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Soon to be ex wife

NONE of those are hyphenated like you have them. Good story, with many errors detracting from it. 3*

No, it was fine.....although....

I would have liked to learn anything whatsoever about who Sharon was. The story has no information about her.

Was she attracted to the money or to Rod? Or did the money come up as an idea after she'd been with Rod for a while? As Sharon and Rod were cheating with other people, what was really their actual intent towards each other? (cheaters gonna cheat?)

Rebecca was described as a beautiful submissive woman, with a wealthy father. If Rod was also having sex with other women, why did he want to leave?

I also like comic books!

I liked the story simple straight forward good fun. I also liked your comment about critics there are too many who forget it is just a story, they are a bunch of righteous fools who go around with their heads up their asses.

For the read.

By far the best thing I've read today. Keep writing and I'll read it.

pretty good story just too short

Nice rerun of the same old story. Throwing in the bathroom fuck gets you extra points!

R.

It's a BTB.

That means.....don't rush the reveal of how awful the spouse(s) is......don't rush the setup for the fall of the bitches and bastards, and.....

DON'T RUSH THE PAYBACK.

you rushed the payback a bit. If you were to write this again, I'd go for a few more twists and turns to get to the plan, a few twists and turns before confirmation is 100% made, and then carry forward the fight until the cops have made their arrest. Don't epilogue until after that has happened.

Love it when cheaters are caught. Prison and vd are a bonus.

Five Stars

Was this a repost?

and following good advice one has at least a chance to not lose, TK U MLJV LV NV

And you knew there had to be a but.

Grammar and spelling, f7 in Word is a reasonable place to start, that at least would have covered the incorrect hyphens.

All the characters are very 2 dimensional, for example we only found out Joe was in Afghanistan when he and Bill were talking money. Where they military, contractors, what? What was Sharon's motivation, it turns out it might not have been a bigger dick.

The whole syphilis part is wrong. Sorry a little Google will tell you it takes 2-8 weeks to become infectious, so Sharon couldn't have got it from Malcolm and given it to Rod the same night and as they were arrested 2 days later. There's also a good chance both Becky and Joe would have it either from their own spouse or from each other. A bit of fact checking goes a long way to helping build a strong story.

The format is horrific. You should consider stopping now.

I loved comic books too!!!...Especially those adds in them for Xray Glasses....Yeah I fell for the add and bought them!....Shooott....They were bullshit glasses...Anyway on with the story!....Hey!.. You know!...It's Quite a good Story....Sorry I missed the Mistakes but I promise I will look for them next time?.....so that's My comment. ..5 Stars....★★★★★WOOF!

Congrats on your first posting. I liked and I think you will be well received by many here. Good luck in your future stories. Don't worry about the usual anonymous posters.

What a pity.

Started so good but then

went over the top.

Needs some serious editing too.

But I like the idea and the attitude :).

Really hope this writer takes the time

to clean up his writing

and give us more stories.

But keep the attitude

and that delicious dialogue!

4 out of 5 from me.

You went through this big setup about all the cameras you put in the house, then have them go back to the house but don't say what was found on the tape.

You had to throw the obligatory 'some huge black dude with his hand on her ass.' So know you have two questions you haven't answered, how did she know Malcom and how many other guys is she fucking.

The last major question I have is we know the son is 18 but what about the other child, how old was it that the wife was willing to walk away from?

The framework for the story was good, but it just needed fleshing out a bit.

There's a few things that would have improved the story:

1) The wife's reaction to Joe screwing Rebecca (jealousy probably).

2) Some kind of confrontation with Rod (before or after he was jailed). I wanted to read his reaction to finding out that Sharon was lying to him and he had a smaller cock (she was probably just after the money). Also finding out that she was fucking other guys must have been a blow to his ego, especially considering he thought he "owned her".

3) A meeting with the devastated wife when she's in jail (to twist the knife and to hear Sharon's motives etc).

4) You mentioned they had 2 kids... was Sharon planning to abandon them and run off with Rod? If so, that's a good reason for them to disown her.

What usually makes stories about cheating interesting is the emotional scenes in the aftermath of the infidelity being discovered. It's also important to flesh out the cheaters as well, to give them a bit of depth. It makes reading their reaction when their world falls apart much more entertaining!

A few issues that a good editor could easily fix .

