What Doesn’t Kill Me…. Pt. 01

No deadlines, no expectations and no demands of timetables. She turned south west and made her way off the cape, over the little lumps of hillocks, through Byron Bay and towards her first target of Lismore. The start of the trek was easy enough with plenty of communities to stop at to top up water and to eat.

A cooler day than previous with cloud covered skies, no sun and fewer avian companions to cheer her on. Jade felt flat, her mood still, her head full of contemplation. Cars, trucks and vans passed by as she walked along the road, the welcome wash of air from their wake cooling her body as it strained to hold up the weight of the pack.

As the day drew in to night she reached a pizza restaurant in Lismore choosing to fuel up over setting up camp.

"Are you sure you want a 14 inch pizza to yourself?" The seemingly arrogant guy behind the counter asked.

"That is what I asked for."

"You aren't from round here, eh?"

"What gave it away," Jade asked with derision, "my big back pack or my accent?"

The young fellow softly closed his eyes and gave a sideward nod of his head to accept his censure, turned and began quickly throwing the ingredients all over the dough. Once the pizza was in the oven he turned back to her, "I'll bet you can't eat it all."

"What will you bet?"

"How about, you finish it I'll pay. If you don't finish it you let me buy you a drink?"

Win win, she thought. Free pizza or a free drink. Either way she wouldn't lose. The chap was tanned, tall, perhaps six foot plus. Before she'd even looked at the menu she'd noticed his eyes. Dark brown and inviting. Not her usual type but there was something friendly about them that drew her attention. "I'll take that bet."

"So you're a pommie?"

"Pommie?"

"British?"

"I've never been called a pommie before. Isn't that French for Apple?"

"Could be, never was one for languages. It's not like I'll ever leave Oz."

"It's big enough that you'll never need to."

"True. What brings you down under?"

"Adventure, freedom, escape."

His interest piqued, he continued to quiz her on her trip while her food cooked. She told him of her plan to walk across the island continent causing him to regret the bet he'd made. Other customers entered and he was temporarily stolen away as he made their orders but he returned each time.

Her pizza was presented, steaming and smelling like heaven. He watched intently as she devoured the pizza, surprised when she ordered a second smaller one as well as a large gelato. "You've got an appetite alright."

"Got to fill the tank. I'm heading for Mummulgum tomorrow."

"On foot? Streuth. Rather you than me. There's a town called Casino between here and there. Not much else between. You got sunblock?"

"Nah, dumped it. I'll wear a long shirt if the sun gets too strong but I haven't burned yet."

The second helping was served and demolished without ceremony to the complete dismay of the cook. After licking her fingers she pulled out her wallet to pay but he stood by his word and paid for the food. "How about that drink?" He asked.

Not being in the habit of accepting favours from strange men she tried to decline, she needed to arrange a place to sleep for the night.

"I can help you out with somewhere to sleep." He told her.

"You don't even know my name, and I don't know yours. I don't think that's going to happen."

Oh no, I meant my uncle has a hay barn just up the road. It's got to be more comfortable than a tent in the middle of nowhere."

"And he wouldn't mind?"

"You'd be surprised how many hikers have spent a night in there. I'll finish up here and take you. No catch. I'm not like that."

Their conversation carried on as he tidied the counter, closed the gelato freezer and powered down the pizza ovens. She found out he was called Stevie. A twenty two year old student on break from college. A very pleasant young man eleven years her junior. She felt that had she not been doing the hike she'd have liked to spend more time with him but her goal was the finish. As she considered the goal she remembered, the adventure wasn't in the end goal but in the journey to get there.

Stevie carried her heavy pack, struggling himself even as a well built young man. They locked the parlour, walking to his battered Mazda and loading the pack into the back. The short drive took just over five minutes.

The old wooden barn looked like a converted church with a low roof skirting the outside of the building and the main roof higher up covering the main building. Stevie opened up one of the large double doors carrying the pack in as Jade followed. He placed it down by a stack of bales. "You can arrange the bales as you like, as long as they go back as they were."

Jade began pulling down the bales to create a bed, helped in no small part by Stevie who organised them. She sat on the edge digging into her pack for a drink.

