Weak in the Knees Ch. 02

Diego nodded sagely. "So this could just be a rebound?" he asked half-jokingly. It was clear that he was concerned about being disposable, but prepared to confront the reality if that were the case.

Zach seemed surprised by that, like it hadn't even occurred to him. "It's not. At least, I don't think it is. I've never done rebounds, and it's been over nine months now, but I also haven't been drawn to anyone like this before, and it's...confusing and scary."

Diego laughed, "Me? Confusing and scary? Makes me feel... powerful!" He flexed comically.

Zach smiled at that. "You are powerful, in a lot of ways. Your strength and compassion are part of what seems to draw me to you."

Diego looked surprised by the compliment, letting his arms fall back to his sides as he blushed slightly. Zach smirked at that, glad he wasn't the only one becoming red in the face during all of this. Zach was usually the one whose face always gave him away because of how pale he was, and besides his brother, few others had ever blushed this way in front of him.

"We'll both think about it, and see how we feel after having a bit of time," Zach finally said. "For once, I don't mind leading with my brain and heart rather than my dick. That's new for me, but not bad."

Diego chuckled at that, then blushed because he was picturing things he shouldn't. There was something so enticing about seeing that blush on Diego's cheeks. Diego could tell from Zach's expression that he wanted to kiss him again, but he held back, likely for Diego's sake. The desire and want was all there in Zach's silver eyes though.

Diego chuckled nervously and excused himself, leaving the room. While getting ready for bed, he let himself linger a bit on how that kiss had felt and his other thoughts from the evening. He fell asleep thinking very inappropriate things about his boss. Zach, meanwhile, took a while to settle down to go to sleep, too focused on his thoughts and worrying that he had pushed things too far with Diego. He spent a good portion of the early night drawing in bed before falling asleep with the drawing pad still open.

By the next morning, Zach was giving Diego some space, leaving the room sooner than he normally would when Diego came to get Nadya from him.

He also made an appointment with the neurologist he normally saw for his migraines to talk about what had been going on recently. Dr. Mitchell looked over Zach's recent test results from his primary physician, explaining that everything looked good as far as the blood results showed.

"You claim these pretty bad symptoms, but I see no evidence of any issues," Dr. Mitchell said as he turned the chair he was sitting in to look at Zach. "I mean, we can definitely prescribe something for fatigue. You're probably just over exerting yourself as a new dad. What do you think would make your symptoms better?"

Zach looked surprised at that, trying to wrack his brain for what he thought would help his fatigue and his legs giving out as he shook his head. "I don't know, honestly. I'm not a doctor. The only things that have been helping is staying in bed or the lounging chair, or copious amounts of caffeine."

Dr. Mitchell's eyes narrowed at that. "It seems to me you're just looking for excuses to be lazy. As if getting a doctor to give you permission to just lay around all day is all you want."

Zach stared at the man in shock. "Wha...what reason do I have to try and be lazy? I'm constantly on the go and wanting to be active. This has been hell!"

"I don't know what to tell you, Mr. Lennox," Dr. Mitchell replied with a shrug. "I would be happy to refer you to a psychiatrist to help you."

For the first time since Diego had started working in the Lennox household, Zach came home, barely acknowledging Nadya though she was excited to see her dad, ignored the rest of them and went into his room where he shut the door a little too hard and locked it. Zayne frowned at that, able to tell that something was extremely wrong, before offering to Diego that he could take Nadya and get her fed so he could go off the clock.

Diego, concerned for Zach's well-being, shook his head and suggested that Zayne go to his brother and see if he could get him to open up about what was bothering him. Zayne gave a short nod of his head and then wheeled over to the stairs before he locked his wheels and carefully used the railings to get up the stairs. He was slower than Diego going up the stairs, but he made it to the top and went down the hallway to knock on Zach's door.

Zach opened the door and was surprised to find Zayne leaning against the door frame. Zayne took a long look at his twin before asking, "Do you want to come downstairs and talk about it? I'll make some chai tea."

