We Needed to Talk About It

It's Something We Needed to Talk About

This is an alternate sequel to an earlier story by the same title written by a wonderful writer Nici. She has generously given her permission to allow others the chance to work with her characters in offering an alternate ending to her story. I feel compelled to develop an alternate outcome to these characters I find interesting from the beginning of the original story going forward while adding my own unique and different perspective. It is not intended as a criticism or critique of Nici's original story or its sequel. I suggest that you need to read her original story and its two-part sequel 'Between Two Lover's' and the epilogue 'It's all good'. There are also other contributions made by different authors to enjoy as well. I preface with a disclaimer that this is a work of fiction and suspends reality for dramatic effect. The protagonists' in this tale are not inherently evil but rather flawed and imperfect. Yet given this premise, actions still have consequences and innocents as well as the guilty suffer which is very true to human nature and interaction.

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I sat there stunned unable to speak for a while. Susan continued poking and prodding me to speak before I could even begin to process and comprehend a speech that she has without doubt rehearsed over and over before she made her presentation to me. She had in a brief two minutes completely and totally obliterated my world and my self-worth without any compassion, understanding, or remorse for her deed's past, present, and future.

My name is Jonathan Freemont. I have been married to Susan for nearly15 years and we have three children Cindy, 10, Joey, 8 and Nancy, 5. To accommodate our family as the kids grew older we purchased a large four bedroom two and a half bath ranch style home with an attached two car garage with a large backyard in a fairly upscale neighborhood.

I work as a diesel mechanic on heavy equipment at the local Caterpillar dealership. We live in a small town located in a remote mountain area that is heavily forested. This summer has seen numerous wildfires that required not only the diligent efforts of our local hotshots but numerous teams called in from several other states and some of the western provinces of Canada. They have taxed the body and soul of these fiercely dedicated professional's stamina, the durability of the machines they rely upon beyond reasonable and acceptable limits.

Due to the wildfire situation I have been pushed to the edge myself working copious amounts of overtime all summer. Six sometimes seven days a week with 10 to 12-hour days. Fortunately, I love my job and I dutifully put in the hours to make a better life for my family. Susan decided she wanted to be a stay at home Mom and raise our children. Working and allowing strangers to raise our children, would in her words, "Be detrimental to the children's overall psychological development and compromise the family structure and stability."

So, as the sole breadwinner I need to make it when I can. There is usually quite a bit of overtime during summer fire season and during the winter months due to cold weather and snow removal's stress and strain on equipment. This allows us to afford our large home, two cars as well as feed and clothe our kids. Though this summer the hours have been brutal and way above normal.

I expected my Friday evening to be normal. I wanted nothing more than a nice hot shower, a hot meal, a couple of beers and relax with Susan and the kids in front of the TV. After twelve hours of crawling under and over massive machines such as bulldozers, loaders and graters I came home, tired, sore and covered in grease.

What I arrived home to that fateful Friday was a house that was painfully and abnormally quiet. I saw the silhouetted figure of my wife at our kitchen table with her hands folded pensively on the table in front of her. Once in the kitchen I noticed Susan's eyes were red and puffy, had she been crying? I was frozen in place and my heart pounded deep within my chest. When my Dad died two years ago, I was met by a similar sight so I knew instinctively the news was not good. I couldn't have realized in my wildest dreams just how bad it was.

When I entered the room, she looked at me briefly with eyes that revealed a mixture of sadness, secrecy, and a bit of hopefulness and fear as well. I have lived with this woman for almost 15 years and have developed a sixth sense about her emotional state just from the look in her eyes.

She began, "Jonathan, there is something we have to talk about." My legs had become rubbery and I dropped down into one of the sturdy oak chairs around our table. Susan's hands had not moved a bit.

She added, "Jonathan, you know I love you. You know I love you more than any man in the world. You know you mean the world to me, don't you? You need to believe that now more than ever before Jonathan. I need to tell you about some things that make this very important. You need to know how much I truly do love you. How important you are to me. How important we are for each other. You have to believe in us. You just have to, no matter how you feel afterwards. No matter how much you feel hurt. This is important now, more than ever before. I truly do love you."