Overall , not bad for first story , I enjoyed it .

Please keep posting . Anything that's not cum slurping Cuck shit is always greatly appreciated here .

*****

Not one original thought, phrase or characterization. Every cliche' in the LW handbook and a few more. So believable that an otherwise ordinary housewife would turn into a

sex crazed BBC worshipper. every hole filled with gallons of cum and zero remorse for what she's doing and no attempt to cover it up. A monkey with a computer in front of it could write a story 10 times better than this -or are you the monkey? :))

This is a great story. Thank you for making it real. Too many loving wives stories are unrealistic and don't show the consequences. I look forward to future tales from you.

There is NO way the PI got video in the men's room stall!

"Don't worry, we will be done with them soon. I've almost got all of her father's company funds squirreled away." - With that recording, how can there be any doubt as to her involvement?

Why did you suddenly stop using quotation marks on the dialog?

You start the story in 1st person, then the Epilog is in 3rd person. She pays her lawyer her share of the divorce settlement to keep her out of jail, but is spending 3 to 5 in jail? I guess he didn't earn his money!

It was fun. Keep writing.

2 starrs

To many mistakes, legal and some made up shit. It really doesn't flow and this story is a fantasy with no good fact used.

Funny, I enjoyed it....keep writing!

Good job don't let these Siskel and Ebert critics upset you only thing I complain about about it could have been longer...

The ending was a bit rushed. Don't worry about the legal stuff- this is fiction.

I liked it!

I would like to see more of these. Please keep writing

I see this is your first story. Read some of the better authors and try to improve your writing. It's awful right now. 2*

In my day job today I was discussing the danger of using too many cliches in a story.

I think you risked the cliche rule.

You have great promise as a writer, though I think getting an editor will be of great benefit to you.

You have a pretty good first story. I'm sure it had all the problems pointed out by others, but to be truthful, they were not bad enough to jerk me out of the story.

I do think you would greatly improve your stories by smoothing out your writing; your sentences are very choppy. If you held to the thought that a paragraph is a group of sentences with a single theme, while remembering e books read better with not so long paragraphs, you'd improve your stories. (Boy! That was a mouthful--but you get the idea.)

Whatever you do, don't drop the humor. Good Luck! cd

Oh Yeah--four stars for a good first try. Had it been your fifth or sixth I would have cut back to a three.

.. yes you might get someone to edit.

Good tale, mediocre telling.

I really enjoyed this story,but i wished it had been longer a little bit more of a build up but still a great story none the less.

You said the lawyer kept her out of jail, but she did 3 to 5?

but lacking in spice and flavor. The biggest omission, is Why? When and why did his wife become a whore and a thief? And her husband never noticed any difference in her behavior, her demeanor, her attitude, her habits and work hours?

Just another shallow tepid distant marriage, where the husband gets fucked over by a wife he never really knew and made no effort to know and understand her. Joe did him a favor revealing what the numb nuts was too preoccupied or too distracted to discern for himself. Whores like Sharon are about as hard to spot as a turkey in a parakeet cage.

But thanks for trying. Hope it is worth your time and effort to get better.

See title. :)

Therefore you need to flesh it out and inset some twist. Slow down.B8Eoo

If she was hot for Rod why did she do the black man?

On your first published story. You escaped a lot of negative comments even though you threw in a BBC. Luck on future stories.

You just need to concentrate on the flow of the story, it feels very eratic and jumpy.

Looking forward to your next story!

in too little time.

Sharon's a slut, got it, how many men has she had? Add that to Rod's smaller dick and for her it seems like she's in it for the money, QED guilty of at least accomplice to embezzlement or fraud or however they are getting the money.

But some background on all the characters and the why's and wherefores would be good. Add a couple of pages to fill them out and you would have a better story, remove the clichés and it would get better still.

Keep on trucking.

Fun read.

I enjoyed the story but I would have been better if it was a bit longer with more character development. The night out with the four of them seem to blow up to quick. Dancing with her husband one minute and fucking a black guy in the toilet within 5 minutes. But still worth reading

Our hero went from Kelly at the beginning to Joe through the rest of the story. And as others mentioned, there was no flow. It was like you were just writing what was in your head at the time without planning any kind of plot first. And why throw the black guy in there? It seemed like as they were going out to the club you decided she needed to be not just a cheating wife but a cock slut also. And, come on, the best PI in the world wouldn't be able to get pictures like you described of her fucking in a restroom stall.

