Weak in the Knees Ch. 02

Zach didn't bring up what happened at the club after that, and they just seemed to fall into an agreement not to talk about it while they continued on with their routine for Nadya. Despite all of Diego's work though, Zach's exhaustion levels didn't seem to change very much. He was still wiped out all of the time, and Diego was noticing that going up the stairs seemed to take a lot out of Zach.

There were a few nights or mornings after a shower that Diego would find Zach sitting on the edge of the tub, whether in shorts or with a towel around him looking like he wasn't sure what to do or how to start moving.

Diego didn't want to overstep his role this early in the job, but he felt that he could play it off as concern for Nadya's wellbeing if her father fell ill, not to mention his livelihood. He approached Zach the next day and asked him if it was a good time to talk about something that was concerning him.

Zach turned away from the blueprint he had been looking over and nodded, motioning to a chair that he had moved away from his desk before Zach sat down on his bed. "What's up?"

"I know it's only tangentially related to my job, but I've noticed you've been fatigued more and more lately. It's none of my business but have you seen a doctor about it?" Diego asked cautiously.

"I have, yes, but he thinks I'm just depressed and a new father," Zach answered honestly. "He did some bloodwork and said it all came back normal. Gave me some antidepressants I can take daily. It's just some tiredness, really. I feel like I'm making a big deal out of nothing..."

Diego nodded, "Doctors can be very dismissive of symptoms. Trust me, get a second opinion. And a third if you need to until someone looks into it. My grandfather died of late stage cancer because he ignored some fatigue as just an indication that he was getting older."

Zach couldn't help but smile slightly at the fact that Diego cared enough to say it. "Thank you. I'll keep that in mind. I've been thinking of getting in with a neurologist anyway for the migraines so maybe I'll bring it up. I don't want Nadya losing her only surviving parent."

"Me either," Diego stated frankly, getting up and heading down the hall to prepare Nadya's bottle. She was due to wake up from her nap soon.

When it was around dinner time, Zach was still on a phone call with his dad talking about their projects. Zach was finishing up the sketch for the theater and they were halfway through a project for a gallery space too. Zev had gone out to the sites that day and wanted Zach to look through the materials they were ordering to make sure they had the best hardwood for the theater they could get.

"I'll tell Zayne," Zach said as he came out into the hallway to see Diego coming out of the nursery with Nadya. Zach touched the tip of her nose with his finger, earning him a little giggle while Zach gave a smile to Diego. "Alright, thanks, dad. I'll see you at the gallery site tomorrow then."

Normally now was when Zach would take over, and he was about to take Nadya from Diego when he seemed to remember something. "Oh shit, can you take her downstairs and put her in the high chair while I go check something real fast?"

Zach hurried back into his room to grab a checklist he had, looking through it before adding to it really fast. He then put it to the side and went to go join the others downstairs. He could hear Zayne and Brinxton talking to Diego while Nadya was giggling and babbling at them. Zach smiled at that as he started to go down the stairs. He was only two stairs down when his right leg gave out, and he wasn't fast enough in grabbing the railing.

Everyone down in the kitchen and dining room heard Zach give out a surprised yell before he tumbled down the stairs and landed hard at the bottom. He laid at the bottom of the steps for a moment, dazed and sore. Diego glanced at Zayne to make sure he was going to stay with Nadya in her chair before dashing over to the base of the stairs. He didn't try to move Zach, kneeling next to him and checking his pulse and pupils for signs of distress.

It was only when he was checking Zach's pupils that Zach seemed to come out of some of the daze he was in, blinking a few times before he let out a groan of pain and closed his eyes. "I didn't realize before, but those stairs could use some padding."

"Well, they aren't meant to be used as a tumbling mat. Were you pushed?" Diego asked.

"By whom, a ghost?" Zach asked with a laugh.

Helping him to his feet, Diego laughed along with him. "I don't know, but when you fall down the stairs you do it in spectacular fashion. Make sure you tell your neurologist about this."

"I can't do anything half-assed," Zach joked and then looked over at where Zayne was looking at him with a worried expression.

"What happened?" Zayne asked once Diego helped Zach come over and sit down.

Zach shook his head. "I'm not entirely sure, to be honest. I was walking down the stairs, and then it's like my leg gave up."

