current relationship.

I searched my soul to see if I had any love left for this woman. Time had allowed for old wounds to heal. I had exacted a pound of flesh from both her and her paramour. I had gained as I became more active in my children's day to day lives and had set them up financially for life. Fate allowed me to discover a new job I loved and provided me enough money to eradicate my debts and create a small nest egg. I eventually had Harold invest it and it has grown enough to provide in case of a catastrophic event and barring no other disaster, a decent supplement for retirement.