All Comments on 'What Couples Get Wrong About FLR'

Very sensible piece.

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Your description doesn't sound like "a healthy and fulfilling FLR" instead it's just a one sided form of slavery that the submissive doesn't appear to get anything from. So why would any guy, other than one with some form of mental illness volunteer for that.

FLR is worse than watching golf on TV. By about four orders of magnitude.

Thanks. Couldn't agree more with everything you said. Just wish I could get my wife to read this and get into it

most men think it is all whips and chains i am in FLR we both enjoy it

men get a clearer head about life your not focused on sex it is more about pleasing another

in turn you get pleasure from doing so yes i am always on edge with my sex drive and to me it works

Inspiring words, showing so much thought and concern. Of course we are likely to think from our own perspective, and like myself, male and submissive, I really desire the "porn" part. But you are right. It never did me any good, just short lived desires being fulfilled. And it is extremely hard to have a balanced life if you think from the "porn" perspective. You make it sound so easy, just to step into this new world and explore the real meaning of submission, or, as you put it "giving up power". It is something anyone can explore, every day. Just by treating woman as Superior. Very fulfilling!

Great essay and 100% agree, it's how I picture it anyway. I feel there are a lot of subs out there that try to top from the bottom which is not what flr is.

Giving up power and getting pleasure from pleasing your partner.🧎‍♂️

I have questions, but you'd find them insulting, and I don't trust you to give honest, thoughtful answers. It's okay, I already know the answers anyway.

My wife and I have a balanced relationship, so I'm speaking from that perspective. If one partner has to much of the power, too much of the time, then problems arise, and if the relationship survives, it's a miserable one.

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What you've described is a one-sided relationship. Someone will be miserable. Certainly, there's a great possibility for a lack of respect from the Domme toward the Sub, after a point. "You can't respect something you can walk all over."

Domme's, especially those who live in fantasyland, forget that consistently.

As well written as this was, it's comedy. It's not realistic, or based in reality, and what's going to happen is someone here will read it, and try it, and it's going to very likely end badly.

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Keep in mind, this is comedy. Read it again with that in mind, and it's a little amusing.

Thanks for writing this. While there is no one true way, the point that in FLR her wants take primacy is spot on. Some of us love being in these kind of relationships and negotiate to give our power in a mutually satisfactory way. In the last FLR I was in she had all power in the bedroom and domestic duties but it did not extend over employment or family obligations. It’s all based on negotiation and consent.

Obviously written by a man posing as a woman.

The main issue with FLR is that men have to give up power and control. Now this might seem obvious, however the vast majority of women do NOT like or respect men who relinquish control. In fact most women despise weak men. They will soon lose respect and love for their partner because he is no longer a partner just a servant.

Women like the idea of control and watching their servant do the dishes, the ironing, the dusting etc etc but this is no longer a marriage of partners but simply a business transaction between an employer and an employee. He may be forced to perform endless cunnilingus, whilst dressed as a French maid with a huge butt plug up his ass but it’s doesn’t make you respect him, in fact it demeans you along with him.

An FLR is just another form of selfishness/slavery just as an MLR is.

subs have all the power. There is never an exchange. It is weird I never hear dommes speak on that. If subs do not have all the power it would turn into abuse. The whole domme culture is best in one hour increments like you pay for. It is hardly a long term sustainable lifestyle 24 hours a day. I do find it cute that some people so desperate for power think that is real power.

What a crock of bs.

What is wrong with this article is the absolutist assumption that there is one (count it) one "correct" way to do FLR.

Maybe that's the way that the author likes it. Cool, more power to her. But there are as many complex sets of needs in people out there as there are belly buttons.

Any relationship -- irrespective of the acronym soup we use to describe it, is about two people and the tangle of wants, needs, desires, eroticism and life skills they bring to the table... the most effective relationships are those where both people get their needs met and enjoy their time together. The healthiest relationships are those where they respect and nurture each other in the process.

If that means that one likes the other to make decisions, great.

Sadly, where people I've known have tried the absolutism as described by the author, their relationships don't last. Maybe that's ultimately what they want -- to bounce from relationship to relationship and find less fulfillment, each relationship cresendoing to a point where something breaks or stops fulfilling one or the other of the people... and ultimately moving to another and another, each less satisfying than the last. These people have experienced, in my (admittedly narrow) experience, burn-and-move relationships.

To whoever reads this, no matter your reason to read, please heed my advice: don't listen to anyone tell you how you "correctly" run your relationships. Talk out thoroughly with your partners both of your expectations, needs and boundaries. Check-in regularly about what's working and what isn't -- renegotiate the structure of the relationship (or terminate it with dignity if you're irreconcilable).

And if you care about having a relationship last, pay attention to your partners' needs, wants and desires, respect the *person* and be in it for their success too. If you stop paying attention to their needs... if you stop nurturing them... you are just abusing them.