"Did you hit your head?" Zayne asked as he fussed over his twin.

"I don't think so," Zach replied as he brushed his hand over the sore areas of his side and back. "I think I hit almost everything but my head. I may have shaken myself a little bit though."

Zayne looked unamused. "Well, luckily for you, you aren't a baby, so I guess you're allowed to shake yourself up as much as you want, but could you not?"

"Da! Da!" Nadya called out, causing everyone to look over at where she was. Zach's face was stunned as she continued. "Da! Da! Da! Da!"

"Well, guess we know what her first word is going to be!" Diego said joyfully as he captured her saying it a few more times on video and sent it to Zach.

"It's fitting," Zayne added. "Her daddy is her world, after all."

Zach went over and kissed her on the top of her head, not wanting to try and pick her up after falling but wanting to give some form of affection to his little love. His eyes had tears in them but he was happy, and the tears and happiness both made his eyes look almost silver in this light. It made him even more beautiful than he usually looked.

Diego tore his gaze away before anyone could catch him staring and shook the stray thoughts out of his head. Curse his friends for planting the idea that he could lust after his boss. It made his work life very uncomfortable in moments like this. He fetched Nadya's bottle and the tiny bowl of mashed peas they were going to try her on today.

After dinner was over, Zayne asked Diego to help Zach out with the bedtime routine just in case. Zach grumbled a little bit about it but didn't argue because just the idea that Nadya could have been in his arms when he fell freaked him out. They used wipes to clean Nadya up before putting lotion on her and getting her into her pajamas and monitor.

Zach sat down on the glider in the room and fed her there, lighty singing a few songs from musicals to slowly lull her to sleep while she ate. Those big, dark eyes of hers started to slowly blink, the blinks becoming longer and longer each time, until she kept them closed and let the bottle fall out of her mouth. Zach let Diego put her in the crib and then they both walked out and shut the door quietly.

"Thank you," Zach said quietly. "I know you're supposed to be off duty now."

"Nonsense, that only applies when I decide to enforce it," Diego said with a smile and a wink.

Zach chuckled. "I try not to make it necessary for you to enforce it. I want you to have enough time to study. Your goals matter to me."

"I'm ahead on my classes this semester. They gave me easy ones like Queering Literacy in Secondary Classrooms and Blurring Disciplinary Lines in the Humanities," Diego said with a laugh.

Zach couldn't help but laugh at that. "If that's what you consider easy classes, I'd hate to have to take what you consider difficult. Of course, you and I studied very different things in school. I was way ahead of my classes when it was time for technical drawings, though I did take some illustration classes as well, for fun. I still sketch for fun too." Zach looked a little self conscious all of a sudden, the first time Diego could remember seeing him look like that, before asking, "Would you like to see some of them?"

Diego's countenance brightened, "Yes! That would be amazing!"

Zach led Diego down the hallway and into his room. His room was fairly tidy, much like Nadya's nursery, where everything had its place. The only place that got a little messy was his work desk, covered in blueprints that Diego could vaguely make out the buildings for. It was clear Zach's professional drawings were precise and detailed.

He opened up a drawer in the filing cabinet next to his desk where Diego could see various drawing notebooks. He pulled out the top one and sat down on the bed next to Diego before opening it up and showing Diego his most recent drawings. Most of them were of Nadya, though he drew a ton of buildings and landscapes too. There were also a few of Kali, drawn from memory, showing her personality in the poses and clothing she wore.

There were others, too, like Zayne in his wheelchair, and Brinxton with Zayne at their wedding, Elias and Aspen together, and a few self portraits. All of the self portraits seemed to portray different feelings and stages of vulnerability. Anger, grief, despair, joy, contentment, and desire. The one for desire was sexy, with Zach only wearing his jeans, which were unbuttoned and unzipped to show the peak of his boxer briefs underneath as he laid on the bed, his muscles rippling as he stretched out enticingly, his hands gripping the sheets in anticipation.

From an emotional standpoint though, the grief, despair, and joy drawings drew the most attention. It showed sides of Zach that he didn't show all the time, and he had put his vulnerability out there for the world to see in the drawings. It made him, as a person, so beautifully multifaceted and real.