"Ah, I think I can help there." Said Stevie pulling two beers from his jacket pockets and handing one to Jade.

She accepted the cold bottle once he'd popped the cap. They sat chatting for a while, her mind becoming slightly buzzed from the solitary beer. Stevie joked with her about her eating habits saying he couldn't take her back to meet his mother if she always ate that way. She laughed at his jokes, her pretty eyes no longer sullen as they were when she was a child but still holding so much sadness behind them. Stevie could see that she had been through struggles just by the emotion in her eyes. They told a story of their own without so much as a word spoken.

Once his beer was finished he scooched off the bales, took Jades hand and kissed it gently before getting up to leave.

"Are you working tomorrow?" She asked.

"Not until 4pm."

"I could take a day off from my trip. My feet could do with a break."

"Really?" He asked, surprised at her offer. "You'd want to spend a day with me?"

"I don't really have anyone I know in this country so I'm trying to make friends as I go, and you seem nice."

With a grin he nodded, "I'll come by tomorrow morning to pick you up. If you'd like you can come back to mine to get a shower. Do you need to clean your clothes? We can take care of that too."

Jade chuckled under her breath as her cheeks filled and the sadness in her eyes mellowed. Stevie wished he could spend more than a day with her but she had a solid plan and he had his job.

"That would be such a help. I haven't actually changed since I landed. Are you sure you don't mind?"

"It would be my pleasure to be just a small part of your adventure."

*****

"Strength and growth come only through continuous effort and struggle." - Napoleon Hill.

The kiss didn't last long but she felt her belly fill with pleasing tension as their lips connected, still pouring through her as the kiss ended. The look in his eyes were lustful, a hungry predator having tasted its prey. Her feelings less than ready for his advance. Without invitation Zack moved over her causing her to move down until she lay below him, nowhere else to go. Jade tried to wriggle down and away but a well placed leg stopped her. She knew this wasn't going to be the loving exchange she'd imagined, trying to put on the brakes as his advance continued. His lips touching her neck, tongue tasting the soft skin as her hands pushed against his chest but her strength was no match for his weight. The words she spoke were lost in his heat. Her protests paling into insignificance compared to his fire.

"No Zack. No, I don't want this."

He either didn't hear the words or chose to dismiss them as part of his game.

"Zack I mean it. Get off me!"

Still he continued, moving his lips down over her sensitive collar bone to her upper chest as he began to undo the buttons of her blouse. Jade teeth were clenched, preparing for the imminent violation, all her will was going into hiding her mind from the oncoming abuse.

"ZACK! NO, I MEAN IT. I DON'T WANT THIS!"

He lifted his head, their eyes meeting as the tears from hers ran down her temples and into her ears. "Get off me!"

He stayed for a moment causing her to panic that he would carry on his assault, but after a few seconds he moved back and away. Jade buttoned her blouse again and shuffled off the blanket to stand.

"What the fuck is your problem?" Zack asked her. "You're a fucking tease. No wonder you have a reputation."

With fists clenched in anger and a grimace on her face she chose to silently walk away wanting to put as much distance between them as possible.

For months they'd been in the same friendship group. Sometimes they spoke, sometimes they just looked at each other. There was a spark of attraction between them, they knew it but as both were fairly shy it wasn't easy for either of them to make a move.

For a week before the incident they'd actually been spending more time together, in smaller groups and alone. They finally admitted that they liked each other, taking the first step of kissing in the local park. Jade had kissed two boys before him but Jade was Zack's first kiss. A fact Jade knew and was supportive of. She rather liked his gentle nature and soft kisses, they made her feel special. That special feeling was now a festering hatred for him.

"Are you serious?" Chelsea asked. "Zack? I can't see him doing that."

"We'll he did and it was terrifying. I honestly thought he wasn't going to stop. I was considering all the things that might have happened. I was considering any possible way I could hurt him to get him to stop."

"It's always the quiet ones." Chelsea observed.

"Sorry Chels, I didn't mean to drop this on you. It's not your problem."

"Any problem you have is my problem too."