Zach let out a sigh and nodded his head. He helped Zayne get down the stairs and back to his wheelchair, and then Zayne went to heat up the milk to make chai tea, which he let Brinxton bring over to the table where Zach had sat down. Only once Zayne had come up and pushed one of the mugs toward Zach carefully did Zach say anything.

"My neurologist insists I'm just lazy and either making it up or that the symptoms are a sign of mental illness," Zach said flatly before he took a sip of his chai. "So I've been going through everything in my head trying to figure out if I'm going insane or not."

"Zach, we all watched you fall down the stairs," Zayne pointed out.

"I know," Zach said, and this time his voice cracked. "I don't know what to believe, Zayne. I feel like my life is spiraling out of control and I don't know if it's all my fault that it is. I feel like I'm making a mountain out of a molehill, or like I'm imagining all of it. And if it's all in my head and none of it is real, then I'm not safe for my daughter either, am I?"

Diego, carrying Nadya still and leaning against the counter, cleared his throat. "Doctors, especially in this country, are incredibly full of themselves and dismissive of anything outside of their specialty. It's probably a good idea to seek out a second opinion. Did the doctor run any tests? Have a labrador sniff you or have a cat come up to you for pets?"

Zach stared at Diego for a moment as he took in what he said and then let out the first laugh of the entire day. Eventually he shook his head. "No, he looked through the labwork my primary physician sent over, and then gave me a referral to a psychiatrist."

Zayne frowned at that. "He sounds like an asshole."

Diego nodded, "I completely agree. You definitely need a second opinion, preferably from a good doctor."

Zach looked unsure about that, like he couldn't handle another doctor telling him he was crazy, but Zayne was nodding his head and said, "Go and see mine. Not only does Dr. Han specialize in migraines, but she's one of the best diagnostics in neurology in Denver. She won't dismiss you, I promise."

Zach was wary about it but decided to accept his brother's option. They managed to get Zach in on a canceled appointment to see Dr. Han. They went over his medical history before Zach explained his latest symptoms and what was worrying him. She listened to him with interest while she looked over the lab work that had already been done.

"Well your labs look good," she mentioned, and Zach tensed against the idea that she would tell him it was in his head again. "Still, the symptoms you're describing definitely could be neurological, and the labs wouldn't be able to show that alone. I'd like to do some extra blood work, as well as have you get an MRI of the brain and spine. Sometimes there are things pressing in on places in the brain, such as small tumors or bleeds, that could explain some of the issues you're dealing with. Then we'll go from there, okay?"

Zach had never been so relieved to have labs and medical tests scheduled. It took a little less than a month to get in for the MRI, which took around an hour. Zach had to be slightly sedated for it because holding still for a long time and being inside a small place made him anxious. Zayne was the one who drove him to the appointment.

Within a week of the MRI, Zach was sitting in Dr. Han's exam room with Zayne while they waited for her results. Dr. Han came in with a kind smile, shaking both of their hands before she sat down.

Dr. Han pulled up the MRI images on her computer screen for them to see and pointed to a couple of areas where the image of the brain was lighter. They weren't immediately noticeable if you weren't looking closely, but Zach could see them once Dr. Han pointed them out.

"Those are called lesions, though some doctors call them plaques," Dr. Han explained. "These lesions happen because the immune system is attacking the brain and spine, thinking they are foreign bodies they need to defend against. It causes these lesions which then cause the neurological symptoms you've been having. The disease itself is called Multiple Sclerosis, and it's a progressive disease."

"Progressive?" Zach asked.

"It means it will get worse over time," Dr. Han said. "There's no cure for it, and no way to fix the lesions you do have. We do have far more advanced medicine for it than we used to though. Depending on where you get lesions, it will affect just about anything you can think of. Walking, stability in your limbs, memory, talking, swallowing, urinating, and more.

"We can slow down the progression though. There's quite a few options, from shots to pills, and even an infusion every six months."

