What Doesn’t Kill Me…. Pt. 01

The movement of his head gave her the answer she hoped for, and they joined again enjoying their precious time together to the fullest, at least as fully as they could in public.

Again, after a few minutes they parted. "Shall we go for that drink I owe you?" He asked.

"I'd like that."

They left the river to flow and meander, indifferent to the growing emotions at its side.

*****

"Sometimes all you can do is lie in bed and hope to fall asleep before you fall apart." -- Williams C Hannan

Days drifted into days drifted into days.... The realisation of depression wasn't enough to motivate Jade to do anything about it. The endless slog of life just kept coming at her. The constant body blows it rained down taking their toll on a woman who should have had all the happiness and warmth of anyone else in a better position. That's not life though. Life values entropy above all else. No order, no rhyme or reason, no justification for being happy or sad.

Jade watched the Kardashians. Their privileged lifestyle literally laid bare for the world to see. Opulent houses, fine jewellery, money dripping from every plastic pore. She'd never had that, yet she was content to be spoon fed the dream.

After watching them she'd reflect on her own childhood, comparing the grandeur of their lives to the paucity of hers, how they lorded about while she was left to fight for survival. Unfair.

It took thirty two years to come to terms with her scarred history. Thirty two years of pain, anguish, and stubborn fortitude to realise that she needed to ask for help. Her break from Jon was the turning point, a decisive moment in figuring out why her demons wouldn't leave her alone, why any amount of insignificant love or attention led her to choose the wrong friends, men and even jobs.

It took everything she had not to fall apart, but even then, she did. She wasn't weak, not by a long way. She'd been strong for too long and had done it all on her own, but the combination of effects from her parents, prospective lovers, lecherous emotional thieves and finally, Jon, all added up to become too much. She broke.

That was the push she needed. That was the corner she'd decided to turn, and from the rubble and destruction of Jades life rose a better, stronger, more confident woman. The fresh butterfly from the tired and wounded caterpillar.

*****

"Beware; for I am fearless, and therefore powerful." - Mary Shelley.

Dizzy from the alcohol Jade held tight to Stevie, their first and last night together. The music from the bar was now distant as they walked along the river bank towards his house. Their silence as comfortable as a patchwork blanket enveloping them both in a warm embrace. They stopped to look across the water as the lights from the other side sparkled and danced on its rippling surface.

Stevie moved behind her and wrapped his arms around her as he kissed her ear. Warm rushes of pleasure ran through her at his touch, goose bumps forming all over her body. She turned and pulled his face to hers, kissing him hard, never wanting the night to end.

A low rumble in the distance announced an incoming storm. "Good thing you're not camping tonight." He told her.

She didn't speak, just wanting his lips on hers. They stayed, lost in lust for each other until light spots of rain began to wake them from their dance. "Come on we should go. It looks like it might be a big one."

"I hope so she said with a cheeky grin."

He held her hand and led her back through the warren of roads as the rain became heavier. The long maze of streets causing them to arrive back at his house soaked and laughing like the drains which rid the ground of the incessant water as it fell.

"You can throw your clothes in the dryer. I'll get you a towel to dry off." Was all Stevie said as he disappeared. On his return into the kitchen he wasn't ready for what he saw.

With towel in hand he rounded the corner to the wondrous view of Jade standing entirely naked, clothes in the drier as he'd suggested, hair soaked, dripping down onto her fair skin. She stepped towards him as he lifted the towel, shrouding her with it as she kissed him, his hands pulling her tight, lifting her and carrying her up to his room.

The rain hammered noisily on the roof, lightning flashes sporadically lit the room as they lay together, tongues intertwining, hands stroking each other. Jade moved onto her back and pulled Stevie over her, unbuttoning his shirt while their mouths devoured each other. They broke contact while he slid the shirt off as she undid the buttons of his jeans. He was a rabbit caught in her headlights. The oncoming inevitability of their lust was about to hit him and he was frozen. She moved him on to his back, taking the lead as he surrendered to her.

With buttons unfastened she pulled off his wet jeans, discarding them with her towel before climbing back up so their faces were once more together.

"Are you sure?" He asked

"Are you?" She counter queried.

"Right now, I can't think of anything I want more."

Her hand fell onto his chest. Her lips followed as she kissed his skin. His hands were in her damp hair and stroking her arm as he felt the shots of pleasure ride through him at her touch. He guided her up until their lips reconnected once more, his hands now tracing the sweet curves of her back and buttocks, the pleasing sensations driving her wild, building a burning hunger within her. She lifted her leg straddling him as they kissed, fully in control of the proceedings. She was the master of this ceremony.

With her hands either side of his face she sensually licked and nibbled his lips, teasing, cajoling him building his frustration, eking out his libido as she worked her magic. His hands searched her body, every inch of her perfect slim figure was like a brand new experience to behold. As his hands brushed up her sides she gave a squeaking moan and he could feel her smile through the powerful kiss. As his touch neared her sensitive and ticklish armpits she giggled and sat up. Her remarkable yet modest breasts so perfect and inviting, his hands lightly massaging them as she sat atop him.

"Ready?" She quietly asked.

"I've never been more ready for anything."

She lifted slightly and held him, slowly stroking until he was fully firm, guiding him into her hot, welcoming body. With patience and a lot of self control she calmly set the pace as their lips met again. The electricity between them was almost as powerful as the lightning strikes outside. The noise of thunder and the flashes of light insignificant to the couple as they made incredible love.

She rocked in his lap as he met every one of her movements with soft thrusts, heightening her arousal and keeping her wanting more. He sat up still engaged, managing to turn around, laying her back sweetly so he could take control for a while.