Her eyes revealed a deep sadness and she looked at me trying get a sense for what I felt at the moment. I was unable to speak or even offer a nod in recognition. My heart raced and it felt as if a heart attack was imminent. She continued to look at me but I was devoid of emotion as I waited for the other shoe to drop. I knew that the next few minutes was bound to change the course of my life, our life and that of our children. The world collapsed around me and the pressure in my chest continued to grow tighter. As I struggled to breathe, she continued with her earth-shattering revelation.

"If I don't tell you and don't explain, there's no way that you would or could understand if you were to find out by hearing this from someone else. You could only think badly, you would react foolishly and only hurt yourself and me, hurt us irrevocably. I don't want any misunderstanding. You need to understand and see the truth of the matter."

"We need to discuss this openly and honestly so that you can understand. I can only hope and pray that you will love me enough to understand the depth of my love for you. If you don't, I don't know. I just don't know. I guess I just need to trust and have faith in you and our love. I must be consequential. There is no other way." She sighed and her shoulders drop in resignation of whatever would come.

She took a pregnant pause. Her hands had frozen in front of her. The trepidation was evident as her voice quivered and quaked. Once, twice, three times Susan raised her head, opened her mouth to speak, but then dropped her head and spoke no words.

Finally, painstakingly, as if each word had to be torn from her, "Jonathan, this last year I've been seeing someone... a man. I'm sorry but one day when he stopped by unannounced. I tried to get rid of him but before I could, he leaned in and kissed me. As he kissed me Cindy walked into the living room and saw him do it. Cindy ran off and I pushed him away and told him to never come here again."

Her words were incredulous. I sat there dumbstruck that my wife, the love of my life had just told me she had been seeing another man for over a year, an affair, she had and continued cheating on me. To make things worse, my daughter witnessed a strange man kiss her mother on the sofa in our living room!

However, her diatribe was so utterly disrespectful, hurtful, and condescending that it became stupendously ridiculous as she continued to destroy me and our life without a hint of remorse or compassion. All the while she continually professed her great love for me and she continued calling me her "soulmate".

She resumed, "Jonathan, he's a very nice, kind, caring, and understanding man that has been hurt very badly and needs my love, attention, and care. The year before I met him, he lost his wife in an accident. She died when their car overturned on the highway. He was driving and even though it wasn't his fault, he blamed himself terribly. He was suffering from heavy suicidal depressions. Even now, after all this time, and all my love and care, he still is depressed at times."

"Believe me, he's not a bad man Jonathan. This isn't something like you're thinking, like you're worried about. This isn't about just sex. This isn't about cheating or lying, running around and uncaringly fucking. This isn't about being immoral or amoral. This is about love and caring for someone deeply."

"This is about me helping and giving someone something of myself that that someone needs very badly, something that he can't do without. This is about receiving something in return that is very precious to me, something that I can hold in my heart and have memories for when I'm old, ugly, and gray. Something for when no one cares, loves, wants, or needs me anymore."

"Yes, there is sex, and the sex is good." A smile crossed her lips, her eyes grew distant, and sometimes the sex is even great. But, it's not about sex. It's about love. It's about being loving and attentive to the needs and desires of those you love. That is why the sex is so good, so great."

I attempted to try and suspend belief like you do when you read a novel, see an over the top action movie or television program, however I failed miserably. The numbness gave way to the immense pain, the deepest sense of betrayal, disrespect and loss of valuation and validation as a husband and a lover. Her words had cut deep into my existence—mind, body and soul. I have never been prone to violence but I felt that I might kill her where she sat and I knew that if her lover was revealed to me, I would kill him with my bare hands.

The anger gave me the strength to finally find my words and I spoke with grave intensity, barely able to contain the pressure that continued to build deep within. "So, wife, you mean to tell me that you have been fucking some guy for over a year? A man 'so nice' as he seduced and slept with a married woman?"