Next time outline your story rather than writing from a checklist. "Let's see: cheating wife - check, Best friend - check, Flirting at the club - check... Oh wait a minute, BBC, yeah, that would be good - check, stealing daddy's money - check." It read like a grocery list.

I liked this story. The only thing missing for me, was a better understanding of the wife. When the wife was caught betraying her boyfriend, that relationship should unravel too. The fun will have drained away from their scheming, and the boyfriend becomes disgusted with her. Reality starts to hit them, and after panicking, she wants to make it all to go away and get her old life back. But it is too late, they head to the airport two unhappy people. They almost don't care when the hammer falls because they both know the money won't last forever and there won't be any real happiness between two selfish thieves even on a 5 star Caribbean beach.

Regardless, the story works fine, I just always want more drama. Good job and thanks. (Tony)

I liked the story(I love BTB stories and here we got 2) The only thing I would have changed would be to make it longer. I really enjoy most of your stories I read all of them. Keep on trucking 10-4 good buddy

I liked it. There could have been more details regarding how the cheaters gave themselves away - beyond the ‘unexpected’ phone call from Rod - but still quite good.

This was written by a 10 year old, hmmmm. This was so badly written I couldn't even finish it.

At least Joe wasn't screwing 6 or 7 different women every day with his robo-dick.

I love your stoies.

Liked this one too

That was pretty damn good!

entertaining. Keep it up.

One issue with the plot - becky recording their sex makes sense; live streaming considering that they were warned that the cheaters were under surveillance makes no sense and is stupid - you don't want to give any clues that you know what is going on.

I do like the stories u write. Cannot understand people telling what a writer did wrong. One word....ASSHOLES or BITCH

Nope, the whole sex in the bathroom thing knowing what she and he would smell like after made me stop right there. Stupid plot devices are just that...stupid.

Not only were they doing each other they had more on the side??

What can one say - she cheated, she got caught, she was punished. I would have liked to have seen her paramour get his nuts used for clacker balls but hey, all those years in the slam help cure him of bad habits. Can't have it all but with this proper BTB we had a nice portion.

1 star - no comment

Great Story !!!! Loved it !!!

this one is a LITTLE bit better....

Uh, okay

Cliche heaven. Only one you missed was navy seal, although “carried me on his back “ is close enough.

My lord and master = I loved that one section

Fun little btb. Thanks!

Wanted to see the chesters reaction - sharon seemed to just bibe all over.

Awful.

There's no doubt about you being the "crazy" trucker! Kinda like Steve Martin was a "wild and crazy kinda guy!" Over-the-top craziness.

A buncha stuff happened for some reason. Then more stuff happened and then everybody was fucking everybody. Amazingly realistic. Happens to me almost every day.

Too rushed

loved it

Fun to read.

Ed

Another good read. Thanks for sharing your work with us

Good one

Boring. Why? First, because everything is going really fast. Second, they go from what should be emotional devastation to nothing and fucking in the blink of an eye.

Seriously, start fleshing stuff out. You're really hurting your stories with the way you pace them.

⭐⭐⭐⭐ I enjoyed the story, but, most of it has been done before. Also, perhaps because of the pacing, there isn't really a burn - more of a lukewarm.

I'm missing the part, why Sharon cheated on Joe? Joe had the bigger dick and didn't seem to be useless with it. Was it just the money Rod squirreled away?

I did like the author's note. Great attitude.

Fun to read. Thanks.

Ed

Good job!!!

A Nice tale that got not ending good in my opinion, you ruched and almost ruined it the last 2 pages. Keep up writing, I heard it gets better and better each time. Thanks

We never heard what was said in the car, did we?

4 Stars on a good Story . I was at a Party when a Guy grabbed My girlfriends Ass . He paid for it as I kicked his ass . My wife was on his side all of the way . I am glad that the Judge had a soft spot for vets . 4 Years in the Army did make Sarge in the sandbox called the middle East

I keep re-reading this story when I need a good laugh...love every line of it... super fun to read

I liked the story alot.

Not bad. Your kind of like a box of chocolates. Never know what you're going to get.

Nice little plot line, feels like you rushed the ending, a lot.

agree ending did seem a bit rushed