What Doesn’t Kill Me…. Pt. 01

"Hook stepped back, the light glinting off his blade as his piercing scowl cut Peter's gaze, 'prepare to die, Peter.'

With a cheeky giggle Peter replied, 'Die? To die would be an awfully big adventure.'" -- J M Barrie.

Jade put the book down and looked over at Freya as she slept. The wisps of hair gently falling across her cheek as she slowly breathed, buried under her covers. "Love you sweetheart." She said as she carefully kissed her temple.

As quietly as possible, Jade left the room making her way down the stairs and into the living room. "Is she asleep?" Asked Chelsea.

"Flat out."

"She's going to miss you. We all are."

Jade felt the familiar lump in her throat grow, trying to strangle her as she struggled to speak. "She'll be fine. You're her mum, she needs you more than her auntie."

They shared a final glass of wine and shed more tears as they said their goodbyes. Before long Jade was walking away from her sister's house and into the warm night. The feeling of emptiness was her only company and what terrible company it was. By this time in two days she'd be in a new country, alone.

Even in winter Australia's temperature was far from cold. As Jade stepped from the plane she noticed that it felt similar to back home when she'd boarded the plane, the lack of rain the only difference.

"Did you pack your bag yourself?"

She wondered how many times the security officer had asked that question during his shift, that week, during his time in the job. "Yes I did."

"Any foods, seeds, medication or other items that could be considered contraband?" The cold, flinty faced security officer asked.

"There might be an open pack of nuts I bought on the plane and maybe some sweets but I didn't pack any foods as such. I do have painkillers too but they're just regular prescription items."

He pursed his lips as he began to search the pack, pulling out all of the neatly packed items and spreading them out untidily across the bench. The painkillers were taken to be checked and the nuts were confiscated. On finding the pack of sweets he wiped it over with a swab and tested it for known drugs.

Jade leant against the bench, half sitting half standing as the officer awaited the result. The myriad passengers coming through the baggage check was mind boggling. How they managed to check everyone and not miss anything was unbelievable.

"Would you mind coming with me please miss?"

Turning to look at the officer she noticed the plastic pouch he was holding had turned a sickly shade of green. "What's that?" She asked.

"It's a positive test for heroin. You'll need to come to an interview room."

She felt a hole forming below her feet as his words rattled on her ear drums. "Heroin? I've never touched the stuff. Jesus, I've never even seen it, wouldn't have a clue where I'd get hold of it."

"Come with me please." He ordered as he took her arm.

She was understandably worried. The terms for importation of drugs was serious with up to ten years in prison and huge fines. Walking with the security officer she wondered how the hell she was going to dig her way out of the situation.

"Take a seat!" He told her as he opened a door to a small room. As she sat down the door locked loudly behind her causing her to jump.

"This is ridiculous," she quietly said to herself, "how the hell would I get a positive test for any kind of drugs? This has to be a mistake or a wind up."

The windowless room was plain white, bland, featureless other than the few dark marks on the lower walls, probably from previous bored occupants who'd tried moving about in a vain attempt to entertain themselves. A faint smell of urine assaulted her sinuses as she sat on the flat wooden stool. She felt the gestapo would have been proud of the level of discomfort she was experiencing and she'd only been sat there for two minutes.

Her eyes wandered around the room, up to the ceiling, down to the floor, under the table and behind her. The only thing that stood out was the security camera in the top corner opposite her position. Sitting on the stool she leant forward onto the table, placing her arms down and lying her head on them, her blonde hair falling across her face.

There was no way of knowing how long she'd fallen asleep for but she woke with a jolt as the door opened and a woman entered. "Hello Miss Cantral, I'm officer Taylor. I need to ask you a few questions." She said as she moved around to the other side of the table.

"Could you tell me your full name?"

"Jade Alison Cantral"

"And what's your purpose for being in Australia"

"I'm attempting to walk from Cape Byron, across Australia to Steep Point."

The officer raised her head from the paper she was writing on with a look that called bullshit. She stared at Jade waiting for the other shoe to drop but it didn't. "You realise that's more than twenty five hundred miles. Are you nuts?"

