What Comes Around, Comes Again

Wrong thing to say. "Yeah, that's discomforting," I said evenly. "You thinking that way because I sure don't. I'm telling you now, there's no 'getting past this.'"

"Please, Joey, you can stop this," she sobbed slightly. "I came home fully prepared to dedicate the rest of my life to you, just like before the concert. Or at least that was my plan until you had me served."

"I can't, Kat," I told her sternly. "You're right about the love. I can't just turn that off. However, I've lost all my trust in you, all my faith. That's what happens when one partner is unfaithful. Further, any smidge of respect you have left for me would fade away if I took you back. All those necessary pillars have toppled and what we had is left in ruins."

"Is this about your high school girlfriend?" she asked with a pent-up rage. "Elaina told me you've been seeing her while I was gone."

"That's rich," I chuckled hard. "But since you asked, the answer is no. My sister is actually the person who brought her here the night after the concert, I guess, to try and help cheer me up. I won't lie. There might be something in our future but we both agree I have to decide what to do about this relationship first."

"Then it is about her," Kat responded, in a low growl. "She's waiting in the wings. How noble of her. Be honest, if you wouldn't have reconnected with her, you wouldn't even be thinking about divorce."

My temper was elevated dramatically. There was a long pause while I fought to regain steady breathing. It also gave me time to unravel her weak argument, intended to take the focus off of her actions.

"Kat," I said softly and evenly. "Listen to me. You gutted me the minute you decided to go off with the band. Gutted me, understand? Even if I'd decided over the past three weeks to stay and try to work things out, nothing between us would have ever been the same again.

"The sex you had with them makes me sick to my stomach," I continued. "But honestly, it's the least of our problems, once I was able to think rationally. You helped with that, by the way, staying with them an extra week. It's everything I've already said about those pillars. You say you're here to stay - forever - and will make things up to me. The problem is I could never - will never - believe that. In fact, if I stayed with you, I believe that single action would give you cause to stray again down the line. There's nothing left here for us, Kat. If we'd have ever had the kind of relationship I thought we did, you couldn't have gone with them, or I wouldn't have cared. Kat, I very much care, and you definitely went."

I expected it to go on and on, but Katherine looked defeated. Her shoulders had slumped during my rant. I was actually a little disappointed, and at the same time relieved, that I didn't get to use my speech on 'male ego.' There wasn't much more to say or do, by the looks of her.

"Kat," I said, now emotionless. "Read the papers, get a lawyer consult, and sign them. I've been very fair. Regardless of what you do, I've given notice here, so neither of us can stay past the next ten days. I didn't box our things up as some stunt. I'll help you if you need but let's just get this over with."

There was some sort of groan, or wail that came out of her. Then silent sobbing. Normally, the one person to comfort her would be the one standing right in front of her but not anymore. She realized it, too, as she ran off to the bedroom.

Two nights later, when I arrived home, there was no dinner. Just Kat and a mostly empty house.

"I'm sorry, Joey," she said in earnest. "Sorry about everything. There's no hope for us is there?"

It was a strange question that I knew she knew the answer to. "No, Kat."

"I've been busy getting all of my stuff out of here," she said after a deep breath. "I signed the papers." She motioned towards the counter where we charged our phones and put the mail.

"I've been offered and accepted a job with the Green River Band as Director of Internet Media," she said so proudly. "I'll always love you. I know you believe you're doing what's best for you - maybe for us - and maybe you are. I wanted to tell you that face-to-face like I should have at the concert. I'm leaving tonight and spending the night at your sister's. I hope you find what you're looking for and have an awesome life."

"You too, Kat," I said as she came into me for a hug. It would be our very last.

>>>>

I'd married Stacy and we'd been together for twenty-three years already. Where the hell does the time go? She came through the door as I was making dinner. We alternated meal preparation and we'd gotten used to cooking for four instead of five. Our oldest, Eric, had just headed off to Notre Dame. The other two, another boy and our youngest, a girl, were in high school and doing very well.

Stacy set a magazine on the counter where our phones usually charged and the mail landed. I guess all couples have that catch-all spot in common. She looked at me as she did so, and I knew instantly, she'd bought it for me. I'd wait until later to see what it was but when I walked by, I noticed a picture of Katherine, and apparently, she'd been interviewed by Rolling Stone. My mind wandered as I worked on the stir fry.

I'd come home the night after Kat and I last talked and hugged, dreading another conversation and attempt at winning my heart back. I'd been honest with her that my heart wasn't in it.

Instead, I found a house missing everything she owned and a letter sat propped up in the center of our kitchen table.

Joey,

I thought hard about what you said. Thanks for talking to me, BTW. Some of it forced me to look inward, and that was - uncomfortable. I don't claim to understand men and how they think. The whole damaged goods thing regarding sex. Women worry about their men falling in love, not the act of physical sex. As for that, the sex itself was unmemorable, other than being able to say that I had sex with the guy on the very first poster that hung in my bedroom when I was thirteen.

Something you said though, made me wonder. I made the other band members use condoms but not Tad. That told me there was at least some premeditation involved and that I'd be very prone to do it again. It made me question if I really even wanted to be married. After much consideration, I've given you that answer and your freedom. I know we were headed there anyway but I decided to move it along. You were right, and sadly, I don't think I know myself well enough. I certainly shouldn't be in a committed relationship.

It still makes me sad because despite what you probably think, I do love you, and I always will.

All my love,

Kat

And that was that. She called me the following week, letting me know that the new job was set in contract and she accepted. She gave me her new phone number and told me she'd text where to send the split proceeds when the divorce was final. I gave her my info so she could sign off on the paperwork.

Stacy and I had started going out on 'dates' as soon as it was apparent that Kat had indeed left and taken that job. Things heated up even more when my lawyer informed me she'd signed the paperwork. But we did hold out on sex until the divorce was final. Both Stacy and I decided to take things slowly. She was leery just like me about the classic rebound and I was further concerned about my inability to read or understand women in general.

We found inventive ways to deal with that, though. We talked. We talked about everything and anything, baring our souls. It became a game - something fun to do. We never got angry when the other wasn't quite understanding. We were patient and caring. That drove our relationship to new heights.

Stacy and I married two years after the divorce was final but by then, we both knew deep down it was right. Marriage was a foregone conclusion. That night we finally had intercourse. It was Earth-shattering. Things just improved from there.

People use a standard trope - I'd die for my spouse - when trying to describe true love. I had something else, something better. In my nightmares over the years, the worst ones centered around losing Stacy. They ran the gambit from a car accident to some disease and the magnitude of that loss always woke me up sweating. Oddly, the dreams never involved her leaving me for someone else.

Stacy had highlighted a few particular paragraphs from Kat's interview. After the Green River Band, she'd taken a job with another up-and-coming local band and had helped catapult them to fame. A dozen years later, Kat worked for Aerosmith, then Journey. She was very well-known and respected in the music industry.

Interviewer: "With all the success you've had, can you recall any regrets?"

Kat: "Only two. As you know I was briefly married, to a wonderful man and I've never remarried. My second regret is that I never had the time to pursue another loving relationship, because of this crazy business. My first and biggest regret was hurting and driving my one and only husband away, due to my selfishness. Through old acquaintances, I know he has a wonderful woman and family, and am very happy for him. I know we could have had that together and I often wonder if I made the right decisions back then."

Interviewer: "Well on behalf of the music industry, we're so grateful that you made the choices you did."

After the highlighted section, Stacy added a handwritten message. "Her loss has always been my gain, you sweet man. I love you!"