Since their childhood years the bond they shared had been inexorable, surviving fist fights, hunger, hypothermia, boys, other girls and now the near sexual assault by a member of their friendship group. No matter the obstacle the two of them were bound by more than just blood.

They sat together hugging up to each other as they'd always done during times of hardship. Although different, this hardship was no less of an injury to either of them.

The next few days splintered their group into a mess of two opposing sides and other outliers. Some not wanting any part of it, a few wanting to keep all involved as friends, one or two stood by Jade and Chelsea while the majority stood by Zack.

Life was always hard for the sisters, they'd come to terms with harsh realities. This was just another hurdle on the race of life. If the others didn't believe Jade's story they weren't worth their breath. Zack knew the truth well enough. It would come back on him one day.

*****

"Wherever you go, there you are" -- Jon Kabat-Zinn.

As the creaky old door opened light flooded in waking the sleeping beauty. Her hair was messy and full of hay strands from the bales. Stevie approached subtly calling her name to rouse her. The smell of coffee and fresh hot donuts bidding her a welcome to the new day.

"Morning stranger." He said as he sat on the bale bed next to her. "I brought breakfast."

Stretching and moaning wildly as her joints creaked Stevie held his hand out to help her sit up. He handed her a coffee and the bag of donuts. She simply thanked him before filling her mouth with fried bread and caffeine. "Such elegant manners." He joked.

"I feel like I haven't eaten in days."

"Even after two pizzas and a load of gelato last night? You're insatiable."

The comment hit home a bit too hard for Jade's liking. "Insatiable? Perhaps where food is concerned at the moment. Can't say I've ever considered myself insatiable in other areas."

"Sorry I didn't mean to make you feel..."

"You didn't." She cut him off, "I haven't had the best history with men. Maybe I'm not made for them."

A tense silence hung around them as he watched her eating, enjoying her enjoyment of the simple snack he'd brought. The conversation hadn't started they way he'd intended, feeling like a third wheel as he sat next to her, until she spoke again. "What do you have planned for me today?"

Her face had softened. Perhaps due to the comfort food, perhaps because she knew her fuse had been too short.

"Since it's almost eleven already I was thinking we could spend the early afternoon by the river just talking, watching the world go by, then I was thinking perhaps I'd ditch work tonight and spend some real time with you. I'd still like to buy you that drink."

"Can I still wash my clothes and get a shower?"

"Absolutely. As soon as you've scoffed that lot we can go."

The day was sunny and fresh. Shallow hills in the distance did little to lessen the size of the wide sky. The sun to the north doing its best to warm the cool air of the day. Jade finished the last of the donuts and coffee, rolled up her sleeping bag and began throwing the bales back up from where she'd pulled them. Stevie helped before carrying her pack to his car.

They drove a couple of miles into a small suburb, Jade losing her bearings as he drove around a convoluted maze of streets. For the first time since landing she felt an unease creep up her legs and settle in her abdomen.

Turning into a driveway he turned off the engine announcing, "we're here."

The house was shabby. No icing on the cake, no mincing of words. Shabby! A flashback to her childhood hit her. "You live with your mum?" She asked remembering his comment about her messy eating habits.

He paused a few seconds before speaking

"Actually I lost her a couple of years ago. I've been struggling to make ends meet ever since. The house isn't what it used to be but I can't afford to fix it up. It's warm and water tight for now. Maybe the future will bring better things. Come on we'll get you cleaned up and we can enjoy the day."

If she was going to miss anything on the trip it would be the convenience of hot water. As soon as the steaming hot rain hit her skin she felt renewed. The aches melted and her stresses followed as they ran down the plug hole. Pulling dried grasses from her hair, scrubbing her skin to remove the stink of sweat and muck she felt almost human again.

After half an hour she stepped out of the gaudy pink shower cubicle and onto a threadbare bathmat to dry herself admiring her slim figure in the mirror. She had no cause for complaint. Women all around the world would pay good money for what she had naturally. Sleek lines, youthful pretty looks, strong tone and eyes that would pull a train.

With fresh clothes on she put her filthy duds into the towel and brought them to the kitchen where Stevie was making sandwiches. "Washer is there." He pointed out. "They can go on the line once they're done. We'll collect them later once they've dried."