"Actually it's two thousand five hundred miles as the crow flies. My route will be closer to three thousand miles."

With a blank expression the officer once again lowered her head to the page. "Have you taken or been in contact with any drugs during or before your flight?"

"Nope."

"Are you sure?"

"Yep."

The woman looked up again, "So how can you explain the positive test for heroin on your sweets?"

"Anything I tell you would be speculation. If I had to guess, it would have been on the hands of the person stacking the shelf at duty free, or someone with it on their hands picked up that pack and then decided not to buy them."

Using her tongue to suck her top teeth the woman once again dropped her head and wrote on the page. The door opened again as the original male officer asked to speak to Miss Taylor who moved away from her seat and left the room. Jade was exhausted from the trip, hungry since she hadn't eaten in hours and beginning to get a headache. She lay her head on the table again, falling asleep as she waited for someone to return.

It wasn't a deep sleep. She heard unintelligible voices as they neared the door and passed. There was a low buzz from air conditioning or ventilation, not to this room though. It was like an oven. A bland, smelly oven. Imagining her walk she looked up to see the bright blue clear sky, her blonde hair even lighter from the bleaching of the sun as it skirted low over the winter horizon, the warm breeze cooling her as her athletic legs carried the weight of her and her pack.

"Miss Cantral, you're free to go. We found no substances in your belongings."

Jade woke slowly and stood stretching before exiting the room to the fresh air of the corridor, into another room where her bag and items were all laid out and spread wide. "So you didn't think it would be courteous to repack my bag then?"

The woman raised an eyebrow, said, "we aren't paid to do your packing for you," turned and left.

She turned back to the mess in front of her and shook her head.

With the airport at her back and her connecting bus having left almost three hours earlier she was stuck in the Gold Coast. The daylight was coming to an end and Cape Byron was about sixty miles away. Sixty miles she didn't want to add to the walk but in the grand scheme of it, sixty extra miles were just extra opportunity for adventure. "Tomorrow, I'll walk there tomorrow and then the real challenge starts." She said to herself. "Now I just need somewhere to sleep for the night."

*****

"At an early age I learned that people make mistakes, and you have to decide if their mistakes are bigger than your love for them." -- Angie Thomas.

As he drove home through the rain after yet another emergency call out, Jon pondered the job. Sure it paid well and he was his own boss but the work was messy, wet and always the same even when it was different. Pulling up to the house he shared with Jade he noticed her through the window setting the table as she did each night. Sitting and watching he knew he was lucky to have her in his life.

Setting two places either side of the small table, putting out two bottles of cider and adjusting so that everything was perfectly neat and tidy she left to the kitchen where she was preparing dinner for the evening. The sound of the front door announced Jon's arrival and her anxiety level went up two notches. "Dinner's almost ready." She called, only to be replied by silence.

It had obviously been another bad day for him and she wondered why he carried on doing a job that gave him no joy. "Are you hungry?" She called again.

"Yeah, what is it?"

"I've done salmon and lemon risotto with asparagus."

Jon sneered as she informed him, "I'll just order a kebab."

Jade twisted her head and cracked her neck to try and relieve the pressure built up after cooking him the special meal. The level of disregard for her efforts entirely unhidden, the contempt she felt for him growing. She lay her hands on the counter as she breathed deep to calm the intense anger welling up within her.

For three years she'd been his cook, cleaner, washer woman and lover. She felt that all she'd got in return was abuse and indifference. She paid the bills, kept the house tidy and clean, put food on the table and looked after the man child, all this between doing her own jobs. All three of them.

As she walked into the lounge to confront him about his attitude towards her meal she saw him slouched on the sofa watching football, one leg across the seat and one on the floor. "You're seriously going to get a kebab after I've made food?"

"I'm not eating that shit. Do you want me to order you anything?"

Blood pressure rising she shouted, "I've been in work all bloody day, I've come home, cooked and you've got the nerve to come in and tell me it's shit? Fuck you Jon. Choke on your kebab!"