They went through the options. To get on one of the medications, Gilenya, Zach would have to see an ophthalmologist to check his eyes as well as get a liver test done before he could get on it. Another pill he wouldn't have to do all of that with, but some people didn't respond as well to it. The infusion they could do after getting some baseline blood work and setting it up for a long day at the hospital to make sure he didn't respond badly to it.

"I would suggest we start with either the Aubagio or the Ocravist, which is the infusion," Dr. Han said. "I like Gilenya as a drug, but you already have quite a bit of issues with your eyesight as it is, so let's not tempt fate."

It was a lot of information to take in, all at the same time. In the end, they chose to put him on Aubagio, which was a pill, and she would see him again in six months to make sure everything was okay. On the drive back home, Zach was looking up information on the disease. He learned that it was an autoimmune disease that was passed down in families. He would likely have to look into mobility aids eventually, whether that meant canes, walkers, or even wheelchairs. The lesions affected the arms too, though, so he couldn't use a wheelchair like Zayne did. Zach's options were more limited.

Zach was incredibly quiet as they came into the house that afternoon. He seemed happy enough to take Nadya from Diego for a bit, but he wasn't his normal self. All of his emotions were much more subdued. He was relieved to have a diagnosis, to know he wasn't crazy, but he was scared too. He was scared of what the future looked like, and scared for his daughter. How would she handle all of this as he got sicker, and would she end up with it later in life?

He went through the motions of getting Nadya fed, bathed, and down for bed. After he was done, he sat outside her bedroom door for a while, leaning back against it, his mind racing. Every once in a while he would wipe away a tear that had fallen. Diego, who had been giving him his space to work through his diagnoses internally, was nevertheless concerned for Zach's state of mind. He emerged from his room and spotted Zach lost in his own misery against Nadya's bedroom doorway.

"Penny for your thoughts?" Diego said quietly, walking up to Zach.

Zach looked up at him, his expression a lost one for a moment as he processed what Diego had said, then he laughed mirthlessly. "There's so many, that penny will go a long way." Then, his voice dropped down until it was almost a whisper. "I'm scared. I'm scared for me, I'm scared for Nadya. I'm terrified of what this means, what this will lead to. I'm used to being the strong one, the active one, the go go go Zach. How does that translate with a progressive disease?"

Diego frowned at him, then took him by the hand and led him to his room, closing the door and sitting next to him on the bed. "That's a lot to process all at once. Do you want to break it down bit by bit?" he suggested helpfully.

"Multiple Sclerosis," Zach said after a moment. "It causes lesions in the brain and spine, which depending on where they end up, affects just about everything you could think of. Medicine for the rest of my life, trying to stop the lesions from forming. Basically, I'm looking at a future in an electric wheelchair with the possibility that I can't work, and if it gets bad enough, I may not draw again.

"Not to mention what that means for the fact that it's genetic, and could very well get passed down to children, though she said it isn't a certainty. And I've been reading. She told me to get a flu shot every year, and everyone around me needs it too because death can happen from complications from MS, like if the flu gets into the lungs, or from infection.

"Plus, forget dating. Zayne is an amazing guy, but Brinxton truly was a gem among a bunch of assholes. I start my dating life like this, but that's not what the future looks like. Who would want that? I'm already a bad choice due to being bisexual to most people, and now add on sick too. Doesn't bode well for an actual relationship. Kali's hope for me was lost."

Diego motioned with both hands, palms towards Zach, as if asking him to pump the brakes. Zach stopped and took a deep breath, letting it out again before he nodded his head at Diego.

"I'm sorry," Zach sighed out. "I'm such a mess right now."

"No apology needed, I'm just asking you to slow down so we can tackle these one at a time, instead of all at once," Diego explained, "So, MS. That's a big diagnosis, but it's better than not knowing and the disease progressing anyway. There are lots of accommodations we can look into along the way but I'm sure that isn't the kind of reassurance you want right now."