She meekly replied, "Yes."

"So, you decided that your husband and your children are worth less than the man you whore around with? A no-good dead donkey prick of low life scum that needs to sleep with a married woman, you Susan, my wife, not his! I'm sorry his wife is dead but that didn't give him the right to claim mine or you to be his fucking slut!"

"Jonathan, it isn't like that! He is a good man and I love him. But Jonathan, I will never leave you for him or anyone else you're my soulmate and I love you. My love for him is different. We are not forever; it is just for a little while longer. I thought you loved me enough to understand that I need this. It has nothing to do with you and me. It's just mine and mine alone. Please understand!"

"You love him! You fucking love him? Well at least I know where I stand now. Your nothing but a lying, cheating worthless whore of a wife. WHO IS HE SUSAN? What is the name of this narcissistic prick who is so broken by life that he had to just fuck my wife for over a year and must continue to do so to give him salvation as well as satisfaction! I WANT THE ASSHOLE'S NAME, NOW!!"

Susan's jaw steeled and she bristled at my words and the tone they were delivered in. We are both strong willed and independent minded people and she didn't like to be told what to do by anyone.

She bowed up and finally opened her hands up to poke me in the chest with a finger as she screamed at me, "There is no way in hell you will ever get his name! It's simply none of your fucking business Jonathan! How dare you take something that is so pure and altruistic and turn it into something so vile and ugly. It has nothing to do with you. It's strictly between him and I. You better get used to it."

"None of my fucking business? You've committed adultery and willing and purposefully cheated on and lied to me and our kids for over a year and it's NONE OF MY FUCKING BUSINESS!? Fine! Pack up and go to your lover and I will have the divorce papers drawn up by Monday and have them served later this week! You've abandoned your family and eradicated my love for you. You said you love HIM! Good! Go to him and good riddance!"

It was obvious to me that Susan had planned for a different outcome and I wasn't following the script she and her unnamed lover created. How, even in the shady side of hell, could she ever have thought that I would or could ever be okay with this let alone be happy for her? How could she have shared my life for all these years and known so little about my character, my beliefs, and view on marriage and infidelity?

"Jonathan, please understand I would never leave you. Besides you can't afford to divorce me. He's a lawyer and if you pursue such a course of action I will end up with the house, alimony and child support and it will take all your income. I will have custody of the kids and control the visitation. You will work and be forced to live on the street. However, I want you here with me and with your children. We can get past this and one day soon it will be over."

"He is younger than we are. Once he has rid himself of his depression and re-established himself, he will seek out love with a woman his own age and start a family. Oh Jonathan, he needed my love and support and still does. Yes, I do love him. I love him very much. He is very important to me. He means a lot to me but you are my husband, the father of my children and the love of my life, my soul mate."

"I thought you loved me enough to allow me to finish that which I've started. I can't believe the awful things you have said about me! I thought you loved me! I'm disappointed in the way you have threatened me and treated me with your vitriol, vile names, and language; how can you be so hateful?"

I was seeing red as I replied, "I thought you loved me enough to honor your vows to me and remain faithful to me and to our marriage. I'm disappointed in how you've threatened me and treated me with disregard and disdain. How can you be so callous in your treatment of me, our marriage, and our family?"

I continued, "All I've heard is what he needs and what you need and what you both need all at the expense of our children and at the expense of my dignity, self-respect, and manhood. To betray me and to shit on our wedding vows then arbitrarily decide to rub my face in it. To treat our marriage and my feelings like spoiled fish to be discarded. No matter what spin you put upon it, your actions and behavior over the past year showed no respect for me and certainly not love."

"How can I be hateful? After I worked another 12-hour shift to support my family I come home to this ultimatum to either be a cuckold or have the privilege of a cardboard box on the street without my family."

"You dare speak of threats when you've threatened me with financial ruin and homelessness? When you've the unmitigated gall to hold my children hostage to use them as a pawn to get what you want and you dare say that with righteous indignation? Fuck off! Your nothing but a sanctimonious wag!"