Slamming the door she stormed out. Fish and rice were fed to the bin which on reflection was more grateful than Jon had ever been. The confrontation caused a knock on effect with Jon retaliating, calling her names, accusing her of being unfaithful, never being what he wanted her to be. As soon as she heard his accusation of not being what he wanted she told him to leave and find someone who fit his image of his perfect woman. To go and never come back.

He did leave but he didn't keep to the commitment of never coming back. He still had a key. Deciding to return while she was at work one day, he entered the house, took her clothes and shoes defacing them, ripping them, cutting them and destroying items she could never replace. When she returned home everything was in shreds. The clothes she wore were the only things she owned that weren't damaged.

That was the moment she decided to go.

*****

"The world breaks everyone, and afterward, many are strong at the broken places." - Ernest Hemingway.

The only place Jade could find to sleep for the night was a doorway. That's if you could call it sleep. A broken night of restlessness on a ribbed concrete step wasn't anyones idea of comfort and with her slight build she had no padding to help. At around seven o'clock in the morning the sun began to lighten the sky which she took as a cue to get moving. With her pack weighing heavy on her back she took the very first step on her adventure.

"Three miles per hour," she murmured to herself as she walked in the general direction of south, "ten hours. Shit. That's going to take me two days just to get to the start." She continued, upping the pace to perhaps three and a quarter miles per hour.

After looking at suggested items to take on a backpacking trip, she'd packed everything.

• Tent

• Sleeping bag

• Inflatable pillow

• Pocket knife

• Stove & gas

• Maps

• Compass

• Sun screen

• Toothbrush

• Toothpaste

• Deodorant

• Razor

• Shaving cream

• Trainers

• 10 pairs of socks

• 10 pairs of underwear

• Spare shorts

• 2 pairs of Long pants

• 5 T-shirts

• 2 long sleeve shirts

• 3 sun hats

• 5litre water sack

• Lots of food

The partridge, pear tree and kitchen sink the only things left behind.

By the seventh mile she'd been beaten. The pack weighed more than she did. She wished she'd left most of it for the airport security staff to clear up in order to travel light. In a little place called Cudgen she dumped most of the stuff in a bin almost filling it.

She kept the tent, sleeping bag, pocket knife, maps, compass, trainers, water sack, half the food, spare shorts and spare long sleeve shirt, 2 pairs of socks and underwear. The hat she wore was the one that would be on her head until it fell apart.

With the fat trimmed the pack still felt too heavy. Other cuts would have to be made along the way based on what she used.

Stopping often to refuel and take a drink she managed to hit 20 miles by the end of the first day. "Not good enough!" She berated herself. Regardless of distance her feet were sore.

Setting up camp was a practised activity. The tent had been set up and pulled down more often than a game of Jenga. As soon as she had shelter for the night her boots came off to reveal a large blister on each heel and one on the ball of her right foot. A terrible state to be in on the first day. With her pocket knife she pierced all three and let the fluid drain. They would no doubt give her more problems the next day.

The small community of Pottsville looked welcoming enough but she was given disgusted stares as she set up camp at the side of the road. Better planning would be needed in future. Sleep was far easier than the previous night. No ribbed concrete, just a hard grassy surface and the warmth of her sleeping bag.

As she woke she felt aches appear all over her body. Shoulders, neck, back, hips and knees. All sending signals of capitulation to a rested brain but the brain was stronger and the will more powerful than the pain.

Slowly emerging from the tent like a butterfly from a chrysalis she stretched and moved to warm the joints that would do as she damn well told them. Within thirty minutes her camp was packed away and she was once again walking.

The sounds of the birds were beautiful and matched well with the colourful plumage they displayed. In every tree there were wrens, finches, parrots, wonderful and strange looking magpies all singing and sounding off just for her ears.

Although slower and less productive, her second day was far more in keeping with her expectations. It was becoming about the journey and not the destination. The fact that she hadn't reached the start was no longer important. The joy of getting there was now the main focus.

A small restaurant was flashing an open sign as she neared the town of Ocean Shores. Her feet were still sore from the previous day so she stopped in to get a meal and fill her water sack.

"You look like you've been through a war." The friendly female voice from behind the counter said

"My feet have." She sighed heavily as she dropped her pack against the counter. "What's good?"