Diego lingered longer on each new drawing than the one before, though his face reddened when he saw the desire drawing. He pulled his gaze away regretfully, turning the page to see the beginnings of a new sketch that still hadn't taken form yet. Closing the book with a regretful sigh, he handed it back to Zach. "They're all more beautiful than the last. You're an exceptional artist."

"Thank you," Zach said with a slight blush on his cheeks. "My parents always supported our artistic endeavors, even if we went into different professions later. Zayne is an amazing painter, which I'm sure you've seen through the house, and I loved using pencil and charcoals. It's a good way to get difficult emotions out. I drew the Despair and Grief ones right after Kali died."

"You're both very talented. I'm not very creative, really. I excelled in math and science as a kid but used absolutely none of it while dodging bullets, so it kind of faded away," Diego commented. "Teaching kids has always been something I'm good at and it's the best way I can picture shaping the future into a more civilized world than we've lived through."

Zach shifted a little so he could better look at Diego as he took that in. Diego didn't talk about his military time very much, though Zach knew about it because of his resume and the fact that Diego was getting his education through the GI Bill. "That's admirable, especially after how much bloodshed you've probably seen. Plus I've seen you with Nadya, so I know how good you are with kids."

Diego laughed a little mirthlessly, "Well, babies are easy, all you have to do is love them. I'm specializing in adolescent education, which should be considerably more challenging."

Zach looked at Diego askance for a moment, though there was humor in his eyes. "Are you telling me that this part of her childhood isn't actually the hardest part? Because based on the sleep deprivation and emotional upheaval, I was hoping later parts were easier."

Diego smiled, "Much like a well-worn half-hitch, I'm afraid not."

The joke made Zach laugh, and then he seemed to take in the actual answer and groaned a little. "I don't know how people do this alone, honestly. I was supposed to be doing all of this with Kali, and now...Without my family, I don't know what I would have done. Drown, maybe. That must sound really pathetic though, especially considering all you've lived through. This would be like wading into a kiddie pool."

"Not all difficult situations are created equal. Getting blown up was easy compared to the thought that I could screw up as a teacher and ruin some poor kid's life. But really, humans are social creatures. None of us were meant to raise our young alone. Anyone who tells you otherwise is ignoring basic biology," Diego said.

Zach nodded his head at that. "And yet, people run off when they find out you're going into parenthood. I used to have a pretty fair amount of people I would see regularly, men and women, as well as friends, but only the key people stuck around when we decided to go through with the pregnancy. All of my ex friends-with-benefits said it was too drama-filled for them. If I couldn't be at their beck and call any time, then I wasn't worth it. Makes me wonder if Kali wasn't right about priorities changing. Maybe as a parent I want more of a commitment than I did before..."

Then Zach laughed, something between bitter and amused from the sound of it. "I always told Zayne he was the hopeless romantic, and now look at me. I feel like such an idiot. Though I'm sure wherever Kali is, if her soul still exists somewhere, she is having a good laugh."

Diego nodded sagely, "Lots of life events alter our perspective, usually significantly. That's why I can't date anyone without a certain amount of life experience. Unfortunately, hookups lately have left me with a sour taste in my mouth (no pun intended) so maybe I'm past my Good-Time Charlie days as well."

Zach could see the truth in that, as he looked over Diego for a moment. Zach had never claimed to have the best gaydar. He usually figured out if someone was interested in men by asking, or flirting, so he couldn't quite pin Diego either way. It was hard to imagine who might catch his eye, or what kind of life experience he hoped for a partner to have. He hadn't put a lot of thought into what Diego's preferences might be until now.

He'd noticed back at the club, when Diego was relaxed and having fun, just how handsome he was. Hell, he'd noticed the first time he'd met him but it hadn't been in the forefront of his mind then. He had been serious when he told Zayne he wasn't basing his criteria on how cute the person was. The more time he spent with Diego though, both in working with Nadya and in times like this, Zach was taking more notice of it.

Maybe it was just because Diego was so good with Nadya, but he didn't think that explained all of it. Eventually, Zach broke the silence by saying, "I have more to think about than just me now, too. If the person I date isn't good with Nadya, and can't love her, then it doesn't work. I'm not going to be one of those parents that puts their significant other over their children. Elias' dad did that, and there's a reason they don't really talk."