I told her, "I'll never accept the role of a willing cuckold! Try keeping me away from my kids! I'll see you in hell before that ever happens!"

She replied, "Please don't think that way. You are not that which you call yourself for I don't see or think of you that way. I think it's best I leave for a day or two so you can come to your senses and see that we belong together as a family and your necessary acceptance of the situation will keep us together."

I felt the anger well up inside me. It was as if my internal tectonic plates had rubbed and built up a massive store of energy that my body could no longer contain. The result was a powerful force that sought relief and release. She had placed a heavy porcelain mug of coffee on the table for me. I felt the inevitable and irrevocable release as it boiled to the surface and without thought I slapped the mug and sent it airborne.

It smashed into the glass carafe of coffee on the coffeemaker. Shards of glass and porcelain flew in every direction and hot coffee splashed and spewed all over the counter, cupboards and floor. Stunned by the initial shock along my fault line, she was briefly paralyzed by my uncharacteristic outburst and manifestation of anger and angst.

I vaguely heard the sobs as Susan gasped in fear and I heard her footfalls across the hardwood of the dining room and again up the stairs. I heard her in our bedroom as she slammed then locked the door. I heard her on the phone and she spoke in soft inaudible whispers.

I went to the door and told her, "Go ahead and call your fuck buddy and have him come get you! I dare you!" With that I heard her end her call. After a couple of hours passed, she felt safe enough to unlock the door and she left the room with two packed bags and I had no doubt her destination was to her lover's arms. She left in her own car.

I phoned my boss Gary and told him what was going on. He told me that it was hard to have me out but that he understood. He told me I needed to reconsider the job of foreman when I got back. I thanked him. Then I called my friend Steve. He is a personal injury lawyer. I explained my situation and I asked him for advice on the meanest shark in the divorce game.

I told him needed a female because her boy toy is a lawyer and with my luck as of late, I would call him. Steve gave me the name of two real go getters who hated cheating spouses. I also called her parents and asked them to keep the kids through Sunday evening and that either Susan or I would pick them up.

On Monday I ended up calling both. I set up appointments with Carol Swanson and Gina Rodrigues. I gave each of them a small retainer so Susan couldn't hire them. Both gave me basically the same scenario that for the most part I was fucked. Not cardboard box on the street fucked, but a pauper, nonetheless. If a trip around the world cost a quarter, I wouldn't be able to cross the street but anything is better than life with the lying, cheating, and the humiliation of being cuckolded by my whore of a wife and as still nameless and faceless usurper.

I went back home and decided that for now she should move out of the master bedroom. Since all the bedrooms were occupied, I moved her stuff and our former marital bed to the den. I couldn't be sure that the asshole and her hadn't used it during one of their frequent fuck fests while I worked like a dog. I purchased a new bed and had it delivered. I put a dead bolt on the door of the master bedroom to keep her out.

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Once Susan drove away from the house, she went directly to the home of her lover Rich for comfort and succor. He held her for a few moments and the suggested that she move in with him. Susan said, "What about my children?" Rich replied, "Leave them with him or with your parents. This place is too small. Come on, let's make love."

Susan couldn't believe what she had just heard. She had risked her marriage to continue to be there for him and now when she needed him, he thought only of himself and what he needed. Leave her children? She thought, never. Yet she did give in and they spent the night making love and in each other's arms. The next morning, she went and picked her children up. They went to visit her sister and brother-in-law. She finally decided to return home with the children Sunday evening.

When they arrived, I wasn't home. I had checked into a motel because the memories inside the house that was once my happy home were too much to handle. They engulfed me like a wildfire and left me unable to think or to function and I knew that I needed to do both. When Susan called I vowed not to speak with her and let the messages go to voicemail. I checked the first couple to make sure the children were okay. When I heard that the children were home with her and safe, I shut the phone off and went to sleep as I had a busy day on Monday.