Zach gave a shrug. "I know what they are. We've done enough of them for Zayne, though it gets trickier when it affects other parts of the body. I wouldn't be able to keep doing the work I'm doing now though. I could still do the plans but not going to the sites if I keep getting sicker."

"We can cross that bridge when we get to it. There are things like drones and video conferences and telepresence. So, next up is the genetic aspect," Diego said. "Nadya is already here, so short of the Spartan option (which is not an option for me, if my opinion counts for anything) we will just have to wait and see and make sure we monitor her for early symptoms."

Zach nodded his head at that, knowing that Diego was right. "I can't imagine having a sick dad would be easy for her either. At least Zayne's health concerns are fairly steady and predictable now. Mine won't be. Will that ruin her childhood?"

"Nah," Diego answered with a wave of his hand, "Kids accept reality as a matter of course as they grow up and will react to your illness as you do. Whether she sees you constantly upset over your condition or determined to live the best life you can, that will teach her how to approach her own struggles in life."

Zach looked at Diego like he was seeing him anew. "You're really insightful. In a way that I can't seem to grasp onto for myself, but at least you're here to tell me the things I probably should have already thought of."

Diego dismissed the compliment, "You'd do the same for anyone else in this house. So that leaves us at your third concern: dating. People meet other people at all stages of their lives and fall in love. That's the beauty of it, it really doesn't know any limitations. But even if you don't find anyone romantically in the next five minutes, what have you lost? You still have the love and support of your family and friends, and me, for as long as you'll have me."

"I don't expect it in the next five minutes," Zach replied. "You know, I've never described myself as a romantic. That was Zayne. Zayne had all these plans for marriage and children, and I was content just seeing how things went. But I admit, I see them sometimes and I'm envious. Like I'm missing out on something wonderful because I'm...I don't know, picky or something?"

Or because the people I tend to like don't usually like me, he thought afterward.

Diego considered that thoughtfully. "Maybe it just wasn't your time yet? You've seemed content with your life up until now. Could it be that you just haven't given yourself time and permission to look for something serious?"

"Maybe," Zach conceded. "I don't even really know how to go about looking for something serious, or pursuing someone I genuinely like and want to keep around long term."

"We will start there, then!" Diego said positively.

Zach laughed weakly. "I don't think I pay you enough to add dating coach onto the list of duties you do."

"I'm sure we'll work something out," Diego said confidently with a twinkle in his eye.

"You're too kind to me," Zach commented quietly, and Diego could tell he meant that.

Diego blushed slightly, "No kinder than giving the son of an immigrant kid a chance to finish college while taking care of the most adorable little girl ever."

"I have no doubt you would have found a job with your resume and skills," Zach replied, then smirked a little. "But it's true it wouldn't have been with the most adorable little girl in the entire world."

"See?" Diego responded, "Easiest money I ever made!"

"She adores you too," Zach said with a smile on his face. "She's generally pretty good at discerning good people too. She hates Daniel. Every time he gets near her at an event, she screams."

"That's because she's a smart lady!" Diego beamed.

"Thank you," Zach said. "For helping, and being here. I know I'm kind of a basketcase right now."

"Some of my favorite cases have baskets in them," Diego said, "or something like that. Don't overthink it." He leaned forward and kissed Zach gently on the cheek as he stood up.

That made Zach smile as he watched Diego walk to the door. "Lucky for me, then," Zach replied with a smirk, and caught the smile on Diego's face before he walked out into the hallway to go back to his room. Zach laid down on his bed, looking up at the ceiling for a little bit, considering everything they had talked about.

Mostly he knew Diego was right that Nadya would learn from how he handled this diagnosis, and despite the fear, he knew it wasn't the end of the world. Every change would be gradual, so he would have time to deal with each symptom one at a time. He could do this, and he wasn't alone.

He went to sleep that night thinking about what to do about his love life, especially with Diego right in front of him and his crush definitely not going away. He'd have to ask his brother for tips later. He wanted to do this right, and without putting any pressure on Diego to accept his interest.