The inside of the house wasn't as bad as the outside would have her believe. The rooms were full of pictures, ornaments and nicknacks. The furniture was old but ultimately functional. A pleasant home to be brought up in. She could only wish to have had such things when she was a child.

By 1pm the clothes were clean, drying on the line and the pair had walked a short distance to the river where they sat watching the world go by.

"You're far prettier when you're clean." He told her

"I feel prettier when I'm clean. I don't think I've been so long without a shower since I was little."

"I hate not being clean. Don't get me wrong I have nothing against getting dirty and stinking to high heaven but no one deserves to put up with my stink if I can do something about it."

She gave a little chuckle. "I agree. I couldn't stand to be with a stinky man."

"So tell me about you. What's your history?"

"That's a deep hole I'd rather save for another day."

"That might be true but today is the only day we have, and I'd really love to get to know the real Jade."

"I am what you see. I grew up in Manchester, me and my sister. I didn't do much in school, too rebellious. Friendships came and went, only the best stood the test of time. I've had failed relationships as most people have but my last one was the cherry on the cake. I decided to get out, to finally take my power back and that led me here. I needed to find myself but in order to do that I had to lose myself too."

"Sorry to hear about your last relationship. What's your sister's name?"

"Chelsea."

"Are you close?"

The thought of their relationship made her smile softly. "Very."

"So this is your escape plan? Walking across an inhospitable continent?"

"It's always been an ambition. Not necessarily Australia, but having the ultimate adventure. Doing it for myself and not for any other reason."

"I wish I was that brave. I don't know what it would take for me to take that huge step."

"Life's for living. What else are we meant to do with it. Did you ever watch The Shawshank Redemption?"

"I do recall watching it in school."

"The moment in that film when Red tells Andy, 'get busy living or get busy dying' that's really all there is to it. Life's too short for bullshit."

Stevie slumped back on the bench, "So I should quit my job? Join you on this adventure?"

"Your path is your choice. I don't even know how far I'll get. I might break my ankle before the next town and have to go home in plaster. I might die in the desert. I might even make it all the way, and wouldn't that piss a lot of people off."

He laughed at the thought of all the annoyed faces that could be waiting for her at the finish line, lining up to take their turn at belittling the achievement. "Well, I'll say now that I wouldn't be annoyed. I'd be proud to say I met you and that I actually got to spend a day with you because no matter how far you get you have people who are routing for you to get there."

A lump formed in her throat as she placed her hand in his. He could see the glint of a tear in her eye, awestruck at her ability to hold it and not let it run down her face. They sat in silence holding hands for half an hour or so. It was her first real male contact since she'd given Jon his marching orders. The first male contact in over a year and it felt great. Nothing forced, nothing insidious, just a warm glowing feeling as they enjoyed each other's touch.

After the long silence, Jade broke by saying, "don't quit your job. Everyone's path is different. Everyone will find their path as and when they're meant to."

"Ok. I think I'm going to call in sick tonight though. I like your company."

"That's fine with me. I quite like yours too."

He let go of her hand and lifted his arm as she sidled into him, his arm draping over her like a wave of warm air comforting and holding her tight. She didn't know why but he felt like a safe place. As they sat, her eyes closed, imagining what life might be like with a man like him. Her heart rate increased, palms became sweaty and her breath quickened. Opening her eyes she looked up and met his gaze only a couple of inches of clear air separating them.

She moved her hand over to pull his collar, moving up to meet him as she drew him closer, their lips touching and sparks flying behind her closed eyelids. His hand came up to her face, the feel of his soft warm palm rushing through her cheek causing a buzz throughout her body as they slowly kissed. Her mind was entirely vacant apart from the thought of his lips on hers. She felt the sharp need to have him. The uncontrollable urge to claim him, as hers.

For minutes their tongues and lips danced as if they had been practicing their whole lives. A silent, tandem oral samba. As they stopped their eyes opened staring into each other's souls for the longest time. She knew him, and he knew her without ever really knowing each other.

His eyes said he was caring and amiable. Hers told him she was hurt but capable of so much love.

"Are you really going to call in sick?" She asked hoping for an affirmative.