With her legs wrapped around his buttocks and back he had no escape. Not that he'd have wanted to go anywhere. At that moment there was nowhere else, only right there. The rest of the world was no longer. Only the two of them, the bed and the thunder.

Rhythmically he moved slow and deep to pleasing moans of appreciation. Her hands scrunched his hair as they kissed, wanting to enjoy every tiny detail of the man within her. She ran her hands all over his body, committing every tiny aspect and flaw to memory.

For hours they made beautiful love. Finally falling asleep holding each other tight as the storm outside subsided in response.

*****

"Whatever our souls are made of, his and mine are the same." -- Emily Bronte.

Hot, sweaty, stinking. The job wasn't terrible but it wasn't what he wanted. College meant two more years of struggle and until then the pizza restaurant was all he had. The result would be his prize. A degree in engineering was all he'd ever wanted, but Stevie knew he had to buckle down hard if he was going to get there.

Maths wasn't his strongest subject which was one of the reasons he wanted to do the engineering degree in the first place. He enjoyed the understanding of things that he couldn't initially get his head around. Being able to finally click that piece into place was the achievement he so badly needed.

As teachers often do, they told him "you'll never amount to anything." It must be on page one of the teacher handbook. 'Knock them back, make them push harder to prove you wrong.' And it works too.

Although college was tough, the lectures boring, the workload heavy at times, he enjoyed having those moments of joy when the realisation of a formula fitted into place. Calculating loads, stresses, strains, strength and a whole host of other parameters just to get to the correct conclusion. That's what made him want to be an engineer. He wasn't built for a mundane life of pizzas and irritating customers.

In his twenty two years on earth he'd been through enough shit. Losing his mother at nineteen was the straw that almost broke his back.

He had friends aplenty but no one to really lean on, no one to prop him up on lonely nights when he was at his lowest. Most of his friends thought he was tough, Stevie the burly bloke, he can get through anything. Not really.

What he needed, what he'd always wanted was love. When his mother passed he had no one to show him love. There were no girlfriends. No one wanted to be with the sad guy. No one had time to give to his healing. "Just get on with it." Was the best advice his friends could muster, but none of them had lost parents. Most still had both.

On many occasions he'd considered ending it all. He felt like no one would miss him. The world would carry on regardless of whether he was alive or dead. But then he found his passion and he pushed himself into it with everything he had. Working to pay bills in the restaurant and reading through the books to get his degree. From there the world was open for him.

*****

"It is nothing to die; it is dreadful not to live." Victor Hugo.

The bird song began around 7am building in intensity and volume as the morning brightened. Stevie woke first to the warm memory of the previous night and Jade. He looked over as she slept next to him, his arm still under her head as she faced away. He watched her bare back as she breathed. Looked at the soft skin and the beauty spots dotted around. She was so pretty, so nice, so perfect. He couldn't believe that she'd wanted to spend that night with him, become so connected with him.

He rolled towards her and kissed her neck gently to wake her, his tongue making contact with her skin, tasting her, wanting more memories of her before she left him. A sadness at the realisation of her being gone soon overwhelmed him and he pulled her tight.

"Morning." She quietly said as she stretched through his hug. "Did you sleep?"

"Better than I have in a long time."

"Me too." She rolled over to face him and looking him deep in the eyes, said, "Last night was perfect. I wish I could stay. You've been so good to me since I met you. I don't normally throw down with guys I've just met. Not anymore anyway."

A tear left his eye as she kissed his cheek. "I'm really going to miss you. I didn't even know you existed until two night ago and now I'm in..."

"Don't," she stopped him, "don't say it. I have to do what I'm doing. If you say it, it will mean the end of my healing. One day I'll be back. Say it then."

Silently he nodded and they held each other hoping time would stop, their embrace frozen for eternity, but it didn't.

She took a few minutes to send her sister an email.

Hey Chels,

I'm having a wonderful start to my trip. Things have already gone wrong and I'm loving it. The weather is warm but not as sunny as I'd imagined. Big storm last night but I had company to keep my mind off things. Hopefully something more will come of it but I'm not pinning all my hopes on it. He is really nice though.

How's Freya? Hope she's ok and not missing me too much. Give her a hug and kiss from me. I'll try phoning at some point, when a phone is available and the time is right.

Love you all. See you soon,

J

After a sullen breakfast Stevie drove Jade back to the pizza parlour so she could carry on the trek where she left off. Armed with blister plasters and witch hazel she was better prepared for the coming days, weeks and months.

They held each other forever but after five minutes of forever they broke. Holding eye contact, crying, kissing.

"I have to go. I have your number and your email. I'll call and message whenever I can, and I'll hopefully see you soon."

"Not soon enough." He admitted as he kissed her hand, sharing one last look at each other before she turned and left. His eyes fixed to her as the large backpack with slender legs walked away and out of sight. He felt destroyed, his heart was hollow and black, hating that she could so easily leave him.

What he couldn't see through the heft of her backpack was the devastation as she walked away. The streams of tears as she cried, torn between her need for healing adventure and the deep lo.... No, she wouldn't admit it. She knew she felt it but she was stronger than her emotions, keeping them down until she knew for sure.

She so badly wanted to turn and see his face one last time before turning the corner but that would mean showing him the pain and risked her not being able to leave. She rounded the corner, out of sight and broke down, stopping to catch her breath as it left her lungs, feeling like she'd taken a punch to her solar plexus.

She knelt on one knee refusing to go down as air began to circulate through her again, taking time to fully recover before continuing. Lifting her head to view the road ahead she stood, pausing before continuing the rest of her long journey alone.