Diego nodded along, "I can understand that restriction. She's a special person and anyone who thinks otherwise is clearly lacking."

Zach gave a small smile at that. "She is. Do you plan on having kids of your own one day?"

Diego barked a short laugh at that, clearly caught by surprise at the question. "No, I don't think that's in the cards for me, for a couple of reasons. The explosion caused some testicular torsion, effectively sterilizing me. Beyond that, though, I would describe the overall shape of a woman's... anatomy as 'icky'," he said with a certain limp-wristed gesture as well as saying the word itself with a pronounced lisp.

"Ah, so you're like my brother Zayne," Zach said thoughtfully. "Strictly dickly. Though Zayne and Brinxton definitely have the privilege to become parents if they want to later thanks to IVF and surrogacy. I know not everyone can do that though. Kali had eggs frozen a while ago, thinking she wouldn't meet anyone in time to do it all naturally. She changed her will to leave them to me if something happened."

Diego smiled gently, saying, "A fitting legacy for the father of her first born and a wonderful gift for a good man."

Zach looked at Diego for a long moment, their eyes locked on each other's. Zach had never felt this drawn towards another person before, and somewhere deep inside it kind of scared him. His body reacted before his head could, though, as he leaned over and kissed Diego on the lips, gently and sweetly.

Diego found himself with his eyes closed, enjoying a very impromptu kiss from a very sweet man. When Zach stopped and pulled back slightly to look at him for a reaction, Diego couldn't help himself. "I'm going to have to have a talk with HR," he quipped, smiling to let Zach know he was joking.

Zach laughed at that. "It's kind of cliche, isn't it? The boss and the nanny. I'm sorry, I don't know what's going on with me right now. That was pretty inappropriate of me."

Diego nodded. "Nice, though," he said with a smile. "I promise not to report you to your superiors, mostly because I don't think you have any. That was a pretty impressive kiss."

"My dad is still in charge at my job, but I can't imagine what he would do about it," Zach admitted with a chuckle. "You're right, though, it was nice. I've never had a kiss that..." Zach seemed to be struggling for the right word, though many came to mind all at once.

"Ill-advised? Non-consensual? Electric?" Diego supplied helpfully.

"Oh, I've had far more ill-advised ones," Zach admitted, but then frowned. "I try not to do non-consensual ones though..."

"I was kidding about that part. I liked it. I'll offer my consent posthumously, if that helps," Diego said with a smile. "Just check with me next time, though. I'm still not sure how I would feel about dating my boss..."

Zach nodded as he thought back to what he had said to Daniel at the club. "Yeah, I get it. I'd never want you to feel you had to do anything just because I sign your paychecks."

"I mean, so long as the paychecks keep coming, that's the important bit!" Diego joked. "I'm not concerned about what folks would say about either or both of us, though. It's not the ethics of it that worries me, but the fact that we have basically only just met and I've got a track record of crashing and burning in relationships."

"That's smart and sensible," Zach agreed. "I also don't have a reputation as someone who does actual relationships either. I'm well aware of what they say about me, and know how that comes off to people who might get close to me."

"Not being a Society person, I have no idea what they say about you, honestly," Diego said. "I know my friends heartily recommend a dalliance, but they're a couple of horndogs who always recommend a dalliance."

"Society says I'm fickle and unromantic, good for a dalliance but not much else," Zach explained. "I suppose they weren't wrong. Plus, I know how the gay community feels about bisexual guys, especially ones who are free with their body."

Diego seemed to consider that. "Oh yeah, that. The whole 'can't make up your mind' or 'too greedy to settle' trope?" he asked for clarification.

"Yes, that," Zach said with a nod of his head. "I'd be rich just from how many times I've heard that I'll miss pussy if I settle for dick, or vice versa."

"Well, I don't suppose you've tried long term relationships out to see for yourself?" Diego asked him.

Zach shook his head at that. "No, I haven't. Never felt drawn to. I was fine with what I was doing. I lost most of my situationships when Kali got pregnant so we were kind of exclusively sleeping together during that time, and then she died and it kind of flipped everything on its head. This is the longest I've been celibate since I became sexually active."