"If you're walking a long distance I'd say calories are good. How about I do you some cauliflower macaroni and cheese with chicken? It's one of the favourites here."

"That sounds good, I'll take one of those and a large coffee."

"So where are you headed to?" The cook asked

"Firstly to Cape Byron and then right across the country to Steep Point."

"Ah the cross country adventure. Many have tried it. Most have failed. Not to put you off but it's quite the trek for such a petite Sheila with such a big pack. Why aren't you just starting from Byron instead of wherever you came from?"

"I missed my connecting bus after being held up in the airport. I wasn't springing for another. It's supposed to be an adventure, might as well just have the adventure."

"Fair enough. You alone or you joining up with someone?"

"Alone. We'll see how that goes. What's your name? I'm Jade."

"Alison."

As Alison made Jade's food they spoke about the route. Most of it was barren open desert. Long stretches of dust and very few places to stock up on supplies. Water would be available in creeks rivers and water holes but that in itself was loaded with risks. Crocodiles, parasites, bugs. One sip of contaminated water might well be a hinderance to someone in civilisation, but out in the wild of the outback it would mean almost certain death.

Jade ate the food and ordered a second helping. Her taught frame and flat belly expending grotesquely to accommodate the vast meal.

"I finish in an hour." Alison explained, "If you'd like I can run you down the coast to the cape."

"I couldn't ask you to do that. You don't even know me."

"No worries, I live near there anyway. You could even stay on my sofa and then get started tomorrow morning."

"That would be amazing. Thank you so much."

"You could do with a hot shower too by the state of you. Another drink?"

*****

"The place where you made your stand never mattered. Only that you were there... and still on your feet." - Stephen King.

Darkness weighed heavy on the house, the sparse décor and old furniture barely visible as Jade walked through, taking tentative steps to avoid breaking toes on unseen table legs. "Mum?" she called into the darkness, silence replied.

Childhood for Jade and her sister was no picnic. Not that she had any knowledge of how a good childhood felt. Hand-me-downs and second hand charity giveaways were the closest she got to designer couture. Food was almost never available, her parents preferring to drink than eat, their children suffering the consequences of that decision.

Jade although pretty, had a haunted look about her. The dark circles around her eyes telling a story of little sleep, her emaciated form speaking of malnutrition. At nine years old she was doing her best to look after her younger sister but without money or knowledge there wasn't much she could offer other than comfort.

Comfort doesn't remove the hollow burn of an empty stomach.

While darkness blanketed the house it held no heat. The biting cold causing them to shiver and huddle together just to save any vestige of warmth as they pulled themselves into tight balls like a nest of mice, the thin sheets of bedding used in a futile effort to conserve the meagre heat as it left their skeletal little bodies.

Mornings gave little in the way of respite. The light pouring through the torn curtains waking them to their reality again. At least while they slept they could dream of better lives, or at least allow them to forget about their pitiful existence.

Slowly they unfurled, breaking from each other and spreading away to find what little entertainment they could, catching spiders, drawing the path of sunlight as it traced a path along the walls, throwing a ball, counting the patterns on the peeling wallpaper and using the furniture as a den.

Days would pass with no adult interaction. School tried to intervene on multiple occasions only failing to help at every turn. Neighbours would knock offering what little help they could, on one occasion finding Jade sick and shivering with a fever, taking her and Chelsea away to offer care, their parents never realising or knowing of their absence.

Neglect, disregard, insensitivity, apathy, inattention and disrespect were the best the girls could hope for, but on the day the neighbours took them into a warm home and showed them even a modicum of love things changed. The realisation of better things awoke a need, especially in Jade. She would never let her children down as her parents had let her down. It was a promise she made to herself, a promise she would always keep and adhere to no matter the circumstances.

*****

"So many things are possible just as long as you don't know they're impossible." - Norton Juster.

Having slept well on Alison's sofa, after being fed until her belly could hold no more, once phone numbers were traded and pleasantries exchanged, Jade stood on the headland of Cape Byron looking east into the Pacific Ocean. The cool morning sea breeze carried her home in the memories of her heart and she savoured them for just a few precious minutes.